I could really use some encouragement!

[Wotgorilla]

I can't say I wouldn't do the same as you did, Wotgorilla. If I knew she was cheating, I would make sure she knew that I knew, hopefully for the sake of the next guy she does it to, perhaps so she would reconsider doing it.

 

Exactly! I wanted her to know I was smarter than she thinks I was and that I figured it out. Either way, it couldn't go on the way it was going. I felt it was selfish of her to want to be friends with me, like it was her way of making herself feel better for cheating or whatever. I would be jealous of her, she would be jealous of me, it had to end the way it ended. I had to be strong and tell her how I felt and walk away.

 

I can say without a doubt I feel better now than this morning. I can't say it will last, but for the moment I am kind of accepting the situation that it's over and probably for the best. I'm starting to feel like I deserved better than her.

 

Anyway, who knows how I'll feel in the morning, but thanks!

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

DONT panic thinking everythings hopeless. Put the kettle on, sit down, and with a clear head do what superdave said, write all your thoughts and emotions down. When you see them written down and the reasons your feeling this way you might discover you have abandonment issues or whatever which intensifies everything.

 

your situation is personal, but your emotions are universal. Everyone here at ENA has been where you are now at some point.

 

please please please BELIEVE me when I say it DOES get better.

 

I dont want to give you any false hope whatsoever, but I think you will hear from your ex when she looks over the edge of her toybox. Poor you!

 

A week is nothing. Plan on not hearing from her for at least a month maybe a bit longer. I sincerely hope in the meantime you will have written your superdave letter, and written a list of all her bad points and blu-tacked it to the fridge to constantly remind yourself!, and changed your mind about wanting her back x

 

 

big hugs, you CAN do this..

 

Hope x

[Wotgorilla]

Thank you so much for your kindness, I can't tell you how I appreciate it. I have to be honest, I went so far as to write two suicide notes yesterday, and was on my way to buying a razor, when this guy was passing out leaflets for a psychic. It changed my mind. I went up to the psychic, and she told me (even though she told me to keep it to myself) that my ex is conflicted, that there might be someone else, but that she misses me, she is my soulmate and that I will hear from her. I am not sure if I should believe that or not, but for some reason it made me feel better. Not necessarily that I have false hope that I will hear from her again but that maybe I will be ok. I was feeling ok last night. I did get hooked on psychics though, and called a bunch for free readings, most of them said that she is with someone but wants me back, one (at 3 am mind you) said that she is angry, hurt, but as long as I meditate with a white candle and think positive thoughts, there's a chance that she will come back.

 

I keep holding out hope that she will come back. Yesterday, after 4 days away, I posted a long "I miss you, can't live without you" message on missed connections on craigslist. we met through there and during the numerous breakups before, one or the other always posted a message on there and we got back together. yesterday, for the first time, my posting went unanswered by her. maybe that's a good thing, maybe now is not the time to speak. In the midst of my angry, scathing e-mails last week she did text me saying "I won't want to get back together now or at any point in the future." that's when I wrote one last angry e-mail causing her mom to warn me to back off, so I have.

 

I don't know why I still want her back though. As happy as I am in some ways, I am so unhappy without her and miss her so much. I don't think I protected my boundaries, I don't think I was "man" enough for her. I've been struggling with money this year, and with a bad job, and as much as she said she will help me, most of the time she called me a loser and mostly called me names for not working hard enough, for being a bad person and a failure in life and that I should try harder to get a new job. When I wanted sympathy, I was called a whimp and that I should do this myself. Being a sensitive person, I always take that kind of talk so hard and personally. That's where the fighting intensified, as I continued to struggle, I think she lost respect for me. That's where I think our relationship went sour. We kept talking about taking a break to fix ourselves, but never quite got to doing it. In some ways, I wish I had insisted we take a break, in some ways maybe it wouldn't have made any difference.

 

Maybe I shouldn't have been so angry, but I was so hurt at the thought, at the feeling I know in my heart, and soul, that she was unfaithful. Most of the psychics either said she was or that she is taking her time meeting someone else. They all said that she is my soulmate though.

 

I just struggle with this so much, I tried to open up to her, to be honest about my finances and my situation, alot of it from my own carelessness and creation, and it seemed to drive her away. The one thing that she wanted from me, honesty, turned out to be my downfall. Maybe that's it right there? Maybe that's the sign that had she really been the right girl for me, she wouldn't have fought me when I needed her support the most. If only she saw threw everything to see how hurt I was inside, how much I suffered, maybe it would have been different. We did agree, before we broke up in early august, to meet with a list of pros and cons. I wrote a long list of cons, she read it, I was honest, and she just had no reaction. She barely said that it was nothing she hadn't heard before and she didn't care much. In fact, we got into a huge argument that night.

 

I don't know where I'm going with these thoughts, but writing helps. There is a part of me that wants her back, that still thinks in my heart that it will be right and ok. There is a part of me that regrets not being honest with her about my finances from the beginning (she did say that had she known about my debt, she wouldn't have bothered with me), and there is a part of me that wishes I never knew her, or had stayed away during the 20 other times I broke up with her.

