How Often Do You Cry?.....How often is too often?!

[Brokenhearted87]

Just a quick question....

 

my ex and I broke up a month ago, was fairly amicable, but due to my psycho/clingy/freak out/separation anxiety behaviour, it's all gone wrong and it's pretty clear I won't hear from him again.

 

Anyway, since we broke up, I have cried every day. The first few weeks I don't even remember more than two hours passing when I didn't break down (yes even at work and college....embarrassing). Now I still cry everyday, I would say anywhere from 2-5 times. Is that too much? When I spoke to him last (bizarrely a good conversation last Monday), he was like "it's been nearly a month? why are you still crying over me? stop crying" Good to know how easy it is for him.

 

Just out of nowhere I will get a sudden wave of sadness and loss and loneliness wash over me. I had a big weep about ten minutes ago because I looked at my phone and there was nothing on it as usual, I haven't heard from him in over a week despite efforts to contact him, and I just realised, he's gone from my life.

 

So does anyone else turn on the waterworks as often as me?! I'm a mess! It's probably a pointless question, but I was just wondering!

[metrogirl]

Every hour today.......I don't know if I'm crying out of frustration that he's an ass or crying because he was such a manipulative liar.

[Litgirl01]

I don't cry anymore....I did a couple of times last week but up until then, I was pretty much numb. Your grief is unique to YOU! Don't let anyone tell you that you should or should not be doing anything. Now, having said that...you don't want to spend months and months hanging on and crying over your ex when you could be working on healing so that you can meet new prospects! It's up to you how long you want to put your life on hold for someone who dumped you. Being the fabulous girl you are, I hope you work on healing so you can find someone who will give you the love you deserve. You WILL!!

[lillie]

Only at sad movies....

 

I suppose touch wood i have been lucky in these stakes..

[EyesOnThePrize]

I was in tears a bunch this morning. I no longer resist them. I find them cleansing. After so many years of pushing down my emotions, I like experiencing them. Its different, its a little scary to me sometimes, and I think its good for me.

[Brokenhearted87]

Thanks everyone.

 

Metrogirl I hope you feel a bit better soon.

 

LitGirl.....I really don't want to be crying over him in a few months time! It's a pathetic feeling to know you are crying over a lost cause, someone who has made it clear, despite having previously said everything to the contrary, that he does not want me in his life. They don't know you're sobbing your heart out over them everyday! Uh! I keep wishing it could be a few months down the line, I'd love to see how I'd feel, where I am, and how things pan out between us.

[segor56]

I either cry hysterically when I'm alone, or I will be doing something totally random and I'll have that emotional stream of tears flowing down one eye. I honestly like that kind of crying because it's letting go.

 

I don't cry much anymore, though. But, I don't hold it back when I need to. Crying is helpful.

[nickbroken]

I don't cry too much anymore really at all, if I think about the kid I do....but otherwise I am good....and there is no too much let those tears flow don't hold it in don't become one of the others and let the bitterness hold you.

[ifloatabove]

It's been two weeks and I used to cry multiple times everyday. Now it's once a day, if that, I can't seem to get anymore out but the heaving and the pain are there. I'll be doing ok but the feelings will rush back and I'll be a mess. I'd love to see where I am a month from now though. I would say I'm doing considerably well I guess. You seem so smart - accepting the reality of the situation, which is what I'm trying to do and hopefully, crying will be less and less for you. Mine dry up fast when I think that he's not spending time crying over me. It feels like such a waste and to think he has that kind of power over me is revolting. I try to think of that.

[Brokenhearted87]

Hey ifloatabove!

 

Well....you should be proud of yourself! You're doing a lot better than I was 2 weeks ago!

 

And believe me when I say this, I have been ANYTHING BUT smart in my handling of the situation....he was perfectly happy to be friends yada yada but I couldn't handle it and drove him to the point where I'm now (literally) blocked from contacting him (see the now multiple psycho ex threads for the gorey details!)

 

Of course you are going to be down about this. You have loved and lost. I know, it REALLY is awful. I still love him. I can't control that. However I can learn to control my actions and just accept that he doesn't want contact from me anymore.

 

Wish the tears were as easy to control!

 

Be proud of yourself, you seem to be coping very well under the circumstances. I'm sorry you are hurting, I hate it when people say this, but I think that I *and a lot of other people on the boards* can honestly mean it when I say: I know how you feel!

 

Hugs to you!

[J_man]

added benefit: the more you cry the less you have to pee, so you're saving yourself some time, as well as grieving. both healthy!

[Brokenhearted87]

LOL thanks JMan....I never pee much anyway though! haha.

 

You cheered me up a little though....I've been worrying about getting wrinkles from all this crying!

[lana111]

im not a crier, but ive also never been dumped...

 

when i dumped by last ex, i think i cried a few times after. it was mostly bc i felt so bad for dumping him. i felt like a mother abandoning her child (well sorta but not that bad).

 

ive also cried a few times in my life out of frustration, that usually gets me more than sadness.

[metrogirl]

LOL thanks JMan....I never pee much anyway though! haha.

 

You cheered me up a little though....I've been worrying about getting wrinkles from all this crying!

 

not sure if you can get wrinkles from too much crying......aren't the tears just moisturizing the skin anyway? LOL

[J_man]

well you can increase your water intake, and pee the same amount you would be if you were not crying, so that your skin will have access to more moisture from within that'll defend against the wrinkles somewhat.

