Why the crazies always find her...

[HellFrost666]

I know I've posted a lot of threads lately that are more centered around my girlfriend and problems she's having. If this annoys anyone, take it as a ompliment... ENA cured me, lol.

 

This is an odd situation. I actually know more of what's going on then my girl knows. But if she ever finds out it will upset her. I guess that's where my question comes in. Because I've been debating on weather or not to tell her.

 

But here is the story.

 

She was in kind of a mentoring relationship with a 16 year old girl she met about a year ago. It wasn't through some mentoring organization or anything... they just met eachother at a coffee house. My girlfriend graduated from Art School, and this girl wanted to go to art school. They liked a lot of the same music, movies, etc. And also, it seemed like this girl's parents didn't take much an interest in her life, and she had no ciblings.

 

Things were going fine for a while. The girl rarely came to the house. My girl would usually just leave and go get her and they would do ther thing, then she would get dropped off back at home. I only met her a few times, my roomate only met her once.

 

My girl let this girl barrow her camera for a day. This was a little while ago. And when she (my girlfriend) went to this other girl's house to pick it up, the girl's Mom blew up at her. The Mom yelled at her and said their friendship was over as of now because "Those two perverts" meaning my roomate and I won't stop trying to "get down her (daughter's) pants." My girlfriend defended us and said we hadn't even been around the girl alone for that to even happen. But the Mom wouldn't listen, she just screamed in my girl's face, gave her the camera, and told her to get the hell out of their house.

 

This was about a week before we left for Norway (we were gone three weeks.) And after we got back my girlfriend called the mother and asked her if all of us (the two of us and the girl's parent's) could all talk this through. THe Mom said no and told my girl if she ever contacts any of them again that she will call the cops.

 

This was back in July.

 

About a year ago my girlfriend also had a huge falling out with her friend Sandra who she had been friends with for ages. I won't go into what it was all about because it's too complicated. But Sandra was very toxic(still is.)

 

I recently got an email from Sandra inviting us somewhere. THe email she sent me was through myspace. Well, I looked at her profile, just out of curiosity, and saw that 16 year old on her top friends list. As if that isn't strange enough... she sent me another email today. (I am sure she probably has some reason for sending me these messages... but it's only me she sends them to, not my girlfriend.) In the message she said she posted a new blog. I know I shouldn't look in these situations. But it's just in my nature to look. I am a curious person. So I went and looked at her blog. The whole things was trashing my girlfriend, and it was all grossly exagerated, if not outright lies. And then the 16 year old commented on it, and the comment she wrote was just as long, and just as inflamatory as the blog itself. Then the two of them continue going back and forth bashing the hell out of my girlfriend.

 

Sandra is 34 years old. Here she is going back and forth with a 16 year old and acting like she's in hgi school, and all at someone else's expense. They are both just acting so stupid...

 

So (thanks to anyone who stuck through all that, lol. I know it was kind of long winded.) But my girl hasn't seens any of this. She might though.

 

My question is should I tell her about it? If she finds it herself and finds out I knew she might wonder why I kept it from her. Even if I am keeping it from her out of good intentions it won't look good from her end.

 

I don't understand why such a kind hearted person like her attracts all these crazy toxic people. I wonder if maybe they can see how kind she is and they now she will be a fun toy for them for a little while. SHe has plenty of non toxic people in her life, don't get me wrong. But the bad ones just always seem to pounce on her.

 

So yea... any help appreciated as always.

[bijoux27]

I wouldn't tell her...can you act like you didn't see it?

[Seraphim]

Can she find it by "accident"? They both sound horrid and demented.

[Daligal83]

I think I would show her. Sit her down and explain that you found something online that you know will upset her, but you feel she has a right to know about. I'd want to know if someone was talking trash about me. If she has any unresolved feelings about those situations, hopefully this will help her get some closure and know that they weren't worth her time.

[Seraphim]

I think I would show her. Sit her down and explain that you found something online that you know will upset her, but you feel she has a right to know about. I'd want to know if someone was talking trash about me. If she has any unresolved feelings about those situations, hopefully this will help her get some closure and know that they weren't worth her time.

 

Yeah I am more willing to go that route.

[tiredofvampires]

I don't understand why such a kind hearted person like her attracts all these crazy toxic people.

 

Because kind-hearted blood is much tastier than mean-spirited blood. Take it from me!

 

 

 

Yeah, I think I'd tell her. Because there really is no telling what this Sandra person (ugh!) might do in her shenanigans...including upping the ante by "accidentally" making it known to your gf through some other conduit what is happening, just to hurt her again. I think she may find out somehow, and it's better she hear it from you first, now, and get that over with.

