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Help! I had a major set back and need support!! (sorry, this is LONG!)


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Hello all,

 

This is painful to admit, but I want to be honest and I want to seek advice and support from my friends on ENA. I know that no matter what, you're there for me and we are there for each other.

 

For background on what I am going through, please see my previous thread:

 

 

 

So I was well on my way to healing, as you read in the previous thread. I had a wonderful day with the girl I am seeing now (call her A), and was certain that god spoke to me that I was well on my way to getting over my ex (call her L). During the previous week, L posted on missed connections on craigslist the following lyrics:

 

I don't know what I've done

Or if I like what I've begun

But something told me to run

And honey you know me it's all or none

 

There were sounds in my head

LIttle voices whispering

That I should go and this should end

Oh and I found myself listening

 

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

 

See I thought love was black and white

That it was wrong or it was right

But you ain't leaving without a fight

And I think I am just as torn inside

 

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

 

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call

You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all

But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you

This is what I have to do

 

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

 

I ignored it, and didn't respond. The rain on the night of L's best friend's wedding made me feel certain that god was going to look out for me and help me through this difficult time. I made a vow that as long as I stopped checking missed connections, I would remain strong enough to stay away. That was what I woke up feeling when I made my last post on my previous thread.

 

I kept silently praying to myself, but right before going out grocery shopping, I made a MAJOR mistake. I checked craigslist missed connections again. The following lyrics were posted:

 

Here it comes it's all blowing in tonight

I woke up this morning to a blood red sky

They're burning on the bridge turning off the lights

We're on the run I can see it in your eyes

If nothing is safe then I don't understand

You call me your boy but I'm trying to be the man

One more day and it's all slipping with the sand

You touch my lips and grab the back of my hand

The back of my hand

 

Guess we both know we're in over our heads

We got nowhere to go and no home that's left

The water is rising on a river turning red

It all might be OK or we might be dead

If everything we've got is slipping away

I meant what I said when I said until my dying day

I'm holding on to you, holding on to me

Maybe it's all gone black but you're all I see

You're all I see

 

The walls are shaking, I hear them sound the alarm

Glass is breaking so don't let go of my arm

Grab your bags and a picture of where we met

All that we'll leave behind and all that's left

If everything we've got is blowing away

We've got a rock and a rock till our dying day

I'm holding on to you, holding on to me

Maybe it's all we got but it's all I need

You're all I need

 

And if all we've got, is what no one can break,

I know I love you, if that's all we can take,

the tears are coming down, they're mixing with the rain,

I know I love you, if that's all we can take.

 

A pool is running for miles on the concrete ground

We're eight feet deep and the rain is still coming down

The TV's playing it all out of town

We're grabbing at the fray for something that won't drown

 

Those old feelings came roaring back, and I posted a response, which I should not have done, but a part of me wanted to speak to her to let her know I was over her and happy with someone else. I forgave her, I forgave myself for her cheating and for my mistakes, and I wanted to let go. I should have kept it to myself. I should not have posted anything, I should have stayed away.

 

Not 20 minutes later L calls. I said hello, she instantly said that she did not cheat and wanted me to know that, but had lied to me about where she was during the last few weeks we were together so as not to exclude me or make me feel left out. According to her, she lied to protect me. I apologized for the angry e-mails I had sent, I said that I went through a rough time getting over the break up, but that I was happy without her and that I would never go back to that kind of relationship. I said that i had made positive changes and that I was in a good direction and that I had met someone I was happy with. I said several times during that conversation that the romantic part of my life with L was over, never to return. She agreed, saying it simply didn't work and that it had run it's course. She wanted to clear the air, and say that she had met someone. I said that I was happy for her and that I hope it worked out. She did not once ask about A or whether I was happy or how I was doing, a first sign that she had not changed, and that, as usual, it was all about her. She then replied that she had in fact met two people, one she was really into and one she wasn't. She then asked if I had slept with A, to which I replied that i had. After all, I have no reason to lie. she then said "Oh yeah, I slept with one of them, but not the other. That would be sleazy." I had nothing to say, and it didn't even bother me that she was with someone else. I frankly do not believe a word she says, I kept wondering why she got in touch with me with those lyrics if she had met two people and was obviously intimate with one of them. When I said that i had slept with A, there was obvious pain in her voice, like she wanted to have her cake and eat it too, like she wanted to be happy but she did not want me to be happy. She then said she wasn't sure she wanted to talk to me, or be friends, but wanted to tell me she missed me. I just said that was fine, I said to live her life, be happy, and that we'd chat one of these days. She said she'd call me back if for nothing else to let me know that she didn't want to speak to me again, as it would be fair to either of our significant others.

