Hardest part about breaking up with a Narcissist is...

[Fear]

That and all the other hints point out to a typical Narcissistic Personality Disorder traits. He had no friends. He was so controlling. When we first met, he idealized me, I was the one who saved him, (from himself I guess), everything was great and amazing and so fast, and he moved in with me within first few weeks. Very early on I noticed that it is too good to be true and my instinct was telling me that something was not right. But I kept on going, loving him, supporting him...I found out now that I definitely have codependency traits. I believed more in the idea of us and our relationship and neglected my own red flags. He was so charming. So beautiful. It was a dream come true. Now I pay the price...

 

 

I relate to this more than you know! I dated a similar person. He seemed so gentleman-like, like the actors you see in 50's movies. We also fell hard and fast, and he would shower me with flowers and gifts and sweet words, but when it really came down to showing how he felt, he was sneaking off to friend's houses without letting me know he'd gone out...his car became more important than helping me move in...and I also have this dreaded feeling that he will have another girl on his arms in a matter of days.

 

He even bought an engagement ring for me four or five months into our relationship. I never got a proposal, of course, but it just goes to show that they will do anything to "act" like they love you, but when it comes to being serious and really biting the bullet they don't know how, probably (as sad and as angry as it makes us) because they didn't really "love" US in the first place, just the idea of having someone to hold.

[LansEnd5059]

...

That and all the other hints point out to a typical Narcissistic Personality Disorder traits. He had no friends. He was so controlling. When we first met, he idealized me, I was the one who saved him, (from himself I guess), everything was great and amazing and so fast, and he moved in with me within first few weeks. Very early on I noticed that it is too good to be true and my instinct was telling me that something was not right. But I kept on going, loving him, supporting him...I found out now that I definitely have codependency traits. I believed more in the idea of us and our relationship and neglected my own red flags. He was so charming. So beautiful. It was a dream come true. Now I pay the price.

 

this is so absolutely well said. it's as if i script were written & followed by me & my ex-N. fast, moved in together, intense, too good to be true - waiting for the downfall, wondering . . . more wondering . . . knowing of his past multi-sex relationships (was i going to be able to keep him?) insecurity abounded, even while we lived together. i could never trust him. it didn't feel good. yes, i was addicted to him. i believed in him as much as i could; i faked it, b/c it was hard to believe any of it was true. funny, after he went off to another AND tried to maintain a "friendship" w/me AND another past girlfriend, he kept throwing me deceitful little hopeful lines, telling people we were 'married,' telling me i was his favorite, telling me how wonderful i was, how much i meant to him. meanwhile, i knew he was using the same lines on the others as well. how deflating is that?

[Fear]

...

funny, after he went off to another AND tried to maintain a "friendship" w/me AND another past girlfriend, he kept throwing me deceitful little hopeful lines, telling people we were 'married,' telling me i was his favorite, telling me how wonderful i was, how much i meant to him. meanwhile, i knew he was using the same lines on the others as well. how deflating is that?

 

Sucks! It makes you feel like such a lovestruck fool!

[Mishmash]

When we first met, he idealized me, I was the one who saved him, (from himself I guess), everything was great and amazing and so fast, and he moved in with me within first few weeks. Very early on I noticed that it is too good to be true and my instinct was telling me that something was not right. But I kept on going, loving him, supporting him...I found out now that I definitely have codependency traits. I believed more in the idea of us and our relationship and neglected my own red flags. He was so charming. So beautiful. It was a dream come true. Now I pay the price.

 

Wow - I had to do a double take to make sure I didn't write this. I too 'saved' him, but from his first marriage. I was his destiny, his true love. Within four months he moved in with me. He put me up so high on a pedestal and I felt guilty, that something was wrong with me, that I couldn't love him as he did me. Now I know it wasn't love - but still it was a long fall off the pedestal.

He has since replaced me and has another woman on the pedestal; his 'true' destiny and twin flame. She says she's in a healthy relationship with him, yet she knows he's married and abandoned his kids. What the ego won't do. Sigh.

Like the other posters say - listen to your gut and run far, far, away...

