dead end relationship

[NoLies_JustLove]

Ok so its kind of a long story but i would really appreciate it if i could get some advice on how to go about solving my problem.

 

So I'veve known him for about 3 years, and we were talking for about a year and a half but never made anything official because he was so worried of what other people would say about the age difference (im 16, hes 19) but he still admitted to having strong feelings for me. I never really even tried because i never thought i would end up where i did, and as soon as we admitted to having feelings for each other, my outlooks on alot of things changed.

 

From then on we basically had a love hate friendship because he would be mad at me every other week for something that had little to no importance. Things were a bit awkward for me because i was so scared of being "annoying" or "bothersome" so i spaced out some, and set some boundaries so that i wouldn't become overwhelming but i was still being a friend.

 

So a year in a half or so down the road (which makes it about 3 years that we had known each other) he started to come around more often and changed in alot of ways when it came to our relationship as friends, and still after all of that time neither one of us had lost our feelings for each other. sure we were with other people but the feelings we had towards each other no matter how mad we were, never went away.

 

He finally made it official on April 11th, 2008 but made me swear that we would keep it between us two only, once again because he was afraid of other peoples reactions. after we had been dating for about 2 and a half weeks we started telling some people & he started to become more comfortable knowing that people really didn't care. he treated me like a princess and i always felt protected. he told me he was happy and could see us together for a long time, and when he started to fall in love with me he told me. i had feelings beyond just liking someone long before we started dating, but even as what great friends we were before he could never respond to me if i said "i love you" even though we were just friends, thats how i know he was telling the truth because hes not a guy who will just say it with no meaning. i did everything for him, and everything i could possibly do to keep him happy, thats all i really cared about was his happiness, and thats all i still care about.

 

Then one day he flipped out on me because a friend of mine had a picture on her myspace of me that had the caption "jailbait because the best things in life are illegal" on it. it was a three year old picture of me on my moms truck at the beach, i wasn't posing, i was just sitting there. so over a picture i think he took it a little over board saying that he lost all trust for me. i just cant understand what a three year old picture has to do with him trusting me. the following day we broke up because of his lack of trust for me, when in reality im the only person who would have NEVER given up on him. i pretty much begged for him to stay but he kept saying he didnt want to hurt me which was exactly what he was doing. needless to say, a week or so later he sent me text messages that said 'i miss you' ' i feel dead inside & i cant stand being alone' and he said he still loved me and wanted to be with me... that night he came over and we watched a movie and everything seemed to be getting back on track. later that night we decided to take a drive and just talk about a few things and when i asked him if he was happy he responded 'yes' although he was unhappy with alot of other aspects in his life he made it very clear that he was happy with me.

 

The next day i received a text from him saying " im so depressed, i hate life, and i want to leave florida" and after trying to find out why he was so depressed and make things better i didnt seem to be making much progress because he just told me to stop trying. i responded with the question " is there anything that makes you happy here?" and his reply was "no." and as much as that hurt for him to contradict his previous answer, i didnt make it a personal issue, instead i just made it known to him that if he needed someone to talk to, that he could call anytime. that ended that conversation, then the following day i asked him i he would like to hang out for awhile after work and his response was 'no.' so i said "whats up with you, two days ago everything seemed to be fine, and now it feels like your pushing me away?" and to that he had no answer.

 

From that day on we haven't talked and a week later he deleted me off myspace completely and privated his profile. ive tried to ask him how he was doing 2 weeks after that and got no reply. it was kinda just dead-ended and he left me hanging with no explanation. i still dont know exactly why he let things just drop like he did, i dont understand how a persons opinion could change so drastically in two days after saying their feelings for you have not changed. i blame myself for everything, im just sick of wondering why and justifying what could've or would've happened when i have no facts to base anything on. all i have are my own thoughts and speculations. but i haven't lost hope in him, im just sick of putting so much into a relationship i dont seem to get anything out of. what should i do? im aware that time heals all wounds, but how do i make him see that im still here and havent forgotten about him? i know i haven't moved on so how do i get answers when he wont talk to me? my dad suggested somethings to try and start a conversation, but ive been to scared to even try them because i dont think im going to get an answer.

 

please help me, im willing to try anything, i dont know what else i have got to lose.

[zzeitgeist]

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