egygirl Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 My boyfriend and I have basically come to a crossroads in our long-distance relationship. I am in Egypt, and He's in Saudi Arabia. So, here's the deal: We have been talking for about 9 months. We are planning to meet next month or very soon. But We have been serious for the past 4 or 5 months. When we first met, he seemed like he was more interested in me. He used to flirt with me a lot, call me cute names, and say things like, "If we got married...." Once we started to become serious, he still calls me cute names and is sweet with me, but not as much as before. When we first met, we would talk almost everyday. And when he said he would talk to me online, he'd always keep his word. He has told me that for the past month or so, he has been very busy (his car was stolen, and he lost a huge amount of money in a loan he didn't get for his business). However, if you have feelings for the person, only a coma or death could keep you from keeping in contact with that person regularly. So in the past month or so, we have only talked 3 or 4 times. He has sent me text messages 1-2 times a week. Sometimes, he may go a week without sending a message or contacting me at all. The communication in the past month or so has been very erratic. And when he says he will come online to chat with me, 95% of the time, he doesn't show up. And he basically show's up randomly when I least expect him to. He tells me he misses me, and seemed concerned about me when he heard from my friend that I was sad that he hadn't talked to me for such a long time, like 2 1/2 weeks. So here is the issue...he hasn't contacted me like he used to at the beginning of our relationship. I don't know if that is because he is busy and his mind is pre-occupied with other things, or that he is just not that into me anymore. I want to know how he is feeling about me, if he loves me and is thinking about me. And I want to tell him how I feel. Really I love him sooo much, and I want this relationship to grow. But I wonder if he feels the same about me too?? What do you all think I should do? How should I go about telling him my feelings. What should I say, so that I don't scare him away or annoy him? What advice can you give me? Do you think his reasons for not contacting me for so long are valid? I would really appreciate your feedback and suggestions! sorry for the long message! Link to comment
Batya33 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 I think that you will know if you click for purposes of an in person relationship when you meet in person. But, I would not agree to meet anyone who couldn't be bothered to "show up" without a sincere apology, most of the time for our chats, whether in person or on line. Watch the feet - what he does - not the lips, what he says. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 i agree with batya. i don't think this is acceptable on his part.... i wonder if he met someone else which is why he is suddenly less interested, but still calls you because you are a backup plan? or i could be off. maybe he is stressed out with work, etc... but in any case, not showing up for your online chats is not cool. maybe it's time to break it off? Link to comment
egygirl Posted April 24, 2008 Author Share Posted April 24, 2008 I should clarify...He did apologize to me many times, when he didn't meet me when he said he would. There are times he didn't say sorry. Once in a while, he would call to say sorry, and sometimes, he would leave a message saying sorry if he didn't reply to my messages or meet me when he was supposed to. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 just how many times has he done this to you? once or twice is fine, but if he is constantly doing this, it's not ok, even if he says he is sorry. Link to comment
egygirl Posted April 25, 2008 Author Share Posted April 25, 2008 He has done it several times.. I am not sure...I know we need to talk...But I just don't know what to say to him, and how to go about it. Link to comment
annie24 Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 He has done it several times.. I am not sure...I know we need to talk...But I just don't know what to say to him, and how to go about it. how about - 'hey hon - my time is valuable, when we make plans to meet online, i have to rearrange my schedule, and there are other things i could be doing. when you break the appointment, then that wastes my time as i could have been doing something more productive. please don't do that again, only if it's a true emergency.' Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted April 25, 2008 Share Posted April 25, 2008 im sorry for pigeon holing but usually men in this culture are usually hard on themselves when they can't establish themselves financially. so maybe he's just really stressed. i would give him more time but do express yourself and make sure he understands how much he hurts you. my mom went through something similar, then he came around eventually. i wouldn't say its a guarantee but still. Link to comment
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