4 guys at the same time?

[Gray Fox]

I can't sleep. I just got to get this of my chest. Hey it might not even work.

 

What kind of girl has sex with 4 guys at the same time? I mean seriously would you ever be with a girl with that kind of history? Is it even possible for her to change? She’s very attractive, maybe she just like guys wanting her?

 

Was out drinking tonight and I heard it from a friend. I actually believed him and somehow I knew that she was that type of girl or at least was.

 

To think that I was just about to enter into a relationship with this girl is just overwhelming. Her cousin (a good friend of mind) warned me that it wasn’t a good idea. He didn’t make his reasons clear but I totally understand now. You can call me a terrible person but it’s impossible for me to forgive and forget something like this.

 

I'm afraid I’ll say something to her in front of her cousins when we go out in a group. This I cannot allow.

 

Oh and it was extremely difficult not to use the four letter word in this post…..

[LanceVanceDance]

I think you owe it to her to bring it up with her.

 

People tell each other lots of rumours about "who did what" and "who said what". Some of them are true, some are false, a lot of times they are distorted.

 

I would hate for a girl to break up with me or decline to date me just because she heard something about me and did not even confront me about it to hear my version of the story.

[Russ]

I think you owe it to her to bring it up with her.

 

People tell each other lots of rumours about "who did what" and "who said what". Some of them are true, some are false, a lot of times they are distorted.

 

I would hate for a girl to break up with me or decline to date me just because she heard something about me and did not even confront me about it to hear my version of the story.

 

What he said. This isn't something to trust your gut instinct.

 

From past experience, many of my friends have been hurt by that sort of crap. The rumors spread about them were all too similar, and all too false.

[Gray Fox]

I'm usually quite the skeptic and I over think things by nature. I don’t understand why I believe him. I did ask him for proof and he said he will find out today. I want a few names before I confront her. If it’s true it would be useless to deny it when I call there names.

 

 

"I think you owe it to her to bring it up with her."

 

 

Yes I do owe it to her to bring it up and I can see her crying when i do.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

If you can see her crying when you do it then doesn't that show that she feels bad about what happened..

 

You shouldn't judge someone on what they have done in their past. As long as shes not looking for that in your relationship why should it matter?

 

We have all made mistakes in our lives.

[livinginsbi]

out of curiosity... she had sex with four guys, such as a four-some... or she had sex with four guys in a specific period of time... like a week or three days?

[mca1975]

I agree with Anotherbrokendoll, this is her business and in her past. How do you even know its true, people like to talk and speculate and usually get it wrong. You should def ask her before you write her off.

 

How long ago was it meant to be? So she experimented sexually once, you cant judge her on that I'm afraid, thats wrong. How do you know that she did do it, but has regretted it ever since???

 

I can understand you being perturbed by this and it would prob make me feel a bit "funny", but I really dont agree with judging people like that, its not fair.

[LanceVanceDance]

I can understand you being perturbed by this and it would prob make me feel a bit "funny", but I really dont agree with judging people like that, its not fair.

 

I still 100% stand by my comment above that he should confront her and get her version of the story before doing anything.

 

BUT

 

Just like it's anyone's right to experiment sexually, it is also the original poster's right to not want to date someone for whatever reason he chooses. It doesn't mean it's a judgment.

 

Example: I don't want to date a smoker. I don't judge people who smoke. But just like it's the other person's right to smoke if they want to, it is my right to not want a smoker.

[livinginsbi]

I still 100% stand by my comment above that he should confront her and get her version of the story before doing anything.

 

BUT

 

Just like it's anyone's right to experiment sexually, it is also the original poster's right to not want to date someone for whatever reason he chooses. It doesn't mean it's a judgment.

 

Example: I don't want to date a smoker. I don't judge people who smoke. But just like it's the other person's right to smoke if they want to, it is my right to not want a smoker.

 

But the smoking thing is a 'current' situation... would you date someone who used to smoke, but decided it's not how they want to live and no longer smoke? Would you not date her because she experimented with smoking?

 

That's the problem 'I' have with the OP. We certainly have the right to a certain standard, but the past is the past. A lot of people do things when they are young, that they wouldn't even consider as they mature.

[LanceVanceDance]

But the smoking thing is a 'current' situation... would you date someone who used to smoke, but decided it's not how they want to live and no longer smoke? Would you not date her because she experimented with smoking?

