Another Woman Picked Up His Phone!

[SugarHoneyIcedTea]

Okay so here's the story :

 

My boyfriend's phone was giving him problems, he could not get it to charge, and it would not allow him to make any calls. He is on the road more than I, and so I decided he shouldn't be out without a phone it just wasn't safe, so I gave him mine. This assured me that when I needed to talk to him, I would be able to. Yesterday morning, me and my boyfriend got into an argument. He got mad, and hung up the phone on me, I really wanted to call back and give him a piece of my mind, but I held my tongue and just let it go because I didn't want to make matters worse. He was also at work, and I did not want to be of any distraction.

 

 

About 6 hours later, I called the phone 3 times in a row and got no answer. I figured, he was still heated about the argument and needed more time. About another 3 hours had passed when I decided, I needed to talk to him, I missed him. I called the phone and he ignored the call, I called back and it was as if someone picked up and then hung up, the third time I called it seemed as if he picked up the phone and just left it on mute. I got really mad and called back, a woman picked up the phone. I was furious, but decided I would just take the "good" route, and politely asked for my boyfriend, she asks "who's calling?" (remember, this was my cell phone the girl was using, she had the NERVE to ask me whos calling, MY PHONE and MY BOYFRIEND! it took alot not to snap). I could not believe, that he had another girl answer my phone, I laughed and hung up out of anger.

 

I paced around my house, trying to come up with some sort of excuse he could find to make all the anger built up in me go away. I couldn't come up with anything and I called back, and got no answer again. 15 minutes later, I called, and got him, sounding really tired. I asked him who it was and he said it was his bestfriends mom, who is like a mother to him. I had previously known relatively little about this lady, but enough to say she acted as if she was a child, or a teenager. It made sense, and in a way brought me some relief because when she had answered she did not sound in any way defensive as if she was "the other girl", but I was still angry she picked up his phone and I could not be sure that this was infact the truth.

 

I tried my best not to say anything disrespectful about his friends mother, but come on. She is a grown woman, with children to take care of. What gives her the right to answer my boyfriends phone, and have the audacity to ask whos calling?! His own mother would never do something like that, she is more mature. Now my boyfriend thinks that the way I feel is disrespectful, but he says he understands the way I feel. He says shes like his second mother and so it seems he is on her side. I have asked for advice from my sister but she is biased because of her bad expierience with men in the past, and she says "he looks good, he has a car..im sorry, you're not the only girl." I felt really bad that my own sister really had something like that to say but I guess I know where shes coming from. Out of the 5 people I asked for their opinion, only one told me to hear him out, the other 4 told me I was a fool to not drop him.

 

 

He has given me no reason to think he was a bad guy in the past and I do really trust him, but maybe I am blinded by love. I know I should take both sides into consideration, but he means alot to me and has always been good to me.

So now I ask all of you, do you think this was infact the "other woman" or, is his story believable?

[Overburdened]

You know the guy better than anyone here. You need to really watch him closely and use your better judgment. Still, he disrespected you and he's playing games, which should be enough.

My ex had the "other woman" call me and lie to me. I know how it feels.

[JadedStar]

He probably had her answer because you were calling incessantly. Sure it was your phone but you gave it to him to use. That doesn't mean you just call over and over. I know from past experiences with past relationships that when a person is angry the best thing is to give some space. Your calling repeatedly probably made him even more upset.

 

Let it go. And in the future try not to have such a short leash. Giving him the phone made it seem like you wanted to be able to keep tabs on him at any time. I know you will say that isn't true and it was to just be able to touch base, and maybe that is the case, but reading your post and how you repeatedly called it seemed like that phone was your tether to him and maybe he felt it too and handed her the phone at some point.

[SugarHoneyIcedTea]

You know the guy better than anyone here. You need to really watch him closely and use your better judgment. Still, he disrespected you and he's playing games, which should be enough.

My ex had the "other woman" call me and lie to me. I know how it feels.

 

Thanks for your reply.

 

I felt that she was the disrespectful one. She picked up his phone, and as if someone gave her the authority, asked who was calling! I just can't push myself to see this as the other woman, I don't know why! I have been hurt in the past, and I really never would imagine myself being one to try to come up with excuses for him. I just have a gut feeling he was being sincere. I am desperately trying to "step out of the box", but.. he just doesn't seem like the type, you know?