[Brokenhearted87]

LOL this thread has taken an unprecedented diversion! My threads tend to do that it seems haha!!!

 

I hope you don't get em from crying (wrinkles)....I just thought I'd read on here that it weakens the skin around your eyes and leads to wrinkles! Yikes...I've never cried so much as in the last month!

 

Agree with MissKitty on the general stress impact!!Haha!

 

Jman....you are now my consultant dermatologist. My skin has been looking crappy of late! I will up my water intake immediately lol!

[kuiks8]

There are no rules to pain...your body knows what you need and sometimes the only thing that helps is tears...while dealing with all this don't worry about the norm do what is right for yourself...

[lana111]

Lana, had you met someone? Is that why you dumped him?

 

yep.

 

well i had dumped him twice before but the third time it stuck, probably bc i had someone i wanted to be with.

[ifloatabove]

Hey Brokenhearted! Well no matter how you handled your relationship, you do sound really level-headed right now and that's what will get you through. You gotta keep thinking that you have to move on otherwise the feelings you have will keep you where you are. I gotta get out more. If I did, I'd probably recover quicker. Or maybe if I shut my mind off for a bit, that might help too. The longing gets to be too much sometimes. And I went a little crazy after mine too only my bargaining didn't work and my sincere and honest want to change and make it work. Don't need a useless, immature, and confused man anyway! I miss certain parts of him that aren't there anymore.

 

We go a little crazy sometimes after breakups but it's time to get back to you and eventually you'll stop loving him and find someone who wouldn't have broken up with you. I've been hearing this all the time and I'm starting to really grasp what it means. It means I'll find someone who won't make me feel this way. Yes it was love and I'm sure he was capable of love but not the lasting kind. That's the kind I want and I'm sure as heck going to find it. I just need to wipe away the tears and keep going.

 

Crying doesn't relax me anymore from all the effort it takes. And I don't think I can do much of it right now but sometimes it helps! I cried while my best friend put his arm around me. That helped too!

[Brokenhearted87]

Awwwww!

 

Yeah, I REALLY need to get out more. Lost touch with a lot of my friends....so I'm kind of in a rut there. I'm sure it would be much easier if I was constantly out and about and very busy. Supposed to be studying for exams in a few weeks so REALLY need to get down to that...so hard to focus right now!

 

But yes, hard as it is to believe, maybe my ex did love me at some point. He says he thought he did anyway?!?! It's been driving me mad running back over that over and over, so I just have to stop now and try to forget it.

 

I am a level headed person usually, yeah! I was during the relationship. That's why my behaviour has come as a major shock to both me and him! I guess love really can make you go crazy if it's pulled from under you!

 

I am finding that I cry much more out of frustration with the situation I've created. Sucks. I miss him.

 

I really want to get past the crying, as therapeutic as it can be, it is really tiring me out.

[DeviousDevil]

I cried in the two weeks before she dumped me when we went into NC, because I saw the writing on the wall and didn't want it to happen.

 

A week and a half on, I'm just confused and annoyed that having done nothing wrong I'm totally cut out of her life. I don't cry anymore, she just isn't the same person that loved me. I'm surprised I don't still cry, especially as this morning I woke up having dreamt about us being together and things being good.

 

Crying is good, it does make you feel better, let it flow. I have only cried once as an adult before this relationship, gives an indication of how much she meant to me.

[Brokenhearted87]

I cried in the two weeks before she dumped me when we went into NC, because I saw the writing on the wall and didn't want it to happen.

 

A week and a half on, I'm just confused and annoyed that having done nothing wrong I'm totally cut out of her life. I don't cry anymore, she just isn't the same person that loved me. I'm surprised I don't still cry, especially as this morning I woke up having dreamt about us being together and things being good.

 

Crying is good, it does make you feel better, let it flow. I have only cried once as an adult before this relationship, gives an indication of how much she meant to me.

 

Yeah....my ex actually cried when he was breaking up with me (on the phone and then in person).....it was actually pretty touching under the circumstances lol....we were sitting there crying. And he had only ever cried before as an adult when his granny and dad died.

 

I know how you feel about the being cut out for apparently nothing, I'm in the same boat (though I did go a bit nutty post break up, but I'm talking about the actual relationship), my ex couldn't even really explain why.

 

Uh, feel like crying now!

[DeviousDevil]

One good thing about the stress of a breakup, you definitely lose weight. I must have shed a stone and I started really working out again, so physically I'm better than I've been in years.

 

So, I suppose I can thank my Debi for that.

[kuiks8]

One good thing about the stress of a breakup, you definitely lose weight. I must have shed a stone and I started really working out again, so physically I'm better than I've been in years.

 

So, I suppose I can thank my Debi for that.

 

I agree i am way more active now then i was during my marriage. I am starting to use my maiden name because I don't even know who i was when i was with my ex...using my maiden name makes me feel more like me again...weird right?!

[Brokenhearted87]

Lol....yeah I've lost a good bit of weight too! I needed to anyway...but I guess I would have preferred a different catalyst to it!!! I still really don't have an appetite much of the time. When I see him again (I'm trying to be positive here...I'd hate to think I never will)....I want him to go haha! Maybe that's a separate thread there !