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I'm confused about his actions


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If anyone could provide some insight into my ex's behavior that would be lovely.


In short my boyfriend and I broke up after a year of dating, and its been a week so far. We had several small break-ups in between which he initiated, and I believe that it really is over this time. I really wish it wasn't, but I can't take the stress anymore of us always breaking up. It also is really damaging to my trust in him and I'm constantly on edge about us breaking up again. So I'm trying the NC method and being strong...IT IS SOOOOOO HARD!


Well two days after we broke up he sent me a text saying he was thinking of me and missed me...I didn't respond.


I few days later I went hiking with some friends, 2 of which happen to be friends with him. However, I have been friends with one of them longer. In no way am I trying to make him jealous. He actually used to get mad at me for never going hiking...so if anything I wanted him to find out that I went on an impressive hike and maybe he would realize his opinion of me was wrong.


Well about to days after that, which was friday night, he sent me a text message saying: "What you're just going to kick it with my homies?" I didn't answer. Then he accused me of wanting to get with those 2 guys who went on the hike with me, and sent me another text asking if I was already hooking up with my ex. This was followed by numerous calls to my phone. I didn't acknowledge any of it...I'm so proud of myself.


None of this junk is true. I'm trying to find confidence in being single, work on being independent, and enjoy my life. I would never be so petty to try to hook up with his friends or find a new relationship so quickly.


So yesterday, saturday, he called my phone repeatedly between 1 pm and 6pm. I didn't answer any of those either, which broke my heart because I miss him so much but I can't see anything good coming from me talking to him. My heart is still in a precarious position, and I'm worried he just wants to yell at me for nonsense.


Today, he hasn't called me. I wish he did, just so I could deny his calls again and have the satisfaction of knowing he's thinking of me.


Why is he behaving like this? It has barely been a week since we broke up. Should I talk to him if he calls again? Should I return his calls? Am I being mean?


I am so confused and I still love him very much. I just don't want to keep getting hurt by him anymore.

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Well are you certain that you want it to end? If you are, I would write a letter or email telling him why you think it's best to go no contact. Maybe mention to him that you can't take any more of the stress all this breaking up/getting back together is causing you. Get it all out without asking questions or giving him reason to think he has a chance. I know it sounds cold, but it might be whats best for both of you. If you aren't clear, it will only torment him and keep him wondering.

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I think it's fair to tell the ex you don't want contact instead of just disapearing. If you don't want to talk to him, tell him just that via email. You have to be clear. Otherwise it's just a game.


Given the way he has treated her I don't think she owes him anything. He continually breaks up with her and then calls her and makes accusations! This guy doesn't deserve an explanation as to why she is ignoring him...he should figure it out that after breaking up with her repeatedly and then hurling accusations when HE was the one who ended the relationship, is very offensive and is a power game. You do not have to respond to his power games. He is baiting you and wants a response...the best thing to do is to ignore it. If you call him and say anything it might get ugly...best to let it go and give complete space to yourself and to him. Maybe over time his head and his ego will simmer down. Right now it is his ego which can't stand the fact that you have not begged and pleaded for him back. Your silence had nothing to do with playing games...he is the one playing the game and your silence is the message that you are no longer engaging in his games...and that is why he is upset...he is losing control over you. Continue ignoring him. If he cares enough in a legitimate way, space will make him think. Right now it is the ego which is driving him, not love.

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