[gurlrecovering]

i have been doing some investigating to see if my ex was a narcissistic type of individual and he has so far fit the description. i fell in love with him bcuz he made me feel like no other man had made me feel b4 and he showered me with affection and attention. then after a few yrs into the relationship, i started noticing changes in his behavior towards me. he would constantly criticize how i looked and what i wore. he felt like i needed to change they way i looked to his liking. he kept pointing out things i needed to "fix" about myself and like a fool i did so thinking that he would love me more in doing so. then he kept coming up with more and more prerequisites that i needed to fulfill in order for him to want to stay in the relationship with me to the point where i didnt know who i was anymore. i didnt want to see the real truth and i was blinded by the love that i felt for him and he used that knowledge to his fullest advantage to take control of the situation. when i no longer gave in to his requests and i started to disagree with him, he dumped me. he would leave for months and then come back when he couldnt have his way with other women. and i was stupid for taking him back again and again thinking that he was really sincere in wanting to work things out with me. i wasted 8 yrs with this jerk and in the last yr of the relationship, i ended up with an unplanned pregnancy. i knew things were not going to get better so i let him go and told him that he needed to leave me alone. i also told him that i had no intentions of ever getting back together with him again. later i found out that he had already been talking to another woman all the while the break up was pending. yep i got used, and i feel like a used hankerchief.

[Leighton]

SingleAgain: You could have written my story. My ex had no friends, told me I saved him from his horrible 7 year relationship before me, said I was his everything, controlled me, said he loved me after two weeks, was constantly saying I needed to fix things about myself in order for it to work between us.. until our relationship deteriorated so much that he said he was done with me and fell in love with someone else (yeah after 2 weeks again). LOL. I used to be jealous of his new girlfriend, who was also my friend. I'm honestly not. I feel for her. She is a pretty sweet girl who's done made some bad choices, and she has no idea that getting together with my ex is one of the worst one's she'll make.

 

Maybe they're good for eachother. Who knows. I doubt it though. Unless he had some profound miracle happen and he's cured, she will see his true colors. I didn't see them until about a year. He abused me before that, but because I had an abusive father, it was "normal" to me. Yeah, scary.

 

4 months later, I'm happy to have this man out of my life. I miss him sometimes, maybe not him, but the memories we shared, because I was in love with him. But he's not the person for me, and I'm still broken but one day I'll be ok.

[Lori123]

I did it twice -- got involved with an N 18 years ago who shattered me to the point of suicidal ideation. I was on this roller coaster for about 9 months until I got on antidepressants and was able to gain some self esteem and perspective, and get angry. I tossed him out and didn't look back. I never knew, though, that he was a narcissist. All I knew was that he was selfish, used me, hurt me, and didn't care.

 

Last fall, though, I did it again. I thought something was off, but didn't want to believe it. I saw evidence of narcissistic rage (though I didn't know that was the term for it), but it was always directed toward others, and I didn't have their side of the story. Eventually, though, this guy directed his evil side toward me. At first, I was shocked and hurt beyond belief. I was already very depressed, which he knew and supposedly understood, so this hit me at the worst possible time in my life. This time, I actually did attempt suicide.

 

It took this second experience for me to make the whole narcissism connection. Now I can see the parallels between the two men, and the two situations. On some subconscious level, I realized something early on, because I started to tell N #2 about the first experience -- how I had been hurt, trying to feel him out, and guide him away from possibly hurting me in the same way. I had no tangible reason to expect he was anything like the first N. But somehow, I was picking up on something.

 

One thing I can say about both men that I noticed, and that I will now forever look for in other people: There was a look in their eyes -- something penetrating, and magnetic, yet unsettling. Despite all their initial actions and words, their eyes were saying, "Don't trust me." Both times, I took it for intense passion. I will now be looking at people's eyes, watching for that "look," and running like hell from anyone who has it.

 

It took me over 40 years, but I finally learned that the eyes really are the windows to the soul.

[rachel_d]

Bump! I know this is an ancient thread, but it truly is amazing how all the different attributes here describe my ex. It is both sad and comforting that I am not the only one affected by this type of person...now I know the warning signs

[smplunkett]