 

I went about my shopping, feeling good that she came to me, and feeling that I finally, once again, saw her for who she was. I mean, why tell me about these supposed men? Was she hoping I would be jealous and beg for her back? Well, I didn't beg, I was gracious and could not have been more of the better person.

 

Two hours later she calls and asks if I wanted to meet for coffee later. I said that was fine. I never heard from her, so we never met, she finally called at 830 saying that it would not work out, and apologized, sounding sad. I said it was fine and that we'd talk soon. An hour later she called to let me know that it was her who had posted those song lyrics on craigslist, in case I had any doubt. All I said was "thank you for telling me the truth" and again said we'd talk soon, during the week, or whenever.

 

The next morning, yesterday morning, she asked if I had any plans that night. I said I hadn't, that was my only free time that week. We e-mailed a few times and then met for coffee near her apartment. It was odd seeing her walk out of that car. After nearly 3 weeks with A, L seemed not as beautiful as she once looked to me. She had lost weight, but looked, I don't know, sleazy, dirty, tired, sad, and just not as attractive. Her shape just didn't do it for me as I thought it would. I hate to say it, but she looked better heavier, maybe it's just me.

 

We sat down and she instantly started in with her new love dilemma. One guy was a doctor, very sweet, whom she sheepishly admitted that she met online, on craigslist of all places. He was nice, but was clingy, she hadn't slept with him, but liked him and thought he was very sweet and thoughtful, sounding awfully familiar to me. His problem was that he had recently filed for bankruptcy, and every time she missed a call from him he'd flip out and wonder where she was. He wanted to be exclusive with her and was demanding an answer. The other guy she met at a happy hour function (when i asked when, she replied "oh, I don't know, 3 weeks ago or so," obviously didn't want to admit that she had met him while still with ME, another lie I caught her in), and was the exact duplicate of her, in terms of career, activity level, social level, and physical level. She admitted her INFATUATION with him was purely on a physical level, that all she thinks about is wanting to sleep with him, and that he never calls, they hardly speak on the phone, but spend alot of time together, physically. When i asked what the dilemma was, she said she didn't know what to do, as the guy she was obsessed with physically also wanted to be exclusive and wanted her to be as well. She said she thought it was too good to be true, and she felt insecure because she didn't feel like she had control over the situation, but was really attracted to him physically, and because he was so much like HER in terms of lifestyle, he ever had his own house in the town she wanted to live in. I asked if she loved him, she said she was falling in love with him, but she knows she tires easily of such strong physical attractions. She said she felt for him as she did for me when we first met. Trying to be the better man, I gave her advice, and told her to be honest with both of them, especially with the doctor, and that if she wanted to be with the one she was really into that she should, but that she should keep a level head, as such strong physical infatuations don't always last forever, that there is so much more to a relationship than that. She replied that she would never be honest with the doctor or the other guy, she never wanted to admit to them that there was someone else, that she still had body image issues and couldn't believe that someone she was so into was so into her, and that she just wanted things to remain as they were, she did not want to have to make a decision about anything. I said to follow her heart and to just do what was best for her, that she should do what makes her happy, be honest, and not have to answer to anyone.

