questions for lesbians

[greywolf]

um. no. I feel exactly the same about it as I did before. I just had a question. I never said all people weren't equal and I did say it was a choice. please get your facts straight before you put words in my mouth. and If you came here to debate then just leave the thread. I just have a question.

 

I understand where kuiks is coming from though Ivy. You did tell us that we had psychological problems, so I do feel a little upset that you said that to us and now you're asking this question. It makes me question your motive for asking. The first thing I thought when I read it is, "Is she sincerely curious or is she trying to find a way to prove it's a psychological problem?"

 

So yeah, I'm not trying to start a fight. Normally I would but I'm not in the mood today. Just wanted to let you know how some of us feel.

[odile]

Hmm, I wasn't around for the last conversation/debate, but I'd like to toss this in:

ignorance is what breeds hatred. If someone doesn't understand something, then they will fear it. I think it's good that this person is asking questions, cos in the end, hopefully that's what'll help her realise what the truth is.

[odile]

BTW, I think IrisPJ's answer was pretty good. There's no formula for who a homosexual person will be attracted to any more than there is a formula for who a heterosexual person will be attracted to.

[watergirl]

Hi, so I don't mean to offend anyone or start some kind of debate but I was just wondering why some lesbians like being with other women that look exactly like men??? I know it's not all, but some and it always confuses me. If you want to be with someone who looks 100% like a man, and even act like men then why not be with a man? If I was a lesbian I'd want to be with a hot girl that looked like a girl and was feminine. just a question.

 

Because they want to try to "pass" or "get away" with something. They aren't comfortable with who they are, so they want a woman who looks like a guy but they want a woman. Personally I have no idea why a woman would want to act, let alone look, like a man. I would only ever date a woman who looks and acts, in every way, like a woman.

[kuiks8]

Because they want to try to "pass" or "get away" with something. They aren't comfortable with who they are, so they want a woman who looks like a guy but they want a woman. Personally I have no idea why a woman would want to act, let alone look, like a man. I would only ever date a woman who looks and acts, in every way, like a woman.

 

are you a lesbian?

[greywolf]

Because they want to try to "pass" or "get away" with something. They aren't comfortable with who they are, so they want a woman who looks like a guy but they want a woman. Personally I have no idea why a woman would want to act, let alone look, like a man. I would only ever date a woman who looks and acts, in every way, like a woman.

 

I don't believe this is true at all. Why are some women attracted to big manly macho men, and others are attracted to the more feminine pretty boy types?

 

Personally it makes me a little sad to have read this. The first thing I did after reading this was to read your old posts and figure out if you were a lesbian or bi, and you are. So that means you know how hard it is feeling like no one accepts you and yet you are judging people that are different from you. *sigh

[Mythical_Suicide]

Personally I have no idea why a woman would want to act, let alone look, like a man. I would only ever date a woman who looks and acts, in every way, like a woman.

 

It's the same reason straight girls dress like a tomboy They do it because that is what is comfortable to them.

[Mythical_Suicide]

I don't believe this is true at all. Why are some women attracted to big manly macho men, and others are attracted to the more feminine pretty boy types?

 

Good point..

 

I'm straight, my fiance isn't all that "manly" and macho that most people would want. He's extremely skinny and dresses nice all the time people have even gone as far as accusing him of being gay because he takes care of himself, I personally hate macho muscle men and it's the same for gay/lesbian's. Just because they prefer someone of the same sex doesn't take away their right to be attracted to someone opposite of what the world thinks should be accepted.

[Binoo]

I'm not attracted to "butch" looking women.

But I'm also not at all attracted to very feminine women.

I like androgyny. The only explaination for this that I can think of is when looking for a relationship, I need balance. If there are two very feminine lesbians in a relationship, there's no balance. And the same goes for two masculine women.

I find I can only get along with androgynys women. And I notice that androgynys people, in general, are more healthy mentally.

I don't know if this is helping out with your question...

Sexuality is such a complicated topic. There's really no black and white answers to any of this...

[novaseeker]

Hi, so I don't mean to offend anyone or start some kind of debate but I was just wondering why some lesbians like being with other women that look exactly like men??? I know it's not all, but some and it always confuses me. If you want to be with someone who looks 100% like a man, and even act like men then why not be with a man? If I was a lesbian I'd want to be with a hot girl that looked like a girl and was feminine. just a question.

