Kikilynk Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Well, my boy and broke up on May 4 and it completely tore me up. I really love him. I would do anything to be back with him. I thought he was the "ONE." I could see myself with him for the rest of my life. We started dating in November and it started off very well. It also started out long distance. But we decided we liked each other enough to at least try. Well during our relationship we had numerous fights, most were because of me, not wanting him to go home or being insecure in some way. But these fights mostly occurred when we were apart from each other or when he was leaving. They were dumb fights...over dumb insignificant stuff. But when we were together we were extremely happy. Regardless, a fight is what broke us up. I pretty much gave him an ultimatum, either he call me or not. So he said he couldn't handle it anymore. He is not into conflict and arguing and said it was too much stress. Post break up, I was a mess. I was very desperate, I begged, I called, I cried, I fought, and I promise to change. Well it has been a month and I still have not let go of him. I am still pushy even though I mean very well. I am still hoping he will tell me it was a mistake. We talked tonight and everything was fine till I said I missed him. Mind you yesterday, I yelled at him for not trying to call me more and being around me. He went off on me, said he didn't think we would work and our relationship was not worth it. I love him so much. I miss him so much. It broke my heart to hear that again. I want him back. I want us to be happy again. I hate that I have turned into that pathetic girl. Please give me some advice. Is it too late? How do I get him back? Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 Kikilynk, I think you need to face the fact that it is over. In my honest opinion, there could have been a chance, but the way you have acted post break up has pushed him even further away. By his reaction to you saying you missed him last night, it may be too far gone. There is a chance, but you have to give it time, a whole bunch of time. You have to show you how you can change, you have to show him that you aren't so desperate, you have to make him want you again, cause doing all of that stuff you were saying has sure made him not want you. Go be happy, go do something you enjoy, if you see him, make sure he can see that you are happy, not a mass of tears. Perhaps even get a male friend to help you out. Make him jealous. It's an old trick, and not one that I would use, but it might show him that you are over it all and don't need him as much as he thinks you do. I hope this helps a little. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 You may or may not get him back..but the most important question is "how do you get YOU back". How do you stop being this needy, whiny, picking fights person. If you don't work on those behaviours now, you will go down the same road in subsequent relationships. Leave him be and fix yourself...figure out why you are so dependent on him for your happiness so that you get freaked out over leaving to go home. Is it really love for him you are feeling, or the neediness of wanting someone in your life. You need to address your issues before you could have a healthy relationship with him or anyone for that matter. I think you need to give himself and yourself some space. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I agree with your post...except about the male friend to make him jealous. That would simply show him that she is so needy that any man would do. Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I agree with your post...except about the male friend to make him jealous. That would simply show him that she is so needy that any man would do. Yeah, you're right, in a situation where you haven't already shown so much neediness, then maybe. Although, as I've said, it's not one I'd ever use. Great advice above too, totally agree. Link to comment
Kikilynk Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 Wow, I am really glad to hear some honest opinions. My friends are great but they sugar coat a lot. I want this to really work but your right I need to find out why I am so needy. I didn't see myself as a high priority gal but...if all of you get that...well I probably am. I really appreciate it. I need to give him space. I am going to his hometown for work this coming week and before the fight he said "we will see" about getting together for dinner one of the nights I am there. After the fight I asked again and he said "he didn't know." I was thinking of asking him like on Sunday if he could. Would that be too much? I was thinking of NC til sunday and just calling or texting him and if he says no, then letting it go? What do ya'll think? Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 I think it is worth a try. make sure you keep NC until then, and when you call or text, just ask to confirm if he will have dinner with you. Say nothing else, no i miss yous, no i love yous, no I want yous. Perhaps an ... it will be nice to see you. At dinner - assuming he agrees - just play it cool. Don't tell him of your intentions beyond that you would like to give him some space, and you are going to enjoy some time to get your head straight. Talk about anything you can but the relationship, mention nothing about it. talk about everything, even the bug you squished under your shoe, but no relationship talk at all. It he says no, tell him "that's a shame, I had hoped to see you while I was here. Never mind, perhaps another time. See you, lots of love.." Break down just one, just one and you may as well not bother. Good luck! Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 The best thing you can do is pull back... give yourself some space to breathe and him the same. I was you - only by the time I reached here I was 8 months in of always having my heart in the right place but ultimately my actions just pushed him completely out of my life. I still miss him but he never had a chance to miss me... and now he just wants to put it all behind him. Walk away now before you end up like me. It will be hard and everything in your body will tell you to reach out to him... but let him go for now... Good luck, Cats Link to comment
