...John... Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 My name is John, and I'm new here. My story is long and full of problems. Me and my ex of nearly 2 years are no longer together. She decided we were through. A little of my back story is that I have many problems, mostly anger problems. These problems have improved over time but my love was a very sensitive person. I loved her so much and would do anything for her. We moved in together and we talked of marriage and a family and I knew I wanted to marry her. She was a great person, and I loved everything about her. Our problems were that I would get angry about things, not things she did, but angry about the different aspects of my life that were going sour. Work, education, leaving the Marine Corps... all these things and events triggered anger in me, and she would ask me how things are going and I would just explode on her. Then while I am already enraged she would turn to sarcasm and it would just make my anger worse. She tried to defend herself and I made it worse. Eventually it went from yelling to pushing, and then to hitting. We got into an bad argument and she pushed me into a wall so I shoved her back. I hit her a couple of times but I swore I never would do it again, which is exactly what I did, I never laid a finger on her again out of anger, but that didn't fix it, it just made me start to call her vial words when we would fight, and thats what she said hurt her the most. Don't get me wrong we were not always yelling and fighting there was plenty of good memories and laughing, I just had problems. Anyways events in her childhood made her a little more sensitive about certain things and also allowed her to put up a very nice, big, and very thick wall when it came to communication about her feelings. However, she was always there for me when I was in one of my moods. We always wanted to get married and have a family and I was always trying harder to cope with my anger but it just never worked out the way I planned. Eventually she grew tired of me, she found her comfort in other people, some friends from church and she stopped talking to me about herself. Then we got into a big fight, I asked her if she wanted me to stay with her or if it would be better for me to go back home to Texas, all she said was that she was still with me. The next day we got into a fight over the phone where she stated we would talk about it when i got home... i left work early to find out she wanted to break up with me. She said she couldn't take it anymore, she always felt hurt when we fought and she wasn't happy. She was very harsh and rude during the whole break up process, very distant. I tried to ask her why and all she said was because she had to. I love her very much, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss her so much. Sadly it took losing her to realize I had something special, but my issues got in the way of it all. I want so much to be with her. Oh the kicker... we were engaged, we were to marry in the fall, then after the break up, not more than 2 days later she is with another guy, and already wearing his dog tags, and planning a 3 day trip to go see him... It hurt me how easily she was just done with me and could just run to someone else so quickly. I love her so much and I know I can change I conscientiously make the decision to do better each day, its been about a month and I have changed the way I live and my outlook of life. I am planning my move back home, but I miss her more and more each day. I know I love her, and want her to be my wife, but I also know if thats not what she wants I can't force that on her. I only want her to be happy even if it is not with me, thats all she deserve is happiness. Before I leave I want to give her a letter that I wrote that explains all of this and I want to talk to her and tell her how I feel about everything including my new outlook on things. Some part of me just prays that we can get back together and have a family and live happily ever after, and some part of me realizes I lost the best thing I ever had. Anyways that is my story, I would love to hear from all you guys, especially if you see something I don't. Currently I am seeing the psychotherapists for my problems but I know I can fix things if I just tried and was more diligent. Well thank you all for reading this. Hope to hear from you all. Take care. John Link to comment
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