 

I have a feeling I'll hear from her, despite her adamant opposition to the notion last week. Perhaps I shouldn't read into the fact that she didn't respond to my posting yesterday, which I did remove by day's end. Perhaps she isn't ready, perhaps I am not ready. I really don't think she'll find anyone better to her than I was. I tried so hard to be loving, to be there for her, to be encouraging as she lost weight and got in shape, to always be positive for her. I still can't believe she walked away into the arms of someone else.

 

The thought of her with someone else bothers me less than the other day, because I know whoever it is won't be me and that will be her loss.

 

In some ways I hope I hear from her, in some ways I think maybe it's too late and she has finally let go, and that I should too....

 

I'm trying to focus and just accept things as they are, I really did try my best, and maybe she's right, she did say last week I was was playing the "cheating card" so I could give myself closure and I should just accept that we didn't work out. That we needed to reboot for the future. It just when one day she was saying she was going to take her time for herself and not go out to meet someone, when two days later, because I had a semi-date, she suddenly had a date and was "hanging out" with someone that I suspected all was not as it seemed with this breakup. The day after we broke up she told me that she was having second thoughts and asked if I thought we'd get back together. I was so shell shocked from being dumped the night before I said no. The next morning I wrote a long e-mail saying that I never did want to break up and that we should meet for coffee that sunday and talk about it. She claimed she was busy that day, read it, but didn't have time to respond to it. It bothered me that at night she was making like she had second thoughts, then the next day when I reached out to her she turned a cold shoulder. Then when i cooled off and backed away, suddenly she pressed me to see if I was having a date, and when I said I did for that coming weekend, then suddenly she did, that she was happy she dumped me, that she wasn't happy, and that it was good to reboot things. She was happy that we were in each others lives, but that we should close the door on the romantic side of things. How could someone close off like that so fast? Well, which one was it? It confused and bothered me so much. She just wanted to have her cake and eat it too, you know? I just didn't like the fact that she could still call and write all day long like we were together while she was sexually attracted to someone else. I didn't like that feeling of being taken advantage of. When I pulled away, that's when she fought back, and that's when I responded with my angry e-mails.

 

Again, I was very harsh in what I wrote, but it was necessary, I had pent it up for so long, and hard as we tried, she never did let me have the opportunity to communicate. I just had to let it out.

 

I have to accept that I did the best I could and that what is to be will be. I can't keep kicking myself, even though I am.

 

I think it's because I love her so much, I am so attracted to her (heavy or thin, I always said that to her), and still have this unrealistic fantasy that we will work out.

 

And that's why I suffer....

[Hope_Springs_Eternal]

Thank you so much for your kindness, I can't tell you how I appreciate it.

 

thank you for letting us support you and not giving up and giving in to your thoughts yesterday. thank YOU for being strong x

 

I have to be honest, I went so far as to write two suicide notes yesterday, and was on my way to buying a razor, when this guy was passing out leaflets for a psychic. It changed my mind.

 

you moved off script! superdave said a letter and i said a list!

 

I'm trying to make you laugh to lift your spirits, but seriously, re-read what you wrote. Does any of it give you clues to why you really feel this girl is your 'soul mate', your 'One'. What were the thoughts behind your words. Has someone in your childhood left you and it still hurts? working out exactly what it is thats making you feel so low can help eliminate it with reverse thoughts.

 

If your just 'panicing' because you think you wont see her again.. dont. I think you will.

 

for some reason, the dynamics of the relationship strike me as one of those push/pull types.

 

This doesn't mean you will see her this week, this month, or even this year! just sit back and do your thing, if she's truly your soulmate, that moth will find your flame

 

 

I went up to the psychic, and she told me (even though she told me to keep it to myself) that my ex is conflicted, that there might be someone else, but that she misses me, she is my soulmate and that I will hear from her. I am not sure if I should believe that or not, but for some reason it made me feel better.

 

anything that makes you feel better right now is allowed. Although I will say, for the purposes of 'keeping it real' take those phone psychics with a pinch of salt

 

Not necessarily that I have false hope that I will hear from her again but that maybe I will be ok. I was feeling ok last night.

 

yes you WILL be ok

 

 

I did get hooked on psychics though, and called a bunch for free readings, most of them said that she is with someone but wants me back, one (at 3 am mind you) said that she is angry, hurt, but as long as I meditate with a white candle and think positive thoughts, there's a chance that she will come back. I keep holding out hope that she will come back.

 

do whatever you need to do to get you through sunrise to sunset right now. its all good as long as your here.

 

Yesterday, after 4 days away, I posted a long "I miss you, can't live without you" message on missed connections on craigslist. we met through there and during the numerous breakups before, one or the other always posted a message on there and we got back together. yesterday, for the first time, my posting went unanswered by her. maybe that's a good thing, maybe now is not the time to speak. In the midst of my angry, scathing e-mails last week she did text me saying "I won't want to get back together now or at any point in the future." that's when I wrote one last angry e-mail causing her mom to warn me to back off, so I have.

