ImThatGirl Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I think with that attitude maybe change the date to "never"? I do think you have to offer to have dinner with her if she is hungry but you don't have to offer to pay if this is a first meet off the internet. I avoided having first meets on friday or saturday nights - too much pressure. This makes sense. If it's a "first meet" rather than a date, you shouldn't feel obligated to dinner. However, if you like the girl, then treating her to dinner shouldn't seem like such a big issue. Stop the stereotyping that all girls just want a free meal! It's not going to help you to get to the second date. On my way out for the day. Good luck, CD! Have fun! Link to comment
kaoticbaby Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 Well how can a guy suggest dinner and get out of paying for it???? She will expect him to pay especially if he brings it up that's not true, at least not for me. i never assume the man is going to pay. it makes me feel a little embarrassed when he does, actually. and you weren't talking about bringing it up youself, you were worried that she might. anywhere you go, even to a cafe, someone is going to have to pay. you can't avoid these situations forever because you think she is going to expect you to pay for her. on a tuesday night, she might be as hungry as any saturday night. i really don't know how you're going to get around these situations unless you ask her to go to a park or somewhere that's free. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 9, 2008 Author Share Posted August 9, 2008 This makes sense. If it's a "first meet" rather than a date, you shouldn't feel obligated to dinner. However, if you like the girl, then treating her to dinner shouldn't seem like such a big issue. Stop the stereotyping that all girls just want a free meal! It's not going to help you to get to the second date. On my way out for the day. Good luck, CD! Have fun! Still too risky even if I like the girl to pay for dinner. I would rather wait until date 2 like I been doing the past 6 months Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 9, 2008 Author Share Posted August 9, 2008 that's not true, at least not for me. i never assume the man is going to pay. it makes me feel a little embarrassed when he does, actually. and you weren't talking about bringing it up youself, you were worried that she might. anywhere you go, even to a cafe, someone is going to have to pay. you can't avoid these situations forever because you think she is going to expect you to pay for her. on a tuesday night, she might be as hungry as any saturday night. i really don't know how you're going to get around these situations unless you ask her to go to a park or somewhere that's free. I'm prepared to pay for the bill in the cafe which I expect to be around $7 to $11. But I am not prepared to pay for dinner. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I wrote that if she is hungry at dinner time when you are meeting then tell her to order whatever she likes. I don't think it's the best idea not to offer, but it sounds like you are prioritizing another $20-30 or so over making a generous impression and offering. Believe me, I get that that amount of money doesn't grow on trees, just observing what your evaluation reflects. If the issue is being taken advantage of for a free meal as opposed to your budget, then I would lose the negative attitude and offer. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 9, 2008 Author Share Posted August 9, 2008 I wrote that if she is hungry at dinner time when you are meeting then tell her to order whatever she likes. I don't think it's the best idea not to offer, but it sounds like you are prioritizing another $20-30 or so over making a generous impression and offering. Believe me, I get that that amount of money doesn't grow on trees, just observing what your evaluation reflects. If the issue is being taken advantage of for a free meal as opposed to your budget, then I would lose the negative attitude and offer. Well I still don;t know if I will be attracted to her so I maybe a little ahead of myself anyway. If she doesn't eat before she gets there then that's on her. I plan to eat after the date is over Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 If you continue to put all these restrictions on how the date MUST go for it to be successful, then you won't have another successful date. The point of a date is to get to know the person and that's it. It doesn't matter what time of the day it is, which day of the week, whether or not she's hungry...those aren't the important details. If you go in with such a negative attitude, it's going to affect the date and she won't be interested in a second. Maybe that's why your weekend dates don't go well, because you convince yourself that it's all bad. Getting a second date is not affected by minor things like the time of day or the day of the week...they happen when two people click and have a good time. If you are negative throughout the date, she won't want a second one. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 9, 2008 Author Share Posted August 9, 2008 Well she just called and cancelled the date and asked can it be moved to another day due to family stuff. So looks like this thread was created for nothing. Don't think I'm interested in meeting at all now Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 Because I don't like being cancelled on the same day as the date unless it's an emergency Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 What family stuff was going on exactly? Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 What family stuff was going on exactly? She called last night saying can we move it from 5pm to 8pm because she would be with her family. Today she called and said that she wouldn't be able to make it at all and that we have to chose another day. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I would have asked what was going on. It's hard to say how inconsiderate it is without knowing exactly why she wanted to be with her family. Was she apologetic at least? Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 I would have asked what was going on. It's hard to say how inconsiderate it is without knowing exactly why she wanted to be with her family. Was she apologetic at least? Well I didn't want to question her so after she called and said she couldn't make it I just said ok Link to comment