 

All the time I was listening to this and trying to help, I kept wondering "why are you telling me this?" Why were you so desperate for two days to have coffee with me, only to rub it in about your supposed love triangle, if it was even true? Again, I really didn't believe anything she said anymore, I consider her dishonest, dangerous, and unstable. I finally asked her why she sent those lyrics the day before and why she had sought me out so desperately. Her first response was that she had missed me, but that we couldn't get back together. I agreed, saying I was much happier now and that I would never want to go back to that kind of life. I said I would never have that kind of relationship, that it was immature, very high school, and that we'd have to start again, hypothetically. I said I was happy with A, and that it was the kind of relationship I wanted, easy, mature, and that we were taking our time, not getting too serious too fast, and we were getting to know each other and we were going to see where it goes. L's response was "you're not happy, you're bored with it, you went back to her because it was easy." Why couldn't she be happy for me? Why couldn't she even acknowledge that I lost weight? I had to ask, and all she could muster was, "I guess," all the while showing me how skinny she got, which I admitted, because I wanted to be nice. She kept saying over and over how we couldn't get back together, I kept agreeing, and she kept saying "no, I know you want to be back with me, I know you're not happy with A." But I am! I am happy! Why wouldn't she want me to be happy? I said over and over that I wanted her to be happy, and she never once said it to me. I felt used, all over again, as it always had been. I fell for it again, I thought she had changed in 3 weeks but she hadn't. She even got so drunk at her friend's wedding that she passed out and didn't remember how she got home. It seems that while I was trying to better myself, all she was doing was self medicating. Even her mom and sister told her to be honest with these two guys, but she said she would never do that.

 

We took a walk and she put her arm in mine, saying that she was happy to be with me but worried that she was going to be caught. I was stronger, more manly than i had ever been, but there was a part of me that wanted her and wanted her to want me. She said she was happy to be with me but felt guilty at the same time, again, not once asking how I was or whether I was happy, not one wish for my happiness, just talking about how infatuated she was with the guy, but that no matter what, the love she had for me would always transcend any relationship she would ever had, that all she wanted to do was be with me, but that her family would never approve, and neither would mine. She said she regretted that it never worked out, but said that if we got back together we'd have to move out of state and that that she still feels that the only person she ever wanted to marry was me. She said that if she had 6 months to live, she would be with me until the end. Neither of us wanted to leave, so we walked, then walked back to her car. She asked how many times I slept with A, and what positions, and I asked why she wanted to know. She answered "just to torture myself." I leaned on her car and she told me she still loved me, I was her soulmate, I told that the psychic had said the previous week, that we were meant to be together and would get back together. She seemed happy to hear that, and leaned in and kissed me, I kissed back, and we kissed several times. I hugged her, she hugged me and she cried. She seemed so tired, so sad, and said she was very conflicted, and got very mellow, which she usually did when she was lost in thought or was conflicted about something. We kissed several more times, she admitted she was still in love with me, asked her if I was, I said I was and always will be, she agreed. She said we couldn't get back together, I also agreed, I said what was past was past, that it was over, and she seemed pained at those words. She said if I could make time for her this week, I said I was busy, she said "oh, you should always make time for me." She also said she was worried if I called while she was with one of her guys or if she called while I was with A. I said I would be honest with A, that that was the type of guy I was, and that if she called, I'd return her call when I could. She said "oh, you should always take my calls." I asked where we would go from here, she said she didn't know and wanted to think about it. She loved me, was in love with me, but wasn't sure, that we would never be able to truly be friends and that it would always be like this. A love cycle, she called it. I honestly and truly said to her that I could be friends, slowly but surely, and that if someone were to work out for her "I'd be first in line cheering for her." Again, not one response like that for me, not one hint of the fact that she would be happy for me. She finally said she had to go, and that we would talk soon. She asked that i not mess anything up with the person she was infatuated with, just in case it were to work out. I said I would never do that and asked the same about A. She agreed and we parted.