trash mail Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 here is what i see. You havent change a bit. You still try to control. YOu still andto tell him what to do. YOu shouted/yelled at him yesterday and now you say you miss him. YOu are confused and you are not thinking clearly and above all that you did the same thing you said you were going to do. Have conflict. This issue is with you. You have proved to him that you havent change and will not change. Maybe taking a step back and regaining control of yourself and your action might you have a chance to prove to him that you have really changed? To be honest, it wouldnt be a bad thing, sometimes people need time o regather themselves and learn from their mistakes. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 11, 2008 Share Posted June 11, 2008 No, I wouldn't call on Sunday to ask about dinner. Given the situation, I would simply call him to say hi once you are in town. This is a work trip so it is quite conceivable that you will be having dinner with colleagues. Show him that you are not needy and that you are giving him his space. So, you do the polite and proper thing by contacting him once you are in town...talk about your job, and don't mention anything about getting together. Let him ask you. Link to comment
Kikilynk Posted June 11, 2008 Author Share Posted June 11, 2008 Ok I will try to not sound like a needy mess from now on. Thank ya'll for making me aware of that. Link to comment
Kikilynk Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 Okay 1 day down! It really isn't that hard to keep busy! Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Keep it up girl. When it does become hard, tell us all about it. Link to comment
Kikilynk Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 I am a little sad that he hasn't called. For someone who he said he cared about more than anyone else he has dated I sure was easy to get over. Link to comment
Kikilynk Posted June 12, 2008 Author Share Posted June 12, 2008 Ok, so there is a slight part I omitted when writing this thread. Before we broke up, I got pregnant. I assure y'all it was not malicious in any way nor was I doing it to get him back. I originally planned on telling him when I saw him on may 3 but we never made it. I told him soon after that and he went off on how he didn't believe me and how he needed proof. Regardless, I showed him the blood work test and he accepted it. I lost the baby soon after that and he has not been around for any of it. He is too busy with other things even though he says he wants to be here for me. I think that is why I have been so clingy. I want to see him on Sunday to at least take a step in the right direction and maybe start to slowly rebuild. I feel like I have to speak to him about the baby so I am not going through this all alone. How do I do it? How can I make amends with out damaging our friendship anymore? Link to comment
Kikilynk Posted June 13, 2008 Author Share Posted June 13, 2008 I relapsed! Ughhhh!. Why? I went drinking and got super super drunk and called him. Luckily he didn't answer. But then I persisted to text him three additional times. I was drunk and I started pondering the baby thing and text that too him. What is wrong with me? Link to comment
xtiarax Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 This story is the same as mine and the exact month is the same and the exact day that you broke up, me and my ex broke up scary. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 I think his response to you being pregnant and losing the baby is very telling...not supportive. For your own dignity and self-esteem you really need to refrain from contacting him. A lot of people use "I got drunk as an excuse for having sex with someone or making contact with an ex...alcohol is no excuse. Time to take back control over yourself and walk away from this man who has clearly shown you that he needs space from you. Link to comment
dqueen Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Kikilynk (cool name by the way. is it welsh? cymraeg?), there is nothing you can do now or say that will make him come running back to you. I think it was very cruel of him to leave you out in the cold after you lost your baby...what does that tell you about him? Think about it. He has the power right now because you're giving it to him...he feels all important and good inside because you're chasing him and he'll continue to watch you spin around in circles while he's busy getting an ego boost. STOP contact now. You don't need his friendship...it will not do you any good. Going NC will help you to clear up your head. Make a goal to go NC for one week, then by the end of the week, make another goal to go NC for 2 weeks, and then keep doubling it. I did this and it has made a world of a difference for me. Remember...if you ever think you're going to break NC, don't do it! Come here on the forum and post about it. We are here to listen. Good luck! Link to comment
Kikilynk Posted June 14, 2008 Author Share Posted June 14, 2008 Ok...well we talked, actually I cried about the baby. We fought a little and then he said "if you would let me, I would like to meet you on tuesday night, maybe instead of dinner we can do drinks or something and talk?" I said I dont think drinks are a good idea because him and me drunk is not a good thing...meaning sex and meaningless conversation. What do ya'll think? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 15, 2008 Share Posted June 15, 2008 Well meet him and see what he has to say...but make sure you remain in a public place, no alcohol. Do not go anywhere private. Link to comment
Kikilynk Posted June 15, 2008 Author Share Posted June 15, 2008 I am so nervous and scared. I am going to try to keep my cool Link to comment
trash mail Posted June 16, 2008 Share Posted June 16, 2008 Accept it is over. begigng him and asking him to change his mind will not help you one bit. It will just show that you are trying to tell him what to do again and questioning his choice which i knows it is HIS choice. Saying that you think it is the wrong choice will not work for you either, so dont do it. Control yourself and show control. Be independent. I am sorry about your baby issue. Link to comment
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