 

The smoking thing was not a very good example as it's not in the same ballpark as this, but to answer your question:

 

*I* would date a past smoker who doesn't smoke anymore.

 

But if for some reason, someone did not want to date a person who used to smoke, it is also their right. It is every person's right to use whichever standards they want to choose a partner. If other people find it unfair, then... why should you care? It's about you and about your relationship, not about them.

 

The bottom line when choosing a partner is that if you don't want to date them, whatever your reason is, then you have no obligation to date them.

 

And *I* probably would not date someone who has had sex with four guys at the same time in the past. Sure, it might be a mistake, maybe the person has changed, but... so what? There's plenty of fish in the sea, and many of them have never done that. So why stick with someone who has something about her that I feel uncomfortable about, when there are so many other women who don't? Just like it's your right to accept a person's past, it is also your right not to accept it. It's your choice.

[odile]

I do agree that you should bring it up with her.

I also find it pretty distasteful that these other people were talking about her, and suspect that she will find this uncomfortable, and that if she seems unsettled when you bring it up, that it will have as much to do with the fact that she is being gossiped about, as it does to do with whatever she may or may not have done.

 

That being said, yes, a lot of people do experiment in that fashion.

 

She may have done it, and regretted it later, or found that it was not something that she enjoyed. If that is the case, you may want to consider how long ago it was that this happened, and the context in which it happened. I mean, get the full story.

What you find will potentially give you insight as to her character.

 

If you find that she did do it, and that it was because she has low self esteem, or poor impulse control, then that may be a red flag of someone with some issues that may not have yet been resolved, and which could effect her ability to be in a relationship with you.

 

However, if she did it in sound mind, because she was experimenting, and found it not to be something that she enjoyed or would do again, then I do not think that it should impact her current and/or future involvements, because, well, it's the past.

 

Then again, if she really enjoys this sort of interaction, and would like to continue to be involved in that sort of non-monogamous "play", then it is up to you to decide whether that is something that you would be O.K. with. I wouldn't pass judgement on someone who enjoys this sort of thing, however, as it is not what I enjoy, I would not choose to be in a relationship with someone who seeks this sort of thing.

 

Only you will be able to determine what is right for you, and what it is that you would want and/or expect from a partner. And it is up to you to discuss this with her to find out whether or not she wants the same things that you do.

[Lucy__lou]

What kind of girl has sex with 4 guys at the same time?

 

Sex is fun, and different people find different things to be a turn on. Everyone has their turn ons. Some are more conventional than others. one girl and four guys is of the less conventional. Doesn't make it wrong.

 

I would consider it... actually, I am turned on by the idea of 3 guys and me... but 4 would be too much.... and FYI I have a healthy self esteem and self respect. I am also not promiscuous, (I haven't had sex in over a year, and don't do casual sex these days) although I was adventurous in my early twenties and don't regret it. It was all experience. Curiosity is how you learn what you like and what you don't like, and what you would do and wouldn't do in the future.

 

And I agreee with the above poster that it's disrespectful of people to be discussing her sexual history when it's none of their business. In fact, one of the main reasons I would be reluctant to pursue this fantasy myself is because of men's disrespectful (and double standard) attitudes towards women who are sexually adventurous. What's wrong with being promiscuos? It's just society which dictates that women are supposed to be sexually conservative.

 

But if you have issues with it, then ask her if it's true, ask her how she feels about it now, and let her know your stance on it. She has the right to know if you're gonna judge her for it.

[Jeremiah Johnson]

So she's a multi-tasker and maybe you're more the type of person that likes to focus on one thing at a time. But you ought to ask yourself why this sways in your thoughts. How does her past affect you? Whether or not she was with four guys doesn't affect your bank balance, your car's gas mileage, or whether or not you'll be stuck in traffic in the morning.

 

The only important question is whether or not your goals, objectives, passions, beliefs at present are compatible with each other. Dude, you should definitely ask her. I'd say something like, "Sooooooo... I heard you had sex with four guys at once. I'm curious if that's true and what your feelings on the matter are, past and present."

 

There's no reason not to have an honest discussion. Now, if she gets angry at your asking, then I'd consider that a red flag. You heard a rumour, you asked her about it, you did nothing wrong at all and if you're going to be in a relationship with someone, you should be able to be open and honest. So if she gets angry, then take a step back because that most likely means she has some unresolved issues with her past. But if she's cool talking with you about it, then don't sweat it.