 

 

[Edit] JadedStar, you are very right. In any other circumstance, with anybody else I would not have been calling so much. However, in our relationship we are like that. If he calls me, and I should be picking up and I am not, he will repeatedly call until he gets me, so I do the same. It was a petty argument, to me, and he usually doesn't get mad for so long so I didn't see anything wrong with the amount of times I called. I was a bit worried aswell, it's not like him to stay mad for so long.

[JadedStar]

Thanks for your reply.

 

I felt that she was the disrespectful one. She picked up his phone, and as if someone gave her the authority, asked who was calling! I just can't push myself to see this as the other woman, I don't know why! I have been hurt in the past, and I really never would imagine myself being one to try to come up with excuses for him. I just have a gut feeling he was being sincere. I am desperately trying to "step out of the box", but.. he just doesn't seem like the type, you know?

]

 

HOw on earth would this woman know that it was your phone? Did it read "sugarhoneyicedtea's phone" accross the front of it? I think you are getting so upset at her audactiy as if she knew instinctively it was your phone. Your anger is misplaced on her. All she did was answer it and ask who was calling.

[SugarHoneyIcedTea]

Oh wait. No, no, no. Im not mad that she picked up MY phone, im mad that she picked up the phone(because it is kind of his now). Like seriously, who's phone is it? Not hers, not her sons. Who is she, to pick up his phone and ask whos calling, as if its any of her business? Not even his mother would answer his personal cell phone. Okay, she picked it up, I politely ask for him, and she questions who's calling. Why? Does it matter?

[JadedStar]

Oh wait. No, no, no. Im not mad that she picked up MY phone, im mad that she picked up the phone(because it is kind of his now). Like seriously, who's phone is it? Not hers, not her sons. Who is she, to pick up his phone and ask whos calling, as if its any of her business? Not even his mother would answer his personal cell phone. Okay, she picked it up, I politely ask for him, and she questions who's calling. Why? Does it matter?

 

he might have, in anger, handed it to her and said "will you answer this" since he himself was agitated.

[annie24]

i don't know - how old are you two? personally, i think it's being rather 'smothering' to decide that he needs a phone and to give him his. that's something his mother would do. he's a grown boy, he doesn't need your 'safety' and all that. he can call you from a pay phone or a phone in a hotel lobby or something if he wants to say hello. or, he can get a cheap 'pay as you go' phone in the meantime. if he wants to stay in touch with you, he will find a way.

 

secondly, many people usually ask, 'may i ask who is calling?' it's typical. especially if she's ever been a secretary or something, may just be a habit. and like jaded said, how would she even know if it's your phone?

 

i think it's rude for both of you to call non-stop until the other answers the phone. it's just rude and childish. i appreciate it when people leave a message, and then i call them back as soon as i can. unless someone is in the hospital or something, no reason to call over and over again.

[annie24]

Oh wait. No, no, no. Im not mad that she picked up MY phone, im mad that she picked up the phone(because it is kind of his now). Like seriously, who's phone is it? Not hers, not her sons. Who is she, to pick up his phone and ask whos calling, as if its any of her business? Not even his mother would answer his personal cell phone. Okay, she picked it up, I politely ask for him, and she questions who's calling. Why? Does it matter?

 

maybe she wanted all the ringing to stop!!!!! i sure would!

 

i used to work in this building and the people accross the hall didn't have an answering machine. the phone would ring and ring and ring, and people would call back so many times. finally, i just started walking accross the hall and answering it myself even though i didn't work there!!!!! i got so freaking annoyed, i was about to tear the phone out of the wall.

[SugarHoneyIcedTea]

annie24, being the caring & loving girlfriend I am I decided to give him my phone not neccesarily to be able to keep tabs on him. You say its smothering, but I did it out of thoughtfulness. I use my phone ALOT, and to give it up was a big step for me, but for him I would. He recently bought a car, and works about 2 hours away god forbid something happens to him and hes not able to get into contact with anybody because he didn't have a phone. I rather he works to pay off his car, his insurance, and help his mom paying the bills, not to spend on another phone.

 

Secondly, the lady has never been a secretary of any sort, secretaries to do not call back my friends who are calling the phone and tell them they "have nice voices", which the lady was doing but I didn't mention. She is simply immature and does not have the right to be doing that. If i called a house phone and she questioned me, it would be totally different.

