...John... Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 My name is John, and I'm new here. My story is long and full of problems. Me and my ex of nearly 2 years are no longer together. She decided we were through. A little of my back story is that I have many problems, mostly anger problems. These problems have improved over time but my love was a very sensitive person. I loved her so much and would do anything for her. We moved in together and we talked of marriage and a family and I knew I wanted to marry her. She was a great person, and I loved everything about her. Our problems were that I would get angry about things, not things she did, but angry about the different aspects of my life that were going sour. Work, education, leaving the Marine Corps... all these things and events triggered anger in me, and she would ask me how things are going and I would just explode on her. Then while I am already enraged she would turn to sarcasm and it would just make my anger worse. She tried to defend herself and I made it worse. Eventually it went from yelling to pushing, and then to hitting. We got into an bad argument and she pushed me into a wall so I shoved her back. I hit her a couple of times but I swore I never would do it again, which is exactly what I did, I never laid a finger on her again out of anger, but that didn't fix it, it just made me start to call her vial words when we would fight, and thats what she said hurt her the most. Don't get me wrong we were not always yelling and fighting there was plenty of good memories and laughing, I just had problems. Anyways events in her childhood made her a little more sensitive about certain things and also allowed her to put up a very nice, big, and very thick wall when it came to communication about her feelings. However, she was always there for me when I was in one of my moods. We always wanted to get married and have a family and I was always trying harder to cope with my anger but it just never worked out the way I planned. Eventually she grew tired of me, she found her comfort in other people, some friends from church and she stopped talking to me about herself. Then we got into a big fight, I asked her if she wanted me to stay with her or if it would be better for me to go back home to Texas, all she said was that she was still with me. The next day we got into a fight over the phone where she stated we would talk about it when i got home... i left work early to find out she wanted to break up with me. She said she couldn't take it anymore, she always felt hurt when we fought and she wasn't happy. She was very harsh and rude during the whole break up process, very distant. I tried to ask her why and all she said was because she had to. I love her very much, she was the best thing that ever happened to me. I miss her so much. Sadly it took losing her to realize I had something special, but my issues got in the way of it all. I want so much to be with her. Oh the kicker... we were engaged, we were to marry in the fall, then after the break up, not more than 2 days later she is with another guy, and already wearing his dog tags, and planning a 3 day trip to go see him... It hurt me how easily she was just done with me and could just run to someone else so quickly. I love her so much and I know I can change I conscientiously make the decision to do better each day, its been about a month and I have changed the way I live and my outlook of life. I am planning my move back home, but I miss her more and more each day. I know I love her, and want her to be my wife, but I also know if thats not what she wants I can't force that on her. I only want her to be happy even if it is not with me, thats all she deserve is happiness. Before I leave I want to give her a letter that I wrote that explains all of this and I want to talk to her and tell her how I feel about everything including my new outlook on things. Some part of me just prays that we can get back together and have a family and live happily ever after, and some part of me realizes I lost the best thing I ever had. Anyways that is my story, I would love to hear from all you guys, especially if you see something I don't. Currently I am seeing the psychotherapists for my problems but I know I can fix things if I just tried and was more diligent. Well thank you all for reading this. Hope to hear from you all. Take care. John Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 Hun, let go. This wasnt a healty or happy relationship. You dont hit a woman, or a man ever. You work on YOU first, you make yourself a decent, more calm person and if shes still around then maybe try meeting up for coffee. For now let it go. Link to comment
TonyC Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 I agree.... You have some things to work on for yourself... You should never hit anyone so, focus on your anger to ensure you never find yourself in that situation again. This isnt going to be easy but, to gain respect back from your ex even if it doesn't lead to what you ultimately want which is that person back then at least you can move on and change the way you behave and deal with things from today. Hope this helps Link to comment
...John... Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 I never meant to hurt her or hit her... it just would happen so fast, I would lost control and then it was to late... I know I need help, I know I need to fix myself. But I really did love her... I never meant to hurt her... I loved her so much, and I screwed up... I know I need to move on, but it is so hard to just not talk to her or see her. I know i'm a bad person and that I shouldn't be happy, but she made me happy... I miss her... this all sucks... Link to comment
Supa_gurl Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 I can hear the pain through your writing, and I am sorry for the loss of your love. In my most honest opinion she was speaking to the other fella long before she finally let you go. Just hearing that she was distant leading up to the break up, then to hear she was with him so shortly after letting you go. I am not saying she was cheating, but maybe she found the emotional support she wasn't getting from you, in him. You will heal, I think that you can write her a letter of your feelings. That will help you get some closure. And if you two were meant to be together, you will find your way back to one another. Good Luck, and God bless. Link to comment
...John... Posted July 4, 2008 Author Share Posted July 4, 2008 thank you everyone that commented, they all are helping... opening up my mind a little more... i am hoping that my letter may help answer some of the questions that are burning in my mind. thanks again. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted July 4, 2008 Share Posted July 4, 2008 I think it's a step forward that you admit you have a problem and feel so remorseful about it. Anger management is a good idea, but I'd stay away from your ex for a very long time until you've really worked on your issues. I am sorry you are hurting so badly, I sincerely hope you are able to feel better. I know you will. Link to comment
...John... Posted July 5, 2008 Author Share Posted July 5, 2008 well the letter didn't go over to well... we didn't fight or anything... she just read it and basically said ok... another guy was at the house and they were going to go out to eat... apparently the first guy didn't work out that well... so she is already on to guy #2... why does it have to hurt so bad though??? I don't understand why it is so painful... Link to comment
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