How can a guy get over the fact that looks arent everything?

[Tears May Fall]

Now I know this is a common issue among guys, that guys all want the "perfect" female body, the hourglass figure, curves, tall long legs, nice hair, etc. The type of girl that turns heads and has all his friends in envy. But why, why is this sooooo important to men? I know men are much more visually turned on than women are, and I Know looks are important, but why do most of us men put SUCH an emphasis on it? And the question is, how do we learn to look past that thought?

 

Well I hear a lot of my older guy friends tell me that looks dont matter so much after a while, that as u get older u will learn to overlook that, and see that how well u click with the person and their personality will start to matter much more to you. Whether she will be the type of girl you can bring home to your parents, that you can see having a family with, thats smart, educated, hard working, goal oriented/ambitious, fun to be around, understanding and caring, and will work with you through hard times.

 

My issue has been that Ive had great girls in the past that are fun, sweet, loving and caring but because they weren't hot and weren't the type of girl that will turn heads walking by or be the center of attention at a club, I wouldn't unconditionally like/love them. I'll be physically attracted to them (and most of my friends would say they were pretty girls) but I didnt exactly think they were my "ideal" type and I would feel like i was settling, felt like I could do better and if the grass was greener on the other side.I would always be concerned that when I go out, I will be tempted by more attractive looking females or think to myself "why am I with that girl when I could be with that hottttt girl."

 

Althought i rarely gave into temptations, and I would end up staying with these girls I was with longer than I anticipated because I tried to suck up my pride, eventually the thoughts would overtake me and I would start treating these girls unfairly. Why do I constantly keep having thoughts like I can do better?

 

I want to learn how to break out of these thoughts, to learn to understand that looks aren't everything...but where do I start and how??

[redhearts]

Because maybe you can't or you never tried to.

[i_win]

I think there is some narcissism here and I'm as guilty as well. But, I also think it is a important to acknowledge that this is actually not any fault of theirs...it is a fault of yourself. You need to become more secure and more confident. I won't deny that looks and attractiveness are important. They absolutely are. But the only thing that matters at the end of the day is that that woman turns YOUR head. To hell with what anybody else says and don't let your narcissism make you miss out on a fantastic woman.

 

Even the hottest women on this planet won't be ideal or hot to every guy because we all like women, but that type might not be one that we think is the hottest on the planet.

 

I think you really need to get over it and become more secure in your choices and stop caring what others think.

 

And old men are right....partially. Looks are important, but they are nothing without someone that you are truly compatible with.

[Jelina]

I think the way to get past this is to realize that looks really aren't everything. And to realize that you will never be with the most prettiest girl in the world. There will always be someone better than you. And realize that people age, including yourself. You don't want to be with someone you thought was beautiful your whole relationship, and then when her beauty fades away, realize how ugly she really is inside.

[Batya33]

I've always been slim, never well endowed on top, and never had trouble getting dates. In the large city I live in I have seen that women who are overweight in general have a harder time than women who are not overweight but I don't see the "hourglass figure" or "perfection" as making any real difference in popularity with men.

[grymoire]

don't worry bro... females are the same.... in fact they are more shallow than men... they want a tall, handsome man that is rich and flashy and powerful

[Batya33]

don't worry bro... females are the same.... in fact they are more shallow than men... they want a tall, handsome man that is rich and flashy and powerful

 

Um, which females? Not me, for sure - I don't want flashy friends, either. Ick. And I prefer shorter men, always have. Not my mother - my dad isn't like that. Not most of my married/engaged/committed friends either.

[Gratsy]

Why are you asking these questions? The questions are about you so only YOU know the answer? The questions are ones I've had for a while.

 

The men on this forum put a lot of emphasis on looks and I've met many men who do the same. BUT when I look around in the real world, men aren't emphasizing looks. However, the number of dates you get sometimes correlates to how attractive you are. Fat women date less.

