jengh Posted July 20, 2008 Share Posted July 20, 2008 I have a few of these started already but so what? New time in my life. Lately, I've just felt lost. It's a hard feeling to describe but I look around me and see my friends graduating college, living with significant others, getting married, having babies... It makes me really realise that I have to, at some point, join the real world and enter adulthood. I guess I feel kind of stuck. Jealous, too, really. I'm not saying I want to get married and have babies...definitely NOT... All I want is some sort of guidance, I guess. Something I can accomplish. Motivation is really the key and I seem to be seriously lacking it. I put on a pretty good front for those who don't really know me. From the outside, I look like I know what I want out of life, I look like I'm going to make something of my life. But, in all reality, I'm so scared and lost. I'm so tired of feeling like the world is moving forward and I'm left in the dust. Jackie just had her baby. I couldn't be happier for her. He's beautiful. Perfect. God it makes me feel old, though. Me, I just have my cat. I'm going to wind up being that crazy cat lady living alone with her 30 cats in a creepy old house that the neighbor kids are scared to walk past. I need to get my ass in gear. I think if I can do one thing (like get a job...hey, it's hard finding a job in Michigan!), it will push me to do another (try harder in school). I just need to take the steps to achieve that. It's such a small goal, really but you have to start somewhere. I need to get out of Michigan. I've been dreaming of having a condo on the Pacific ocean since I was 10. Back then, though, it was Daryl and I wanting to move to Malibu (we heard it was nice) and own one together. Now, I just want to get away. The Pacific still sounds pretty great. When that first snowfall comes, my world just comes crashing down and doesn't lift again until I'm certain there won't be more snow for a few more months. I need to get myself out of this slump. I finally got a job interview for Tuesday. We'll see how it goes, though I'm not optimistic. I'm very qualified for the position, but I've just been failing at EVERYTHING lately. Link to comment
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