Stuck: Follow My Dream or Settle Down?

[Jabbe]

Hi everyone. I feel stuck at the moment. I'm trapped into a job that I don't want to work and married living with my parents after my wife got out of the military prematurely purposely.

 

It was her dream to travel and see the world but the price it came with was too much for her. I supported her decision in getting out because I didn't want her trapped into it. I told her things would be terrible if she did quit and they are worse.

 

Now, I have an opportunity to pursue a dream I've worked over 7yrs for, and have a huge opportunity to make sure we never have financial troubles as long as we live.

 

I'm signed to and have released on 3 different labels that fans of my genre would be extremely familiar with. My boss is offering me an opportunity to meet celebrities and legends along with becoming a superstar DJ. It would involve me moving away for a short period of time and sending money to my wife.

 

The only problem is that my wife is fighting me on this. I gave up my life just to be with her and she quit on me putting us into this situation. Here I am with a shot at my dream and she's afraid for me to take it. We don't really have much to lose. Succeed or fail the situation would be the same. We both will have to work a total of 4 jobs to survive.

 

I stood by her side and supported her short military career, but she won't support my aspirations in the music industry. I don't think this is fair to me and feel like this will decide whether marriage was a mistake or not if my own spouse doesn't believe in me.

 

I refuse to be one of those people who never takes a chance on their dream only to watch it slip away. I'm way too ambitious.

 

Final note: I have records that have sold out worldwide and respect from well known artists specific to my genre. (I'll be more specific in PM's). I know exactly what I am doing and am truly blessed to be where I am at the age of 22. This is not a pipe dream! It's reality!

 

What do you think? Would you take a shot at your dream if you know you could make it or settle and try to pay bills until you die?

 

Also, my wife gives me ZERO emotional support. She keeps drilling reality into me when I already know what we're facing. Honestly, she's not compassionate for me at all. She has no aspirations...

 

All comments welcomed. This is an urgent matter.

[FortunateOne]

Did your marriage produce kid(s)?

[Jabbe]

I have no kids. No plans for any. I just want to take this shot, so I can know once and for all where I stand after all my years of sacrifice and hard work.

[FortunateOne]

Then this is the moment in life in which you decide what's more important; marriage or dream. This is the primary reason young marriages fail since most humans don't discover their self identity until their late twenties. I'd suggest couples counseling to start and to go after what will bring you happiness; the love of your mate or your dream.

[blackandgold]

Don't let people with no dreams and aspirations for themselves hold you back. ur wife really is the way you describe her it sounds like she will never do anything but hold you back from doing what you want. if you've been given a talent and a passion in life never let anything hold you back from expirenceing everything that has to offer. Few people are lucky enough to be given a passion and a drive to follow a dream in their lives and even fewer have been given the chance to make that dream a reality. If becoming a dj or a musician is your dream go for it. But make sure the sacrifices you make are ones that you'll be able to live with for the rest of your life. Sometimes when you get a chance to do something you just have to drop everything to make it happen. I know I play soccer and my dream is to play professionally and go to the Olympics. I'm only 18 and there have already been so many things I've had to give up and there will be so many more things I will have to give up. Even though it's hard everytime I have to give up something I really want or love it's worth it everytime I make progress towards my ultimate goal. I'm getting close and I'm not going to let anything get in the way of it, not after everything I've put into it and it seems like you're in a similar situation.

[Jabbe]

Yes, it makes sense and is also something I have discovered. I can honestly say that if she isn't willing to support me when I did everything in my power and more to support here, then I'm in a one-sided marriage that I'll no longer wish to be part of. I had this dream before I met her, and she knows how ambitious I am.

 

The plan is for us to get an apartment and for her to take a 2nd job. I will get a job once I leave and pursue this while send money to her for expenses. It's the smartest way to do this rather than us packing up and moving far away together once again into the unknown.

 

I can't explain it. I just KNOW I can do this. There's nothing in the world that I'm good at besides this. It's more than a dream. It's who I am.

[Jabbe]

Don't let people with no dreams and aspirations for themselves hold you back. If you've been given a talent and a passion in life never let anything hold you back from expirenceing everythint that has to offer. Few people are lucky enough to be given a passion and a drive to follow a dream in their lives and even fewer have been given the chance to make that dream a reality. If becoming a dj or a musician is your dream go for it. But make sure the sacrifices you make are ones that you'll be able to live with for the rest of your life. Sometimes when you get a chance to do something you just have to drop everything to make it happen.

