rookie44 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 I work with this 20 year old girl and her mother. The 20 year girl is beautiful and has a great body, but has absolutely no desire for a relationship. Her mother and dad say all she does is read books and keep to herself. They keep telling her she needs to get a life and do more socially, but she refuses. She klings a lot to her mother. We could show her a dirty picture and she'd say it's gross or something. I could probably stand there in front of her naked and she wouldn't get the least bit excited! What is wrong here? Social anxiety? Could she be immature? Or a lesbian? Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Is this one of those 'if she doesn't fancy me she must be a lesbian' things? It sounds to me like she could be shy, or that she simply doesn't want to have a relationship right now. If her parents keep pushing her, that is not going to help either, as the natural inclination of someone that age is to do the complete opposite of what their parents are pushing them to do. I reckon she's one of those girls who is just living her life, is happy enough with it, and one day will just meet a random guy she likes and surprise everyone. Link to comment
rookie44 Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 Yes, I guess you're right. I wouldn't say she was a lesbian, that's not fair. But not to get into a relationship or at least socialize is a little disturbing, don't you think? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Calling her immature is the pot calling the kettle black. People who are more interested in reading books is not a sign of immaturity. I would say that showing her a dirty picture in order to get a reaction out of her is a sign of immaturity. What's it to you if she doesn't feel like dating and is more interested in books. There is a whole wide world of women your age who are just thrilled to pieces to get naked and have sex at the drop of a hat...so you should have no problems finding someone else (or several others). Leave her to live her life as she sees fit. Link to comment
rookie44 Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 But what about the lack of socialization, isn't that odd? Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 lol. I wouldn't presume to know what she wants or thinks just yet. Perhaps she doesn't like the selection of men around her right now. That wouldn't be unheard of. Anyhow, this reminded me of a little movie called Blue Crush. A guilty indulgence of mine. The part where the friend says, just bc he thinks you look good in a bathing suit is that a reason to go changing for a guy? lol. She is smart in bouncing away a guy who is only wanting her for her beautiful body. Link to comment
rookie44 Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 I didn't say i wanted her for her beautiful body, only. She told me she's not interested in a relationship, just want to be friends. However, she doesn't even know HOW to be a friend! Friends to me are interactive, hang out with each other, share laughs, call each other, she doesn't even do that! There's something wrong with her! Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 Nah, it's called rejection. We all experience it. That's no reason to start slamming her here. Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 I didn't say i wanted her for her beautiful body, only. She told me she's not interested in a relationship, just want to be friends. However, she doesn't even know HOW to be a friend! Friends to me are interactive, hang out with each other, share laughs, call each other, she doesn't even do that! There's something wrong with her! Maybe what she actually meant was she's not interested in a relationship with YOU, so was saying she would just be your friend to let you down gently! Your assuming she doesnt know how to be a friend because she's not hanging out with you or texting you and is happy to read a book, learn and become knowledgeable about better things than new model cell phones blah de blah. Theres nothing wrong with her at all! Your problem is that you cant adjust your notion of friendship to suit the recipient Link to comment
rookie44 Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 I guess the truth hurts for me. I'm not the one for her. I guess I was grasping at straws. Nothing I can do but just be her friend on her terms I guess. Rejection hurts! Oh well.... Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 I guess the truth hurts for me. I'm not the one for her. I guess I was grasping at straws. Nothing I can do but just be her friend on her terms I guess. Rejection hurts! Oh well.... it does, but next time you see her you could ask her what sort of books she likes to read. Who knows, it may strike up a conversation you find interesting and lead to a more mature sort of friendship than youve had in the past? Link to comment
rookie44 Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 So could there be any possible hope? Could something evolve over time? Or should I just quietly move on? Link to comment
Hope_Springs_Eternal Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 So could there be any possible hope? Could something evolve over time? Or should I just quietly move on? when you say 'move on' your implying that theres something current between you which there isnt? Just get on with your life, meet different people, just talk to her like a normal person, ask questions, I'll bet shes much more interesting than you give her credit for, but dont think of all your romantic eggs in her basket because she's already said 'just friends'. She may change her mind if she sees you as someone interesting that she has things in common with, but that requires a level of growth on your part to accommodate the fact that not everyone who hasnt got lots of friends to hang out with isnt 'normal'. In fact, she may be a lot more balanced because she doesnt feel the need to 'friend collect' to prove her popularity, and is self secure enough to enjoy her own company. Link to comment
CaptainNapalm Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 What makes you think there is something wrong with her? She is still very young and her sexual desires may come a little later in life. Perhaps she has other priorities now which is a perfectly reasonable choice for her. Frankly, I don't think there is anything wrong with her and even if she choses to live like this throughout her full life, just not dating or messing around with guys is her choice, nothing wrong with that. Link to comment
rookie44 Posted May 24, 2008 Author Share Posted May 24, 2008 When I met her she was very shy and quiet, would never talk to me, etc. Over time she has changed a lot. She now talks to me, and we do have a good time. She seems more comfortable around me. I don't think there's something wrong with her now, maybe it's me! Maybe I rushed things and expected a little to much from her. I think I did. I'll continue to be her friend, and, should something materialize, great! I guess either way she is a friend I like. Link to comment
Lana0120 Posted May 24, 2008 Share Posted May 24, 2008 I think you should stick to being friends with her. From what you've said, nothing makes it sound like she's a lesbian, immature or anything else negative. In fact if anything, it sounds like she is level-headed and mature. Link to comment
Sky_Ronin Posted May 26, 2008 Share Posted May 26, 2008 I think she is just a late bloomer. There is nothing wrong with that at all. So for now just progress at her pace and see what is in store for the both of you in the future. Link to comment
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