 

When it comes to attraction--- looks and all that-- its just weird. I mean, I've been very attracted to hot men, but only b/c they also had a hot personality to go with it. I've also been attracted to men that weren't conventionally attractive either. It doesn't boil down to looks for me in any way, and it doesn't always boil down to looks for men either. Just shallow men, which is the majority of men.

[annie24]

looks aren't everything, but you should be with a partner you are attracted to. otherwise, what's the point? regarding the head turning - is it that you like the ego rush of having acquired the most beautiful woman in the room? personally, i wouldn't want to date brad pitt, i'd be tired of women throwing themselves at him all day. see, even jennifer aniston, as beautiful and perfect body as she has, she couldn't even keep brad away from other women.

 

i think it's rather silly when i see guys who look like george castanza from seinfeld thinking that women like heidi klum are their due in life.

[D_Lish]

BUT when I look around in the real world, men aren't emphasizing looks.

 

True...

 

Where I live, it's hard to tell the men and women apart, for the women look like men...

They don't seem to have any trouble in attracting men however. Maybe UK men are easily pleased

 

Relationships are not formed, on looks alone....

 

I see many a good looking guy, but if his personality aint up to scratch, it's not gonna work, regardless of the fact he might look like Brad Pitt...

 

One of my exe's used to say 'if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife'.....

And he went on to marry a woman who wasn't a great lot to look at.....LOL

 

I figure the OP has never yet experienced what it is like to be 'truly' in love. For if he had, he wouldn't care less what his friends had to say about his gf....and he wouldn't be merely dumping a woman, because her looks were not up to scratch according to his friends

[i_win]

 

I figure the OP has never yet experienced what it is like to be 'truly' in love. For if he had, he wouldn't care less what his friends had to say about his gf....and he wouldn't be merely dumping a woman, because her looks were not up to scratch according to his friends

 

Heh, I think you are absolutely right. When I was in love for the first time. I had a friend who met her when we first started dating and he tried to make me feel better after we broke up by saying "well, she was pretty big when you guys first started dating." I didn't understand at all, and asked him what he was talking about. So I went through some old pictures and sure enough she started out pretty big when we first were together...and I had no freakin clue or care cause I was in love so much.

[grymoire]

not trying to take a swipe at anyone but in this forum i frequently notice women emphasizing so much on personality... but then when i get into the real world i only encounter women that won't give a chance to an ordinary looking guy regardless of how great his personality may be... may be that's how things are in San Francisco... i don't know...

[Batya33]

not trying to take a swipe at anyone but in this forum i frequently notice women emphasizing so much on personality... but then when i get into the real world i only encounter women that won't give a chance to an ordinary looking guy regardless of how great his personality may be... may be that's how things are in San Francisco... i don't know...

 

Are you talking about your personality? Seems to me that if you give off the same negative vibes you often give off on this forum, that's likely to be a turn off - and far more of a turn off than your so-called "ordinary" looks ever could be. Negative vibes/mindset were the number one turn off for me when I was dating, especially if I was thinking of meeting someone through an on line site.

[Smyles]

OK. I just have one thing to say. Some women, whether they be tall with a great body and beautiful face; when they have their legs up in the air, panting, screaming, making a face as they\'re about to do a number two; they don\'t look any more prettier than your average Jane. Because women, we all look pretty much the same, on our backs.

[D_Lish]

Heh, I think you are absolutely right. When I was in love for the first time. I had a friend who met her when we first started dating and he tried to make me feel better after we broke up by saying "well, she was pretty big when you guys first started dating." I didn't understand at all, and asked him what he was talking about. So I went through some old pictures and sure enough she started out pretty big when we first were together...and I had no freakin clue or care cause I was in love so much.

 

Exactly...I mean love is blind and when we are in love, we are oblivious to everything and everybody, other than our partner and we sure as heck don't care what others think of our choice in partner. When I met my ex H, my mum would ask 'what do you see in him'? But I thought he was GREAT lol...and nothing nobody would have said, would have made me think otherwise.