 

you wont need me or anyone else to tell you how bad trying to make unrequited contact makes you feel so learn that lesson and dont make it again. NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER from now on, until you are at least some way down the healing road.

 

Your all over the place at the moment, with hormones bumping into each other right, left and centre. PUT IT DOWN. Give your head some room to think of other thoughts or your going to end up with a headache! and give your heart some time to cool off.

 

I don't know why I still want her back though. As happy as I am in some ways, I am so unhappy without her and miss her so much.

 

we all want what we cant have..its normal. and everyone knows absense make the heart grow fonder. We forget the bad and keep recalling the good, which is why you need to write the bad down and stick it to the fridge so you cant forget!

 

I don't think I protected my boundaries, I don't think I was "man" enough for her. I've been struggling with money this year, and with a bad job, and as much as she said she will help me, most of the time she called me a loser and mostly called me names for not working hard enough, for being a bad person and a failure in life and that I should try harder to get a new job. When I wanted sympathy, I was called a whimp and that I should do this myself. Being a sensitive person, I always take that kind of talk so hard and personally. That's where the fighting intensified, as I continued to struggle, I think she lost respect for me. That's where I think our relationship went sour. We kept talking about taking a break to fix ourselves, but never quite got to doing it. In some ways, I wish I had insisted we take a break, in some ways maybe it wouldn't have made any difference.

 

Society is hard on males. I feel so much for my son. He's only a teenager but already his g/f's expect him to pay for dates and take them out. Hes at college and has a Saturday job so if it wasn't for me subsidising him he wouldnt have a social life!

 

Unfortunately its a fact of life, females are looking for that quality in a man that tells her he will be able to take care of business and protect her and any offspring from the hurly burly of life, from a practical and financial sense. By practical I mean being able to at least perform some DIY such as putting up a shelf or whatever and the financial is obvious, he needs to be able to pay the bills if shes bringing up the babies.

 

Society is changing yes, but subliminaly these things still hold true because no matter what an individuals opinion on these matters is, the reality is that the womans earning ability is severly inhibited while shes producing and nurturing a baby.

 

I just struggle with this so much, I tried to open up to her, to be honest about my finances and my situation, alot of it from my own carelessness and creation, and it seemed to drive her away. The one thing that she wanted from me, honesty, turned out to be my downfall.

 

what she probably meant was emotional honest about how you felt about her and the relationship. Honestly telling her you were skint and struggling probably made her feel like being with you was just hard work and she may have to financially carry you. I dont know, I wasnt there, didnt hear those conversations im only reading your words.

 

Dont focus on the past, focus on what you want to do differently in the future. If your really not happy with your job, why not use this time to try and find one you like? who knows, there may be a lovely girl working at your new place? ...

 

Maybe that's it right there? Maybe that's the sign that had she really been the right girl for me, she wouldn't have fought me when I needed her support the most. If only she saw threw everything to see how hurt I was inside, how much I suffered, maybe it would have been different.

 

Im not sure she's the girl for you, but its not my call. When you realise your own worth you'll be able to make that judgement rationally for yourself.

 

We did agree, before we broke up in early august, to meet with a list of pros and cons. I wrote a long list of cons, she read it, I was honest, and she just had no reaction. She barely said that it was nothing she hadn't heard before and she didn't care much. In fact, we got into a huge argument that night.

 

thats not surprising! if you wrote a long list of cons without much praise that wouldn't go down well with anyone! did she write a list of yours so you could learn what her issues were with you?

 

I don't know where I'm going with these thoughts, but writing helps. There is a part of me that wants her back, that still thinks in my heart that it will be right and ok. There is a part of me that regrets not being honest with her about my finances from the beginning (she did say that had she known about my debt, she wouldn't have bothered with me), and there is a part of me that wishes I never knew her, or had stayed away during the 20 other times I broke up with her.

 

these are all normal thoughts, and yes writing does help which is why the letter and list were suggested as good things to write. I think you know deep down that if your debt was such that you were concealing it that its an issue you must deal with now and get in check.

 

Forget the other 20 times and focus on this one. This one your going to handle differently and get through this.

 

I have a feeling I'll hear from her, despite her adamant opposition to the notion last week. Perhaps I shouldn't read into the fact that she didn't respond to my posting yesterday, which I did remove by day's end. Perhaps she isn't ready, perhaps I am not ready. I really don't think she'll find anyone better to her than I was. I tried so hard to be loving, to be there for her, to be encouraging as she lost weight and got in shape, to always be positive for her. I still can't believe she walked away into the arms of someone else.

 

Im glad you removed your listing.

 

dont worry or focus on the someone else. Theres no saying he is 'better' thats just your thoughts focusing on the negative. Focus on the positive.. maybe theres someone better for you?

 

The thought of her with someone else bothers me less than the other day, because I know whoever it is won't be me and that will be her loss.

 

focus on THAT thought!

