UPDATE : NC going well and bad

[blgmike2]

well : i havent contacted her, have been doing fun things trying to get her mind off me and have done things with friends, just doing alot more then what i was doing with my ex. have had a blast

 

bad : hurts to know that she hasnt even called me or contacted me yet..

i mean i still love her and want to be with her even tho i probably shouldnt. its like she doesnt care about me or isnt thinking about me.

 

so i guess my questions are :

-do you think shes thinking about me/missing me even though she isnt showing it?

-do you think she will try and contact me soon?

-is it possible she could change?

 

dont get me wrong most days are good, but some NIGHTS are real bad. mostly when i try and sleep. i think about her alot and i am missing her like crazy..this is so hard.. please help..

[annie24]

dude - she played with your head, move on. you deserve better. don't worry about what she is or isn't thinking about. i hope for your sake she does not contact you. and no, i don't think she'll change. focus on yourself and your healing.

[Cognitive_Canine]

She not contacting you...but you haven't contacted her either! haha, you are both trying to heal so be appreciative that she has stayed out of your life so that you can heal.

 

Does it matter if she changes? Does it matter what she is thinking? NO.

 

All that matters now is how you are going to change for the good, what you want, and what lies in the future for you. I don't know what it is in the future for you and you may not even know. Just come to the realization that it isn't her. So, just don't even think about that.

 

Get excited about what's next for you.

[blgmike2]

She not contacting you...but you haven't contacted her either! haha, you are both trying to heal so be appreciative that she has stayed out of your life so that you can heal.

 

Does it matter if she changes? Does it matter what she is thinking? NO.

 

All that matters now is how you are going to change for the good, what you want, and what lies in the future for you. I don't know what it is in the future for you and you may not even know. Just come to the realization that it isn't her. So, just don't even think about that.

 

Get excited about what's next for you.

 

ugh i know what you all are saying. thanks.

 

can anyone answer my questions tho. i just want to know what u guys think.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Well, if it were me.

 

-yes, of course

-no, I would be trying to heal and my pride would get in the way

-I'd change in a way that I saw fit.

[DN]

I imagine she is thinking about you, but I doubt she will change.

 

I agree with Annie.

[hamsalad]

I often wonder the same thing about my ex. Is she thinking of me. I have no doubt. Does she still care a bout me? I don't know or care. She blew it.

 

Yours is very likely doing the same.

 

Stay strong and move along. You have a life to lead.

[XCRunner1]

I know how you feel man. I went through that period, and am just starting to come out of it after almost 3 months (3 year relationship) - "I wonder if this, I wonder if that" stage.

 

I can tell you- I've read all of your threads. Take comfort in the FACT that she mistreated YOU. Not the other way around. She blew it- she treated you like crap man. She wasn't even honest with you and put you on ridiculous timetables and all kinds of disrespectful stuff.

 

Anyway, focus on you. It will take a awhile. Accept that...and in time, find some things that you really love to do...start a new project, pursue something you always wanted to do, but couldn't cause you always had her to please and worry about.

 

Take care.

[thejigsup]

She is probably moving on and rebuilding her life. You do the same so you can meet the girl of your dreams and relegate this one to "nightmare" status.

[blgmike2]

She is probably moving on and rebuilding her life. You do the same so you can meet the girl of your dreams and relegate this one to "nightmare" status.

 

like i said, thanks for all the input guys.

 

but

 

i really am looking to the answers to my questions. thats what i really want to know and would like a couple girls to answer them. put ur opinions of everything else to the side and try and answer those questions. thanks.

[theredrocket]

do you think shes thinking about me/missing me even though she isnt showing it?

-do you think she will try and contact me soon?

-is it possible she could change?

 

Yes of course she is missing and thinking about you but A) she is also probably relieved to not have to deal with the stress right now and B) given what you have showed her in the past she is expecting you to break and contact her. DON'T this will only reinforce the negative things she thinks about you

 

At some point she will try to contact you as long as you continue to do what you are doing, I don't think it will be soon but you never know.

 

Well, it's possible yes but it will only happen if you act in a manner which commands respect. Whether or not you want to heal or you want to get her back you need to do the same thing. Don't contact her, do things which make you happy and give you confidence so that when she or another girl comes around you will not allow yourself to become so dependent and needy.

 

best of luck Mike

[blgmike2]

thank you. anyone other girls, or anyone else for that matter, want to answer my questions? again, put all side opinions to the side and just answer truthfully the questions in the beginning of the thread.

 

thanks, mike

[DN]

do you think shes thinking about me/missing me even though she isnt showing it?

Probably thinking about you and missing having the power to make you miserable and jerking you around.

 

-do you think she will try and contact me soon?

Yes. She needs her power fix.

 

-is it possible she could change?

Yes, she could very easily be even worse than she is now.

[reasonablegirl]

-do you think shes thinking about me/missing me even though she isnt showing it?

Sure she is thinking about you and possibly even having positive thoughts at times. But she is probably also thinking she is glad to not be in a relationship with you too. She may actually be missing you but I bet she is missing being in a relationship moreso than actually missing you in particular.

 

-do you think she will try and contact me soon?

I bet she will try to contact you if she is feeling lonely and wants to make herself feel better by knowing there is someone out there pining for her. You are currently a great self-esteem boost for her.

 

-is it possible she could change?

