mustard1234 Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Because it's not in me organically to push him away again. Breakdown: Formerly devoted yet troubled bf of 3 years starts doing well professionally and then decides to turn into a major, unforgivably large d*ck. Thread is right below this in "Relationships" if anyone is interested in the soap opera. I went absolute cold-turkey NC 15 days ago. He's emailed a few times, I ignored it. Called a few, ignored it. I emotionally vomited all over ENA two nights ago when the pain was unbearable and this morning I have this in my inbox. DAMN. Please, someone...tell me I have the strength to ignore this. "Please babe. I bought you another ticket. Please come visit me. We really, really need to talk. And not about the past either. Or the Future About life. - Here, Now. About your new paintings, and I can show you the one's I've been working one. We can finally take that trip to get the new bath towels Most important, we can just be. What I have been wanting to do for a LONG Time, but wasnt in a position to. Now I am. Please, just come out here. Even if it needs to be on a different weekend to just "be with me" Living less than 4 minutes from the airport now. I love you. You need to know that I really do. I don't believe that you honestly don't love me anymore. I have been through more in the past few months than you could imagine both good and bad. Buts its making me that much more of a man. The silence was because I needed to grow into the potential you kept saying that you saw for me...what I knew I could become. I couldn't fix your life and mine at the same time. It wasn't because I didn't care or wasn't listening. You've said I needed to handle my stuff. Its handled. I want to be with you. I love you. Always have, always will. I'm here for you the way you've wanted me to be. Will you come visit? " I HAVE to tell him to go away....right??? I feel like I'm about to die guys. Seriously just...I feel sick. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! This. is. pain. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 sounds like your mind is made up. not sure what he's done to you, but you sound put off. just ignore him and move on. have you told him it's over? Link to comment
Aviatormy Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 Well what did he do that was so bad? Link to comment
mustard1234 Posted October 7, 2008 Author Share Posted October 7, 2008 My mind is made up for me based on rational thought and (very good) advice from friends and family and the idea that he just...tossed me aside when he didn't need me anymore. That hurt. But is it taking everything I've got to keep from bursting through the computer and to the airport??? Yes. Because I'm stupid...I think. He basically took me for granted and after 2 years of me stopping the rotation of Earth to be there for him...kind of said "piss off" when I needed his support between June and well...today. So I walked. Of *course* I love him. But it's a matter of pride and self preservation and...I know i deserve better than how he treated me. But...I guess my mind is made up. Not because I actually feel that way but because I'd be too embarrassed to show my face to the same friends and relatives I've been crying to for the last month. Make sense? Link to comment
mustard1234 Posted October 7, 2008 Author Share Posted October 7, 2008 Clarification of what he did: We were together for a very long time. He was broke and depressed most of that time. I helped him. He started getting better and began to treat me like total and complete crud. Repeatedly. So, I left. Link to comment
mustard1234 Posted October 7, 2008 Author Share Posted October 7, 2008 God, I'm sorry that this is so all over the place. I'm usually much, much more put together and witty than this. *drops head against desk again and wonders why she's wasting her life* Link to comment
Aviatormy Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 You are not wasting your life. I know what it feels like to help someone get back on their feet only to have them run all over you once you have helped them. I would suggest that you go with your instinct on this one and cancel/deny the trip to see him. If he really wanted to make things work with you, dont you think that he would have bought HIMSELF a plane ticket to come out and se YOU? Until he does this, don't work around his schedule. Sorry you are hurting. We all pick ourselves up sooner or later. You just have to stay strong and occupy your mind a bit more. Link to comment
Shadows Light Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 There is a GREAT book I am reading you might be interested in. "Co-Dependant No More" by Melody Beattie. "Clarification of what he did: We were together for a very long time. He was broke and depressed most of that time. I helped him. He started getting better and began to treat me like total and complete crud. Repeatedly. So, I left." YOU got tired of fixing!!! you spent all your time and energy fixing fixing fixing.... and being there for him. And then when you needed him.. you felt like he didn't return the favor right???? YEP. get the book.. it might help you out. OK... regarding to him changing and being a NEW man... all I have to say is ... FOOOEY. People don't change over night, or have miraculous magical changes happen just like that. He's still the same man he was a few weeks ago. He's just belly aching wanting to go back to the way things were because thats what he's used to and he's telling you what you want to hear just to reel you back in. So... You are doing so so so very well with NC of 15 days. Whoo hooo. Lets see if we can continue that and go for 20.... or 25... or 30.... and then at 30 days re-assess where you are and go on from there. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 And not about the past either. Or the Future This really stuck out to me. It speaks volumes!!! Also, it seems like it is all about him w/o little consideration for you. Doesn't really sound like he's changed much. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 you are only wasting your life if you give in to this guy again. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted October 7, 2008 Share Posted October 7, 2008 I'm sorry that you're going through this, but I'm questioning how you have the energy for all this drama? You've broken up, and got back together so many times, that I think you need to ask yourelf how healthy this is, and is it all worth it? Link to comment
mustard1234 Posted October 8, 2008 Author Share Posted October 8, 2008 thanks to all. crap...he's called twice more today. breathe. be strong. breathe be strong. Link to comment
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