 

all our thoughts go round in circles with the what ifs, and if if's were buts and and's were maybe's as my nana used to say we'd all know whats what!

 

 

I think it's because I love her so much, I am so attracted to her (heavy or thin, I always said that to her), and still have this unrealistic fantasy that we will work out.

 

And that's why I suffer

 

I know x

 

its a normal part of the process. You havent quite accepted it yet thats why. Just keep on doing what your doing. Everything will work out in the end whether its with your ex or someone new.

 

DONT contact her. focus on you. work on you. work on getting a new job that you like, and learn to like yourself and get back your self confidence.

 

its taken a knock but thats to be expected.

 

Break ups are HARD, but your doing good.. stay focused...

 

were all with you!

 

love, Hope x

[MinziGirl]

The next time if she looks for you, look straight into her eyes & say to her that there shall be no more contact between the 2 of you. That stops any manipulation which she might be thinking of.

 

Don't feel bad. be glad that you have got rid of someone who was probably controlling your life & at the same time manipulating it. That is NO way to treat a boyfriend/girlfriend.

[Wotgorilla]

Thanks again, yes I am all over the place at the moment. I am pushing so hard to remind myself of the negative. I printed up all the nasty e-mails i wrote, although they were written in the heat of the moment (yes I am an Asia fan), they were honest, and sometimes I am my most honest and brutal with my feelings when I am at my most hurt and angry. There are times I regret sending her so many e-mails, there are times I should have maybe told her that we shouldn't have been friends and that we shouldn't have spoken. Perhaps that would have made a difference, but I just had to get out how I was feeling, and I had to get out how manipulated i felt that week, two weeks ago, where she suddenly dropped me as a lover but wanted the same friendship as if nothing had changed. She expected me to accept the fact that she would date, and as much as she told me, I knew she'd have a date within days. I am still not totally unconvinced that she did not cheat, and wanted to be friends to make herself feel better. I did catch her in a lie about plans, as I've mentioned. The photograph says it all. Again, I've been told I wasn't invited to plans before, which was fine, but why this time wwould she go out of her way to lie to me? I'm trying to maintain those thoughts in my head that she was dishonest, in a way that was much more cruel then lying about salary and positon. It strikes right at the heart.

 

I can tell you that i did bring a list of pros and cons that night we met for dinner. At the last minute she decided not to bring hers because it was "nothing I hadn't heard before." When I wanted to read her both lists I had written, all she cared about was the cons. What could I do? I let her read it.

 

You're right, I am only remembering the good. What i have such trouble with is focusing on me. I WAS unhappy. SHE did treat me like crap. SHE wasn't able to ever forgive, truly forgive what i had done, and everyday I was reminded about how much she had done and forgiven, when all it really was from my perspective was abuse and criticism. Every day I would say "can we please not fight?" or "Let's just have a nice day" and that would incense her more. I just wanted to have fun and move forward, why wasn't she ever able to do so?

 

I fight it, but all the time I can't get the thought out of my head that she thinks she's better off starting with someone new than dealing with me anymore. That thought bothers me, that she is letting go. I know I should focus on my letting go, and moving on, but right now it is hard alot of the time. I never thought she'd give up on me, I never thought it would reach the point where she would be fed up, and she'd find someone better. If only she knew that no one will put with her and love like I will. It's like I WANT her to never be happy without me, to never find anyone like me, and to come running back. I can't help but compare to the 20 other break-ups (almost all my doing, I kept geting fed up myself with her treatment), where after a week, two weeks, a month, and 4 months (in 2006) she came back. I can't help but think that this time she is letting go for good, and that bothers me. I do feel rejected, I feel like I should have been more of a man, but I was just trying to avoid conflict and make her happy, all the time not knowing that she lost respect for me to the point where she fell out of love for me.

 

I know, I can think about this until the cows come home, but it goes over and over in my mind. I hope it stops soon, and if we were meant to be together, no amount of break-ups, no e-mails, no nasty messages of begging from me will stop what is meant to happen from happening. If she is my soulmate, it will work out. If she isn't, then I will let this go. I guess for now I do believe what she has been saying, that I really can't do any better than her, all the while saying to me that she can meet someone else in a heartbeat.

 

Either way, I don't regret sending those nasty e-mails. It had to be done, I had to get those feelings accross.

 

As far as finances, I can tell you that she would constantly bring up the idea of me moving in, so we could both save money, only to take it away (literally say it was 'off the table') because she couldn't trust me to keep a job and she didn't want to carry me. I wasn't about to get fired or anything, and even though I told her I would do whatever it took, one day she would want me to move in, the next she would say never mind. It got to the point where I didn't trust that it would ever happen, not to mention she basically wanted me to move in with a toothbrush and a pair of underwear, she hated how many movies and books I had and thought I should through them all out. A merge? I think not.

 

I would try all the time to tell her how I felt, how much I loved her (we'd e-mail each other 20 times a day and I'd almost always say it to her), yet everything we tried (talks, safe words, etc) would never stop her from attacking me all the time. If only she backed off and had fun, things would have been better! That was so frustrating....

