Day by Day Let us all know!

[hamsalad]

Ok, get together a plan of action and act on it. Time for yourself now. He's not the "rock" that you need so now you need to be that rock. A foundation of sorts. Stick to your plan!

 

Be good to yourself!

[allypally]

If only I knew what action plan to go with.

 

We are spending this weekend together. He is coming to a friend's wedding reception next fri but I don't feel comfortable with this, since he is flirty with other women.

 

Its such a mess now, and I long for peace. Have tried everything, he seemed to step up to the plate but I sensed detachment from him yesterday evening.

 

Maybe its just my head thats mixed up right now.

 

Have you got any suggestions as to how I go about 'walking away' in the least hurtful way if that makes sense.

[hamsalad]

If only I knew what action plan to go with.

 

We are spending this weekend together. He is coming to a friend's wedding reception next fri but I don't feel comfortable with this, since he is flirty with other women.

 

Its such a mess now, and I long for peace. Have tried everything, he seemed to step up to the plate but I sensed detachment from him yesterday evening.

 

Maybe its just my head thats mixed up right now.

 

Have you got any suggestions as to how I go about 'walking away' in the least hurtful way if that makes sense.

 

There is no easy way to walk away from a relationship. There are just varying levels or respect and integrity.

 

The best way is to decide what you want for yourself. Period. Done. Next, be truthful to him and explain what you are going to do to achieve this. This is where it's tricky as he may play a guilt trip, tell you he'll change or start crying and such. So, you must be prepared ahead of time to be strong.

 

Make a comparison: Which is better? You + Him or Just you?

[allypally]

No, its not easy hence being in this mess in the first place. It only gets worse the longer it is left and makes things more complicated. Would rather walk away than find out he is seeing someone else.

 

Can you explain his comment about wanting to spend the rest of his life with me though?? A relationship thats not going well 8 months in does not warrant life-long commitment comments like that. My thought was emotional blackmail to keep me hooked.

 

Obviously none of you guys have met him, so its difficult for you to make a true assessment of the situation, as its coming only from me which is bound to be biased.

 

Having done the face to face thing and text and phone and those not working, I am resorting to email now since the other ways have not been effective.

[hamsalad]

No, its not easy hence being in this mess in the first place. It only gets worse the longer it is left and makes things more complicated. Would rather walk away than find out he is seeing someone else.

 

Can you explain his comment about wanting to spend the rest of his life with me though?? A relationship thats not going well 8 months in does not warrant life-long commitment comments like that. My thought was emotional blackmail to keep me hooked.

 

Obviously none of you guys have met him, so its difficult for you to make a true assessment of the situation, as its coming only from me which is bound to be biased.

 

Having done the face to face thing and text and phone and those not working, I am resorting to email now since the other ways have not been effective.

 

It is hard to say what he really meant about saying that. Perhaps he wants someone that he knows will be there while he trolls for others? He wants to have his cake and eat it, too. Just a wild guess.

[allypally]

Thats what I thought - emotional blackmail to keep me hooked - a backup gf in case other prospects fall through.

 

I don't want to be that girl - how demeaning.

 

Is there any need for me to explain myself to him?? Haven't I explained myself enough?

 

I just want to walk away and never look back.

 

The trust is gone anyway, I don't believe anything he says to me about where he is going or what he is doing.

[Keyman]

Was to be day 21 of NC. And that would be why I have been thinking of her the last couple of days. Guess who I ran into on the train? I could have avoided her, but the only seat in the train was next to her and I couldn't help myself. She greeted me, gave me a big hug and a kiss and then asked me how I was doing. I said.. really good. She then asked if I was really good because I was seeing someone. When I answered no, she cuddled up and started holding my hand. I have to say that I enjoyed it. We talked out stuff - not about the realtionship, but about things in our lives, she bought me a coffee at the station and our hands just seemed to find each other as we walked to work - she works a couple of buildings over from me. Then chatting outside her office, I gave her a cuddle, kissed her twice then came to work.

