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I let him hurt me again


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My best friend just told me, via email, that he no longer wants to be my friend; I feel crushed.


He and I have a history together, some of it being quite intimate, but we never had sex, that's how HE wanted it.


For months he played the 'come here, go away' game with me... said he just couldn't bring himself to have a realtionship with me... was a confirmed bachelor, only to get intimate with me all over again, then the excuses again.


In March, I asked him for the last time if his decision about 'us' was final and he said it was... so I told him that I was going to start talking to guys that showed an interet in me, because I DO want a realtionship with someone and he said he was OK with that.


Last week I told him about the guy that I had been seeing and now my friend is mad at me because this guy and I have been intimate... said he couldn't believe that I would hurt him like this... and says he no longer considers me his friend.


I feel crushed.... and pissed all at the same time. I feel like I'm in high school again.... why do guys act like that... he had his turn and turned me down... but yet I guess I'm not supposed to be with anyone else?

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You didn't play by HIS rules so he got upset and took his marbles and went home. You are so much better off without him. You are 45 and I assume he is around the same age...you don't need someone who behaves like a child who doesn't get his way. You have nothing to feel badly about. He had his chance, he said no...he doesn't own you and you are allowed to see whomever you want to see because he is not your boyfriend. As much as it hurts, see this as a blessing in disguise. You would never have been happy with a man like that as your partner.

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Women play the same game. There are lots of relationships out there that call themselves "friendships" but are really just a masquerade for "we don't have the balls to dive into this and make something real of it."


Does he like you too much? Does he like you too little? Is it him? Is it you? The only thing you'll know for sure is that it's going to be his loss once you're well beyond his reach. Sometimes though, it takes a little coaxing such as this before the other person starts to understand what he/she has in this person they care so much about, but don't know what to make of.


I've been on both sides if this fence. I've had someone I knew adored me and wanted a relationship with me, but I just couldn't see it at the time until it was too late. Similarly, I've had a woman give me the most absurd set of mixed signals in the history of mixed signals, written her off, fell for someone else, and then gotten though "Whoa is me, I can't believe I lost you. I want you now" email.


Love is fickle.

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i think its one of those cases where ... he doesn't want you (as in relationship) but he likes the idea of you pining over him.... and now that you are becoming increasingly closer with someone else... poor guy has a case of jealousy.


I would continue on with your life... he will get over it. ... don't worry - but i understand your hurt.


I personally think hes being VERY unfair to you ...and shouldn't play mind games with you-

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It sound like this guy is no good for you and your life at this moment. Its sort of like the kid throwing and his toys out the cot, and getting angry with you for playing with the toy he wasn't playing with. In my opinion you never know how many mroe tiems he will do this so just let it rest at that and find better people in your life and go forth with new stable friends and friendships.


Good luck



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