 

Thirdly, you think its rude that we constantly call each other, and I guess you have the right to think whatever you want. He doesn't see it as rude, and neither do I.

 

I am turning 18 and he is 21.

 

[EDIT] That phone doesnt have an answering machine. Also, if she was getting annoyed with the ringing, she would have answered with more an annoyed attitude, she sounded quiet and friendly, in a way. Definetly not annoyed, or fed up with the ringing.

[FreeFalling]

I got really mad and called back, a woman picked up the phone. I was furious, but decided I would just take the "good" route, and politely asked for my boyfriend, she asks "who's calling?" (remember, this was my cell phone the girl was using, she had the NERVE to ask me whos calling, MY PHONE and MY BOYFRIEND! it took alot not to snap). I could not believe, that he had another girl answer my phone, I laughed and hung up out of anger.

I completely fail to see why you are angry at that woman...

As a matter of habit, I always ask whose calling - I think you are reading waaay to much into her actions.

 

So now I ask all of you, do you think this was infact the "other woman" or, is his story believable?

Only you know the rest of the relationship's history... I would say this though - I think it would have been a whole lot better if, when asked 'whose calling' you had answered "I'm X.... Y's Girlfriend" - theres a good chance that continuing a conversation with that woman would have answered your question without all this post-fact speculation.

[doyathink]

I can see your point. I wouldn't pick up someone else's phone....unless of course they were busy and asked me to grab it for them. But still, when the person asked for the phone ower...I would say just a sec, I'll get him. Not...who is this. It's none of her business who's calling him.

[SugarHoneyIcedTea]

FreeFalling, I got angry because.. well, natural instinct. I've heard too many horror stories. I'd like to think that if you have the habit of asking who's calling and you answer your friends' phones, girls for that matter, you take into consideration that her boyfriend may wonder why you are picking it up and not her. Especially if you do not know the boyfriend personally. However, I do believe I acted wrong when I hung up and I should have said I was the girlfriend, but I realized that after the fact ..

 

 

doyathink, thank you very much! I started to feel like I was totally wrong for feeling the way I did, at least someone agrees!

[doyathink]

FreeFalling, I got angry because.. well, natural instinct. I've heard too many horror stories. I'd like to think that if you have the habit of asking who's calling and you answer your friends' phones, girls for that matter, you take into consideration that her boyfriend may wonder why you are picking it up and not her. Especially if you do not know the boyfriend personally. However, I do believe I acted wrong when I hung up and I should have said I was the girlfriend, but I realized that after the fact ..

 

 

doyathink, thank you very much! I started to feel like I was totally wrong for feeling the way I did, at least someone agrees!

 

This is a forum, you'll get every response imaginable. lol

 

But like the name of this site, you're not alone. Someone will always see your POV.

[Overburdened]

Who cares if someone calls several times in a row? That's not the issue. I've seen a 29yr old blow up my friend's phone & she must have liked it cuz she let it vibrate all night knowing he wouldn't stop until she answered. She liked the suspense I guess. When I was pregnant and my man didn't answer the phone on V-day, I called him about 20 times because I was PISSED. He kept hanging up on me and I wanted to hurt him that night & at the end of the night, he answered drunk & he is like 40yrs old!! He's a POS! But there is a sense of urgency at times when the one you love is ignoring you and can't communicate right, so there may be no choice but to push redial until you get it out of your system and if we humans didn't have to deal with such immature co-humans, it would be a much better planet. After we realize that our significant other is playing trashy games, it's easy to give up and end it with a few last-effort phone calls. It has helped me get rid of the bastard....I called him until I was sick of hearing his voice and that was my way of "letting go." Ü

[annie24]

Who cares if someone calls several times in a row? That's not the issue. I've seen a 29yr old blow up my friend's phone & she must have liked it cuz she let it vibrate

 

maybe she was using it as her vibrator that way!!!

 

personally, i think it's rude behavior, i guess that's my perogative. any boyfriend that would call me over and over and over without being respectful of the fact that i may be sleeping, busy, working, etc.... well, he would not be my boyfriend for long. if a guy doesn't want to pick up my calls or return a message as soon as he could, well, he's not a guy i would want to be dating.

 

OP - why are you still pissed off? what are you going to do about it?

