20 and getting worried

[scripter]

I know everyone is gonna say.. "You're still young, you have nothing to worry about". The thing is, I've heard this line since I was 13 and 7 years later, I still have close to zero experience with women. I'm really getting worried and I'm almost to the point of being a little depressed.

 

I do admit I'm on the shy side, but I have no trouble talking to women. As long as the setting is right, I'm usually not too afraid to go up and talk. I don't know what it is, but I just don't attract women. Maybe my inexperience is showing? Some people recommended to just simply talk to more women... which I have done and nothing ever comes of it. I usually never see this person ever again or if I do, it's just a simple "hi" from me or nothing at all.

 

This is so sad since I have zero female friends... This is what kills me the most. I have female acquaintances, but I never really hang out with any of them to really label them as true friends.

 

I'm at college so this should be easy, but I'm already a junior and I've gotten nowhere. I still live in the dorms(for convenience) and we just had some open door thing and I actually went to the female only wing to talk to them. So far I have not sensed any attraction from the females towards me I must have met well over 30 women and conversed for longer than 5-10 mins to most of them.

 

I'm really at a loss why I can't befriend females... It's like trying to run through a brick wall for me. ](*,) I don't see myself as ugly, but maybe girls do? I dress alright and am getting pretty built from working out so much.. I just don't get it...

 

The only thing keeping me from being depressed is the fact that I'm really busy with school work. If it wasn't for that I would probably be crying myself to sleep every night.

 

sorry just needed someplace to rant : \

[Raistlin]

scripter - Sorry to hear about your bad luck. I'm running through a dry spell as well.

 

What do you say to these girls/women when you approach them? Do you keep it casual, or try to turn it into an interview? Do you talk for the whole 5-10 mins, or let them do some talking?

 

What I'm finding recently is that by asking general questions (what do you study, etc) and letting them answer first, they essentially lay out their interest level. If they give a general answer but "open a door", ask another question. If she's interested, she'll probably talk for a minute or two then ask a question or two of her own.

 

Try to keep conversation balanced. Not too much about you, but not seeming to pry about her life either. She'll either want to talk to you or not, and it's not too hard to tell when a girl is genuinely interested in speaking with you or just talking to hear herself talk.

 

EDIT: Don't get worried. Get confident. You may not feel it, but acting confident in most/all situations (even when being shot down) makes it much easier for women (and people in general) to speak with you and open up to you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Okay, experience at 13, 14, 15 etc doesn't really count for a whole lot..those are not real adult relationships. At 18 you are an adult so basically it has only been two years for you. Relax...someone will come along..better to find quality than to run from one crappy woman to the next.

[annie24]

i think you need to hang out in coed clubs/associations where you can meet woman and befriend them naturally. you will already have something in common to talk about. like a chinese-american student association club, college democrats, college republicans, church youth group, co-ed volleyball team, sierra club.... etc... pick your interest and show up to these events and meetings, get to know women who have similar hobbies as you, i think a friendship will be more natural.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I agree with annie, you need to get yourself out into a regular meeting place, then once you start to see certain people often it will get easier to make conversation.

 

Its okay to be shy. Alot of girls like shy guys. In fact i much prefer a shy guy then to a guy who is overly out going. You can be shy but confident though. When talking to a girl how is your body language? Do you look her in the eye while shes talking? Do you smile and keep things light? Do you stand at the right distance? Those little things can really effect how a girl sees you.

 

Is there any way to get the girls acquaintances you know to become more like friends? Perhaps get a group together to do something - even just to go to the pub and ask a few that know each other along. Get to know them a bit better.

 

Im sure it has nothing to do with the way you look, maybe more just the way you come accross, alot is judged in that first moment.

 

But in the end as much as you hate hearing it you ARE still young and there will be plenty of chances in the future.

[Nurseman]

James Spader, in an interview, said that if you want to meet women, to spend lots of time with them (often late at night). Don't play football. Join the Drama Club.

[scripter]

Hmm usually I don't really try to think too hard on things to talk about. This is what my convo consisted of during the dorm social thingy...

 

me: Hey I'm

her: Hi, I'm

me: so are you a sophomore, junior?

her: freshman!

me: oh really? you don't look like a freshman at all. you're lucky to get into such a cool dorm. I've lived in other places and this is the best by far.

her: oh really? ...

me: cool room, did you buy this from

her: no, i got it at _____. haha.

 

etc etc

 

if they say stuff like "I study literature", I usually follow up and delve deeper and such.

 

I think my convos flow pretty well. Although I do ask most of the questions. I've seen other guys talk and the girls seem to reciprocate a lot more. I don't really know what the difference it is between me and the other guys.

 

I do however have a problem with talking in large groups. No matter male or female, I just somehow sit in the back like an idiot. I just have nothing to offer in the convo since most of the time the group talks about stuff I really have no interest in. I'm more of a 1 on 1 kind of guy.

 

 

 

hmm i noticed that I have a hard time looking into the eyes of anyone I'm talking to. I guess I need to change that. I'm pretty sure I need to smile more as well.. then again I probably smile a lot already. And yea I do stand a good distance away... not too far and not too close.

 

and with the acquaintances, I don't see any way of getting to know them better. I think it would be too out of the blue to ask them to do something with me... we usually don't have the same classes or anything and I usually never see them unless we cross paths.

 

The horrible thing is, the small group of friends I hang out with often do not usually have females around either so when I meet up with them I never meet their female friends... : \

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I say smiling is the way to a girls heart. No one seems more approachable then someone with a smile on their face ready to talk to you. It also makes you feel alot more interesting. But i guess the smile comes with the confidence.

 

Eye contact is pretty important too. Although i do know what you mean, its a bit awkward staring into someones eyes lol.

 

I can understand what you mean about the acquaintances and how out of the blue that would be. I guess all thats left is to keep talking to girls, and maybe as annie said join a club to do with something your interested in. That way you have something in common and its in a place where you can talk to the girls there.

[DaBladeRoden]

Just make sure to do it all before you graduate college, if you don't have anything by then, you're boned

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Sooo not true. Please don't listen to that. You don't need to think that theres an expiry date to getting places with girls. I assure you there isn't. Just think positively. You sound like a pretty nice guy. Nice guys never go out of date

 

Just make sure to do it all before you graduate college, if you don't have anything by then, you're boned

[DaBladeRoden]

Sooo not true. Please don't listen to that. You don't need to think that theres an expiry date to getting places with girls. I assure you there isn't. Just think positively. You sound like a pretty nice guy. Nice guys never go out of date

 

I do not lie, the amount of girls I encounter daily dropped like 98%.

Unless you count the internet.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I do not lie, the amount of girls I encounter daily dropped like 98%.

Unless you count the internet.

 

Yeah but the people you meet might be more intelligent. Besides you don't really want numbers, you want quality.

[MetallicAguy]

we just had some open door thing and I actually went to the female only wing to talk to them. So far I have not sensed any attraction from the females towards me :sad: I must have met well over 30 women and conversed for longer than 5-10 mins to most of them.

It's good that your trying, but I think you might be a bit desperate...that's probably what the women are picking up on.

 

I agree with the other posters, great point by the way, when talking make sure its not an interview, it should be relaxed and natural. Also, remember to be yourself.

 

I do not lie, the amount of girls I encounter daily dropped like 98%.

Unless you count the internet.

Well, perhaps you just live in a location where the community isn't that large, or the girl to guy ratio is pretty imbalanced, etc. I wouldn't say that its like that for everybody.

[ghost69]

Yeah but the people you meet might be more intelligent. Besides you don't really want numbers, you want quality.

 

the internet means you are more intelligent than other people and higher quality? interesting.