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so, at the insistence of my sister (who met her current boyfriend this way), i joined an online dating site. i've already deleted my profile because i got waaaay too many messages and some of them started to get creepy--one guy, for instance, told me that i was so beautiful i'm now on his "rape on-sight list." so, yeah, i deleted it.


anyway, i did find one guy on there i'm pretty interested in. i originally contacted him--i didn't write him a message, but i requested a comparison of our personality questions. he then wrote me a message asking me what's up, and we talked back and forth for a while. then he asked for my screenname, so we started talking on instant messenger. we're friends on facebook now--so i'd say he has a pretty good idea of what i look like etc.


we talk every day online, and we've been getting along pretty well. we have very similar interests and senses of humor. he asked a few semi-flirty questions.


but he hasn't asked me out yet! not even for my phone number. we've been talking online everyday for an hour or so at a time while we're both at work. i've tried giving him hints, asking him what he's doing this weekend, talking about movies we both want to see. but nothing! now, this guy is really, really attractive. and i'm not downing myself, i think i'm a pretty girl but i'm worried he's not interested at all.


is it possible he continues to IM me if he's not at all interested, and why hasn't he--and how do i get him to--ask me to meet up in person?

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1.) Married

2.) Painfully shy

3.) Isn't who he says he is

4.) Live in parents basement

5.) Lives in prison


See my little rant about online dating here



oh and here as well:




Actually come to think of it, I think I mention it in every post I've ever made recently. You sound normal - where the heck were you? (lol)

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well, we're friends on facebook. and on his facebook page i can gather that he is, at the moment single--i see pictures from about a year ago of him and what looks like his girlfriend, but none of her from the recent months/year. he has a lot of friends, lots of wall posts from said friends. he has tons of pictures posted (like 200), so i can see that he is, in fact, a 22-year-old new yorker who likes to go out and be social. (ah, the wonders of facebook.)


i don't think that's the issue. i guess, then, that he must not be interested.


and i am employing real-life tactics, too. i have a date with a guy this weekend who is a friend of a friend i met a couple of weeks ago, but he's not really my type. he's fun, though, so i'll hang out with him alone at least once to see if there's anything there. there is another guy back home, as well (i moved to ny for the summer) who i've had a thing for for a while who i know likes me... we kissed the night before i left.


this online guy, though, is very, very attractive. and smart and driven and seems fun/funny. which is why i'm disappointed he hasn't asked me out.

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When I did on line dating - met about 100 men in person that way - after one or two emails I suggested we talk by phone because "I prefer talking to typing to see if it makes sense to meet in person" - if a phone number was not given, I moved on, period. 99% of the men I asked that question responded with a phone number. You are not asking him out and he is not asking you out - you are simply taking the next step in the ONLY point in communicating via an on line site - to move it from typing to meeting ASAP if you believe that you could have a nice conversation for about 30 minutes in a public place and if you don't see any red flags safety-wise such as material lies, sexual comments, etc.


He is not asking you out because he's never met you. If he met you and clicked with you he might then ask you out on a date. He is not asking to meet you because he probably likes having a chat buddy who is clearly interested in him - it's good for his ego and he doesn't have to do anything else. I avoided all those chat buddy types with my approach. and I never asked anyone out on a date - sometimes when we spoke I suggested that I would be open to meeting in person - but obviously it wasn't a date.

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