Keyman Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Chrissy, yeah those drugs can give you intense dreams. Sorry for your having to go through that. Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 Day 2 of NC. So far it's been good, I have bounced back surprisingly well from my kiss and cuddle contact with her on Thursday. Yes I thought about her a lot yesterday, and a little today, but have found it easy to step away from it. Sure I hope she'll contact me, but I'm not sitting around waiting for it, or checking the phone every five seconds or anything. I'm getting on with my stuff and keeping busy. After having an intensely emotional day yesterday because of the contact, knowing that I had something on last night as a distraction made me feel better, until it was cancelled 30 minutes before. Boy did that set me into a tail spin, firstly anger at the guy who cancelled it (I felt angry, I didn't express it to him) then depression, because all my down thoughts from the day came flooding back. But another friend to the rescue, we ended up going out for a steak dinner, having a good perve at the ladies in the bar (who needs antidepressants when lady watching with your buddies is free) and then to a movie. Today, after the gym, I feel great! Link to comment
chrissykissy83 Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 i keep missing him like mad and want him back and everything Link to comment
JimmerJammer Posted June 7, 2008 Share Posted June 7, 2008 So I mentioned to my ex how I was wondering whether or not she wanted us to continue phoning each other and to text message each other and such and she said yes or I don't know. I couldn't tell what she was referring to, but in any case it came to me telling her that I want me and her to try again and be happy together. She said it wouldn't happen over night and I agree with her, I mean I don't know whether or not she still has feelings for her other ex and the fact that me and her both have to make continual choices that are healthy and positive. It's a continual effort on both our parts and I asked her if she was willing to try and she said she could. So it seems at this point that me and her are on a slow start back to getting together again, but I know me and her still are very well off right now continuing to be good friends to the other and get to know each other better while working towards joining each other. Eventually I'll likely ask her if she wants me to send her that "about me" book I wanted to send her for her birthday, but at the time it seemed a bit too much you know? I am planning on sending that with some various pictures of me so she'll have something while she is away for the final months of the summer. Heck if we're not going to be able to talk much, she'll wanna have something of me to look at lol. At this point I am happy about this and really want us to work out. I know I can't expect anything at this point and again I'm taking things one day at a time and letting things play out without forcing it. She still very well could say "look I've changed my mind" or "I don't really know what I want" or whatever. As it stands though I will do my part and will continue to do so as she does her part. Which right now contains a lot of trust building and good emotions plus sharing more aspects of each others lives which reveals more about us. I feel me and her rushed through the friendship phase of a relationship and we missed out on that opportunity, I know for me it's what I was hoping for when we recently started communicating to each other again and if she still has deep feelings for me and wants me back and really does want to try again. She will find a man who is very much becoming in line with being happy, mature, true and authentic. She will find that I will be committed to those things as well as handling myself and handling what comes at me in life with equanimity. That is my goal and that is one aspect to what will be hard, but what we could get out of it what could become, I mean it's so desirable I would be hurting myself if I didn't. I feel like things now are coming together for me with good progress and I am continuing to work hard, play hard and study hard. My therapy is going very well and I am trying to go more than once a week to work on this further. Day by Day I am happier and happier and life is beautiful lol. Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Well, I went out and had some drinks with friends last night, which turned into a big night. So although I have been up for several hours now, I am still rather worse for wear. So of course, the mind has chosen to remind me how much I miss her. Thanks head, just when I need to feel depressed, when I'm hungover. I guess that since alcohol is a depressant, that would be why... The relationship killed my self esteem, being with her was bad for me, I am healing being away from her and my self esteem is coming back. But I miss her, I long for her, I just want more time with her. But I know it wont work. It is better that I get busy again and try to put her out of my head. I need to stop suffering from this. I will meet someone new soon, and will fall in love again. I guess that is the thing that is bringing me down the most, I have no-one but myself to express my love to. Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Well, as expected, have been hanging with some friends tonight, hangover has gone, and while I'm feeling a lot better. One of my friends told me tonight that I am addicted to her, or letting her go is like getting over an addiction. I think I'll try even harder to move on from her now. I really want not to think about her... Link to comment
Superfreak Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I don't want her back, I wouldn't let her back in my life if she begged, yet why the hell do I wonder what she's doing and who she's doing it with still? I need to find a new girl soon... Link to comment
metrogirl Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I guess it really doesn't matter how cordial I try to remain with him, it always comes back to bite me on the butt...... Granted he has done a lot of things for my family and would give the shirt off his back if we needed it, but does he have to constantly throw it in my face? If you are going to do something nice for someone because you know they need help, then just do it without reminding the person that you did this and that. I know what you have done and I'm grateful, but I'm not going to kiss your ass and let you talk to me anyway you please because you whipped out the check book....Doing something nice for my family does not mean there is a free pass to unleash your verbal assaults against me. Link to comment
starlight40 Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Im in absolute turmoil today, been broken uo with my ex boyf for about 2 weeks, hes been in thailand for 5 weeks, he cme back today and its just sent me back to square one](*,) Link to comment