 

I texted her "It was good seeing you....I don't regret a thing."

 

That was it, I didn't hear from her again last night.

 

I feel like such a fool for meeting her. There was a part of me that wanted to prove to her I was over her, that I was the strong one, I wanted to prove that I had moved on. I thought she would be happy for me, and want the best for me. Instead it was as it had always been, she wanted to do what she wanted, and wanted me around just in case. She wanted me to be in love, to not be with anyone else, and wait for her just in case it didn't work out, or long enough to drop me once it got exclusive with one of the guys (again supposed, I still don't believe a word she said, I think she did this to purposely get back at me.) In many ways I found her pathetic, sad, and merely "self medicating" and rushing into something physical (a distraction as she called it) rather than really learning from the serious, 3 year relationship and taking your time to meet someone real and long lasting, as I am. I have been honest with A about what I going through and has been nothing but wonderful, warm, understanding and patient. If only L know how beneath A she was, how as much as she thought of herself, she could never even approach A's feet, not on her best day.

 

Help me put this in perspective! Am I horrible for what i did last night? Why does it bother me that she played me like that? Why does it bother me that she does not want me back 100%, why does she tell me she loves me like no other, that we are soulmates, but that we can't be together. Why do I still want her, even though she disgusts me, even though last night she really, really did come off as so * * * * ty, pathetic, and sad. I expected more from her after our breakup, and what i saw was truly disappointing. She even almost asked me back to her apartment, but said that it would be sleazy, and that we'd both feel guilty about it. Why do I still want her to want me, even though she is so sad, so sleazy, and such a dishonest, unstable person now?

 

WHY DID I DO THIS!!!!! I really must stay away and cut her off, she is poison to me, I must break my addiction to her and move on, my life is so much better without her, but why is it so hard to let go?

 

Do you think I'll hear from her again, she didn't call last night, will she finally let me go? I swear if I never heard from her again it would be the best thing, I certainly won't call or write her first, but I just don't know what her next move is or what she is capable of, I am afraid of her but still feel for her.

 

Thanks for any advice.

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I am not sure how long you two have been broken up, but you are nowhere near ready to date..and if you are supposed to be with A, sharing kisses with L is cheating. You still have feelings for L and you are clearly not over her. She has become your drug. She is very toxic and manipulative. So, you just had a big setback, got manipulated by her yet again and feel awful for having gotten sucked back in. It is okay...setbacks happen...now get back into NC and continue your healing. I would also suggest that you stop seeing A and sort things out in your head. It can take a good while to recover from the kind of relationship you had with L...focus on that first before dating again.

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I agree with CAD. Everyone dislikes rejection no matter what form it comes in. You just feel rejected by her, so you want her to want you. Thats natural, but you don't have to act on it.

 

L sounds like she has you where she wants you IF YOU LET HER. There is no point in telling her you are a better man etc, if she can reel you in at leisure. Over and over she said she can't be with you, but she knew you wanted to be with her. She manipulated things til that was confirmed, got her fix, and disappeared.

 

Don't speak with her again. You don't need to explain to her. Just ignore her. Don't respond, don't be tempted, and let it go. Or else you'll feel like this again.

 

Don't beat yourself up. It's really not a biggie. But learn from it

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I agree with CAD. Everyone dislikes rejection no matter what form it comes in. You just feel rejected by her, so you want her to want you. Thats natural, but you don't have to act on it.

 

L sounds like she has you where she wants you IF YOU LET HER. There is no point in telling her you are a better man etc, if she can reel you in at leisure. Over and over she said she can't be with you, but she knew you wanted to be with her. She manipulated things til that was confirmed, got her fix, and disappeared.

 

Don't speak with her again. You don't need to explain to her. Just ignore her. Don't respond, don't be tempted, and let it go. Or else you'll feel like this again.

