Feelings from break up period still haunting me ! ! ! Why ?!

[Hunny1607307342]

Hi all

 

So me and my ex got back together a couple of weeks ago (after 6 months - some know the story) and its so far been incredible, fantastic, and i can honestly say i feel sometimes like i am living a miracle. We resolved our old issues and just genuinely make each other so so happy.

 

But recently, (and by recently i mean last night and tonight), whilst we're talking, i sometimes bring up stuff from the 'inbetween time' because it relates to the conversation, and when this happens I suddenly become very sad. This then makes me sound very tense on the phone. You could even say I seem pretty quiet and moody (ie the opposite to my usual personality). It bugs me because it happened again tonight and obviously this is not pleasant for him. He has no idea why though, and i'm 100% sure it will be blown over by tomorrow morning, but it's really affected me badly tonight. I'm not sure if I should tell him how i feel?

I think its to do with the fact that whenever the break up time is brought up, it really brings back haunted memories of how hurt and torn up i was by it inside. I'm surprised at myself for feeling like this, because considering how incredible our relationship is now, i thought the 'break up time' would now be like a joke to me. I'm surprised at myself for feeling something. I even cried for about half an hour straight just now because in passing i brought up a time when he responded to a cold text of mine. It was as though a flood of negative energy just came back to me right there and then, and the tears i didnt let out at the time just needed to be let out.

My friends just say that i shouldnt mention this to him, about how i feel, instead they say i simply shouldnt bring up the past for me to feel this way. It just always seems to come up once in a while though.

And tonight i was so aggrivated i think i must have aggrivated him by the end of the phone conversation, as i was quite tense and detached.

Like i said its not a prevalent thing in our relationship, its only happened last night and tonight. i'm beginning to wonder if its hormonal.I really dont know what to do, i'm not sure if its a wise idea to tell him that when we bring up the past it really angers me because he did essentially rip out my heart and i feel he should take more responsibility for having done so. i dont want to fight though.

he's been incredible though since the reconciliation, extremely kind and giving, so maybe i am just being a spoilt brat here and i dont realise it.

i dont know!! hence need advice please guys!! thank you xxxxxxx

[Batya33]

I agree with your friends and you need to remind yourself that it doesn't just happen to come up, and even if it does - purely by accident - you can choose to immediately change the topic. Or, if you insist on reliving it in his presense just be prepared that as wonderful as he is that can get to be a bit much especially since you just got back together. Maybe journal about it if you get the urge so that he doesn't need to be subjected to it.

 

I think it's normal to have bad reactions to the intense period you just went through, it will subside soon and meanwhile there are things you can do to channel those feelings and your reactions to those feelings to outlets other than to him.

[Hunny1607307342]

thanks batya

so you think its a bad idea to mention this to him?

[DN]

thanks batya

so you think its a bad idea to mention this to him?

Yes it is. You know when people say "move on"? That is when a relationship has failed but it is also true when you are putting one back together.

 

Always learn from mistakes but never let them haunt you - that is just making another mistake.

[Litgirl01]

A lot of times when there is a breakup and you get back together there is a loss of trust! Stinks!!!

[Losin Confidence]

Hi Hunny,

 

You are obviously happy with the state of the relationship right now so bringing up someothing like that to him is a no no.

 

Do it through your actions and not your words.

 

Put it this way.

 

NEGATIVE THOUGHTS = NEGATIVE RELATIONSHIP EVENTUALLY

POSITIIVE THOUGHTS = POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP AND CONFIEDENCE.

 

You choose.

[needhimso]

I've been wondering how I would react to getting back together with my ex (since I'm trying to be positive that things will work out and we are talking much more now than in the last month we were together). I really don't think you can be expected to all of a sudden forget things that have happened and the grief you experienced. I don't really know your story, but it seems impossible to me to go from feeling like you had your heart ripped out to picking things up where they left off and being happier than ever. My ex broke it off two and a half months ago, and as happy as it would make me to have him back, it would be a little odd at first. You start to get used to being apart from them (though not by choice), and I'm sure it can be a little awkward to all of a sudden be in a relationship again. I'm sure these feelings you're having will start to fade, but I wouldn't mention it unless he asks.

[EyesOnThePrize]

There are a bunch of books out there on marriages surviving affairs (I haven't read any, so I'm not recommending any). While not everyone here has been in a marriage, I think wandering partners, especially those who rebound, are similar to an affair. I suspect there's some insights in these books that could be useful in situations where there was a breakup and reunification. Just a thought.

[greywolf]

You know, I think you will have those feelings for a time and they will eventually fade away.

 

I know this doesn't relate exactly but I feel like it's pretty close. There was a time when my ex went through very bad depression and it affected me very much. Eventually she started getting better, but it took me months to get over it. I would think about what we went through when she was depressed and I would feel extremely sad.

But I'm over it now. And I'm sure you will get over it too.

[Hunny1607307342]

Yep youre all so right, thanks for the advice

[CatsMeeoow]

Hunny -

 

All I can say is keep your eyes on the prize.... You're back together now but that doesn't mean that its clear sailing from here on out. Relationships are work and give and take.

 

Sit down and make a list of things you processed and learned while you two were apart. These are things that you may not have learned otherwise. These are things to take into this new beginning and use them to your advantage. Think about how its possible that the issues between you two may never have been addressed or adjusted... think about how if that had been allowed to go that neither one of you would have wanted to stay in that and that you wouldn't be where you are now.

 

So everytime doubt sinks in about the way you felt at that time look at that list and see how far you've come baby! And, use that to get your strength and make this the best relationship ever!

 

Good Luck!