I found my home!! I am in the beginning of a divorce with an N, he got mad and left when I found a website he was selling porn on and showed him, saying that if I was stupid enough to believe the website over him then I was not worthy to be his wife. Of course he is telling everyone that will listen, and then some!, that I am going through menopause and threw him out. I am so very tired of having to justify and prove my side. Naturally, he is a "big shot" in the town we live in and no one can believe he is what I say he is - he even has breakfast with the mayor. I now must go to the doctor and get tested for STD's due to his choices - I am embarrassed by that one. The week after he filed for divorce - to protect himself, of course, I had a visit from a detective who told me my soon-to-be-ex was at the scene of a shooting, is a registered gun owner, has been a member of a criminal biker gang for 30 years. Naturally, I knew nothing. Starting in May, I have confronted him with property he owns that I was not aware of, he has been making and selling porn since at least 2004 that I was not aware - including pictures of his own daughter (19 years old). Finding one website selling his porn was too much for him. I am stunned with all this information, of course - I only saw the "good guy" side. I am kinda fortunate because he had inherited millions of dollars, but I still have my own income - which he is asking the court to give him support and half my retirement. Yes, I am digging and researching to help my case. He wants the property we own next door to my house - I had the home before him - I need him to go away - I do not want nor need him next door after finding out he had taken pictures of my daughter after she gave birth to my grandson and has put them on porn websites - of course they have been taken down now - so I haven't been able to prove it YET. I need a safe place to vent, whine and cry while learning lessons to get over this so I can give back to the community. It is comforting to know that I am not alone.

[WomanWriter]

The more of these N posts I read, the more it confirms positively that my ex, B, is indeed one of them. He fits everything to the t, although we probably weren't together long enough for him to get violent or try to change everyting about me, although he'd make comments and I know he got physical with his ex wife. I know about the "look"---it's this intense, passionate, curious look they penetrate into your eyes. B started looking at me like that when he had another girlfriend and I recognized it immediately and told my friends. No one had ever given me that kinda look before and I was flattered. It said "I know what I want and I will have it." He pursued me like no one has ever has, and gave me jewelry before even knowing me. He told me things like "I feel like I've known you forever" and 'I know we've seen each other before" when we just met. I said "Well, I've never seen you." He asked me tons of questions, showed up wherever I was, and complimented me like crazy. Told me I was naturally beautiful and he wanted me to have his children. Spent every minute with me that I would allow. Showered me with affection and PDAs, bragged about me to everyone who would listen.

 

I have to say, how can you NOT be affected like this? Especially since I suffer from low self esteem and am codependent? And B was cute! He was this passionate, sexy guy who was interested in ME like no one had been before. I had been in love with L for 7 years (my ex fiance), and I know L loved me, but he never paid attention to me like this! There was so much ROMANCE. Love letters, surprise dates, slow dancing to WWII music, matching otfits....we made our friends sick with how mushy we were together. Always holding hands, googie eyes, he'd rock me in his arms, tell jokes to make me smile and laugh, and always flirting with me, cooking me dinner, rubbing my back, etc.

 

But I noticed he loved attention from anyone and would get angry if they didn't pay attention back. He looked at other women when he was with me. He commented on their looks. He talked about his exes. He didn't have any close friends but tried to make it sound like people liked him more than they did. Most people warned me that he was fake (even his own family) but he denied it. He wouldn't put effort into anything. He didn't call when he was late. Didn't show up. Didn't do what he said he'd do. Wouldn't even talk to me during the week and got mad when I interrupted him watching TV. Yet he cried when I went to a friend's wedding for the weekend and scared me by grabbing me and saying "I love you! Don't ever leave me!" about 10 times in a row while he was sobbing like crazy. He said he never felt about anyone as he did about me. I was his true love. I was his best friend. I changed his life and gave him hope. He never was sexually aroused about anyone as he was about me because he used to have ER and take Viagra and now he can get off just by looking at my handwriting on a piece of paper (what's funny is that part was true. His ex wife and others have said he was never in the mood). And we actually didn't have sex.

 

He seemed too good to be true although he had many problems with responsibility---his health and his job, notably. And an addicition to a weird fetish.

 

When I went on a trip for a week, he disappeared and started talking to another woman at a place he volunteers. I broke up with him when he never showed up and he claimed he "knew I was going to break up with him anyway" and didn't seem concerned. He immediately starting dating this new woman and flew her to Disneyland in a private jet--something he was going to do for me but never did. I was shocked how he could move on so quickly. We talked a couple weeks ago and he said he was never attracted to his gf, put up a wall against me, and wanted to be friends. I told him I can't be friends because i love him. He semed surpised by this and didn't respond to that, just said he hopes we can talk. Then he asked me to do something with him, but has never followed through with making plans. I know he is still with this chick and invited her to his Labor Day BBQ. We hosted Memorial Day together so this bites me in the butt. He tried to tell me he rarely even sees her. But I bet he said bad things about me because she gave him "thumbs up" when he changed his relationships status on FB to single and thumbs up when I posed on his wall that he was missing and no one has seen him around. Who was he with? Her.

