Is marriage in the future realistic??

[music lover 88]

I am an East Indian woman dating a Black man in south. We have been dating for about three months, and granted it hasn't been very long, it makes me happy and excited to think this could possibly be the man I marry one day. We are very much in love with each other, and talk about how things might be in the future as our relationship grows.

 

I've started getting really worried though. I knew from the beginning my family wouldn't be supportive, I've told my parents I'm dating an American guy, but they assume he's white. They're unhappy with anyone that is not Indian, but I don't think a black man even occurred to them. As I think about this, I know its going to be difficult for us to be together as far as acceptance from my family and the Indian community, but am I dreaming? Is this future beyond my grasp? I don't know any Indian women dating Black guys, let alone any that are married. Is there anyone here who has seen this? Has anyone seen Indian-Black children?

[Mythical_Suicide]

It will be harder in society but people will affect your relationship only as much as YOU allow it. If you're happy, that is all that matters. Get married, have children and live happily ever after. It isn't the end of the world.

[music lover 88]

Thanks Mythical Suicide, what you're saying makes sense, however my family is important to me, and my parents are part of that. If they won't support me, it IS going to affect me and my happiness, no matter how much I love my husband. I guess I am wondering if you or anyone else has seen a successful Indian and Black marriage? I'm not saying 'fairytale' like either, there are going to be obstacles regardless, it would just be nice to know that there have been others before me, who are happily married and possibly have children?

[Day_Walker]

Well since family is important to you I would say that the relationship wont end in marriage unless you have another support structure that is similar to your family. Odds are that if your family is that important to you and your family's opinion is a significant factor in your happiness then as long as they dont approve then either they will become accepting of your relationship or you will learn that your family's opinion really doesnt matter all that much.

[Honore]

I'm not sure about the US, but in the Caribbean, this is very common - particularly Trinidad, St Vincent, and Guyana. I've seen Indian women and Black men, and Indian men and Black women.

 

As far as being happily married goes, some were and some weren't - it's difficult to pinpoint why looking on from the outside.

 

What I have observed, however, is that the Indian parents are normally more resistant to these relationships than the Black parents due to religious/cultural differences, and the darker skin color of the Blacks, etc. However, being well educated, or professionally successful appears to be an equalizing or mitigating factor.

[just M.E.]

I would imagine your children would be beautiful.

[tangi39]

Why couldn't you have a successful marriage ? You are defined by who you are. Not by exterior appearance. Why do you need examples ? You could BE the example.

They should see him as the man who loves you. If your parents don't like it, who cares ? It's your life.

You're the one who'll be living with him and sharing your life, not them.

Of course, you will have to prepare yourself for a lot of external ignorance by some of the public. But you can overcome that.

Although I am caucasian as is my husband- My nuclear family, the one I come from, (My parents and siblings-grandparents, aunts, uncles)- We are a mulitcutural family, through adoptions and marriages.

All the time I have people come up and ask what's it like to have a *insert various ethnicity* person in your family ? I always say, What's it like to Not ?

I just see them as my family, as people, the people I love. And we love our different cultures and we celebrate them.

If you see your SO as the man you love- Nothing else matters.

That is what matters, Love.