 

Different people are attracted to different things. A woman might like sex with another woman, but be attracted to masculine strength -- hence a butch type. In the gay male world, a guy may be attracted to another guy who presents as a woman, clothing and all --> because he likes the feminine "look" but the male/male sex.

 

You have to understand that attraction is rather varied. The idea that people are in hard and fast buckets applies to some people, but when you wade into the lesbigay world, you'll find that people are attracted to variations. So you may like feminine look and masculine sex, or masculine look and feminine sex. Or all other permutations. Once you get out of the box-like categories, there are more variations than you could ever imagine, really.

[Krystal_Ivy]

Good point..

 

I'm straight, my fiance isn't all that "manly" and macho that most people would want. He's extremely skinny and dresses nice all the time people have even gone as far as accusing him of being gay because he takes care of himself, I personally hate macho muscle men and it's the same for gay/lesbian's. Just because they prefer someone of the same sex doesn't take away their right to be attracted to someone opposite of what the world thinks should be accepted.

but you wouldn't want to be with your fiance' if he looked like a woman would you?

[Krystal_Ivy]

Different people are attracted to different things. A woman might like sex with another woman, but be attracted to masculine strength -- hence a butch type. In the gay male world, a guy may be attracted to another guy who presents as a woman, clothing and all --> because he likes the feminine "look" but the male/male sex.

 

You have to understand that attraction is rather varied. The idea that people are in hard and fast buckets applies to some people, but when you wade into the lesbigay world, you'll find that people are attracted to variations. So you may like feminine look and masculine sex, or masculine look and feminine sex. Or all other permutations. Once you get out of the box-like categories, there are more variations than you could ever imagine, really.

but the "sex" women have is the same as what a man can give them.

[greywolf]

but the "sex" women have is the same as what a man can give them.

 

sex between women and men is very different.

 

EDIT: To clarify, sex between a woman and a man compared to between two women is very different.

The acts are pretty much the same but it feels different.

[i_win]

I would say that lesbian "sex" is coitus.

[Clementine orange]

Goodness this is complicated!!!

 

There may not be an actual clear cut answer ... since we are basically talking about attraction which is so incredibly subjective.

 

I think that the stereotype of a lesbian couple being a butch girl with a girly girl is just that, a stereotype. I know a couple of lesbian couples who don't match the stereotype....and some gay couples too for that matter.

 

Plus on the gay side of things, there is the whole "village people", Freddy Mercury, leatherbound, uber-macho side of things which doesn't make "sense" using the framework we are working with.

 

Perhaps there isn't an answer to this question either.

 

Plus, at this point, we aren't even taking into consideration the whole "attraction to personality" side of things. How many of us have ended up in relationship (or in love with) people who really haven't really fit our "ideal" as far as looks are concerned but we love their personality and ended not caring that she wasn't a blonde/brunette or tall/short or smiley/smouldering or whatever other variation on human anatomy we can come up with.

[Clementine orange]

sex between women and men is very different.

 

EDIT: To clarify, sex between a woman and a man compared to between two women is very different.

The acts are pretty much the same but it feels different.

 

The sex might be different (feel different, whatever) but the love is the same.

 

I always wondered why there was a catagory here for gay/lesbain/trans whatever on ENA when basically the relationship problems seem to be the same as straight couples (ie: he/she cheated, he/she left me, he/she won't date me, he/she can't be found, he/she doesn't like my friends etc etc etc)

[greywolf]

The sex might be different (feel different, whatever) but the love is the same.

 

I always wondered why there was a catagory here for gay/lesbain/trans whatever on ENA when basically the relationship problems seem to be the same as straight couples (ie: he/she cheated, he/she left me, he/she won't date me, he/she can't be found, he/she doesn't like my friends etc etc etc)

 

Same sex relationships do have the same relationship problems as heterosexual relationships. Then they have the extra problems of being in a same sex relationship. For example, In my recent thread I commented about how sometimes I'm not comfortable about how close my gf is with her friends that are girls.

[Mythical_Suicide]

but you wouldn't want to be with your fiance' if he looked like a woman would you?

 

If he was a guy.. No but that is because i'm straight. Now if I was gay/lesbian it would be a totally different story

[novaseeker]

but the "sex" women have is the same as what a man can give them.