[smplunkett]

I am having a hard time with the "what was real and what wasn't." It has been two months since he left when I confronted him, I am having to research to "find" stuff for the divorce. He is trying to get the house next door to me and pops in on a regular basis. I have had no contact - have seen him twice in court, once in the attorney's office. I want to throw up. Just wish he would go away - every time I think I am occupied by life, something else happens. I need and want to let it go.

[Hell_On_Heels]

I am having a hard time with the "what was real and what wasn't."

 

Me, too. I also keep going back to the same question of "Was it me? Am I sick and crazy, like he said?" I sort it out, and feel ok for a few days, but then go back to asking the question again. Mine was passive-aggressive as well as strong NPD traits. He was mild in his behavior, soft spoken and always the "nice guy" to everyone. But to me and his teenage son, there was always a streak of cruelty. He said terrible hurtful things, wouldn't keep his promises, wasn't interested in either of us...but he didn't throw things or act possessive, etc. He didn't respond to me when I'd tell him he was hurting me. Over time, my hurt and anger intensified, and that continued until I finally felt hopeless and defeated. I'm still feeling that way, 5 months out. But I wonder, since I have a strong, direct personality, was I the aggressive one in his mind? Or was I just nagging, begging, pleading with him for closeness that he would not/could not provide, and he attacked me to defend himself? He said I was the warmest, sweetest, most loving woman he's ever known most of the time. But then I'd become a raging, maniacal b**** and he couldn't accept that. I can't remember ever raging, but to someone who is more "meek", would my directness appear that way?

 

I don't know. I get so lost sometimes. My grown children say I don't rage, so that helps sometimes. Talk about a mind screw. I hate it.

 

sm, if your ex buys the house next door, would you sell your house and move somewhere else?

[smplunkett]

sounds like we were married to the same man! that passive-aggressive stuff is tough to deal with. the last few years together, I focused on my career, family, and home. I would speak my peace, and go about my business. Only one argument with him, and that was because his daughter lied. I am 100% relieved he is no longer here - but hate that he uses next door for his limo company. He is not living there.

Could I sell my house? Of course, but I bought the lot, I built the house, raised my kids here - I had it prior to meeting him.

[smplunkett]

no, you are not crazy!!

[Hell_On_Heels]

Thank you for saying I"m not crazy

 

I would have a really hard time if my ex worked next door. I moved accross country to be far away from him. Does he bother you? Call? Stop by? Just knowing he was there would creep me out. I feel for you.

[smplunkett]

No, he doesn't bother me, has never called, nor come to my house. it really creeps me out when I am outside doing stuff (which I am naturally an outdoor person) and he drives up. It is like I never know when he will be there. He has been telling people that he is going to break in my house - the police can do nothing because it is "hearsay." Yes, everything is locked, and my 27 year old son is home most of the time because he got laid off. I am not sure what I would have done if my son hadn't agreed to stay with me. My (soon to be ex) husband is really mad at me because I confronted him about his porn business (which I learned just before he left). I have also been visited three times by detectives looking for my husband's weapons - I never knew he had any. I learned he has been a member of a criminal bike gang for thirty years. I thought he was just this quiet, community minded person. Since he left, the sheriff's visits have been in connection to two different shootings - one was an ambush murder. He needs to go away.

[insight3]

WOW! I cannot believe this blog. I just recently came to the realization that my ex is a somatic narcissist. I spent 4 years with him, on and off (of course) and I've never been through something so painful, deceitful or exhilarating all at the same time. This is unreal!!! Because of our relationship, I experienced the greatest depression of my life...was in/out of several therapists offices, felt suicidal and yet all the while I believed I was crazy one. I gave all, he gave NOTHING. We lived about an hour front eachother, and I was always the one driving out to see him, buying meals most of the time, and being his constant ego stroke. He has an addiction to porn, and cheated on me more times than I probably know of. He's in his mid thirties, and all the women that he was cheating on me with were cheap looking, young (mostly under 25) whoreish women! I am the girl-next-door so I couldnt understand how he could go from one extreme to the next. I learned of his sexual past involving orgies, strippers, etc. It was unreal. As time went on, I found him on multiple dating sites, during the time that we were together and he would tell me that they were useless sites that he would find new "people" to meet. Right.

