Bestfriend/roommate is an alcoholic

[Kelebek]

My best friend who I've known the majority of my life is an alcoholic. We live together, go to school together, and pretty much to everything together. We have discussed and fought about her drinking problem many times. She told me the other day that she just doesn't care that her actions upset and worry others. Recently I discovered that she has been hiding alcohol in her room, under her bed, behind things. She also goes on walks alone late at night after drinking and we don't live in the safest neighborhood. She can't control herself when we are out with friends and acts BIZARRE and crazy. Most of the time someone finds me to tell me that my friend is not ok.

 

I finally called her mom to talk about it and her mom said, yes I think she is an alcoholic. And, "it helped me to go to al-anon meetings." Um, ok...this is not my spouse or even my daughter. I feel like her parents are putting the responsibility on me now, like now she is my problem. She has had substance abuse problems and emotional/mental problems almost her whole life. This evening was a mess after I called her mom, she started cutting herself and her Mom came over. She is 26 years old, but I feel like I am living with a dysfunctional 15 year old.

 

I can't keep living with her while she destroys her life. We are both in grad school and have signed a lease together and I don't think I can afford living alone, but this is taking a mental/emotional toll on me. I could hardly sleep last night.

 

I need help!

[hers]

Al-Anon is actually very helpful. It's for family and friends of alcoholics. It doesn't help you help them to stop drinking, but it does help you deal with it better (I'm in Al-Anon myself).

 

It's not your responsibility. Her mom probably said that b/c she realizes it's not her responsibility to make her daughter stop drinking either. Only your roommate can help herself, and she clearly doesn't want to right now. It's sad but there's nothing you can do about it.

 

You are a good friend for worrying about her, but ultimately there is nothing you can do for her. You can only help yourself deal with it better. That's why Al-Anon is a good suggestion.

[duppy_conqueror]

well theres only so much you can do. you can be there to support your friend, let her know you are there as a friend. but you cant sacrifice your mental health in the process. how can you help her if you are all torn up inside? look, it will be hard to let her know this. but it could act as a wakeup call to her, to instigate some action to turn her life around. in the meantime, there are surely ways around your financial situation and the such. i.e you could most likely find someone else to move in with.

[Kelebek]

Thank you for your replies. I had long talks with both of my parents, and my friend's mom this evening, and decided that we can't continue to live together. I spoke with her about it tonight. I told her that I have to do this for me because I am not okay right now and I have taken on too many of her problems. She agreed that our friendship is being destroyed. She is going to see a therapist, although I don't know how much she will address her drinking problem. Her mother openly admitted to me that her daughter has been an alcoholic for a long time. I hope she starts to see the effect this is having on her life. She is going to look for a place and try to move out by the end of the month.

[duppy_conqueror]

well done. i truly do admire your strength.