 

Don't beat yourself up. It's really not a biggie. But learn from it

 

Thank you both for your replies. I really do feel better about it after having written that all out and getting the love and support from such wonderful people like you.

 

Crazyaboutdogs, we are broken up 3 weeks, I should have gone to NC right away, but I made the mistake of wanting her in my life.

 

L did text me this morning saying "it was good seeing you too..." but I ignored it and will not contact her again. I am now more scared of her reaction than anything else, but will take care of myself and stay away.

 

You're right, I will really try my best not to let her ruin my life. I see her for who she is, time and time again she reveals her true colors to me. She is now an old, sad, tired, highly unstable girl that does not know how good she has it and is deep into borderline disorder. I am far from perfect, but I see my mistake and am doing all I can to change. I believe in god now and i know he is looking after me. As for her, I see her for who she is, and she is not someone I want in my life, I will let god protect me and guide me through this, he will protect me from her, i have to let him. In a way I was glad to see what she had become, how far she had declined, how she now has to "act loosely" with a new guy, she even got so drunk at her friend's wedding that she passed out, like I said. I am seeing a therapist and am getting the help I need, I have a long way to go but at least I am trying. She does not even thnk she needs help, instead she is "self medicating" and whoring herself out to someone who makes her feel insecure and feeling it is "too good to be true." Instead of taking time and learning from this to better herself, as i am (though admittedly not perfectly!), she is just gonig back to her old ways, her tried and true ways. doesn't she know that infatuations like that never work out, never end well, and burn out as quickly as they began? Relationships that are based solely on physical attraction are doomed to failure, and she is doomed to repeat these patterns for a long time, unless she gets help, and that seems like a long shot.

 

I'm glad what I knew would happen would happen, I'm glad I got out when I could, this guy, or whoever stays long enough to marry her, is doomed to a long unhappy life.

 

It's her problem now, my life is so much happier without her in it and I WILL NOT LET HER RUIN MY LIFE AGAIN. NOT THIS TIME!!!!

 

I will let this go, slowly but surely, as it will never change, she will never change, this will go on and on, constant chasing of things, only to lose interest once she had them. When I resist, she chases after me, when I give in, she loses interest. It's a sad cycle, that only i am aware of, sadly she will only realize it too late, as there will come a day soon when I will be gone forever, and she will never get over me. She even admitted that I was the love of her life, and though I know she was lying left and right last night, know she wants me, but at this point I do not want her anymore. I do not need that sort of toxin in my life.

 

A and I already had a long talk last weekend, she knows what I am going through, and we will take it slow. This experience once again makes me realize what a special girl she is, how right for me she is, and how I will not, under any circumstances, ruin things with her by allowing L to remain in my life. I am letting it go, she is nothing but a sad little insect to me now.

 

Thanks!

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I'm basically going to reiterate everything from yesterday's conversation.

 

It doesn't matter if she has all these disorders or how she was raised, NONE OF IT MATTERS. People are who they choose to be, regardless of their raising, ignorance is a choice and ignorance is easy, that's why a majority of us choose to be ignorant!

 

You need to focus on your healing, not if she calls, not if she is hurting, not if she wants you back. You know this is detrimental to your health and well being, she's bad news man. Get over it, you know what you need to do and use every ounce of determination you have to stay away from hurt.

 

Plain and simple, you see her for how she is, part of you is always going to wonder, you can't change that, only ignore it and tell yourself that it doesn't do you any good to care or wonder at this point. Until you are 100% healed, that's when you can start caring for others, neither of you are ready to be friends just yet. Stick with NC, that's the only cure from this toxic relationship you have going. She is wishy-washy and manipulative, she got what she wanted and you know it.

 

Time for you to man up, reclaim your dignity and balls. Doesn't matter how many times you relapse but it does matter on how you carry yourself through these relapses. By relapses I mean, checking craigslist, calling her, texting her, replying to her, those are all relapses, you need to be strong and move on.

