CoCo2009 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Last weekend me and my boyfriend hung out and we didnt' feel like going to the movies last Sunday so I told him we could go on Friday. He said Friday was fine..I asked him again if Friday was okay. He said yes. I left it at that. So I call him today and say we are going out today right and he says I can't because I promised my friend Leo that I would go to some bar promotion because he makes money off of guests. I just tell him fine and I hang up the phone and cry. I feel bad and I don't even want to ask if I can go because if he wanted me to go he would have asked. I told him I though we were going to the movies and he said " I thought we were going on the weekend" I was like whatever now he's going to pretend he thought it was for the weekend. I'm so upset right now. *shakes head* Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 I'm sorry hon. If I was there I would give you a big hug. I don't understand why you can't go along? Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 because he's a jerk, he probably doesn't want me to go because he is doing his friend a favor and is getting in free because he doesn't have any money. If I go I would have to pay and I don't have money so..or I'm just making up excuses for him. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 No matter how much we love them, for the most part men are morons and do not understand us at all. We feel everything and we are equipped with so many more emotions than they are, that they are just clueless at times. He may have assumed that you would go with him. My bf and I often run into this argument. He assumes that I will just go as we are a couple (which does make sense), but he never asks me or sometimes doesnt even tell me about it. So then I get pissed off that he's made plans without even asking me to go... and it just turns into an argument from there. We try not to do this anymore, as we really had problems miscommunicating at times. Maybe, you're assuming the worst, and he actually thought that you would go with him Friday and then you'd go to the movies on the weekend? Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 no I'm positive he wasn't planning on me going. He always makes it a point to ask me and he didn't he's just a jerk Link to comment
Catdancer Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 oh ok....sorry then..he's just a jerk! Link to comment
ryan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 How long have you two been dating? And is cancelling plans regular with him? If so you should contemplate a new boyfriend. You should stop not speaking your feelings only to later cry. How is he going to know this upsets you if you dont mention it? Link to comment
majord23 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 No matter how much we love them, for the most part men are morons and do not understand us at all. *Ahem* Women should come with an instruction manual....but then again, even if they did - 'us men' would refuse to read it Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 he knows I guess he just doesn't care. He doesn't usually cancel our plans. We just got back together like 4 weeks ago officially and we have been spending all of our weekends together and some weekdays but this time he just said oh we can spend the day time together but at night I promised my friend. I was like "what? You said we were going to the movies" and he said well I though we were going the weekend plus I don't have money and I will have money this weekend. blah blah blah Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 oh yeah we have been dating 5 years Link to comment
Catdancer Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 *Ahem* Women should come with an instruction manual....but then again, even if they did - 'us men' would refuse to read it See....you prove my point better than I ever could! Thanks!! Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 should I call him and tell him how I feel that its wrong that he cancelled my plans for someone else? Link to comment
riley123 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 for the most part men are morons and do not understand us at all. We feel everything and we are equipped with so many more emotions than they are, that they are just clueless at times. I find this type of remark is a careless generalization and personally offensive. OP: I agree with Ryan. It sounds like you are going out of your way to avoid any type of confrontation. Don't be afraid to say, "Wait, we made plans to see each other tonight" and go from there. There are two people in this relationship. But if he really is as you say, 'a jerk' then maybe you need to reevaluate the reasons why you're with him. There are a lot of nice guys out there who would want to spend time with you. Link to comment
ryan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 No matter how much we love them, for the most part men are morons and do not understand us at all. We feel everything and we are equipped with so many more emotions than they are, that they are just clueless at times. I resent that...Men have just as many emotions...Society conditions us to think its wrong to show emotions...thats the only difference. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 should I call him and tell him how I feel that its wrong that he cancelled my plans for someone else? Absolutely....honesty is the best policy hon. Call him out on it, and let us know how you make out. Link to comment
ryan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 should I call him and tell him how I feel that its wrong that he cancelled my plans for someone else? no...just next time speak your feelings. Link to comment
Catdancer Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 I find this type of remark is a careless generalization and personally offensive. I find emotionless, clueless men personally offensive as well. And for the most part, men have a hard time understanding women. And vice versa. Hence, threads like this start. If he were more sympathetic to her needs and more respectful of her, he would have either asked her to go, or asked if he could move their date without taking for granted that she would be ok with it. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 no...just next time speak your feelings. I think she should tell him now or this will just simmer under the surface... Link to comment
Catdancer Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 I think she should tell him now or this will just simmer under the surface... I agree...tell him. It would be prudent to prevent this type of miscommunication in the future. Link to comment
ryan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 I think she should tell him now or this will just simmer under the surface... true...i just know that if my girlfriend called me up hours after i'd think she had been stewing about it the whole time and is seriously mad that i cancelled plans(not that she wouldnt have a right to be) i mean mad enough to call me back... but having thought about it again i guess thats what needs to be done. Link to comment
ryan123 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 If he were more sympathetic to her needs and more respectful of her, he would have either asked her to go, or asked if he could move their date without taking for granted that she would be ok with it. How respectful would it be if he invited her(knowing he couldn't pay anything for her, which IS respectful when inviting someone out)? Not very respectful. I do agree he should have asked her if it was ok to move the date. But in his defense the dude had no money. Link to comment
Karmageddon Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 How respectful would it be if he invited her(knowing he couldn't pay anything for her, which IS respectful when inviting someone out)? Not very respectful. I do agree he should have asked her if it was ok to move the date. But in his defense the dude had no money. I will bet that if he didn't have any money to go, he probably knew it well ahead of date night. When that realization came over him, he needed to call her and fill her in. Instead of waiting til the day of. Who knows what would have happened if she hadn't called. Would she be sitting on the front porch waiting for him to come pick her up? Its a very rude thing to do to someone & I doubt he does it to his buddies. Link to comment
CoCo2009 Posted August 22, 2008 Author Share Posted August 22, 2008 I called him and told him how I felt. I told him that we had made plans today and he swears that he thought the plans were for the weekend and asked me if he could come and see me before he goes to meet up with his friends. He said that he didnt invite me because he is going as a favor to his friend and he doesn't have money (we have movie passes so thats why money wasn't needed for the date) I told him that I felt disrespected and he said "Im so sorry I never mean to hurt you or make you feel sad" He says to make a list of things I want him to do to make it up to me :stare: He says that when I asked him last week he forgot he promised his friend weeks ago he would go as a favor (it has something to do with promotion so he can get in free and get free drinks) He kept asking if he could come see me before and I told him no..I'm going to spend some time doing some things on my own. I guess I should just forgive him. He said he needs to get a calendar to remember things better. Link to comment
riley123 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Sounds pretty genuine to me. But good call on not going to see him before. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 See - misunderstandings DO happen. Don't you feel better? He doesn't sound like such a jerk now. I understand you're disappointed, but it honestly sounds like miscommunication. Aren't you glad you called? Link to comment
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