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tonight is a hard night...

the worst has happened | Isolating ...
the worst has happened | Isolating in a Motorhome

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Day 19 of NC


Ex already has a boyfriend as of day 12 of NC, as far as i know.

Just keep replaying everything in my head,


the days are getting easier, and i think of her less, i still miss her the same amount... when i think about her...


My situation is a difficult one considering all of the other add-ons to the situation you will have to know to understand i guess


My gf and i started dating before all of this happened, but i started dealing drugs, i got busted with drugs and a gun, assault, let out on bail, breeched, went to jail for a while, got bail again and now i am in this current situation, No cell phone allowed, 10pm curfew, no drugs, no alcohol, keep the peace, and no contact with the person i assaulted or the other person that was involved with me when we got busted. I have completely turned my life around since then, i have absoloutely no contact with anyone i did while i was doing those bad things, i have my own place again and i am working, and staying out of trouble completely!!


shortly after i got out of jail (2 months) we broke up, during this time i was doing those bad things, i lost all my real friends i had because of my stupid decisions, and most of them moved away, my best friend moved 5 provinces away, and another about 12 hours away, needless to say after i stopped doing those things i lost all the new friends i had acquired, obviously because i dont do drugs nor deal them anymore. well we broke up and now i can't go out on weekends to the bar or nightclub to meet anyone, or to any events concerts etc, so its especially hard, when i sit in my house all alone everyday and night with no friends and lost my gf.


tonight is especially hard and i guess i just need some small advice to get me past this.. its day 19 and ofc i sitll love her but i know i need to move on and im better without her and i deserve someone who truly cares about me. what did you do in your tough nights... i can't leave the house and i dont know anyones # cuz they were all on my cellphones and they got confinscated and i gave me last extra cell to my ex ... i guess this is mainly a vent just looking to see what people reply..

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try doing something productive to yourself pal, find a good on-line workout vid or something, i know it sounds silly but u get a natural high from working out, you'll be happy you've done something productive and it'll keep you mind off things.


hope it helps.




EDIT: sorry i know that's a small quick solution to a bigger problem, but i don't have any experience to offer you advise in that situation

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How did your ex react when you got into all these bad situations? Did she try to talk to you and reason with you about stopping the bad behaviours. It is very difficult to remain with someone who is on a path of self-destruction. She probably went through a lot of pain seeing the man she loves go down such a very bad road. Over time it eats away at the respect and trust one feels for the person going down that bad road. So her love for you was eroding while you were going down this bad road. By the time you got out she was fed up and had moved on..that is why within 12 days she had someone else. Probably a bit too soon but I imagine while you were in jail she was already looking. Try to understand the situation from her point of view...she probably went through a lot of pain watching you go down this bad road. It is good that you are turning your life around. You will make new friends and find someone else, it just takes time. In the meantime take the time to reflect on what you have done, understand the point of view of the people who turned away from you and now vow to stick to the straight and narrow from now on.

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