 

Take all look at what you want to do with your life, set those short term and long term goals, visualize a plan and steps on how to achieve your goals. You needn't to give her any thoughts, in most vulgar terms, just say F it, it's done, over, finished, broken, not your fault, not your problem. Work on self improvement, by improving yourself, you make yourself more complete and stronger. You'll be able to regain whatever you lost and come out more wise, you have your choice. Like I said yesterday, it's either going to make you or break you. Which one are you going to choose and follow?

 

My whole mindset right now is, I live for days like these, to define myself through harsh experiences, to continue to push forward, to live through it, to endure and reap the rewards. You will grow as a person from this experience and your next love will be able to get the better you. Look for hope in the future, not the past, future is what can change, the past is already done!

 

Apply the knowledge you have now, make it a habit to remember that day and why you must completely avoid this person for your own benefits. It does not matter how she feels or what she does, DO NOT speak to her. FOCUS ON YOURSELF, I cannot stress this enough, FOCUS on what you WANT for your FUTURE, and not the PAST! You don't want life to pass you by, nor a chance to find your true love or another growing experience. Be strong and think with your head, not your heart.

 

As Confucius said, the hardest choice is usually the right one.

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Wait a minute...you have only been broken up with L for three weeks and you have been seeing A for nearly three weeks. In other words, as soon as L dumped you, you latched on to A, calling it a relationship and saying how right she is for you! Wow...I really think you need to be alone...forget about even going slow with A...the nail was barely in the coffin regarding your relationship with L and you are already involved with someone else. L was a long-term relationship and you said she was abusive...why in the world are you launching into a new relationship without even processing what went on in your relationship with L. A is a rebound, and sure, she may know that you are fresh out of a relationship..clearly she is desperate, like you are, to have someone around but my goodness, this is a total recipe for disaster...as you have already found out. A is a fool for embarking on a relationship with someone who is a few days fresh out of a break up. You really need time a lone...the only reason why you think A is right for you is because it keeps your mind and body occupied so that it dulls the pain of the breakup....that is very unhealthy and unwise.

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I appreciate what you're saying, and I thank you for your advice and kind words. A and I dated before I met L, and I know i might be latching on to her in some ways, but we had a connection before and she truly is a special person. We just kind of reconnected again by coincidence when we met a few days after L dumped me. Perhaps it is to dull the pain, but she is totally aware of what is going on and is willing to take the time, and get to know each other again. I am taking my time to process what is going on, we don't see each other all the time, and i am also in therapy full time. I will think about what you said though, perhaps you're right.

 

I've also managed to stay away from L, I never answered her text, and I know she's waiting for me to make the next move so she can rope me in again with her lies and toxicity, but NOT THIS TIME! She is losing her power over me minute by minute! Let her wonder where I am for a change while i take care of myself and become a better person, for myself! She's not going to win this time, and I need all of you to help keep me strong!

 

This time I will not be manipulated! I want a happy life, and I will have it, because I will make it for myself, not the misery she's selling!

 

Thanks for your support, really, I couldn't have made it without you....

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Hi Gorilla,

 

thanks for the link

 

your not doing as bad as you think.

 

Its ok to question why L's doing this or that without it meaning its a setback.

 

Judging by the tone of your post your still on track for making a go of it with A so I feel safe telling you that your doing better than L IMO.

 

When she said lets meet for coffee and you said ok, she didnt contact you again that day coz she had tested the water and you complied.

 

When she kept repeating she was happy and moving on with these two guys..

she wasnt. She's either not happy, or not moving on either/or, cant judge.

 

when she said she was also not wanting to reconciled, she lied. Thats why she posted lyrics on Craigs list and told you she loves you. This of course doesnt necessarily mean she loves you like normal people love. It could mean she loved the attention you gave her and have now taken away. this could be why she is trying to re-ignite your interest.