peacehippy Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 I am on Day 14 and feel like I really screwed it up yesterday because I called and we got in a fight for nothing, as usual. Today I am trying to start fresh but I cant do NC because we have a 4 month old daughter together. Hopefully I can find a happy place everytime I drop or pick her up and really bite my tongue instead of talking to him. It just doesnt feel like I can get a real break from him. Link to comment
desi1987 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 day num 3..sigh Its hard i was doin good until i deided to go to my ex's web page..I KNO I KNO..mistake and i saw that she was apparently engaged after 2 wks. SHE JUST told me she was still in love with me on thursday..sigh I want to call her and idk scream at her..but i wont give her and her newbie the satisfaction Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Today is a public holiday in Aussie, and I'm sitting in my room alone. I do miss her, although I am trying not to think about her. I guess it is coming from being lonely that I am thinking about her. Am not sure what I'll do today, but will try to stay busy as I do not want to sit around moping. There are better, more constructive, things to do rather than think about what she is up to, yet I still find my mind slipping to that. Ah well, I'll give it time. I might go play a game on the computer and focus on something else. Link to comment
hamsalad Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Today is a public holiday in Aussie, and I'm sitting in my room alone. I do miss her, although I am trying not to think about her. I guess it is coming from being lonely that I am thinking about her. Am not sure what I'll do today, but will try to stay busy as I do not want to sit around moping. There are better, more constructive, things to do rather than think about what she is up to, yet I still find my mind slipping to that. Ah well, I'll give it time. I might go play a game on the computer and focus on something else. Out! Get outside! Don't stay in as you will end up just thinking about her. Go to the coffee shop, the mall, anything. What about the cute waitress? Assault her with wit and charm at once, soldier! Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Heh heh Hamsalad dude. I know I know, the game is being slightly distracting, as is chatting on here, but you're right, I should get out. The gym opens in half an hour and wass going to head down there then. Then my winggirl (the friend from work) might be free soon after she drops her boyfriend off at the airport (He's been up all weekend). So she might be some company this afternoon, hopefully. As for the cute waitress, I'll have to wait for tomorrow when the cafe opens to assault her with my wit, but I will be doing it. Damn, it's raining... I'm doing alright and she isn't frequenting my head too much at present! Link to comment
hamsalad Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Heh heh Hamsalad dude. I know I know, the game is being slightly distracting, as is chatting on here, but you're right, I should get out. The gym opens in half an hour and wass going to head down there then. Then my winggirl (the friend from work) might be free soon after she drops her boyfriend off at the airport (He's been up all weekend). So she might be some company this afternoon, hopefully. As for the cute waitress, I'll have to wait for tomorrow when the cafe opens to assault her with my wit, but I will be doing it. Damn, it's raining... I'm doing alright and she isn't frequenting my head too much at present! Rain is only water. You'll dry out eventually. Good, you have some short-term goals, simple as they are. Gym and hang out with a friend. Make it a point not to talk of the ex. The ex is henceforth and heretofore banished from any thoughts you may have today. Forthwith! Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I'll go for a run to the gym when it opens, and yeah, I'm gonna get wet anyway. And yes indeed! She will stay out of my thoughts henceforth. Sorry who was I not supposed to be thinking off? Link to comment
hamsalad Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 I'll go for a run to the gym when it opens, and yeah, I'm gonna get wet anyway. And yes indeed! She will stay out of my thoughts henceforth. Sorry who was I not supposed to be thinking off? Who are you speaking of? Were we talking about something? Huh? Link to comment
maciej Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 1 month of seperation, 4 days of the break up. Im doing really bad, can't stop thinking about her, can't sleep, feel sick. The thinking is killing me, i hate it! Link to comment
hamsalad Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 1 month of seperation, 4 days of the break up. Im doing really bad, can't stop thinking about her, can't sleep, feel sick. The thinking is killing me, i hate it! Be strong if you can. Let it out here on the forum as much as possible, too. It's a known fact that keeping busy will dull the pain. It will be hard just to get out of bed to do anything, but you must. Don't stay put and don't go backwards, either. Make sure you eat and sleep, but don't overdo either of them. Sorry for what you are going through! Link to comment
JimmerJammer Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Today was a very tiring yet very uplifting day for me. I had bad sleep last night which dealt mainly with having thoughts of my ex again. Good thoughts though, I can't describe the emotion I felt last night. I'm writing this before I have even gone to bed today so I know it won't be my best lol. Anyways, I'll get back to my ex in a bit, I was having an interesting day at work. We had an easy day, yet we were busy. Constantly running around and doing something, we were so far ahead we did some of tomorrows work today to help out fellow co-workers. We have a few residents where I work that have debilitating problems which can be sad at times, but I kind of chuckle at the thought of knowing that ya that'll probably be me one day. There's been a strange sort of response that's been coming from me lately and I think it deals more with having more care giving responsibilities required with my position. I've found myself growing more compassionate of the people I work for and there's something about it that allows me to feel more like an adult. There's good in it and I really enjoy how it helps me to grow. So things are going well between my ex and I. I'm still getting over the shock of comprehending the situation here. Underneath I am overwhelmed with such strong emotion that it's been hard resisting the urge to tell her too much or to say all these things about how much I think about her and still really, really care about her. I know in time I will and I only control saying too much only