I could really use some encouragement!

[Wotgorilla]

Haha, profound, alright. You had it worse than me, heh. Not that it's any consolation to me, but wow, yours is also a piece of work!!

 

About that article, yeah, it hits home on who we were dating all that time...

 

Anyways, I don't feel like talking about my ex any more than I have to... I might be giving off the impression that I hate women, which is absolutely not true.... I just don't want to associate with people like my ex, physically or emotionally.

 

I haven't spoken so much about her before but upon reflecting on what you've gone through with your ex I guess I had to let you know that you're not alone.

 

Let's not waste too much of our energy on them... time's too good and our life too precious to be wasting on them, heh.

 

You're right! No more wasted time on people not worthy of our time, let them wonder where WE are and what WE'RE doing!

 

Anyway, this article, and the others I found, are amazingly spot on!

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

hey Gorilla.. how you doing? great to receive your PM's. sorry I didnt respond I have just got back from Krakow today so please dont think i was ignoring you!

 

I have read one of your mailings and I would like to do it justice maybe to give you my two penneth but I havent got time to do it right now ok? i have to run out and get some groceries as my kids are back from their Dad's later.

 

I will read the thread tonight and reply ok? but SO GLAD your keeping with the programme!

 

have a happy day and if the clouds descend just keep reminding yourself, this time its going to be different. Your going to handle things differently, and the difference between a winner and a loser is a winner keeps on fighting even when it all seems bleak.

 

so that means......... YOUR A WINNER!

 

later aligator, hugs, Hope x

[Wotgorilla]

Thank you so much for your encouragement, great to hear from you! Of course I understand, not to worry!

 

I'm out with my new date today, but look forward to your reply tonite!

 

Thanks so much, I couldn't have made it without you!

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

yes its nice to be chased, but its not going to happen.

 

You already told us she threw her toys out of the cot because she wasnt getting her own way so she wont suddenly lose face by chasing you.

 

Don't worry about the new guy. even if it isnt a rebound, for reasons already mentioned she will struggle to maintain a relationship with anyone till shes worked through a few issues, which you dont do when you just keep jumping into new relationship situations.

 

I havent visited the links posted here, because Im just too shattered right now but I hope you found some useful information there which made you feel better about your role vs her role.

 

dont keep blaming yourself, it wont to any practical good.

 

what you need to do is focus on what you want to be/look like/behave, and become that person.

 

Your ex, and others will be thrilled to have a great guy, so be him!

 

hugs, Hope x

[Wotgorilla]

Thanks again for everything, I have to tell you I feel alot better, and I have you to thank for that, so I thank you. I hope you are well too.

 

I had a wonderful day yesterday. I am dating someone now, we'll call her "A", and my ex "L" to make this easier. I dated A before L, and it didn't work out because I just didn't put my all into it. A is a wonderful person, the polar opposite of L. She is kind, caring, easy going, and exhibits none of the signs of borderline personality disorder that was so rampant in L. We went to the aquarium, had dinner, and just spent time together. She lives in a lovely town about an hour away, and going back there for the first time in 3 1/2 years brought back such wonderful feelings, and good vibes. I love her place and her area, I was just lazy the last time and didn't put much effort into it. We talked about that, she wanted to know what I went through with L since she felt I wasn't open last time, and so I did. She understood everything that I went through, and said we'd take it slow and just spent time together and get to know each other again, and she'd give me the time I need to heal from things. Then we went to dinner and had a lovely evening, her only problem was that she didn't pack any cookies for me to take home! I mean, if that's as bad as it gets, right? Anyway, she is a wonderful, warm, good hearted soul, and I am truly fortunate to have her in my life again. This time I will get it right!

 

It's things like A and the positive things that have happened in the nearly 3 weeks since things imploded with L that made me take stock of all the good in my life. What has happened since then? I've lost 15 pounds, I feel better than I have since the last time I broke up with L. I'm reconnecting with friends and am more social than I've been in years. Difficulties in my job are showing signs of turning around as well. I have good, caring, warm people in my life, and I am appreciative of what I have. I no longer feel like I am worthless, or just surviving, or just want to eat and lie on the couch with the tv remote. I go out and do things, and I am surrounded by people that care about me for ME, for who I am, not for what they think I must be or what I should be.

