Hurting and Lost

[Kreboo]

Hi. I have never posted on a message board, but I am in real need of advice and someone to listen. I have recently been dumped and it was the shock of my life. I had been with my boyfriend for a little over a year and I thought that we had such a future in store for us. The back story is that I had moved several states away from "home" because of a job and luckily I had a good friend from school here, so I moved in with her. At the time, I had a boyfriend back home, but I met "Mr. Perfect" here. He worked with my roomate and he was just beautiful and funny and smart and we clicked and before I knew it, he had me breaking up with my old boyfriend and I was with him. Now, we were not perfect. We argued, as most people do, but it was about trivial stuff and we did not see eye to eye on all things, but we had fun together and there was passion and I never thought that I could care so deeply for someone. We were together all the time.

Anyway, he recently purchased a home, and he considered me in every aspect of it from the building of it to the decorating of it. I poured my energy (and more that a little $$) into it - thinking long term. However, things obviously took a bad turn... I think it could have been stress-induced or money-induced, but we had been bickering about silly things. We were still together all the time, still emailing, calling, "I love yous" but then he just dumped me. He told me that out personalities do not "mesh" well enough that there could be a long-term future. He said we argue too much (I guess at all means too much). He floored me and surprised me and now he wont talk to me. He asked me not to contact him and I'm respecting that, but how does one turn it iff like that or become so cold so fast? I know there is noone else - my roomate would have seen it if I couldn't. It is like he just stopped dead in his tracks and I am so sad. We had tons of future plans. He was my whole world out here away from home. I am so far from everyone minus my roomate and I just want to know why this happens. I loved him, and I love him and I feel so blindsided. I will see him all the time b/c we have mutual friends. I have not seen him yet, but I fear that more than anything. I feel like my heart has been torn from me... I can't eat and I can't sleep and I just wanted to talk about it a little. I feel so cheated and so foolish and it just hurts...

[starblubber]

I can't really offer you any advice casue something similar has just happened to me and my minds not in the right place to give advice but if it makes you feel better your not the only one out there feeling like this right now. i know coming onto this messageboard and reading other people's storied is helping a tiny little bit.

 

I havn't eaten in like 5 days and I can't sleep either. When I do sleep I have the worst dreams that me and my girl/ex get back together.

 

sucks to be us eh

[Kreboo]

I have had the same eating/dreaming problems. It is just the worst feeling.

 

We were supposed to go to his sister's baby shower tomorrow... I hear he's been going on every night, which he does not normally do. It is probably not good for me to be hearing about him, but I do. Meanwhile, I feel horrific. I've been fighting the urge to contact him. It's hard b/c it is the weekend, but that would just make things worse...

 

I guess I can't believe that he does not miss me. I wish I could just "turn it off" like that...

 

Thanks for replying. Hearing that I'm not alone does help...

[NEBO]

At the time, I had a boyfriend back home, but I met "Mr. Perfect" here. He worked with my roomate and he was just beautiful and funny and smart and we clicked and before I knew it, he had me breaking up with my old boyfriend and I was with him.

 

you wish you could "just turn off"??!!

well you (censored) DID when you dumped your last bf for your new Alpha Male!!

Just like every other whore female...soulless.

 

It fills my heart with happiness to know you are suffering.

you DESERVE the pain you are feeling right now. you were PLAYED! he turned off to you so fast because he HAD NO FEELINGS FOR YOU AT ALL! he was in all liklihood seeing other women, or had others at the ready. SUFFER!!!!

 

100% of women want the same 1% of men, and act surprised when this 1% cheats on and dumps them. it's as though the 99% of males who would devote themselves to their woman are sub-humans or something, they don't enter into any female calculations.

[mermayd]

EXCUSE ME,NEBO?! how DARE you assume that all women are souless and heartless?! wait, I will not stoop to the level of anger with you.

I am surprised and awed at your reply. I for one, am not one of the 100% of women that you claim I and all women are. Matter of fact, I know quite a few women that have large, caring, compassionate hearts. I am sorry you have been with one who has hurt you so deeply that now you view all women to be this way. I will say simply..you are wrong. End of story.

 

Now, for Kreboo and starbubbler. I can understand the pain that you are in. I too, have been on that dark and lonely path. It does get better somehow, someway. It sounds to me that your guy was terrified of the commitment that was at hand. Moving in together into a house is a rather large step...it is more than living togeether, it is practically establishing a life together and a statement that one day will be marraige. Maybe he was not able to admit this just yet, and his choice was not the perfect one to just leave and run away from his problems. I think it just hit him that you two could spend the rest of your lives together, and your views on this were different. had you ever actually talked about this beforehand? If not, that leads me to believe that he was scared even more-so. Maybe he was only looking at the recent events, (which I might add that the arguments were probably due to stress, anxiety, and challenge) and seeing the relationship as negative and not compatible, rather than focusing on the fact that arguments do occur and relationships take work. It is not all negative. I do not know how much this will help you in your pain, but maybe to just give you more of an understanding. Have you talked to him about things after you broke up? Does he have specific things that bother him that could be fixed or that were merely related to stress? I think the the most important factor in a relationship is communication. If you are not able to do this, then there is nothing, it becomes fake, a vision of perfection. But if you know what eachother want and expect, then things can actually be worked on rather than resulting to the extremes as he did. I believe that you have a very high understanding of this, I feel that he does not and maybe needs to have it explained to him...I hope this was of some help. If you have anymore questions, feel free to ask.

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

I wanted to wait with my reply till Mermayd commented on this. Thank you, Mermayd for your wonderful insight. You are 100% right.

 

As for Nebo: eNotalone is an open forum and we all live in a free country. But to avoid more hurt, it might be a constructive idea to avoid generalizing a sexe, culture, religion or race.

 

We are all humans with different backgrounds and cultures. I can tell so from experience, living in a multi cultural society in one of the countries that has the highest population density in the world. Besides that I have visited the US and Canada and found that even the cultures there are different than back here in Europe.

 

Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes, trying to learn from them. Differences in cultures also exist. I find it wrong to generalize an entire sexe over one situation.

 

I hope this clarifies a little... thank you for reading this post.

 

~ SwingFox ~

[b1tch_k1tty]

I cheated on my boyfriend because in my mind i didn't think we was together,because we always fight & because his ex girlfriend before me is having his baby and he didn't know about it till she told him he says that he wants to do the right thing and be there for the baby,i guess i was really mad at the fact that i loved him not her and i want to be with him so i guess i didn't want that feeling to go away the feeling of his love so i cheated on him with my ex boyfriend...But i love him so much he will not talk to me....i have said i was sorry but there is nothing i can say or do anymore...I miss him what do i do???? i understand that i made a mistake but everybody in life makes a mistake why can't he understand where i am comeing from???i know that he sould be the one here talking to you not me...but your my only hope...please help me i need it....i love him so much...Love always