bulletproof Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Women in this city are known for trying to get a free meal. This is such b.s. You've taken a poll of women in the city and you know they're intentions are to get a free meal via internet dating? That's so insulting to women I don't even know where to start. I seriously think you need professional help. You really seem to distrust and dislike women, and that does not bode well for dating. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I'd give her another shot. You don't know the specific circumstances that led her to cancel. She could have a good reason to need to be with her family that she just didn't offer. Give her one more chance, if she flakes again then forget about her. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 This is such b.s. You've taken a poll of women in the city and you know they're intentions are to get a free meal via internet dating? That's so insulting to women I don't even know where to start. I seriously think you need professional help. You really seem to distrust and dislike women, and that does not bode well for dating. Only going by what I have experienced the last 10 years. Also back in June I OFFER A FREE MEAL to a girl and guess hwhat? She jumped at the chance and made no effort to call back. So I guess most women in this city is so stuck on EEATING for free like they have no food at home. Link to comment
lady00 Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Only going by what I have experienced the last 10 years. Also back in June I OFFER A FREE MEAL to a girl and guess hwhat? She jumped at the chance and made no effort to call back. So I guess most women in this city is so stuck on EEATING for free like they have no food at home. Sorry you've had experiences that made you think this way, but I refuse to believe that most women in your city (doesn't matter what city it is...I think it's pretty ridiculous to seriously contend that there is any city like this anywhere) are just after a free meal. I'm not buying it and I think your negative views on women in general will only make it harder for you to date. But, I guess you are so we'll just agree to disagree. Good luck. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 Sorry you've had experiences that made you think this way, but I refuse to believe that most women in your city (doesn't matter what city it is...I think it's pretty ridiculous to seriously contend that there is any city like this anywhere) are just after a free meal. I'm not buying it and I think your negative views on women in general will only make it harder for you to date. But, I guess you are so we'll just agree to disagree. Good luck. I have a female friend who says "she is looking for some guy to take her to dinner all the time" I haven't told her yet that I don't want to hear it because it's started to annoy me. Link to comment
kaoticbaby Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I have a female friend who says "she is looking for some guy to take her to dinner all the time" I haven't told her yet that I don't want to hear it because it's started to annoy me. so ONE female friend translates into every girl in town? nah-uh. some girls are like that, just like some guys are players. but not every one of us. definitely not any of my friends. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 so ONE female friend translates into every girl in town? nah-uh. some girls are like that, just like some guys are players. but not every one of us. definitely not any of my friends. I didn't say every girl but it does seem to be a lot of them who get excited at the idea of dinner Link to comment
jengh Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 you know, I try to NOT go on dates where the first one will involve a meal for this reason alone-guys thinking I'm just out there to get a free dinner. Apparently, my suspiscions haven't been too far off. realise we're not ALL looking for a free dinner! Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 you know, I try to NOT go on dates where the first one will involve a meal for this reason alone-guys thinking I'm just out there to get a free dinner. Apparently, my suspiscions haven't been too far off. realise we're not ALL looking for a free dinner! Some Guys only think that because of a female pretending to be INTERESTED so she can get dinner and then never returned his calls after the date. So that's why a guy may think a woman is looking for a free meal Link to comment
Batya33 Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I never liked having dinner with someone whose company I did not enjoy - that ruined the meal for me. I couldn't imagine doing it for the "free" meal - to me I paid the price in feeling uncomfortable and usually an upset stomach. If I knew I did not wan to see the guy again, I offered to pay my share. Link to comment
ConfusedDater Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 I never liked having dinner with someone whose company I did not enjoy - that ruined the meal for me. I couldn't imagine doing it for the "free" meal - to me I paid the price in feeling uncomfortable and usually an upset stomach. If I knew I did not wan to see the guy again, I offered to pay my share. That's how it should be-lol It';s a shame a lot of women here in Philly don't operate like that. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 I think a lot of those girls didn't return a call not because they just wanted a free meal, but because they just weren't interested. You have such a negative view of women in all of your posts, it leaves me wondering why you're trying to date them at all. Link to comment
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