 

For now, I won't contact her. I'm glad I deleted those messages, I can't decide if she read them or not, or just didn't look because it's too painful. I can't decide, it's just hard that for the first time, what I've tried so often hasn't worked, but maybe that's a sign that I have to do something else. I have to remember why I wasn't happy, why I wanted out, why there probably is better for me out there, and why I should peobably move on from this hardship. Yet I keep checking missed connections on CL, hoping for a emssage. It's so hard without her, it's hard to think that she is ok without me, you know?

 

It's just I don't want HER to do that. I want her to call me, I want her to want me back. I don't want her to be happy with the new guy I know in my heart she is with, I don't want her to fall head over heels for someone the way I fell for her, the way she always said she fell for me.....

[SuperDave71]

Wot,

 

 

Here is the way I see about killing yourself over this ex..

 

 

A.) Don't even think about it...she is not worth it

 

B.) I want you to imagine God asking you to sit in his movie theater ( Yes it has digital souuround sound..it's Heaven for Pete's sake). You can get all the refreshments, popcorn, candy and soda ya want. It's free.

 

God sits beside you and you watch your life up on the big screen. The Good, the bad, and the UGLY (Yeowch!...Um God would you mind covering yoru eyes on this part?)

 

When it's over...God asks the projectionist, "Hey, Now put on the OTHER reel..."

 

The other reel is the one the way your life WOULD have been like. Amazingly enough...it is 1000 times better than you ever thought it could be.

 

 

Shame you just didn't hold on a bit longer....

 

 

 

Someone get my duct tape.....I see an intervention coming on!!!

 

 

Oh yeah, and put on some coffee...it's going to be a long night.

 

 

 

Your friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[Wotgorilla]

I am trying so hard not to, but it is difficult. I just got back from my session, and he basically said i am torturing myself because I feel betrayed and not worthy because I was dumped and cheated on. He went on and on about the fact that is likely having great sex with the new guy, and is as infatuated with him as she was with me. He kept saying that, because i kept saying that I hope she never finds anyone as good to her as I was, or as good in bed as I was (which is what she always said to me, that I was her best ever). He said that she's probably saying to him what she used to say to me, and I have to accept that. I have to accept that she has moved on and that this is for real this time. That it really is over, and I have to accept the blame for always going back thinking it would be different, when it never changed. I am trying to accept that, and take care of me, he says I should wish her happiness, but I can't, I know I lied about finances, and my salary, but I never lied to her HEART. How could she claim to be honest and act like the martyr and lie to me WORSE than i ever did in the end? That's what hurts, I feel so hurt that after everything, after the 25 breakups and reconciliations, after all the kindness, after all she put me through, after everything, she drops me when the first guy comes along that strikes her fancy. And to lie that way, just when I needed her most! Who does that? He thinks I'm wrong to not want her to be happy, but i know in my HEART that no one will ever be as good to her as I was. My shrink did say that I should recognize that, even if she is happy with someone new, that it is just FOR NOW, and she is acting out her anger over me and her loss of respect for me. She has a pattern of this, she did this to her last two boyfriends, and when we were broken up for a month last year and for 4 months the year before that, she also ran to someone else, only to miss me and want me back. I am just having a hard time accepting that this time it is really truly over. I still think I will hear from her, I can't deny that there is a part of me that WANTS her to miss me, but my shrink thinks she will probably move on. He also thought I shouldn't have sent the e-mails and posted what I posted yesterday, as had I continued they could have charged me with harassment. So I will stay away, it's her loss, I have to know that. I have to believe that. I have to know she will never be the same without me, long term, and I have to know that I am so much better off without her. I just can't stay in that mindset for long. I want her back, and i want her to want me back. I want what has happened 1,000 times before to happen again, I guess. I have to just try to accept that I need to move on.

 

He also said that psychics are a scam and that i shouldn't believe a word they say. That made me feel worse, I guess false hope was better than nothing, and now I have no hope that she will come back.

[Wotgorilla]

I want to be like the last guy was, whom she lied to me about too. He lives in CA and they dated before she met me. They also fought like cats and dogs, and he sent her similar e-mails to what I sent her (she read his to me). I asked alot if they she ever heard from him, and she always said no. Finally a few weeks she told me that the year before, she had gotten in touch with him, an e-mail asking how he was doing, after 2 years of nothing. He replied that "it took a long time to get over you, and it was really hard, and now I'm happy and I don't want to ruin that by having you in my life."

 

I long for that feeling, I long for the day when I can say that to her. I think one day, maybe sooner than I think, I will have that chance. I will stay away, and really do my best to focus on myself. I'm going to treat myself to a live David Gilmour CD in bestbuy later, even though I shouldn't debt, this is a crisis situation. I'm goign to focus on making myself the best that I can be, because while I will learn from this and be better, she will never change.