 

What is all this mean? Yes I believe in signs, in things happening for a reason, in cosmic, heavenly things that I can't explain but I know are there. I've also found god for the first time in my life. God and my grandmother. She was everything to me, and I still mourn her passing 17 years later. I think they're both watching over me now more than ever. I think he's helping me to get through this time, and to help me help MYSELF. I am a firm believer in signs, in things happening because it was meant to happen that way. In a way I was meant to go through bad times with L to see the good in life, to see true love, in people like A. That from now on, as long as I keep god in my life (and I always struggled with whether god really existed), he will protect me, and provide for me, and that good things will happen. Look at the changes in just a few weeks. And look at yesterday. Yesterday was L's best friend's wedding. A wedding a year in the planning. A wedding in which L was asked to be a brides maid (they've been friends since childhood), and in which she originally accepted but a week later turned down, because she said she was just too busy and didn't want to be bothered with the time or the expense (I thought that was so selfish but supported her decision). Yesterday was the wedding, and what happened? It rained. All day. Rainy, dreary, foggy, and muggy. That made me smile in a sort of way. I mean, why would god make it rain yesterday of all days? Why would god send A back to me, when I never thought I'd see her again (we did e-mail sometimes, but I thought she would never want to bother with me again after how I was the last time), why would he show me that there are good, true people in the world, like A, like my friends, like my cats, unless he was looking out for me. I do believe that, more than ever before, I have god in my life, he in my corner, he will look out for me, and he will protect from me from monsters like L. Most of all he will help me to help myself, and to believe in myself. With each passing day I have more confidence, more faith, and more trust in myself.

 

Now it's not whether I want L back or if she misses me or wants me back, I DO NOT WANT HER BACK! I am SO MUCH BETTER OFF WITHOUT HER. She is a borderline, and whether it was me, the next guy, the next 12 guys, or the man she marries (and there will be a sucker out there who gets roped up into that with her and that family, I almost did), she will have a lifetime of failed relationships, what has happened with me and her has happened with her last 7 boyfriends, and will without a doubt go on with the next 7, break up after break up, divorce after divorce, misery after misery. The next guy will feel what I have felt soon enough. Why? Because a person like that never thinks they need to change. Everything in her life that was wrong was NEVER her fault. It was always the other person's fault, whether it be BF, pet, family member or friend. She will never chance because she does not think she needs to, and that is her fundamental flaw. It will doom her, and any guy unlucky enough to fall under her spell, as I did, for the rest of her life.

 

She had true love in her grasp and she didn't fail to see it. Was I perfect? No, I was weaker than I should have been, I was so worn down from her abuse and the constant fighting, I didn't have the energy to fight back or stand up to her like I should have until 2 weeks ago, and I thank the lord for the strength I found to have finally told her off, to finally tell her what I'd been feeling and going through for 3 years, to finally say NO MORE!!!!! I no longer let her use me, and I was so strong that she was blown away, she had no defense for the first time ever except one feeble attempt at turning it around to make it my fault that I did not allow to happen! One little feeble attempt at her old ways, then she ran off like a coward behind her mom. The thing is she'll never take stock at her life and examine why she is the way she is, she'll never recognize that had she been as loving to me, truly loving, truly accepting, of me as I always was for her (and no one, NO ONE, will be as non-judgmental, more loving, more doting, more caring, and more giving to her as I was, NO ONE, she will NEVER meet anyone like EVER AGAIN) then we would have lived happily ever after. Now she's lost me for good, I will stay away, and if she ever gets in touch it will be met with silence. She will never get the power over me she had again, and my silence, with god's help and my own, will SHOUT volumes!

 

I deserve better, I see that, I believe in myself, and I know that I got out of this for a reason. I have peace, serenity, joy, happiness, and low pressure. I never want to lose that again, I'll never not believe in myself again to the point where I will let L back in my life, and she will pick up on that karma for all eternity. She missed out on greatness, she threw away the best guy that will ever cross her path, that mistake will haunt her for the rest of her life while I live a happy, successful, loving life.

 

As the saying goes, god works in mysterious ways, all I can say, is "thank you god, thanks for looking out for me."

 

I know I am spiritual here, but if you believe, believe, and I believe.....

 

Thanks again!

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

WOW!

 

That was great!, I cant put into words how I felt reading it. The good vibes are coming through your words and I'm so happy! genuinely, I'm thrilled.

 

You have said it all so elequently, its inspirational.

 

I also believe in fate and fateful that you have reconnected with A. You said yourself you didnt put the effort last time, so perhaps fate took a hand and gave you a second chance. I like to think so! Could it be a case of 'whats meant for you wont pass you by?'

 

In the meantime, you were sent L so you could see the flip side!

 

"If the Lord brings you to it, the Lord will bring you through it" ...

 

Your right, he will stand by you. I believe he will help you make the right decisions and guide your judgement.

 

In fact, I think he already has ...

 

love & light,

Hope x