 

He was constantly demeaning my job, who my friends were, in fact I NEVER brought him around my friends because it was so uncomfortable. He was only personable amongst his friends who are all good guys, but YES people. He's basically considered the alpha male of his group, the leader of the pack. He'd surround himself with people who had "things", i.e. money, boats, real estate but all the while contuining to stay envious of anyone achievements or successes. His famous line was always, "Must be nice!!!" instead of congratulating people.

 

He never made me feel like I was doing enough with my life or living to my "potential" even though I'm a very independent woman, and have been on my own for 11 years (I'm 29). I am never needy, and have always been one to stick up for myself. For some reason, I was never my natural self with him. He would diffuse my strength and I was constantly molded to cater to things that HE wanted to do. The relationship was never on a compromise basis. His selfish behaviors would leave me home a lot while it was ok for him to go out and do the things that he wanted to do, MANY times lying about his whereabouts or who he was with. Any time I'd confront him in his lies he always got defensive and lashed out. never was it his fault and I was constantly being blamed for why he should've just "remained single". He rebelled against being told what to do, staying within morals guidelines of a relationship, and more times than not, our runs would only last for a few months at a time before I was the blame for why the relationship didnt last...because of MY insecurities (??).

 

His occupation is in law enforcement so he constantly had the authoritative personality to go along with. He rarely showed emotion unless he was the center of attention. Sex with him was mechanical, and I had never experienced something so emotionally unattached before. There was no "making love", and I rarely got the affection from him I would constantly crave. When we would split, he would go off and serial date, all the while keeping sometimes daily contact with me and making me listen to his mostly "downs" and gripes of life. I would always find myself trying to cheer him up since his personality was so fixed on being negative, pessimistic and pitiful. I was always feeling sorry for him so in time I began to feel like the only "sunshine" he had in his life, even though he never let me into it! He would keep me at an arms distance and would always make me feel like we couldn't be together because he either wasn't "ready" or we had too many reoccuring issues that were never able to be resolved. So WHY stay in contact with me?!?!?!

 

It's been 3 months since we've been together and it wasn't since the last time we "tried" it again that it got ugly. Because I started to stick up for myself and call him on his BS, he couldnt handle it and once again, told me we needed a break. Early in our relationship, I turned into such a passive, fearing person of him. I was always walking on egg shells and would constantly have to give much attention to how I worded things with him - because if I didn't come at him like a dansel in distress, he would lash out in to rageful fits and bark disrespectful remarks to me. If he wasn't in control he wanted no part of anything.

 

Facebook was the demise of our relationship because as soon as he became a part of that community he began to collect random women who would post things that I wasnt comfortable with. He needed that constant attention on there and couldnt understand why he couldnt be "trusted to just have friends". Most of them I didnt even know!! He would post daily things about the negativities about his job, expecting people to "pick him up", or show off his achievements of what he did on the job constantly seeking the kudos from everyone. He would comment on people who were having bad days, as if he were attracted to unhappy people. He would contstantly "fish " for compliments from people and was never in a "chipper" state unless he was broadcasting or bragging his weekend getaways "Cant wait to be on the boat drinking on the late already!" "2 more days and I'll be at the pool in Vegas!!"

 

We havent spoken in a month, and after reading all I can on narcissism, I feel like he'll be back around again to fish for my attention. He lives a sad, lonely life, and loves to fill it with anything he can to run away from who he is. I always sensed that there was so much darkness to his soul. All I wanted to do was help him be happy. I've never experienced such love for someone who at the same time mastered the art of sucking the life from my soul. I feel damaged, and it's a daily struggle to not still feel like "I'm not good enough" for him. There wasn't anything that I wouldnt have done for him, and I feel so used because of it. I had never shown such selflessness towards anyone in my life!

 

I guess after reading up so much on this disorder, it's bittersweet to know he'll never find any fulfillment with anyone out there because his conquest only lasts for long before he's onto the next girl. He's nearing 40 and he's becoming 25 more and more each day. I never understood that he could have endless women's attention, but he still kept me in the wings to soundboard his problems and insecurities. Our conservations always consisted of him, him and more him. If he ever asked me about my day it was a generic gesture. Nothing I did seemed as important and his daily activities.

 

I know the best thing for me to do is to never speak to him again, and it helps to read the strength of others on here trying to do the same. These people are vampires, and literally suck the life from anyone who's vulnerable. They are master manipulators, liars and cheats and have absolutely no remorse for the things they do, and you will be to blame for why their morals turned so deceitful, all the while still they keep you in their web for their constant "supply". Unbelievable. It helps to have him labeled and relieve the burden of thinking that it was my problem. I feel satisfied to know that he will never be happy and I will one day, with someone who values who I am and the love I can provide.