 

A leopard can't change it's spots, and great sex or no, she's doomed to a lifetime of the same relationships, where it's always "them" and not "her." She even said during a recent argument: "All my ex boyfriends were the same as you, they were never able to be what I wanted them to be." Those were profound words.

 

I just have this fear that the new guy is perfect, is everything I wasn't, and that she is happy without me and saying "why did I waste all this time with him when I could have been with this new guy?"

 

I just need to know feel that likely that won't happen, people like that are never happy. It's her nature to always want the next thing, the better thing. She probably has more issues than I do.

 

I just fear I'm wrong, I don't want her to be happy.

[Wotgorilla]

She is going to her best friend's wedding this saturday, I was supposed to be there. I picture her there happy with the new guy, or happy, meeting new guys, and that hurts alot. Everyone commenting on how good she looks, how happy she is, and how she finally got rid of "that loser."

 

That hurts alot....

[Wotgorilla]

UPDATE:

 

So, today I am feeling better. Not perfect by any long shot, but better. I still think about too much, I still miss her, I still wonder if she misses me. I am still bothered at the thought of her with other men, but those thoughts are shifting to thoughts of that no matter who they are, they won't be me and that will be her loss for the rest of her life. I simply know for a fact that no one on this earth who will be as comforting, devoted, and loving to that monster like I was. People like me do not come along very often, and in her case, a leopard can't change it's spots, so her pattern will continue. Those bad feelings are fading though, day by day. For the most part, life without her is peaceful. I am thankful I got out of it, with my dignity (for the most part), and i am happy that no matter what, I won't have to deal with her and her abuse anymore. I am still hurt over being left the way I was, disposed of, but I know it wasn't my fault. I did the best i could, and i was way too good for her. One day she will realize that, and by that time, which will be sooner than she realizes, I will be long gone and happy with someone else. Every time the girl I am seeing now (who I have been honest with about what I am going through and she is understanding) calls, it's like a tonic for me. She is such a wonderful person, and such has such a wondeful, warm personality, I see her re-entry into my life as god's way of saying (and I am getting more spiritual as I get older) that I am going to be ok. I think he sent her to me to help me get out of the cycle of abuse I was in. I really do feel that. God is looking out for me, even though I lied about money to my ex, he knows, and I know, that deep down I have a good heart and rarely does someone like me come along. I know he is helping me and looking out for me, nothing else can explain why she has come back to me other than it's a sign from up above. Thanks to her, I had the strength to finally stand up to my ex, even though it was in the form of angry e-mails that could have led to harassment charges, I didn't believe that threat. I don't regret being so angry, so scathing, she needed to know I wasn't going to go away with my tail between my legs. My shrink has a years worth of angry e-mails that my ex sent to me bashing me at every turn and begging for my return when I would walk away, so let them try. I have friends and family that will support me, not the selfish brats she is surrounded with that look out for themselves and bash each other behind their backs. I am surrounding myself with positive thoughts, with positive people who love me for who I am, and I am more social than I have been in years. Not to mention I've lost 12 pounds in 2 weeks.

 

I am definitely not going anywhere, I will not end things for the sake of that monster. She is not worth it, and she will have won if I did. To think I'd open my veins for thay backstabbing, abusive, immature, insecure, lying, cheating, cold hearted person? I'd throw away my life for someone who has no regards for human life? I don't think so. To thnk I deleted my posts last March when she found me here and we got back together. To think she forced me to post a retraction. To think I fell for that. No way, I am on to bigger and better, to a happy, fulfilling life with a real woman, a real, true love that this ex certainly was.

 

Like I said, a leopard won't change it's spots overnight, and what has happened countless times before will happen again, because she does not think she can do any wrong. She does not see the error of her ways, and someone like that gets what they deserve.

 

As for me, the best revenge is to live my life. To be positive and to always send positive vibes out, and to try to be the best I can be. This tmie I will get over this, move on, and be happy, forge a real friendship with the girl I am seeing now or with someone else if it doesn't pan out that way. This time I will not settle, and as much as my ex claimed it to me, I was the one that settled. She will never find me again, I am already gone, and I wish her luck with the sleazy dudes likely to come her way, or be roped in by her lies and fantasies, only to run, as i have, when the real her emerges not long after. I alomst feel bad for those dudes, no one deserves to go through what I went through....

 

To everyone that helped me, thank you so much, I can't thank you enough, I can't promise I will be perfect, but I will do my best and more for anyone here as well!

 

This site is a godsend!

[lkonohalanbu]

That's great to see your mindset change, I'm glad that you were able to recognize that your life is not worth throwing away.

 

You made mistakes, she made mistakes but nobody deserves to be battered and broken. You've gone through so much pain, take that pain as experience to better yourself and know what to look out for! YOURSELF!

 

The new girl sounds great but I don't think it's a great idea to jump into another relationship, even if you are taking things slowly. It would be wiser to sort things out on your own and just speak to this girl on a friendly basis until your ready. You just got out of a nasty relationship, you never know where this one might lead, but could possibly not end up working out and you will end up going through two grieving processes.

