GF's problem is we having no drama?

[thefustrateddude]

Background: Dating for 1.5 years, Long Distance after we moved cities for ~2 months... (plan to move to same city in December/January).

 

So the relationship is something i would imagine as perfect, almost no fights, everything go so well, etc. She grew up in another country, had super strict parents, she is very emotional and sensitive, and she had a crappy last relationship was kept hidden from everyone, long distance and 3 years, and the ex still doesn't leave her alone bugging here...

 

But all that changed. She came to America for college 4 years ago, met me 2 years ago, started dating for the last 1.5 and here we are. We have very rare fights, traveled so much many cross country, done so many things together, movies, music, cooking, we both get along with each others parents extremely well as well. Can I say our relationship was straight out of a novel, yes it was that good (at least in my mind).

 

For my side, I can't be happier. She just moved to a new place (we were living together before) in another city, she is having a hard time adjusting there as well as us being apart for this long for the first time for her grad school.

 

So then she says we have no common friends..., I am not good with her friends ect and she is scared of her future (what?) she rarely hangs out with my friends although I get along very fine with her friends. It's not that she doesn't get along with mine, she just refuses or reluctant stating they have nothing to talk about... and she says she is scared that 10 years from now we two will have nothing to talk about either??

 

So stating those, she said she wants some time to think so we are taking break from the relationship. Some of her friends contacted me and told me that she is going on a total emotional roller coaster, her ex has been communicating her sending poems (pretty much emotionally abusing trying to guilt trip her) yet she doesn't tell him to stop either (she would but then the guy would insist again).

 

To another friend of her, she said that we almost never fight and I am very easy going... and that's the problem? But also stated that she loves me and misses me alot. My gf also stated that she misses her past.. her innocent self (what?).. the old way she used to be (she used to not care about her appearance at all...)

 

 

 

What my conclusion is, because of her childhood strict parents and extremely sheltered, her emotional past relationship where the ex treated her pretty badly has molded her in to someone who craves the drama/problems/emotional abuse?

So I am guessing our problem is that we two have no drama/problems?

 

What am I to do exactly? I am completely at loss now.

 

I really don't think I can, given so much in to this relationship.. trust/time/love. At the same time is this a lost cause at this point?

[Excalibur]

If she likes drama - and you won't create it - she will and you'll endure it.

[DN]

Drama in a relationship is so tiring and after a while very tedious.

 

There are better ways to make a relationship interesting and even exciting.

 

I think it is time she learned to deal with the consequences of her action and for to call 'final curtain'.

[barbielovesmac]

Aah yes, no drama.

 

When there were no problems or drama going my EX would create problems on his own. I don't think he could stand for things to be good for too long. It was almost like clockwork with him. We'd be great for a couple months and then BAM! He'd come up with something.

 

Oh, drama.

[thefustrateddude]

Aah yes, no drama.

 

When there were no problems or drama going my EX would create problems on his own. I don't think he could stand for things to be good for too long. It was almost like clockwork with him. We'd be great for a couple months and then BAM! He'd come up with something.

 

Oh, drama.

 

Exactly my thoughts. How does one get rid of the ex factor.. first hand I know doing anything terribly bad to my gf's ex does not end well for anyone (it creates more drama which is the very thing I strive to avoid).

 

So I have two paths it seems

• Rough out this bumpy phase in our relationship, hope the ex disappears, and she does learn to live happily without drama, and the story ends happily
  
• Or give up, there is no hope left
  

 

 

As a side question

Is there something wrong with me wanting to live drama free. I just want tranquility. I want to enjoy life, not worry about it. I want to enjoy it now, as I have no worries of the future, my career is pretty much set for ever, I have no problems or psyco ex's or action's I regret having done. I have no debt to worry about. I am totally healthy and I am so grateful for that. This sucks.

[Excalibur]

IF she associate drama with "hapiness, love, and success" - you need that ex to stay in the picture - and it's her that is keeping that ex in the picture, trust me.

[thefustrateddude]

IF she associate drama with "hapiness, love, and success" - you need that ex to stay in the picture - and it's her that is keeping that ex in the picture, trust me.

 

Thanks, for both your comments here and the other thread. Really open up another opinion which I seem to fail to see through...

 

but having her ex in the picture for me is unacceptable, if he was a friend and only a friend I have no problem, but he is actively chasing her trying to win her back. I will catch her every month when he had called and tried to guilt trip on her.. she in tears.

 

Alright, this is the last stand, honestly I stayed back passively not doing anything about that guy passively, But I don't think I can take it anymore. Time to device a way to take him down. (or is this just a terrible idea?)

[Excalibur]

This seems pretty simple to me.....ask yourself if you were wanting to reconcile with an ex - and she refused to your calls, refused answer to your email or texts, if she refused all ladvances - how many times would you put yourself out there to get slapped with rejection?

 

Maybe 2-3 time, if you were seriously persistent. But most people don't go back that often for rejection.

 

So in the above scenario what would keep you in contact, in touch, in pursuit - it'd be your ex anwering your emails, taking your calls, responding to your texts, and keeping the lines of communication open about her "present life".....that'd be the message that would send you "possibilities exist we could reunite".

 

You're also over here assumine that this ex wants to reunite in a relationship format. It's very possible that all he wants is to get laid...and he's pursuing getting laid, she misinterprets his attention as "love", she responds to his advances with her assumptions of his devotion.....and so this is a guy who is investing very little time/energy in the scope of things - to get laid, if it happens. If not - he has the ego boost of her attention, enough said.

 

So the only reason this guy is in the picture - is she's encouraging his attention. If he were truly psychotic and dangerous, she wouldn't be flirting with disaster, nor hiding behind your trenchcoat - she'd be making sure that this guy didn't hav the ability to assault her in a dark alley at midnight. She'd be dealing with legal forces and entities to ensure her safety, if she thought he was "nuts".

 

She doesn't think he's nuts - she's delighted that he's so head over heels for her he will pay her any attention.....and since there's no telling whether he wnats reinstatement or instant gratification - it doens't matter.

 

the reason he's still pursuing whatever - is becuase she's encouraging his pursuit.

 

You really think you have a loving, healthy, positive, mature relationship with someone who's so inecure she needs 24/7 attention and ego boost from every source on the planet?

[thefustrateddude]

I don't think he is after getting laid but just wanting her back... the thing is the guy isn't dangerous, it's the total opposite. Drama loving guy too.. and very pathetic. Even I feel bad for that guy (just to show you how pathetic one can be), even called me and begged... yeah. So one of the reasons she left him is that.

 

The guy definitely isn't after sex or physical, as they didn't do anything while their relationship (it was mostly was secret from everyone else, and 95% of it was long distance).

 

 

 

This is a good point, now that I think about it, everything is fine until I am not there, so missing my attention as much has driven her in to over drive on the drama-coaster full speed ahead.. as I like to think of it.

[bijoux27]

Some people feel most alive when their relationship is sometimes Heaven, sometimes Hell. Maybe your gf is like that. Maybe she needs excitement, rather than drama (something positive instead of negative).