Five Stages

[civilservant]

Firstly I denied you'd gone,

Thought that you had simply made a mistake and would return,

Denied my part in the mess we created,

Wondering if turning back would be easy.

 

Moving through the denial, came the anger,

I hated what you were,

Wrote bitter verse of the lesser person you are,

Told myself I wished you dead, that something would befall you,

 

Quickly I realized that it was my fault,

I planned and plotted, posing myself questions,

Would you come back if I changed? Became different?

But even in the bargaining I knew the truth,

 

Hardly it hit, but then was the depression.

I left my job, withdrew, took pills,

Longing to be near you and feel your touch again,

Hating myself for pushing you away,

 

Finally, after all this time, I accepted,

We were never meant to be, and it wasn't our fault,

Life has a funny way of throwing people together,

And as we move on separately I hope we find happiness,

 

These were my five stages,

Not nice but needed,

And from now on I'll remember you in fonder ways,

Carrying a torch for the very special person you are.