 

Just proceed with caution and do what you think is right, don't feel it out, but think it out! Use your rationality to kill any emotional thought process you have, making a much more rational choice will lead you to more chances of rehabilitation and a successful relationship.

 

Good luck on your trials and NC, do not give into her temptations and if possible do keep tabs on her, the thoughts will drive you mad. Some people just consider their exes dead to deal with it, but for me, it's just simple, she doesn't want me, she doesn't care about what I do, so why should I care about her? Remember you are you and you cannot change other people, what love was there will be remembered, but you are on the right path to recovery if you look at the relationship with an outside perspective instead of being "clouded" or "jaded".

 

You may always love the girl or miss her presense, but it doesn't change the past and her actions, remember who she is and who you are. That will ultimately shed more light on your situation and who you really want to be with. Even if it means being alone for awhile.

[Wotgorilla]

Believe me, she is off my faecbook, and blocked from writing or even calling (gotta love at&t!), so I will not keep tabs on her anymore. She is a stranger to me now, someone I used to know but wish I hadn't. I will do my best to turn a negative into a positive, I am channeling this pain (which honestly is the worst pain in my life) into a positive thing for myself. I am being more social, meeting new people, and losing weight and getting back to the "me" I was before i met "her." It's a good feeling, each day is better!

 

Without a doubt, you are right. I am who I am, I know myself now more than I ever did, I see good qualities in myself from this experience (strength, charachter, honesty, and my powers of perception and ability to Love), and see her for who she is, once and for all. I am all the wiser, and I do not intend to become the person i was ever again.

 

As for the new girl, I am not rushing, we are not rushing, and I am taking my time and handling it intelligently, for once in my life!

 

And, of course, I will never lose myself again, that's for sure, no one is worth that!

 

You are very helpful and enlightening, I feel so much better! Just looking forward to the day when the pain ends, and the hurt ends, but I know it will be soon, because I am on my way!

 

And for anyone out there who is in a similar situation, write me, I have insight, believe me! No one deserves the hell I went through, no one!

[Wotgorilla]

Some people just consider their exes dead to deal with it, but for me, it's just simple, she doesn't want me, she doesn't care about what I do, so why should I care about her?

 

You may always love the girl or miss her presense, but it doesn't change the past and her actions, remember who she is and who you are. That will ultimately shed more light on your situation and who you really want to be with. Even if it means being alone for awhile.

 

You're absolutely right! She tried, and tried hard to bring me down, to make me think I was worthless, a loser, no good, and could do no better then her. Well, she lost! I am on to MUCH better and MUCH bigger and a brighter future now, and I feel like I am back to myself, more than I have in years.

 

She, nor anyone else like her (oh, perish the thought!) will never have that kind of hold on me again.

 

How's that for good kharma!

[lkonohalanbu]

You're absolutely right! She tried, and tried hard to bring me down, to make me think I was worthless, a loser, no good, and could do no better then her. Well, she lost! I am on to MUCH better and MUCH bigger and a brighter future now, and I feel like I am back to myself, more than I have in years.

 

She, nor anyone else like her (oh, perish the thought!) will never have that kind of hold on me again.

 

How's that for good kharma!

 

Don't lose focus, maintain your drive for one's own betterment and reap the rewards for you need to sow your own wild oats.

[Wotgorilla]

Don't lose focus, maintain your drive for one's own betterment and reap the rewards for you need to sow your own wild oats.

 

That's my goal, thanks for the encouragement!

 

This will finally be MY TIME!

[Wotgorilla]

Update:

 

I am doing better, I still miss her, but it's fading with each day. The thoughts in my head now are serenity, peace, lack of pressure, and that nagging feeling is gone aht I always have to answer to her. I no longer feel worthless, and am certain that I am better off without her. All sorts of thoughts plague my mind, but what I keep telling myself is, if someone can leave me the way my ex did, if someone can turn off their love like that, and be so cruel, than I didn't know that person at all. I am missing and longing for someone that didn't exist. It helps in a way, because I know I am missing a fantasy and not reality.

 

I can never love someone like that again, and since I never knew her, what's the point in missing what a stranger the whole time?

 

Interestingly enough, my ex posted lyrics to a song by missy higgins called "where I stood" yesterday on missed connections on craigs list. I have to break my addiction to that site, if I hadn't hear of craigslist, not only would I never have met my ex, and avoided this pain, but I would have avoided so many missed connections where she, in her words, "said what she had to say to get me back."

 

Here are the lyrics she posted:

I don't know what I've done

Or if I like what I've begun

But something told me to run

And honey you know me it's all or none

 

There were sounds in my head

LIttle voices whispering

That I should go and this should end

Oh and I found myself listening

 

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

 

See I thought love was black and white

That it was wrong or it was right

But you ain't leaving without a fight

And I think I am just as torn inside

 

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

 

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call

You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all

But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you

This is what I have to do

 

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you

All I know is that I should

And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you

All I know is that I should

'Cos she will love you more than I could

She who dares to stand where I stood

Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood

[Kahdeksan]

You are better off without her, you know this! She didn't make you happy, and if she did she'd make you pay for that happiness because of her borderline ways.

