Stunned and Still Miss Her

[Indyjoe]

Hello,

 

I have posted part of my story on here before and the main part of it is 6 weeks ago the girlfriend and I broke up. I had all intentions of getting back with her once I processed feelings from my divorce that was final 10 months ago. Well in the meantime about 10 days ago I find out she is engaged to be married. That hit me like a ton of bricks. We go to the same church and she has been bring her fiancee to church. Well I guess I love her more than I thought and so I proposed to her last Tuesday and got no reply after she said she was going to pray about it. So I called her Saturday and she returned the ring on Sunday. She is now upset with the pastor that I proposed to her and he had nothing to do with that at all. I guess I know rationally that no one who makes a decision to get married in 6 weeks can be trusted but we shared so much in our 2 years and now all of a sudden she pretends we did not exist. The new guy she is dating is a trauma nurse so I wonder if it is only about the money here. I admit I still have feelings for her and I sort of regret our break up 6 weeks ago or should I? What does it say about her character? Should I regret our breakup 6 weeks ago that drove her into another mans arms? Or I wonder if they were involved long before that 6 weeks.

 

I am so confused, hurt and am mourning what we once had and it is now gone forever.

 

She is going to be moving 250 miles away to a new town with no network of friends and taking her 2 high school boys out of school and relocating them.

 

Thanks

[jettison]

Once your ex is engaged, all bets are off. All you can do is wish them well, feel sad for your loss, and work to move on 100%. Interfering at this point just isn't wise, and it's really going to mess with your ex's head if she still has feelings for you.

[Indyjoe]

But what gets me is that she moved on to engagement in only 6 weeks after we broke up? I dont get it.

[ImThatGirl]

I think your ex seems unwell.

 

I think it is a possibility that she knew this man for a long time.

 

Her decision to uproot her two teenage boys alone would say something about her if you ask me...

[tangi39]

Indy, if she has made up her mind to move on, you have to let her.

You may not like it, but that is what happens when you break up-

Indy, I do wonder if you DO love her considering that you are trying to find ways to bash her and her character and make assumptions of her cheating just because she's found another man.

If you wanted to break up and you did, why regret it ? Sometimes when you break up, it does end up being forever, not everyone is willing to give an EX a second chance. (Which is why I typically advise people to really think about what breaking up might mean before they do)

It really doesn't sound like she wants to.

It sounds like she wants a fresh start.

She was mad at your pastor most likely just for interferring in something that wasn't his place to interfere in.

All you can do is let her go and let the past be in the past.

[Indyjoe]

All I want is her to be happy. I am not interfering anymore and I never was. I am just honestly worried about her in this rash move. I would never do anything to hurt her. The pastor as a man of God and Jesus Christ is also concerned. That is what a church family does unlike the secular world which bases too many feelings upon what feels good only. A brother or sister in Christ truly cares.

[yankeefan74]

My ex has been married twice and divorced twice at 34. She has two children by two different fathers. She started seeing me as she was getting out of the second marriage, and we spent a lot of time getting to know one another until it became clear we were going to be in each other's lives "for a long time." That's when i met her children.

 

Well, we're broken up. She moved on to someone new about a week and a half after we broke up. It's been about 9 weeks, and she "has never been happier" (this is something EVERYONE hears from their ex when they jump into something after breaking up with you), and that this guy is "it" for her.

 

I love this woman as much as one person can love another, but if i look at it with no emotion, no objectivity, is this the kind of woman I should buy a house with, get married to, and plan my life with? I suppose it's possible she could have a stable, normal life...but is she really capable of everything that I want for myself? Two other guys before me went down that road with her, and she left them both. The second guy, she postponed the wedding twice...then put a deposit down on an apartment 9 months after she they were married because she was going to leave him.

 

Is that the kind of woman who will enjoy sitting out on the back deck with me 5 years after we're married, just grilling some steaks, having a drink, and talking? Was she really right for me? We had fun together no matter what we did. She's very pretty. She's got wonderful children.

 

But is it better to go through what i'm going through now, at 34....or would it be better to be 40 years old, going through a divorce, trying to separate our property as she ends yet another marriage?

 

Sometimes, perspective helps. Indy, if she moved on and is engaged after a month and a half...she's got problems. She probably did know this guy for a while, and it's possible she was messing around with him. Which just makes it worse.

[Indyjoe]

Thanks Yankeefan. Well put and Good advice.

[tangi39]

All I want is her to be happy. I am not interfering anymore and I never was. I am just honestly worried about her in this rash move. I would never do anything to hurt her. The pastor as a man of God and Jesus Christ is also concerned. That is what a church family does unlike the secular world which bases too many feelings upon what feels good only. A brother or sister in Christ truly cares.

 

It is good that you care and I'm sure your pastor cares as well.

But as much as we may love or care for someone, ultimately they must make decisions for themselves and what they judge to be in their best interest.

She might be happier/better off moving on and starting fresh. Maybe she has thought this out and decided this is the best path for her.

[Indyjoe]

Thought this out?? In six weeks?? Uhhh......dont think so Tangi. Such a major life change and so little time. Try again.