[bijoux27]

I've always been more interested in people who aren't "perfect", who have flaws, just as I do. I find myself more attracted to them, on a romantic level.

 

I think you should try being in a relationship with a super hot girl, see how well that goes. If it goes well, then you can be happy with your hot girl. If it doesn't, then you might be able to get past looks. Seriously. Try it out.

[Batya33]

I know many people who are in love and love their partners and notice their looks, notice when they gain a lot of weight, when they look especially appealing, etc.

[i_win]

not trying to take a swipe at anyone but in this forum i frequently notice women emphasizing so much on personality... but then when i get into the real world i only encounter women that won't give a chance to an ordinary looking guy regardless of how great his personality may be... may be that's how things are in San Francisco... i don't know...

 

Could definitely be your environment. Could even be the TYPE of environments you go to. I remember I couldn't talk to very many women at my college because it was so greek oriented and I wasn't in the greek system. Talk about shallow. And I soon realized after talking to people that the vast majority of the people going to the bars I went to were all in the greek circle...people outside of the greek system only went occasionally and were mainly part of a circle of friends that went to house parties etc.

 

I got into a big city and went to a bunch of bars and got the same reactions from women. I then find out that most of them are graduates of the college I went to and were in the greek system and just an extention of the greek system! I started going to some different type of bars and noticed the women there were HOT but also a different crowd that I had been hanging around forever wondering why they were all so stuck up. And now I go to a bunch of places bars/resturants/parties/participate in clubs with a common hobby and have found that the hot women are easy to talk to and don't mind at all to have a conversation even if not interested romantically.

 

I also think that a lot of attractive women are so used to getting hit on by virtually all guys and that they aren't so much * * * * * y as just sick of getting the same treatment everywhere. If you had people coming up trying to talk to you all of the time it would get old after a while.

[Lowconfidence]

personally, i wouldn't want to date brad pitt, i'd be tired of women throwing themselves at him all day. see, even jennifer aniston, as beautiful and perfect body as she has, she couldn't even keep brad away from other women.

 

i think it's rather silly when i see guys who look like george castanza from seinfeld thinking that women like heidi klum are their due in life.

 

I actually don't blame Brad Pitt, but rather Jennifer Aniston.

 

Brad Pitt is treated like a god by so many women. He has a lot of CHOICES. women are constantly throwing themselves at him.

 

Jennifer knew what she was getting into when she had a relationship with him.

 

The majority of very good-looking guys cheat because they can.

[bijoux27]

I actually don't blame Brad Pitt, but rather Jennifer Aniston.

 

Brad Pitt is treated like a god by so many women. He has a lot of CHOICES. women are constantly throwing themselves at him.

 

Jennifer knew what she was getting into when she had a relationship with him.

 

The majority of very good-looking guys cheat because they can.

 

Are you saying it's Jennifer's fault that he left her?

[Lowconfidence]

Are you saying it's Jennifer's fault that he left her?

 

No I'm blaming Jennifer's choice in Brad Pitt. A guy like that is going to stray. I have no sympathy for her pain.

[Lowconfidence]

Just shallow men, which is the majority of men.

 

I take offense to that. It's like me saying that the majority of women are shallow, which is not true. Probably just only half the women.

[bijoux27]

No I'm blaming Jennifer's choice in Brad Pitt. A guy like that is going to stray. I have no sympathy for her pain.

 

Uh. So by default a hot person is going to cheat or stray? That's stupid logic.

[Lowconfidence]

Uh. So by default a hot person is going to cheat or stray? That's stupid logic.

 

If you are a hot looking guy it's most likely you will cheat unless you have a low sex drive.

 

If you are a HOT,RICH, FAMOUS guy it's a guarantee you will cheat!

[D_Lish]

If you are a hot looking guy it's most likely you will cheat unless you have a low sex drive.

 

If you are a HOT,RICH, FAMOUS guy it's a guarantee you will cheat!

 

Right then, so the moral of your story is...

 

'if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a hunky guy your husband'..... LOL