capblueberry Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 So me and my girlfriend have been dating roughly 2 months or so and she makes me feel awesome the time i put all my trust in her (which is rare for me) and honestly would believe everything she said (within reason) well today she went and got in the shower and she left up her myspace with the inbox open...i get on the computer and notice this. she had had previous problems with her ex recently and there was a message from him. i did what i shouldn't have done and opened it. it was discussing a party on friday night in which my gf, sharon, was going to and planning on getting drunk. something she and i both know i dont like or approve of. not only that he asks her if she is gonna give him "any" there. her response was "depends on how %$#@ed up i get". she had already told me that friday night she was going to her friends house to watch movies and have girls night and i really believed her. having seen this i get curious bout what else she was hiding from me, i find another message from her friend talking about sitting around and getting high after her classes, a time when i am working and cant see her. something else i cant stand. what should i do, i dont feel like i will never fully be able to trust her like i did. i talked to her and she knows she messed up but i still feel horrible. what should i do? i promised myself after my last relationship, that the next one wouldn't involve, drugs, smoking, or alcohol. as these things mess things up for me, as im only 19... Link to comment
redhearts Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Honestly, its been two months. Move on, the trust isn't there, it will be hard to try to get any of it back. That is very scandalous, although I don't approve snooping so much, good job on finding it! Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Be careful what you look for...you just might find it. You snooped and found out the truth about your girlfriend. I say you breakup with her as you have set the bar higher for yourself. Don't settle. My best to you ~Allie Link to comment
capblueberry Posted October 16, 2008 Author Share Posted October 16, 2008 yea i really dont like snooping either idk what made me do it, just a bad feeling in my gut i guess... Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 yea i really dont like snooping either idk what made me do it, just a bad feeling in my gut i guess... A word to the wise - ALWAYS trust your gut...it will NEVER serve you wrong. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Hmm....she drinks, she smokes weed, she lies, and she might be cheating... NEXT Link to comment
DN Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Well it seems she was planning on cheating or at least considering it. And she's only sorry because she was caught. She didn't 'mess up' - she made a decision. Same as her decisions about drugs. I would move on - it seems you aren't on the same page. Link to comment
sintre Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 I had the same thing, (myspace = relationship killer) found her planning on cheating and saying she wasn't in a real relationship. At least your girl admitted to it, my yelled at me for snooping and wouldn't admit any guilt. Either way, you caught her this time, who knows if you catch her next time she tries, you know? I'd say move on, quick, before you get more attached. Oh, btw, don't feel bad whatsoever about snooping. She lied to you, you had a reason to check up, and you found the truth. Snooping is really only bad when your partner doesn't give you a reason to worry and you check anyways out of personal jealousy or unwarranted trust issues. Link to comment
capblueberry Posted October 16, 2008 Author Share Posted October 16, 2008 yea its hard though, im sure some of you can relate. to be honest i haven't had many/any successful relationships as my longest was only like 3.5 months but i find it hard to just dump someone. even though she did mess up...and bad...i dont mean to gloat but i consider myself a pretty good bf, im nice, understanding, and never cheated on anyone. but idk i guess maybe ill see things differently tomorrow morning. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Secrets make us sick. Don't let her turn the "snooping" around on you like my husband did on me. If I didn't snoop I never would have found out about his affair, nor all the woman he slept with. Link to comment
Jay_Bird Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 tell her to kick rocks she is lieing and planning on cheating on you dude tell her you know,and tell her to kick rocks Link to comment
redhearts Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 She is also not over her ex. Link to comment
sintre Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 but i find it hard to just dump someone Planing a hookup through email/phone is a premeditated action, meaning she thought about it before she said what she said. It wasn't a slipped comment at a bar or a friends house. She is sorry that you caught her, not at the action. The physical action of cheating is not that hard, its the mental hurdle that someone has to convince themselves they are ready to cheat. She has already made that mental step. The first time is the hard one, from there it only gets easier to cheat. After only a few months you should bail, realistically even after a long relationship I would bail. Its a total lack of respect for you and she'll most likely try it again. You can always worry about if she is sleeping with someone else and hoping you don't get a STD, or you can find a gf that treats you like you treat them. Trust me, it sucks hardcore, but you have to do whats best/safest for you. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Spot on - Great post. Link to comment
sintre Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Thanks allie2064, after having this happen to me 5 days ago, I know exactly what he is going through. I broke up with my gf when I showed her the messages though, already had her stuff packed up. Just working on getting over her now, almost there. Biggest thing that upset me is that she wouldn't take responsible for her actions. That hurt as much as trying to cheat. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 Thanks allie2064, after having this happen to me 5 days ago, I know exactly what he is going through. I broke up with my gf when I showed her the messages though, already had her stuff packed up. Just working on getting over her now, almost there. Biggest thing that upset me is that she wouldn't take responsible for her actions. That hurt as much as trying to cheat. Well, I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that most cheaters never do take responsibility. My exhusband cheated on me with complete strangers, and, to this day he won't take responsibility. So I know how you feel. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 so you'd rather dump on your own heart than dump someone else before they crush you? okay got it. Link to comment
Ac143 Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 If you stay with this girl you will be in a very very bad place. She is no good for you, lying and planning on cheating after 2 months? Its never acceptable but after only 2 short months and she's already doing this - please save yourself some heartache/headache and leave. There shouldn't even be a question about this Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted October 16, 2008 Share Posted October 16, 2008 If you stay with this girl you will be in a very very bad place. She is no good for you, lying and planning on cheating after 2 months? Its never acceptable but after only 2 short months and she's already doing this - please save yourself some heartache/headache and leave. There shouldn't even be a question about this Agree 100%....get out of this relationship. You're not thinking of staying, are you? Link to comment
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