[LanceVanceDance]

She has the right to know if you're gonna judge her for it.

 

Lots of people here talk about "judging".

 

Do you not think there is a difference between judging and simply saying "sorry, not my thing", i.e. spotting something that makes you not compatible?

 

I have many good female friends whom I trust and love (in a friendly way) yet who have personality traits that would make it impossible for us to ever be together. I don't judge them but they have something about them that would immediately make me say "no thanks" to a relationship, even though we really hit it off as friends.

 

I don't want to date a 70 year old woman, that doesn't mean I'm judging her for being old. See?

[Bunney]

out of curiosity... she had sex with four guys, such as a four-some... or she had sex with four guys in a specific period of time... like a week or three days?

 

Yeah I was wondering the same.

 

And all the guys here who say they wouldn't date a woman like that, well, get over your insecurities

[hockeyboy]

I started dating a girl my sr year of HS. People had told me she was very promiscuous. Turns out, she was a virgin. For the following 4 years, I was glad I didn't listen to what people said.

 

I've also heard the rumors that have been told about me....so I know better not to believe everything I hear.

[travwilbury]

But the smoking thing is a 'current' situation... would you date someone who used to smoke, but decided it's not how they want to live and no longer smoke? Would you not date her because she experimented with smoking?

 

That's the problem 'I' have with the OP. We certainly have the right to a certain standard, but the past is the past. A lot of people do things when they are young, that they wouldn't even consider as they mature.

 

 

I would not date someone who smoked 4 cigerattes at a time!!

[lonelygemini]

IA with Lucy Lou. I’ve done a few fun things in my day (not 4 guys tho, too much testosterone), but it was protected and I feel like I shouldn’t be judged for it.

 

I always thought that people (especially guys) should ask how many partners were unprotected and the results of a current STD test. It's hard for people to handle anything beyond that. Because, honestly, it scared me to find out one partner was having so much unprotected sex (even though his numbers weren’t that high and they were “normal” sexual situations). However, he had the nerve to turn his nose at my situations even though I protected myself during those encounters.

 

Oh yeah, OP, ask if you want. If she did it and you can't handle the info, spare the girl and don't date her.

[metrogirl]

But the smoking thing is a 'current' situation... would you date someone who used to smoke, but decided it's not how they want to live and no longer smoke? Would you not date her because she experimented with smoking?

 

That's the problem 'I' have with the OP. We certainly have the right to a certain standard, but the past is the past. A lot of people do things when they are young, that they wouldn't even consider as they mature.

 

Case in point with me... I had a wild side in my younger years and did some things that I would never ever do again. My life then vs. who I am now are two completely different lives. People grow and mature. I would hate to think that someone wrote me off simply because of who I was 'then'.

[livinginsbi]

Yes, but I will have to agree with Lance, everyone should have the choice to say they wouldn't want to be with a person that........ fill in the blank. Is it judgemental, yep probably. I will say that I will never enter a relationship with a child molester... is it judgemental. damn straight!

 

But here's an additonal thought... you meet her, fall in love, blah, blah... 15 years down the road you find out when she was 18 she had sex with 4 guys at one time (correction to my previous post, that would be a five-some or possibly orgy) something that was not disclosed earlier for whatever reason.

 

What do you do then? If you stick to your standards, wouldn't you stop the relationship?

[LanceVanceDance]

everyone should have the choice to say they wouldn't want to be with a person that........ fill in the blank. Is it judgemental, yep probably. I will say that I will never enter a relationship with a child molester... is it judgemental. damn straight!

 

Good example. When people here brush off the original poster's concern by saying "the past is the past" and that he shouldn't have a problem dating a girl who's had sex with four guys at the same time in the past, I'm willing to bet they would however have a problem with dating a former child molester... even if he has changed since then and even if he is not going to molest a child again.

 

We can all agree that molesting a child and having a five-some is not the same thing. But so what? That's not the point. What isn't out of your boundaries might be out of someone else's boundaries... Who is anyone to dictate how far someone else's boundaries should go?

[sourpeach]

put the shoe on the other foot.. of it were a guy who had sex with 4 girls at the same time you'd probably have no problem with it.

[Gray Fox]

thanks for all the responses everyone

 

u know what, I just don’t care anymore, its just hard to believe

 

I love holding her close to me and that's the only thing that matters.