 

If I were in her shoes I'd much rather just know than be coddled and furthermore, this does go towards solving a bit of the mystery as to why things went awry with the 16 year old. Clearly, she is being used and manipulated and so as bad as her behavior is, I don't really place the blame on her. She has no good role models, and while your gf was trying to be one (bless her for that!), Sandra is an artist at the conning she does, so it wouldn't be hard to pull the wool over an impressionable 16-year-old's eyes. And from there on, she's just talking like teenagers talk. Because she is one.

 

I really blame the adults here. It's such a shame this is happening! I'm sorry to hear this, but I'm sure that the smears about you and your roomie came directly from Sandra. If I recall properly, she is practically your nemesis, this lady...

 

But as for your gf, I would definitely give her the low-down on what caused that rupture with the 16-year-old...it must have really mystified her, and at least this could go towards some closure...

 

Yikes....

[tiredofvampires]

I think I would show her. Sit her down and explain that you found something online that you know will upset her, but you feel she has a right to know about. I'd want to know if someone was talking trash about me. If she has any unresolved feelings about those situations, hopefully this will help her get some closure and know that they weren't worth her time.

 

Wow, I started writing my post before I saw this! We're definitely thinking alike!

[Gratsy]

Yeeks, all of those people sound so scary. I think you two should both avoid the other women as much as possible. I'd just tell your gf that she needs to stay away from them and let that be that.

[HellFrost666]

Actually reading back over some of these replies I feel bad that I was even thinking about keeping it from her, even if it was for a good reason.

 

Sandra wants her to find this stuff. It's obvious. We haven't talked to her in over a year, then suddenly she just randomly starts emailing me out of the blue?

 

And my girlfriend hasn't talked to the 16 year old since the beginning of July. Is that girl too stupid to realize saying that could have gotten my roomate and I in some serious crap? Even though nothing happened, the acusation alone is enough.

 

The idea of two people having such a vendetta is creepy and disturbng, honestly.

 

I know when I tell her she will be really upset. Some of things being said about her in this string of blog posts are just beyond uncalled for. There's no reason for it. I just hope when I tell her and she reads it she doesn't look at me and say "Why did you even show me this?"

[Seraphim]

Can you report them to the site that they posted it on?

[HellFrost666]

It's on myspace... do you really think they care? No name was used, but there's no mistaking it's here they are talking about.

[tiredofvampires]

Sandra wants her to find this stuff. It's obvious. We haven't talked to her in over a year, then suddenly she just randomly starts emailing me out of the blue?

 

Of course she does -- it's your gf she's trying to hurt, not you. It's all about their falling out, and her vendetta, as you say.

 

Which is why I think she needs to hear it from you, first. It will hurt, but it will hurt even worse finding out some other way...and on top of it, she might feel a bit betrayed by you for keeping it from her when you already know the saga from before.

 

Is that girl too stupid to realize saying that could have gotten my roomate and I in some serious crap? Even though nothing happened, the acusation alone is enough.

 

I think her mom got in on it, and the adults orchestrated it. It's seriously messed up that she doesn't have the conscience to say, "Actually, that didn't happen at all"...but maybe this is the first time her mother has taken any interest in her welfare in a while? As a 16-year-old, I think she doesn't truly understand the total ramifications, especially knowing it wasn't going to really go anywhere, legally. I would cut the kid some slack here.

 

If your gf says, "Why did you even show this to me?" answer, "Would you have preferred if I hadn't?"

 

I think that will end it there. Because she'll see the point.

 

But if it doesn't and she says she'd have preferred not to see it, I'd say well that's not what I felt was in your best interests, seeing as how it'd probably get around to you anyway, and I didn't want you to hear it from someone else other than me.

[Seraphim]

It's on myspace... do you really think they care? No name was used, but there's no mistaking it's here they are talking about.

 

Sorry I have never been on myspace.

[HellFrost666]

^ You aren't missing much.

[itsallgrand]

Maybe you just shouldn't tell her if it's only going to make her upset.

 

It's drama for no reason other than drama. And the only way it means anything is if someone gets upset.

 

Maybe they continue with it hoping for a reaction.

 

Some people will go to extreme lengths to pick and pick until they get the reaction they are looking for.

 

I have no clue on earth who your gf is, Hellfrost, but taking a wild guess, I'd bet that on top of being a kind hearted woman she is also a sensitive soul.

 

Crazies love any reaction they can get. Personally - I don't think any of yall should be taking it seriously.

 

It's quite funny when you think of it? I mean, who comes accross as the ass in this situation? Certainly not you nor your girl.

 

One is a kid who seems a bit messed up. The other a grown kid with a mean streak.

[Gratsy]

I think you should just stay away from them. They are toxic. Simple as that. Ignore them and they can't harm you. I don't nkow why angering her by showing her will do anything, unless you say first, "Look I don't want you to get upset, but those two idiots you were talking to posted some stuff and here it is...DON'T get upset, I love you " something like that

[HellFrost666]

Well they haven't gotten a reaction... not even from me. I haven't responded to her emails or anything.

 

That is exactly why I was considering not telling her. It could be pointless.