y did he cheat on me??

[mrdsth.g8fan]

ok, so, im a new member, but i have been readin here for a while and i think i rlly need help, so here we go.

 

my bf, we've been together for 3 yrs. its all been gr8, but he recently has got distant. 2 good friendz of his have been hangin around. he date 1 yearz ago, but it didnt work. now ive found out that the other friend, the one i never thought was a threat, haz been tryin to steal him. he hasnt left me yet, but i went thru his txt messages and he had sex with her!

 

im at a loss. i luv him, but im ready to kick him to the curb if i need to. how to i tell him why and that i saw the txts without sounding pycho? and what if i don't want to get rid of him? i rlly do luv him. i just dont know now.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think all you have to tell him is that you know he had sex with the person. Given that you know a lot of people in common, you don't have to tell him how you know.

 

He most likely will get angry and try to lie his way out of it (it's what cheaters usually do). If he admits it and is genuinely regretful, you might be able to save the relationship, but you have to decide if you even want to, and whether you think this will be a pattern with him where he can't be faithful.

 

So I'd spend some time first deciding what you want from him, and if anything he can do would make you fell ok with knowing he did this. If you can never really get past it, then i would just tell him you are breaking up with him, and the reason is that he cheated.

[dont_know_what_2_say]

are you willing to forgive him for what he did?

be able to trust him again?

do you think that you will not be thinking of him having sex with another woman all the time?

if you say yes to any of this, then yeah you can go ahead and continue with the relationship.

While I agree it was wrong to check his cellphone, I also think what he did was more wrong. The fact that you even HAD to check, means you don't really trust him, and there's issues in the relationship, to begin with.

 

If it was me, I would let him know what I found on the cellphone, not caring what he thinks about me "being a psycho", and proceed to break up with him.

Because I value myself enough to know that I would not let a person have sex with others behind my back and continue the relationship like nothing happened.

He would be putting me at risk of STDs and so on.

 

if you decide to break up with him and tell him how you found out, Do NOT let him turn the tables around and make you feel guilty for checking the cellphone and you end up being the one asking for forgiveness.

[NewPhillyGuy]

Ah - this is always a tough one. If the text messages give you a strong indication that he was cheating, I would confront him about it.

 

What did they say?

 

See how he reacts to you calling him out. If he did cheat, there will be some dead-giveaways.

 

- He will deny it.

- He will get mad at you for looking at his phone.

- He will threaten to dump you, call you psycho, whatever.

- He will try to avoid the conversation - keeping quiet, hanging up, leaving, etc.

 

These are very typical signs when a person feels guilty and doesn't want to admit the behavior. Guilty ppl will do ANYTHING to avoid the conversation.

 

If he did not cheat, he would be heartbroken that you thought that and give you a very heart-felt reaction. You'll be able to tell the difference.

 

As for checking his texts, many different opinions on this. My own personal is that you probably checked them for a reason - you had very strong suspicions. I don't see anything wrong with it. I feel that people have the right to be informed, esp if you are in danger are getting hurt. I'm sure alot of people will reply and say it's disrespectul, blah, blah, but you know what, if he's cheating, he is DISRESPECTING YOU. Checking his text msgs is so minor compared to that. If checking the phone would save me months or years of heartbreak, you bet I would do it - in a heartbeat.

 

If you confirm that he did indeed cheat, I hope that you have the strength to kick him to the curb and move on. Do not take him back either. Take this from someone who took back a cheating fiancee - she just did it again a year later.

[skyblue1]

I would change my mobile phone number and move on if i was you. This is what i did when my ex cheated on me. Now looking back he wasn't the one for me. Now he is still trying to get back with me even tho its been 6 years since we broke up. I'm happy to say no thanks you missed your chance with me now you must live with it. Why bother giving him another try when he had SEX with another girl.

 

Time is a good healer and you will get over him in time. I know at this time you cannot see it but trust me - men like this are not worth your time.