Opinions being selfish??

[wish4me]

My bf has a great relationship with his parents... I admire him in so many ways. But some things just concern me and often I feel just selfish for even worrying about them.

 

My bf has often made the remark of how worried he is about his Mom and Dad's financial wellbeing. They are in their mid '60's and have a second mortgage which will probably take until they pass by to pay off. He feels guilty that he can't help them as much as he could, even though he does not want to duldge or ask about their finances. He has always told me that they have always had to get loans all their lives just to get by. I on the other hand feel different, and often get the impression that they don't manage money too well. They have traded their vehicle in twice this year for a newer and more expensive model. They smoke heavily and spend alot on food.

 

Despite the fact that he is not the only child I feel he may be trying to take on full responsibilty.

 

We normally only get to see each other on the weekends. By Sunday he gently asks me what's the best time for him to leave to head home so that he can do chores around his own house. When we get to talk later in the evening he tells me that he stopped by his Mom, Dad to help them out with stuff. I just feel like he's trying to please all.

 

He's offered to do repairs at my house but I told him I'm not in any rush but would prefer if he made a start on his Mom,Dads basement that was damaged due to flooding. I don't think of myself as being fully selfish but I often wonder how difficult this is going to be if we decide to get married.

 

Lately I feel as though his Dad feels left out because he doesn't get to see him much during the week.

 

They are wonderful people but I do wonder that this will cause a problem in the long run

[Lana0120]

What problems do you foresee? That he'll spend money on them to help them with their finances even though they could improve the situation by helping themselves? That he'll increasingly be the one to take on the care of his parents as they get older and less capable of caring for themselves? He offered to fix something for you, before fixing something of his parents. He spends time with you, even knowing that his parents miss him. It sounds to me like he's a caring guy towards both YOU and his parents. Others might disagree, but I'm not seeing any major red flags here.

[Batya33]

Why should he fix things at your home? Can't you do it yourself or hire someone? Of course he helps his parents - they raised him and I bet they had a significant role in making him into the man you admire today. That's how I would think of it, anyway.