questions for lesbians

[Iris-PJ]

i like this discussion (aside from the motives and comments from the thread starter),

one thing is hating on someones ideas ... big deal, but when you start to offend how someone gets down, woah back up sister. curiosity is fine, but pretending to know it all, well that is something else. but i digress,back to the topic

 

i believe greywolf put it best .. that if everything were defined in terms of the individual there would be no orientation... i like that, its like "if a tree falls in the woods when no one is around, does it make a sound?"

 

sex is different with different people, regardless of their sexual orientation. if it gets you off, then its all good, i think everyone should have an awesome/fulfilling sexuality, and more power to the people that can help us achieve it!

[flyingdodo]

i like this discussion (aside from the motives and comments from the thread starter),

one thing is hating on someones ideas ... big deal, but when you start to offend how someone gets down, woah back up sister. curiosity is fine, but pretending to know it all, well that is something else. but i digress,back to the topic

 

i believe greywolf put it best .. that if everything were defined in terms of the individual there would be no orientation... i like that, its like "if a tree falls in the woods when no one is around, does it make a sound?"

 

sex is different with different people, regardless of their sexual orientation. if it gets you off, then its all good, i think everyone should have an awesome/fulfilling sexuality, and more power to the people that can help us achieve it!

 

I think that is possibly the best reply!

[novaseeker]

Well as i added in my last post i am even talking if you go to a lesbian bar. Most are more masculine looking. I'm not dissing them, not in the slightest.

I have lesbian friends who said they do like fem but there are not as many out there from which to choose in their dating pool.

 

I think also there are many women who have a fluid sexuality -- who may be situationally lesbian, or who may go through periods in their life when they are more lesbian attracted than in other periods. Most of these women would never visit a lesbian bar or club, and don't feel comfortable being a part of the "lesbian scene" (and may not even feel comfortable with the label "lesbian"), but find themselves at times in relationships with other women. Most of these women are not butch at all. In general, I also think that a lot of the more femme lesbian women do not feel comfortable with the lesbian scene precisely because they are not butch and may not be attracted to butch women. There's quite a bit of same sex activity that takes place "under the radar" as it were.

 

Okay it's fine you like other women. But why do most lesbians have to look so masculine and seek out other masculine women? I will never understand this.

 

If it's an average to hot looking lesbian seeking other average to hot looking lesbians I can see why.

Attraction is what it is, and it comes in various permutations. A lesbian may be attracted to some "masculine" attributes like strength or a more minimalist presentation or what have you, but find these attributes attractive on a woman and not on a man -- that is, as others have said, even though the woman presents with a somewhat masculine persona, of course it's known that she is still a woman and it's that combo that is attractive. The same holds true on the gay male side of the ledger, where some gay/bi men like very fem men -- they like the fem presentation, but they also like that it's a fem presentation on a man. Of course there are many lesbian or bi women who are attracted to femme women just as there are many gay or bi men attracted to masculine men -- attraction cuts accross these various permutations.

 

I do think that it's not really possible to "get" attraction. It's just so visceral that it's very hard to empathize with an attractional set that is different from the one you have. I think this is big part of the reason that lesbigay people are misunderstood often -- because at the end of the day it is hard to "get" an attraction that seems so different from the one you are wired with.

[Lucy__lou]

I was just wondering why some lesbians like being with other women that look exactly like men???

 

well I like girls, and mostly go for more feminine girls. But sometimes I find the contrast of butchiness on a beutiful woman hot. I can't explain why though.

 

But as my old gender studies teacher would say; "sex and gender aren't the same thing. Sex is what you are born with, and gender is a social construct."

 

so just because you're into women (the female sex) doesn't mean you're into femininity (the gendered behaviour society has proscribed for women). so in other words. female doesn't neccesarily = feminine.

 

just my 2c.

[lillie]

WOW a lot can happen whilst one sleeps!

 

I appreciate the honesty & PATIENCE of our gay ena'ers. I think you have shared your experience openly with us,which you didnt have to do & i appreciate that. Especially when you are up against some pretty moronic replies!!!!!

 

Im glad im not a lesbian because i could not handle the bigots,and im quite shocked at this thread,well not the thread but the attitude of the OP. These women kindly offered you an insight & your crass comments offended me so heavens knows how they must feel. And Kuiks Good on you for smelling a rat.

 

Krystal is your real name Maggie by any chance?

[novaseeker]

well I like girls, and mostly go for more feminine girls. But sometimes I find the contrast of butchiness on a beutiful woman hot. I can't explain why though.

 

But as my old gender studies teacher would say; "sex and gender aren't the same thing. Sex is what you are born with, and gender is a social construct."

 

so just because you're into women (the female sex) doesn't mean you're into femininity (the gendered behaviour society has proscribed for women). so in other words. female doesn't neccesarily = feminine.

 

just my 2c.

 

Indeed. This is a bit of a sidebar, but in my view the biggest reason why there is such animus, still, directed against LGBT people is because of the gender issue, much more than the sex issue. What I mean is that because LGBT transgresses by definition what is considered to be "appropriate gendered behavior", it's subversive to the social construct of gender, and this is what many people find discomfiting about it, even if they do not articulate it that way.

[Lucy__lou]

Indeed. ...because LGBT transgresses by definition what is considered to be "appropriate gendered behavior", it's subversive to the social construct of gender,

 

yes, I was thinking that too. By being non heterosexual, you're already considered deviant by gender norms which dictate appropriate sexual orientation (heterosexuality), so it gets you questioning those norms. So the people who are subversive by way of sexual orientation more easily empathise with those who are subversive in their non conformism to other gender roles like masculinity and femininity.

[novaseeker]

yes, I was thinking that too. By being non heterosexual, you're already considered deviant by gender norms which dictate appropriate sexual orientation (heterosexuality), so it gets you questioning those norms. So the people who are subversive by way of sexual orientation more easily empathise with those who are subversive in their non conformism to other gender roles like masculinity and femininity.

 

Yes, that's true, I think. By being non-hetero, you've already transgressed one gender-based behavioral "norm", so transgression of other ones is more accepted -- because basically the whole thing transgresses gender behavioral norms in the first place.

 

To me this is also the reason why it's appropriate for the "Ts" to stand together with the Ls, Bs and Gs -- at the end of the day, the discrimination against us has the same basis as the discrimination against them does --> it's all based on accepted gender-based behavioral norms. I really do think that the gender construct is the core of all of this, not sexuality per se.