[Overburdened]

Hhaha. Yeah, it was moving accross the table and she just kept sliding it back over. We were at the bar having a few drinks and he couldn't handle it.

I know it's not right and it's childish. I'd call it being in an "unhealthy" relationship. For the ones attracted to the jerks, this kind of behavior of one's part at some point is almost guaranteed. If someone is impossible to deal with(such as my EX it's almost easy to sink to their level as the only way to communicate. But, it IS better to just ignore it and move on to BIGGER and better things.

[ghost69]

i don't answer other people's phones. but you should really calm down. he can't control everyone around his phone.

[tangi39]

I'd be mad at both of them.

 

It was disrespectful of her to answer the phone.

WHY would you answer someone else's cell ? That's just bizarre.

No matter how close of friends I was, or even my parents for that matter- I would NOT want anyone other than my husband answering my cell without my permission. That's really very rude.

 

And if in fact he gave her permission, she had no right to ask who was calling, she should have simply passed the phone over.

 

Not that I think anything's going on necessarily. But yes, I would find it VERY rude too.

[ghost69]

I'd be mad at both of them.

 

It was disrespectful of her to answer the phone.

WHY would you answer someone else's cell ? That's just bizarre.

No matter how close of friends I was, or even my parents for that matter- I would NOT want anyone other than my husband answering my cell without my permission. That's really very rude.

 

And if in fact he gave her permission, she had no right to ask who was calling, she should have simply passed the phone over.

 

Not that I think anything's going on necessarily. But yes, I would find it VERY rude too.

 

did i miss that somewhere? i didn't see where he gave her permission.

[JadedStar]

did i miss that somewhere? i didn't see where he gave her permission.

 

She said "if" in fact he gave her permission.

 

I cannot believe some people think it is a big deal to ask who is calling. If someone asked me to answer their phone my instincts would be to ask who is calling so that I can take a message to give back. Why would i answer a phone for someone and not find out the caller so that i can tell that person "so and so called".

 

I think it is ridiculous that some of you think it rude to say "whose calling". Jesus, when you answer a phone it is courteous to take a message and relay back to the phone owner.

 

As for the incessant calling, i think THAT is rude. Cell phones record missed calls and have voicemail. If and when he wanted to call back he would. Calling over and over just makes you look like a psycho g/f to the guy who is avoiding the call. I am not saying you ARE psycho I am saying that is the impression someone would get when they are upset and don't want to talk but someone is blowing up their phone every two minutes. Its rude and annoying. Calling more than once rarely increases your chances of getting an angry person to answer the phone but it does succeed in making them angrier.

[doyathink]

Someone woke up cranky.

[JadedStar]

Someone woke up cranky.

 

I've been up since 6am.

 

no, i just can't believe it would be considered rude to ask "whose calling"? I find that to be phone etiquette. what am i missing here?

[doyathink]

If it were a house phone, or a business phone, then yes...it's only polite to ask...who's calling, or take a message...but this is a personal cell phone. Chances are that the person calling would be someone in his personal network. Don't ya think?

 

It's your right to think it's 'phone etiquette', but not everyone is going to think that way. Just as much as you think my way of thinking is 'ridiculous', I can't for the life of me understand why you would think it's 'phone etiquette'.

[tangi39]

I did say "IF".

 

 

Jaded- The reason I think it's rude to ask who's calling-

It implies a certain amount of power & ownership- usually a person asking then has the power based on your response to either lie for the person and say they aren't there, or pass it on. Think a secretary deciding what calls to pass to her boss and which to let go.

I would not answer a friends' phone and ask who's calling(especially without permission) because I have no idea what their wishes would be- If they wanted to talk to them, ignore them, etc. Conversely, I'd pissed if a friend answered my phone and asked 'Who's calling?" - I would see it as a sign of disrespect that they presume to make judgements for me. It is, after all, MY phone, not theirs. I think her frustration comes from the fact that she was calling her own phone and then got screened- If I'm being honest, I'd be PO'ed if someone did that to me to. If I loaned my husband my phone, called it and asked to talk to him, I wouldn't expect a mere friend of his to ask 'Who's calling?" What gives them the right ?

That is why I find it disrespectful. You may disagree, and that's fine-

I was just trying to explain my P.O.V. to help you understand why someone would see it that way.