learning to converse???

[txblues]

so i've taken it upon myself to improve socially 1% once a week/month/whatever... as long i move forward. at a bar i used the old you look familiar line but with a twist. "don't you go to so and so school. i think i've seen you around the lab" well she was a foreign girl with a heavy accent and she told me she was studying english. i couldn't think of anything to say at the moment so i shut down and walked away. another time a girl was yelling to cheer a show. i kinda looked at her and backed away since she was close to my ear. she says sorry. and i comment to her about the show. then i couldn't think of anything else.

 

only afterward did i think about transitioning from a situational comment to a general question like was she there with her coworkers or classmates. or with the girl who was studying english i could have teased her and asked her how studying english was going, where she was from, what she wanted to do next...etc... anybody else like this when they were learning to be social? shutting down and only thinking of things you could've said long afterwards. i hope i start to become better at thinking of things on the fly.

[rusty_boi]

I think you are actually over thinking and putting more stress on yourself, when that happeneds you panic and have mental blocks. Try having a clear mind when speaking to people and be confident in what ever u say

[Ruede]

Yup, I shut down too. Props to you for trying! I disagree with the previous comment... some of us prefer / need to think things through before we say things. Additionally, it's not easy if you're meeting someone at a social place for the first time and you don't want to start off sounding creepy.

 

I dunno... I'm a shy girl and can relate.

[Apocryphon]

I think I have the same sort of problem as you, txblues. I agree with rusty_boi though, I know that sometimes I think too much and can't think clearly enough to converse. Any suggestions on how to have a clear mind and not panic/get mental blocks?

[wiseman84]

think about something funny or trying to imagine something that you find calming or peaceful. you need something to get yourself un-tense. but it looks like you're off to a good start looks like you just need practice.

 

also its common to think of good responses after the situation. i would recommend to at least say hello or strike up conversations with people around you( maybe in grocery line or video store) so you can start getting some practice in.

 

That's just my thoughts on it.

[txblues]

yes i try to do that. i keep reminding myself no matter what happens i'm going to go out the following weekend and enjoy myself and try to meet more people because now its about the step by step process...not results.

 

i almost got a panic attack the other day when i saw the girl, whom i see often around school, eating by herself. i was too nervous to talk to her so i kept walking. its difficult because it seems to improve on anxiety you have to conquer your fears by facing it and improving each time, but at the same time you have to have emotional balance or the girl will be put off by your panic attack.

 

its easier at the club since you'll more than likely never see them and they'll probably forget all about you. whereas at school, if you mess up badly then its awkwardness for the next three years.

 

i had another spur of the moment social test that i failed today. went to meet someone new from the internet. when another girl saw me and i kinda looked at her and i wasn't too sure if it was the person from the internet. we greeted each other and she acted surprised that i looked so different and i said you looked different and gave each other the semi-hug. then we realized we're looking for other people. i was embarrassed and apologetic, being the nice guy. she saw her friend she was supposed to meet. then said so what's your name...are you meeting a friend too? she asks. i shut down giving one word answers, embarrassed by the situation. but i should've been aggressive and asked her name. if these were her friends she's with or boyfriends. if she needed another "friend" to hangout at the movie or grab dinner sunday night, she should give me her number, etc, etc...another blown opp... i'm gonna really kick myself over this one for a while.

[rusty_boi]

You can either kick yourself about it... or you can learn from the mistake and not repeat it again. My luck with girls has only changed recently and thats because a while ago i promised myself i wouldnt repeat the same mistakes again. Its kinda funny but i faield so much, now i know exactly what to do in almost every situation

[digitaldiva]

When I had that issue I joined this...

 

link removed

[bochen2]

YOu can simulate it by talking with Eliza bot or download the free "facade" pc game...

[galaxy71]

Just say whatever is in his mind. It doesn't have to be all that interesting. You can talk about how your day is going. You could also talk about what you think of the school, your major, or the nightclub. Not only that, but you could also talk about things that you care about like your hobbies and interests. If you talk about something you really care about, you will be naturally confident. I think you are a little too focused on asking questions. The more you talk about yourself, the more people can relate to you.