 

No it isn't, other than in the most reductionist, mechanical sense. It very much matters *who* is touching you for purposes of arousal.

[unabashed]

Well...I accidentally deleted my first post, which may be a good thing!

 

I will raise my hand and say, matter-of-factly, that I am a feminine lesbian who is attracted to masculine women. My partner of three years, one such woman, is self-identified as "a butch." She is your typical blue-collar, hard-working, muscular...you fill in the blank with the 1950's derrogatory label of your choice. She owns it. I happen to like this paradoxical reality of female-ness and masculinity residing in the same person. I am attracted to a woman who is comfortable with her masculine traits, and who is comfortable with who she is.

 

Why? Why is anyone attracted to anyone? It's how I'm wired. We all have our preferred types, and we all have our limits, no matter what our sexual preferences may be. Not EVERY heterosexual is attracted to EVERY heterosexual, and some have very specific tastes. Same thing accross the board, I believe, regardless of sexual preference.

 

I was in various heterosexual relationships, including a 20 year marriage, and I can say with utter certainty that I am not sexually attracted to men. I know from experimenting in college, before I was married, that I am not really attracted to feminine women. This realization lead me to the wrong conclusion that I am a heterosexual who just doesn't like sex.

 

If one has the personal belief that homosexuality is an illness, my life isn't going to change anyone's mind. We each have to mind our own houses, so to speak. Until someone is perfect, there is no grounds to criticize the lives of someone else.

 

As this thread demonstrates, even other lesbians wonder about the "extremes" of sexual expression. That's OK, as long as we don't use it as a reason to oppress each other, or to suppress the self-expression of our children. They deserve the support to be able to know themselves sooner than many of us could.

 

Editing after reading the new posts: I appreciate that a question was asked, but I would equally appreciate some respect for the thoughtful answers. Speculating about the nature of sex between two individuals, or generalizing about what they do--why they do it, is pretty narrow-minded and tasteless. If the motivation is to learn something, consider the honest sharing of personal experiences to be the lesson. Otherwise, I have the same question--what was the point of this thread? It makes me feel ridiculous for even offering this personal information.

[segor56]

So my question is what is the point of this thread? EVERYONE is attracted to different things about people. It's what makes us unique.

 

So, asking someone to defend their choices in another person is like stating out loud that you believe your ego larger than theirs.

 

I am just confused if this is a statement being made or a an argument posed in general.

[Clementine orange]

Same sex relationships do have the same relationship problems as heterosexual relationships. Then they have the extra problems of being in a same sex relationship. For example, In my recent thread I commented about how sometimes I'm not comfortable about how close my gf is with her friends that are girls.

 

Hmmm, I never thought of that...kind of an ironic twist on the situation. One of my best friends is a lesbian...maybe that is her partner has never been threatened by that (I'm a guy).

It's actually a very rewarding friendship for me since I get to have female company and insight etc without the danger of any kind of "tomfoolery" or attraction getting in the way. Plus..uh...sometimes we check out women together.

[Clementine orange]

So my question is what is the point of this thread? EVERYONE is attracted to different things about people. It's what makes us unique.

 

So, asking someone to defend their choices in another person is like stating out loud that you believe your ego larger than theirs.

 

I am just confused if this is a statement being made or a an argument posed in general.

 

I think we are all (or most of us) are just kind of pondering and thinking out loud. Human nature is very bewildering. I like this thread, there's been a couple of things that made me go "aha, I see".

[greywolf]

Hmmm, I never thought of that...kind of an ironic twist on the situation. One of my best friends is a lesbian...maybe that is her partner has never been threatened by that (I'm a guy).

It's actually a very rewarding friendship for me since I get to have female company and insight etc without the danger of any kind of "tomfoolery" or attraction getting in the way. Plus..uh...sometimes we check out women together.

 

I do that with my guy friends too. But what am I going to do? Tell my gf that she can't be too close to her friends? hahahahah Plus, she's bi.

[Clementine orange]

I do that with my guy friends too. But what am I going to do? Tell my gf that she can't be too close to her friends? hahahahah Plus, she's bi.

 

bi? lol - double trouble! What can you do?

that's a whole other topic I think

 

(laughing with you here)