for now because I want us to work on this and not rush it. We both know how well we are together and how we share similar tastes and interests. The highly attractive energy between us I know she can't deny and I know I can't deny. There's just something there that consumes me and it feels like no amount of time would change that. It really seems to me that she means exactly as she says and she appears to have thought of me quite a lot. For her to pretty well do a 180, I get the feeling that she is genuine. Her and I have grown since our time apart and I only see that getting better with time. She said herself she feels she has. I know myself that I have. I suppose what it really comes down to is that when I think of her and look at her, I see someone I want to share a life with and be with. I acknowledge this and know this is what I want and it seems to me that quite honestly this is what she wants as well. Hearing that from her tonight, when I was on the phone with her for hours, gave me such strength I am quite looking forward to the time I see her again. I can definitely wait the 2 and a half months it will take before we do. The great thing being we have two and a half months to really work at it. It will take us building trust through calling fairly regularly and being supportive and such. I know myself that I am willing to do my part by being communicative with her while continuing to work on myself. I also know that this situation is calling for us to be true to each other. I'm not ready to back down from doing so and I know I take this second chance to be together very seriously. I don't want to rush it and so day by day I know eventually we'll be in each others arms again. Two and a half months is definitely a decent amount of time, but quite honestly it's a little sacrifice in comparison to finding that someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with. It seems to me she understands this and feels the same way about me at least that's how I've interpreted her answers. The more her and I stay true to what we have here and work at being there for one another, I see something really great coming from this. I know I will think of creative ways to express myself as to convey my love for her and that it will come to me. It's just one thing of many she and myself can do for each other, to let the other know we're being thought of and that we care. I really look forward to this. Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Today is the lowest of the low day, possibly one of the worst days I've had so far. Sure I miss her, even though I know I don't want to be with her. But in the big picture, missing her is the straw that broke the camels back. It's opened up a can of worms that I really want to do something about. To date, I've been pretty strong with it all, but running into her last Thursday and then having a very unhappy, lonely, long weekend has led me to seek help from my doctor. I've come to realise that I have been beeply depressed for a long time, and while I can fight to keep my head above water on a daily basis, I think I was using her as a happy pill, even though I knew the relationship wasn't going to work. I clung onto her to stop me toppling over the edge, even though she was the one pushing me. Since the break up, I have sought help from friends and from here, but it's no longer enough anymore. I can't do it on my own, so I am seeking medical help. Link to comment
Bob3000 Posted June 9, 2008 Share Posted June 9, 2008 Hey Keyman, Sorry to hear you're feeling so low. But glad to hear you're taking steps to deal with the bigger issues. I've had my bad days. They were every other day, but the last one was about a week ago ... Earlier today I was thinking of thanking my ex for breaking up with me, as it gave me the kick up the backside I needed to sort my life out. (Just thinking about it, not actually planning on doing it!) Of course, I wish she'd been able to help me deal with these issues without ending the relationship. But there were other issues in the relationship too and I'm now free to find a relationship with no major obstacles. Hopefully, you'll eventually arrive at a similar place - and then move beyond it... In the meantime, I've been rebuilding friendships and making new ones, reading self-help books and listening to self-help CDs, and getting fit. Now a little over a month after the break-up of a three year relationship with the woman I loved more than anything, and would have done anything for, I'm almost ready to start dating again... Good luck. Bob Link to comment
BrendaWalsh Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 Its hard i was doin good until i deided to go to my ex's web page..I KNO I KNO..mistake and i saw that she was apparently engaged after 2 wks. SHE JUST told me she was still in love with me on thursday..sigh I want to call her and idk scream at her..but i wont give her and her newbie the satisfaction Wait, you've been broken up for how long and she's already engaged to someone else?? Link to comment
Panda2008 Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I don't think you will regret your decision to seek medical help for your depression, and well done for looking at what was underneath your unhappiness and then doing something about it. Depression is a hideous thing, but it can be treated and no doubt you will make a full recovery. Then things will seem much clearer, and about 100 per cent easier! Let us know how you're getting on. Link to comment
Keyman Posted June 10, 2008 Share Posted June 10, 2008 I am still rather low today, but have been given advice by the doctor along with some antidepressants. They perked me up yesterday with their initial blast, but will take a few days before their effect will begin properly being felt. I am glad I took the step, as in doing so, I have been able to begin seeing more clearly what I must do. It seems that while I am making myself busy, I am not making myself busy in the right way. I'm a social creature that wants people contact and withdrawing from the world, or getting my people contact over the net just isn't enough. My small group of friends isn't enough and my flatmate who is missing in action most of the time and doesn't talk when he is there, doesn't help either. Time to take the next step and get out there, join a sports club or two and just generally not be at home as much. I do want to meet someone new, but I can't make full room in my life for someone that isn't there yet, that seems to be leading me to the depression. So I need to fill the gap with more active, social pursuits. As for the ex, I still still still still working on that one. I need to stay as far away from her as I possibly can, but that is easier said than done. I'm still fighting the want to have her somewhere in my life. I look forward to it all being over. Link to comment
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