I think I'm obsessed

[sweetjg]

And this is a very hard realization and a very hard thing for me to accept.

 

My ex didn't really help things much because after being together for 4 years we never really had a clean break up. We kept being close the whole time. Last weekend I found him in bed with someone else, someone who has a bf and I don't think is planning on leaving him. He said nothing happened, and they just cuddled. To me it was a shock, it was horrible, and it took me a lot of time to try to come to terms with it.

 

Then this week we've been talking and decided to try and get along. I asked him if he wanted to come out with me last night, he said he was going out with friends and wasn't ready for me to interact with them. I asked if she was gonna come and he said no, but then smth happened today that made me think he's with her again. I called him, I needed a pretty urgent, advice and he never answered his phone even if I said it was important. Everybody tells me I'm naive and it's very heartbreaking.

 

I feel like I'm being lied to, and he always fights me and tells me very mean things for no reason, while he treats his new friend with benefits so much better than me even if nothing will come out of it.

 

I'm very heartbroken, I have been for the last 2 years. I feel that I'm obsessed, I always wanna see him, and even if he treats me so poorly, and pretty much spits on my feelings by sleeping with someone else, I cannot get out of the vicious cycle. It hurts so much. I really don't know how I can do this. Why I cannot break this horrible cycle

[DN]

I think the best thing for you to do is accept that the relationship is over and that even being friends is not a good option for you. Get past this as soon as you can and find someone else with whom you can have a good relationship.

[GoldenHillGuy]

I think many of us here are 'obsessed' with our exes. But its how you act on it that really matters. If you're still seeking him out and he treats you like crap everytime, you seriously need to ask yourself why. If you go NC, and be strong about it, you may still be 'obsessed' for a while, but those feelings will fade with time, and you'll start to value yourself more. Start NC now!!!

[itsallgrand]

You CAN break the cycle, and you don't even have to believe it right now to start to do it.

 

It's like a lot of things in life, sometimes you have to act first and have some faith and let the understanding unfold as you go through it.

 

I can 100% promise you that if you do break out, and put your heart into the process, you will not regret it.

 

You might however regret staying to get hurt more and more, and wondering why you won't get out of something that you know is not good for you.

 

I'm sorry to hear all you've been through lately. It's probably hard for you right now to believe that you can get out of this and actually have some good times while doing it, but it is possible.

 

The longer you stay, the harder it will be to get out. You have to start with cutting off the bond between him and you - No Contact.

Deal with the thinking and feeling while doing that.

 

You can do it.

[karvala]

Once again I find myself recommending the book "Obsessive Love" by Susan Forward. You may find a lot to identify in it, and what you need to do to get past this, but it's really up to you.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

The problem is that you are obviously still romantically interested in him, and he is not returning those feelings.

 

Perhaps this other woman is just a FWB situation, but it is really irrelevant to you because YOU are not in a relationship with him, and what he does with others is not your business.

 

If he is toying with you or you are also in a FWB situation and want more, there is nothing in this but heartache for you. You are far better off cutting contact with him and looking for someone who will love you and treat you with respect and be your boyfriend.

 

I think you are hoping for this to turn back around, and after 2 years, i'd feel safe in saying it is going nowhere for you, so better to drop him entirely and move on.

[sweetjg]

Wow ... punch in the face ... she broke up with her boyfriend, so now my ex is dating her. I'm hurting ... I don't even have anything to say more than I feel like a brick house just fell on top of my head.

[makeupgrl99]

Wow ... punch in the face ... she broke up with her boyfriend, so now my ex is dating her. I'm hurting ... I don't even have anything to say more than I feel like a brick house just fell on top of my head.

 

aww, I know EXACTLY how u feel. I'm going thru almost the same exact situation right now as well (I posted my problem too). It hurts sooo much, and I'm trying my hardest not to drive by my exes house to see if he is home or to text him.

[arcadefire]

Bestrongbehappy has good advice. Best thing to do is to let go of him and the memories of the past. It is too painful to recall and relive right now, and now that he has found someone else, he is moving on. Do anything you could to go NC and put away everything that reminds you of him. Not worth the heartbreak again.

[sweetjg]

So he came over after 1 hr of him telling me that he's with someone else now, cause he wanted to "talk to me about my problems". We ended up having a huge fight over the situation.

 

But according to him dating this person is what he wants, and apparently he's so angry with me there's no way he can see me for what I am and we will never be together. He always says the same thing and then gets miserable after 1 month and comes back, but apparently now it's different cause he feels smth for her (he felt smth for someone else in December and now he says it wasn't real, what a joke).

 

I do honestly believe that a relationship that starts like this is doomed. She broke up with her bf on Thursday (even if it is for my ex she is a cheater), he obviously still somehow is emotionally involved with me (we've been sleeping together up until 2 weeks ago and we have HUGE history, I was his first and biggest love) ... In the end I just ended up telling him that I can't take the humiliation anymore, that I will never accept him putting me in a lesser position than anyone else, that I really care about him, and wish him happiness, and gave him a long hug after which I said "I don't think I will see you in the next little while. bye", and then I closed the door, laid on my bed and balled my eyes out.

[starlight40]

I think love is a bit of a obsession, i think i was obsessed with the idea of being in love more than loving my ex x

[arcadefire]

I do honestly believe that a relationship that starts like this is doomed. She broke up with her bf on Thursday (even if it is for my ex she is a cheater), he obviously still somehow is emotionally involved with me (we've been sleeping together up until 2 weeks ago and we have HUGE history, I was his first and biggest love) ... In the end I just ended up telling him that I can't take the humiliation anymore, that I will never accept him putting me in a lesser position than anyone else, that I really care about him, and wish him happiness, and gave him a long hug after which I said "I don't think I will see you in the next little while. bye", and then I closed the door, laid on my bed and balled my eyes out.

 

I'm glad you came to this realization. Let him go. It's time for you to meet someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved.