My girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me i'm hurting

[despr84advice]

Ill try to keep this quick. I have been with this girl for 4 years. Everything was always great. Two weeks ago she called me up and told me that she doesnt think we should see each other anymore because she needs to find herself, she is confused and all that good stuff. She said that she still loves me so much, and i am so perfect, and needs me to be her best friend still. At first i figured if its what will make her happy then i will do it. As the days went on i couldnt figure out what she needed to figure out that i couldnt help her with. So after a week i went to her college and told her i needed to talk to her. She came down from her dorm room and got into my car with me. I told her i needed to know everything that was going on so i could better understand what it is she needs. Then she told me the truth about what happened. She was at a party one night and her friend was in the bathroom puking all night, so she stayed the night to help her out. The guy who owned the house kept coming in to see if everthing was ok and if my girlfriend needed anything. He was being really nice. Later that night after the girl fell asleep, my girlfriend and this guy were on the couch talking and he kissed her for a few seconds and then stopped and then she kissed him back. They were both really drunk. She then stopped and told him she couldnt be doing this. She then told me that she liked it and didnt regret doing it. She thinks that what she did was so wrong and she cant believe it happened. She said she never wanted to do anything like that to me. She then said that she just needs some time to figure out what she really wants, that i am all she knows. Granted we have been together since she was 14 and i was 16, we are now 18 and 20, she will be 19 in a month. I can understand if she wants to go experiance other guys because of the excitment or what ever but, what am i supposed to do. I love this girl so much i cant even begin to explain. I cant eat, sleep, have fun with my friends. I really need some good advice. Thank you so much for reading. And please reply

[I am hurt]

Well i am currently in a simialar situation as you. I feel your Pain, if you want you can email me or give me a PM if you would like to talk about it.

[Boromir]

Wow, with the exception of kissing the other guy part, I heard the same BS from my ex, which translates to me, "I want to go out, date other people, screw a couple of guys, find a new boyfriend eventually". Believe me, if she comes back, it is cause she doesn't find anything and you'll be the consellation prize. DONT BE THAT GUY.

 

I know I am sounding harsh here, but I really wrestled with how to give my ex what she wanted, still love her, and not screw things up myself if/when she came back. She really wasn't gone for long cause I told her I wasn't waiting around anymore, but by that time the damage was done.

 

I have heard many women say that they understood what she wanted and the whole "find myself" thing is absolute crap. You can find yourself with others around you, and dumping someone who is going to be there the most makes no sense. It isn't the real reason she wants out.

 

I know you love her. I know she is all you really know. I know how hard it is, being with a girl for 4 years once myself, but believe me, there are many many many women out there that would not pull this stunt on you. Kick this girl to the curb and leave her there if she isn't going to treat you like a king while you are treating her like a queen. DO NOT WAIT FOR HER. Live your life. Toughen up. Keep your chin up. There are 3 Billion women on this planet, that is a fact. Don't lose your ego, self-esteem, confidence, and who knows what else because of a girl that doesn't care for you like you do for her. For whatever reason, her feelings have changed. It sucks.

 

If I were you, I'd be polite and say, "here is your freedom" and give her her space, but don't play the friend thing. You don't want to here about her new guys, nor see them together. Just drop out of sight. If that doesn't bring her back looking for you, nothing will (except for finding another girl - then watch). But most importantly, try not to do anything stupid, to yourself or her, best case scenerio you remind her how great you are and she comes back. Anything less isn't worth getting upset over.

 

Good luck!

[The Morrigan]

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Read through, and see if you can find some words of wisdom or help in there. It won't be easy, but you can choose just how much harder you make things on yourself - try to put yourself and your feelings first, and do what you need to to heal.

[neallo82288]

Time heals all pain. These words I have come to know very much and have luived them. Time will heal, but it is not time alone, but what you do with the time. Go out meet new people, work out, read books, etc.... These are good ways of keeping your mind occupied while you deal with the demons of a break up. You are young and life has dealt you a good hand the first time out, but that hand is over so throw in your cards and get a new hand. Read the posts that The Morrigan sent you and you will survive. That was my theme while I was dealing with these same demons. "I will survive" And have I ever. I asm smarter and stronger than I ever was.

 

Good Luck,

 

Nealllo

[atvr]

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Read through, and see if you can find some words of wisdom or help in there. It won't be easy, but you can choose just how much harder you make things on yourself - try to put yourself and your feelings first, and do what you need to to heal.

 

I'm in the same situation. She's younger than me and was only 17 when we met. She never got the opportunity to do the things I did. Now, 5 years later she ended it and said she needed to try to be on her own and see new things.

 

I don't think the above links will help us in the "have to find myself, I'm x years younger" situations to win our ex-girlfriends back. It will however help us let go and it will also make them regret us and keep them interested for years to come. I've heard of many relationships going on break for years before coming back together stronger than ever. If they always regret losing you but still go on with trying their new lifestyle for the principal of it...then maybe you'll walk into each other down the line.

 

You'll probably have them trying to reach you over and over to tell you about a CD they have and you own or something dumb. They do it because they miss you but still want to try their new lifestyle. They are trying to have both. DO NOT LET THEM! Just let them go for good, don't contact them eagerly..just follow the steps in those two links.

 

If you truly love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's meant to be.

[SincerlyHurt]

Those two links are a freaking gold mine. I copied and pasted them into a word document and printed them out to keep close to me for when I get weak. They help, I read them several times a week during my lunch break and such. There is also a good post from Larz that talks about the no contact rule. My route is to find moving posts and advice here and then keep it close to heart. It helps.

 

I wish Beec would compile a list of his "wisdoms" that I could print out and carry around. So many people here have been around the block many more times than me and they are making it, if that does'nt give you strength nothing will.