 

I completely agree. If she is not willing, then I know I will have to reconsider being with her. This is the only chance I get to live this life and I can't live it for someone else.

[nutbrownhare]

I faced this situation when I was in my twenties; I had to choose between my career as an artist and my relationship. I decided that if I dropped my work I would feel so resentful that the relationship would end anyway - so I chose my career.

 

He is now married to someone who's happy to do the housewife bit and have no ambitions. We are both better off for it.

[Jabbe]

I faced this situation when I was in my twenties; I had to choose between my career as an artist and my relationship. I decided that if I dropped my work I would feel so resentful that the relationship would end anyway - so I chose my career.

 

He is now married to someone who's happy to do the housewife bit and have no ambitions. We are both better off for it.

 

 

I feel the same. If I drop everything for her, I know will resent her for the rest of my life wondering what could have been if I never got married.

 

I love her to death, and am far from living in Fantasy Land. I'm mature enough to deal with everything that comes my way by considering her feelings AND having respect for myself in not letting her block me. I wouldn't do it to myself either.

 

This is our crossroad.

[schueysgirl]

Jabbe - it sounds like you have an immense opportunity in front of you, and taking it will benefit you and your wife further down the line. Life is all about investments, investing early on in life pays off later, so you have time when your older to settle down. I think if you dont take this opportunity then you will spend your whole life wondering "what if" and that potentially alone could destroy the relationship, let alone if you harbour any resentment.

 

I think you should go for it. If your wife really loves you, then surely she will support you? Have u discussed why exatly she doesnt want u to go for it? What are her reasons?

 

Is it because you'll be away a lot - was she not away during her milatary career?

Is it becayuse you will be around celebs potentially and very pretty women and models? Is she jealous?

 

Sit down and have another talk with her and make sure she knows how much you want this, for both of you, so your lives will be improved in the long run.

 

As we all know there are no quick fixes sadly.....

 

Good luck!! xxx

[Jabbe]

On a side note "this is our crossroad" would make a good topic for a song since your musically inclined. I love music myself and hope to someday do it professionally but admittedly I'm not overly good at it. But I practice as much as I can and my girlfriend supports me and encourages me. It makes the world of difference. Hate to be a downer but if she's double standardized you, I say get on the proverbial train and go live your dream.

 

It's tough but it isn't fair or right that she doesn't support you especially if you are actually established in the industry. Go for it, she tried her dream and bottomed out, now it's your turn. Spread those wings and fly.

 

Yea, its tough for sure. If she stayed in the military, I could've pursued this for months at a time easily while she was on deployment. The best chance was while she was there, but now here we are in the real world without "free rent."

 

That's the past and I'm doing my best not to stay hung up on it. The time is now, and I just have to go do it.

 

Thank you! I may write a poem about the whole thing.

[Jabbe]

Yea, if I don't do this, the marriage would fail for sure. Same if she keeps fighting me to turn down opportunities. I've turned down 3 already and told her the next one that comes, she's just gonna have to put up and make a sacrifice because I'd leave no matter what.

 

The main reason she is so down about this is because she wants to come with me, but given our financial situation, it's utterly IMPOSSIBLE. Yes, I was doomed to be stuck at home by myself while she was in the military there countless weeks and months of her being gone within the 1.5yr time span. It would be the same thing if I left. If I can survive, she can. She's a bit selfish.

 

She also has the strange fear that if I leave, I'll never come back which is ridiculous. Dealing with her, I would have things like credit on the line to worry about. My coming back is a guarantee.

 

I've been working so hard and giving up too much for too long. Like you say, it's an investment. I just have to do it.

[Caldus]

I think your post speaks for itself. You are a bird waiting to fly away from its cage, but you are feeling trapped because your mate does not want you to fly away. I have always believed that you should pursue your passion and dreams in life, even if it comes with some nasty consequences. Only you know how much your marriage means to you and only you know how much this opportunity means to you. It doesn't seem like you can have both, so it's a matter of choosing now. Although, I already feel like I know what you will choose.

[Jabbe]

Yes, it's very tough!

 

Good news! My wife told me today that she had a realization and see why I want this so much. I finally have her support!