 

Anyway, thanks for helping me through this.

[change_in_tide]

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND. I too dated a narcissist for a year. During that time I caught him talking to other girls on the side all the time and I’m sure he cheated on me too although I could never prove it. The final straw was when he dumped me day before my birthday slept with another woman on my birthday and then called me the next day to tell me about it!!! The 2nd year was spent trying to get away from him but I was his “supply” and he kept calling me and coming over my house and I still loved him so it was horrible and so he was my dirty little secret because I ashamed I was still even dealing with this sick ba$tard.

 

Ultimately because I knew he’d never let me go and leave me alone and I knew I was too vulnerable to deny him, I left the state and moved! Do you know that still to this day three years later I still hear from him every single month? I have been ignoring him since I moved and he still seeks me out as “Supply” telling me how he can’t get me out of his head blah blah blah, buying me songs from Itunes and sending them to me, creating alternate facebook accounts because I have blocked all his requests.

 

But I realized long ago it’s not in anyway because I am special to him it’s because he thinks he can get my validation again which he won’t! I also know that he is probably doing the EXACT Same thing to about 30 other women because that’s what they do. They don’t care who the validation is from just that they get it. SICK PEOPLE these Narcissists! It’s a hard pill to swallow that you never meant anything to these people. My narcissist would read books to teach him how to respond compassionately to others because it was not a natural reaction for him. He did not CARE ABOUT OTHERS and only wanted to learn how to do so in order to manipulate them. He had no longstanding friendships, no deep connections with anyone. HE was not a nice person!! The ultimate manipulator… so I totally understand. Unfortunately I went from narcissist to another unhealthy relationship so I’m on a roll! AAAAHHHh I used to have healthy relationships… don’t know what happened.

[smplunkett]

I feel like I am going up, down, and sideways emotionally the last few days - I am crying over the loss of hopes and dreams - am sickened at the fact I was so used, but know I am on the right path now. Yes, I do have codependent traits - much less so than in a prior marriage, believe in walking through the pain. I just hurt.

[Hell_On_Heels]

(((((((( sm )))))))))) It's so hard.

 

I did a LOT of crying over lost hopes and dreams. Then I finally got it through my thick skull that the hopes and dreams still exist, if I want them. They just don't exist with my ex.

[smplunkett]

I guess I haven't cried enough yet to get through mine!! Hopefully soon. Thanks so much for all your help -

[Nappeal]

Insight, thank you for your post.

 

Your description of your ex is just about as identical as one can get to my own ex. Only problem is that I'm a month from my due date w the man...I'll be stuck w him in one way or another forever.

 

Everything you mentioned about your ex is, like I said, the perfect description of my own. I always believed he was just a selfish jerk incapable of empathy. The term 'narcissism' has always seemed too serious or something, like he couldn't be that. Afterall, he was only a selfish jerk. I see now, its more than that. I don't want to believe he's full-blown N, but dman near close.

[smplunkett]

Well, it is three and a half months in, and I am still researching for the divorce. I am starting to come out of "the fog" of being "heartbroken," I truly do miss the man he portrayed himself to be for so many years, not he man he really was away from me. I can see a definite break in our marriage from about mid-2007. I can see where I started to treat him as a partner in life - rather than the knight in shinning armor, and that is when (in my own mind) he started looking elsewhere for "supply." Even though I have been through hell - I am so grateful to have learned what he was really like - and I never would have allowed him anywhere near me if I had known. I have been checked for STDs and I have nothing - I put that one off due to the humiliation - my doctor was empathic and kind. I am now just finishing getting his home office cleared out - this is where I have gained much info for the divorce. Feels good to get it cleaned - am thinking of renting it out to fill the space with life rather than deceit. I have been thinking of writing a letter to his sister -she "de-friended" on facebook when I let her know of the criminal biker gang involvement, I know he has "spun his tales" there and would just like her to know to protect her daughter. I deeply wish someone would have let me know about his "other life" so I could have protected my own daughter form him. Or do I just let it be?

[Hell_On_Heels]

I'm not sure. I think the more we fight it and try to defend ourselves, the worse we look.

[smplunkett]

I am struggling with knowing he is a predator, and giving his sister knowledge to protect her own daughter - as I was unable to do with mine?