 

When I fantasize about my ex I keep telling myself that I wasn't happy with her and that she wasn't who she was with me. She is who she is now that was deceiving me, so I'd only be wasting my time.

 

Still letting her go is the best thing I've ever done! Considering how ill hearted she was toward me... Ah well, we'll stand strong from the parabola of experiences we've been subjected, buddy!

 

I'm so much happier without her now!

[Wotgorilla]

You are better off without her, you know this! She didn't make you happy, and if she did she'd make you pay for that happiness because of her borderline ways.

 

When I fantasize about my ex I keep telling myself that I wasn't happy with her and that she wasn't who she was with me. She is who she is now that was deceiving me, so I'd only be wasting my time.

 

Still letting her go is the best thing I've ever done! Considering how ill hearted she was toward me... Ah well, we'll stand strong from the parabola of experiences we've been subjected, buddy!

 

I'm so much happier without her now!

 

I am too, and feel so much healthier without all that toxicity, you know?

 

I am letting go too, because, again, I never knew her, never at all. To cheat and leave like that, she was a total stranger, not the "saint" she always made herself out to be. As selfish and cold hearted as it gets....

 

What do you mean "borderline ways?"

[Kahdeksan]

I am too, and feel so much healthier without all that toxicity, you know?

 

I am letting go too, because, again, I never knew her, never at all. To cheat and leave like that, she was a total stranger, not the "saint" she always made herself out to be. As selfish and cold hearted as it gets....

 

What do you mean "borderline ways?"

 

She exhibits a Borderline Personality Disorder... here, read the link below!

 

link removed

 

That's your ex and mine...

[Wotgorilla]

She exhibits a Borderline Personality Disorder... here, read the link below!

 

link removed

 

That's your ex and mine...

 

Thanks for the article, reading it now, sounds like her alright!

 

Only thing is, she thought she was perfect too. All of our problems were MY FAULT, or MY CREATION, those were her favorite words always.

 

People like that get what they deserve, and she'll get hers....

[Kahdeksan]

Thanks for the article, reading it now, sounds like her alright!

 

Only thing is, she thought she was perfect too. All of our problems were MY FAULT, or MY CREATION, those were her favorite words always.

 

People like that get what they deserve, and she'll get hers....

 

Not a problem, mate!

 

The thing is, ex's like yours and mine will never get what's coming to them, perhaps one day when they look in the mirror and realize how old they look and can no longer get laid, they'll start to see their own ways... but that is a probability.

 

The sad truth however is that they WILL NEVER allow themselves to get hurt in a relationship, this is why they don't fall in love, or won't allow themselves to. Usually being stricken with issues and such they'll opt to go for a sorry sod and hence try to fix them to keep their mind off their own problems. So most of the times they will stick to bad guys... and start controlling them which gives her a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment not to mention it strays their mind from being occupied and focused on their own deep core issues. This is also why they are so cold and heartless, it's their survival and defense mechanism on averting pain and hurt.

 

The other thing they are doing is they've set themselves up for the perpetual search for love. Love is a fantasy to them that was nonexistent in their childhood years. So they do not know what love is as they were never shown love. Which explains why they prefer drama and negative projection as opposed to love. They don't know how to love!

[Wotgorilla]

I have to tell you, that article you sent me was something. It was almost like it was written for HER. Man is it spot on, I never knew, thanks so much!

 

see comments above mate!

[Wotgorilla]

The sad truth however is that they WILL NEVER allow themselves to get hurt in a relationship, this is why they don't fall in love, or won't allow themselves to. Usually being stricken with issues and such they'll opt to go for a sorry sod and hence try to fix them to keep their mind off their own problems. So most of the times they will stick to bad guys... and start controlling them which gives her a sense of satisfaction and accomplishment not to mention it strays their mind from being occupied and focused on their own deep core issues. This is also why they are so cold and heartless, it's their survival and defense mechanism on averting pain and hurt.

 

 

In my ex's case, anyone she dated always did everything wrong. She once said to me in a fight recently "you know, you're just like my other ex-boyfriends, they never did anything right, they never listened to what I wanted them to be. they were never willing to change for me."

 

How's that for a profound statement. Right, all different men, from all walks of life were always wrong, and she never was huh? As the old song goes:

 

"before you accuse me, take a look at yourself."

[Kahdeksan]

Haha, profound, alright. You had it worse than me, heh. Not that it's any consolation to me, but wow, yours is also a piece of work!!

 

About that article, yeah, it hits home on who we were dating all that time...

 

Anyways, I don't feel like talking about my ex any more than I have to... I might be giving off the impression that I hate women, which is absolutely not true.... I just don't want to associate with people like my ex, physically or emotionally.

 

I haven't spoken so much about her before but upon reflecting on what you've gone through with your ex I guess I had to let you know that you're not alone.

 

Let's not waste too much of our energy on them... time's too good and our life too precious to be wasting on them, heh.