 

Whispering sweet nothings and kissing you, was possibly to prove to herself that she could still have you if she wanted. To see if your still on the back burner for her.

 

Your too good for that. Why did you let her manipulate you? what did it prove? was it to see if you could still have her?

 

DONT let her call the shots, be a man, get a backbone, say NO! and push her away.

 

she's really struggling with the lack of attentiveness she's used to getting off you and she's craving that again.

 

Kissing her was wrong. it was disrespectful to A AND yourself. If your with a woman (A) she is the ONLY one you should be kissing. your HER man now, and if you cant be loyal to her, let her go before you hurt her.

 

glad your getting a handle on things though... your doing good!

 

hugs, Hope x

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All I read here is drama, not love. It apprears you are both addicted to it, (sorry), something keeps drawing you two back together, but in an unhunealthy way. Its like you're able to be with other people so long as you have established that the ex still holds a torch. You are both deathly afraid of rejecting one another, which another posted has said, but by establishing that there are still feelings on both sides, doesn't seal you into a loving and commited relationship with one another....?

 

It seems to me that this week you have both put a hell of a lot of work and emotion into something that ultimately didn't get you anywhere. So I ask you.... after all that pain, tears and anguish....what did you get out of it?

 

This is toxic. I'm glad you have posted this in healing because if you had posted in GBT we would have screamed at you "GET HER OUT OF YOUR LIFE!"

 

I know its hard but you need to go cold turkey. Date casually with this new girl if you need to, but don't let your ex infringe on your future.

 

Keep your chin up and remain NC xxx

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What would I do without you hope??? Thanks for the love and support. I think I came out of yesterday's experience the better person. I saw through her pathetic lies and I will not let her win. Not this time! This time I will stay away and overcome this. I am so proud of myself for not replying to her text and not hearing from her today! Let her wonder what I'm doing while she makes up more lies to tell me. I know my life is better without her in it and I don't want to lose that happiness. Let my silence speak volumes to her from now on. Thank you so much!!!!

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Thanks again Hope. One thing that did occur to me though. If you notice, these two imagined men she's seeing are exactly like her and I. One just happens to be exactly like her, while the other just happens to be like me, sweet but with financial problems. I mean, if you're going to lie, at least put some thought into it, right? Well, this time I was smart and saw through her deception and lies.

 

I managed to stay away and retain my power and manhood all day yesterday. L did text me yesterday morning saying "it was good seeing you too...." but I did not respond, nor did she all day. I know she's waiting for me to respond, and I know she thinks I want her back now, which is why it must be driving her nuts that I didn't get in touch yesterday. Let her wonder where I am, let her go crazy wondering if I lost interest for once! This time I AM saying now and pushing her away. This time I call the shots. No long e-mails from me, no drama, I've just lost interest. She came off as dirty, sleazy, tired, sad, and highly unstable, and I don't want such a toxic, manipulative person in my life, and so I'm just not going to contact her. This time I have the ultimate exit strategy, I'm just going to fade away and take care of myself! This time I leave with the power, my balls, and my dignity! Let that kill her, her life will never be the same without me, just when she thought she had me back sniveling at her feet, I pick myself up, see through her petty, pathetic deception, and just do my own thing and take care of myself. This time I will win! I owe it to myself!

 

Thanks for everything Hope, and everyone else, I couldn't have made it without you!

 

And now....I'm going to take care of myself by having breakfast!

 

God bless....

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Hey Dan, look at that advice! how cool is that - exactly what we have been saying!

 

your doing great..

 

if you have a bad day, dont beat yourself up. Just read the above, pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and remember your doing so much better than her, and no matter how much you yearn or wonder... DONT (i'll say it again DO NOT... D.O.N.T.!!!!) contact her.

 

Your a special person and there is someone very special out there for you. The Universe brought you a lesson, take what you learned and let it make you a better man.

 

lots of hugs, Hope x

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