Do you mean change her mind? She is not going to change who she is. If you are asking will she change her mind and want you back? Probably she will for a few hours or days when she is feeling down, gets dumped by someone or something bad happens in her life. But she'll probably go back to not wanting to be with you soon thereafter so don't fall for it if she calls.

[blgmike2]

thank you so much. ur reply was very helpful.

 

any other girls out there wanna take a stab at my questions?

[XCRunner1]

^DN speaks the truth.

[servedcold]

Agree with other good advice here. Fact is, if this is the same woman you have described in the past, she is on to her next supply. These types don't ever hang around alone for long. Be grateful she isn't calling.

[SmashingPumpkin]

Hey mike...i know exaktly what ur going through!...Im in a similar situation...But what was your problem??...She broke up with you right??..What was her reason again?

[blgmike2]

Hey mike...i know exaktly what ur going through!...Im in a similar situation...But what was your problem??...She broke up with you right??..What was her reason again?

 

just wanted to be single. still in love with me, just wants to be single for a little and have her space. assured me no one else in picture

[XCRunner1]

just wanted to be single. still in love with me, just wants to be single for a little and have her space. assured me no one else in picture

 

Mike, you have got to wake up from this b.s. man. I'm starting to take how she is brainwashing you personally.

 

Lemme translate this for you.

 

"I want to be single so I am free to look around without feeling guilty. I will still tell him that I love him, so he will always be there as a safety net...waiting for me, thinking about me. I want my freedom so I can see if the grass is greener somewhere else- maybe that guy I was hanging around with before I broke it off with Mike. I will tell Mike that there is no one else in the picture and I am not looking for anyone else or another relationship. This way, even though I'll be looking around, he'll think I'm just taking action for self-improvement. I can come back to Mike at any time and he'll take me back in a heartbeat."

[annie24]

yeah, that's pretty much it......

[blgmike2]

maybe you all are right..

 

..but it still doesnt take the hurt and pain out of my heart. like i said, things have been better but i miss her so much. i want her back.

[redhotchilipepper]

maybe you all are right..

 

..but it still doesnt take the hurt and pain out of my heart. like i said, things have been better but i miss her so much. i want her back.

 

Hey man its totally normal for you to miss her...everyone goes through this but the important thing is to think ahead and for you not to be hurt in the future if possible. Do things differently than you once did because if you get back together with her and you break up again your going to feel alot worse the next time around but if you stick to NC things will only get better...believe me none of us here want you to get hurt thats what we are all here for but its up to you to open the door...the handle is on your side you have to be the one willing to walk through it...it can be tough but thats life.

[blgmike2]

Hey man its totally normal for you to miss her...everyone goes through this but the important thing is to think ahead and for you not to be hurt in the future if possible. Do things differently than you once did because if you get back together with her and you break up again your going to feel alot worse the next time around but if you stick to NC things will only get better...believe me none of us here want you to get hurt thats what we are all here for but its up to you to open the door...the handle is on your side you have to be the one willing to walk through it...it can be tough but thats life.

 

yea yall are right. but its hard to let go when someone has been in your life for 2+ years and was your best friend and then it go to like nothing ever existed. like we dont know each other. i miss her hugs, her kiss, her comfort, i miss it all. and i feel empty or half without it. sure for the past 3 months she hasnt treated me like the past 2+ years of our relationship but i have no one to blame but me for pushing it with her. so i dont throw all the blame on her.

 

im sure she misses me and probably is thinking about me alot. i mean she has to be right? you cant date someone for 2+ years and just forget about them. im sure she will contact me soon. what do you all think? if she does, ill pick up but wont act like anything is wrong with me you know? thoughts?

 

...im afraid of being alone. she made me feel so alive.

[XCRunner1]

im sure she misses me and probably is thinking about me alot. i mean she has to be right? you cant date someone for 2+ years and just forget about them. im sure she will contact me soon. what do you all think? if she does, ill pick up but wont act like anything is wrong with me you know? thoughts?

 

...im afraid of being alone. she made me feel so alive.

 

I'm going to be honest with you and tell you that she probably doesn't miss you right now, and isn't probably thinking about you. She is probably relieved that she finally let things go without hurting you too much- or making it look like she was doing anything wrong. You allowed her to step all over you...and like a wise person once told me on here: you have to have a backbone when you're dealing with women, you have to be strong. Desperation is a sign of weakness and she painted you with it.

 

And yes, 2 years is a while- but the way this girl was treating you at the end, "I'll let you know my decision on Friday" blah blah....that is bull * * * * bud. NO respect for you at all. No respect. Do you want a girl that doesn't respect you? She was stringing you along and playing you like a violin, singing her empty words...Do you want that in your life???

 

And yeah, she might contact, but not for the reasons you're looking for. They will be selfish reasons- just a check-up to see if your still strung out for her. And the moment you take the bait, she will disappear again with a bigger ego. And yeah, it's a nasty process and makes YOU feel powerless.

 

You need to work on yourself, honestly. I'm just looking out for you. That last statement you made is the sign of a person who needs some time to find himself again. This girl shouldn't be your life, she should be a part of your life, someone who completes it. But never should you be dependent on her for happiness, and never make her a priority when she is making you an option. That is one of the best things you can take from this.

 

If she calls, you need to suck it up and either tell her that she should not contact you, or don't pick it up at all. By being nicey-nice and act like she didn't do anything to you, you will * * * * yourself deeper. DON'T DO IT. Don't validate her decision to break up with you.