 

Now I'm sitting here feeling good about for running into her or having spent time with her, I enjoyed it. I'm not hoping we will get back together or even that I'll be seeing her again anytime soon, I just feel out of breath, like I've just been through something rather intense, like stepping off a roller coaster. I put on a happy 'I'm doing well' face, which isn't hard as that's is what I'm feeling. In seeing her I didn't want to be angry or depressed, but happy and getting on with my life well without her. Sure I've had my bad days, but I aint gonna tell her that. All she needs to know is that I'm happy.

 

I'm feeling good about it all. It was good to know that she has been thinking about me, there has been many threads on here about people wondering if the dumper thinks about them, I'm glad that she is, especially for someone that was always so focused on everything else but me during the relationship.

 

So I guess now we are friends, and how we were today will be how we'll always be - unless one of us starts seeing someone, then I wont be kissing her or holding hands. But I'm not in a hurry to meet anyone, I'm trying to be happily single and just meeting lots of new people and doing lots of different things.

 

My heart is still beating a little heavily, it's time to sign off. I'm not sure if I will continue counting my days of NC from here. I think it time to stop thinking about the break up.

 

This site has been a real help, I've talked through my feeling and fears, but it has reached a point where if I keep talking about the break up I will get stuck in a never ending loop of talking about the break up and wont actually move on to the next step. Perhaps that is the next step...

[JimmerJammer]

Today was a relaxing day for me and I had a good run. I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to get out of the house to go to the zoo like I wanted as it was quite cloudy out and it was expected to rain. I decided to go all the same and meet up with a friend of mine and her cousin. It was a great time. Because it was cloudy it made it difficult to get good pictures, but all the same we enjoyed ourselves. I am excited for next weekend when I hang out with a couple of new friends of mine as it's the one time of the year our city has an exhibition park roll through.

 

I've been working up the courage to take pictures of myself as I reach my goal of being in shape the way I always wanted. I still haven't decided so when I do, I'll consider linking them on the site in case people want to see my progress or on the off chance someone gets motivation from them. The next thing I will tackle is the one area I know looms over my head constantly and that is getting in line with my purpose. I have an idea of what I want for myself, but really getting there and making it is what I'm most intent on completing. That of course will come after I take the necessary time to work on my mind and body. All in time I will make it happen. For it is my choice.

[BrendaWalsh]

Keyman, that's interesting that you were able to see you ex and feel that way. I don't know if I could do the same. I think the kissing and hand-holding would make me sad because I'd want more.

 

It's Day 21 since the BU and Day 19 of NC for me.

 

He broke up with me, but I’m the one who instituted No Contact. He said we could be friends and I just didn’t see how I could go from being his girlfriend and thinking we’d get married, to just buddies overnight. As I told him, I need time to get over it and not have feelings for him. Then maybe we can see about trying friendship. Last week I was okay, I was in good spirits and I was optimistic about the future. This week, I’ve been a mess. I’ve been depressed, I’m not optimistic about the future, I’m angry at God, I’m irritable. I really miss him. I really really want to talk to him, but I don’t see what good would come of that. I don’t think he’d say, “Hey let’s get back together.” So, contacting him would just set me back in progress. But, I really miss his friendship and his company. I miss the laughs. I miss the compatibility. I really effing hate this. I never want to go through this again. I know, however, that that is unrealistic, because life is full of ups and downs.

[chrissykissy83]

Well today at the end of my shift at work (after my area manager for my concession coming down and everything) and i was rushing about finishing things, my ex's best friend came in, and i kinda looked shocked and he said 'hey, how are you'? and i just said 'hey, ok thanks you'? and rushed off to finish what i was doing. i just hope he didnt think i was being odd or anything, as he nice lad.

Kinda made me miss the old gang of friends my ex had though, we did a lot together, holidays and everything.

Just wonder what he'll tell my ex...

[hamsalad]

Well today at the end of my shift at work (after my area manager for my concession coming down and everything) and i was rushing about finishing things, my ex's best friend came in, and i kinda looked shocked and he said 'hey, how are you'? and i just said 'hey, ok thanks you'? and rushed off to finish what i was doing. i just hope he didnt think i was being odd or anything, as he nice lad.

Kinda made me miss the old gang of friends my ex had though, we did a lot together, holidays and everything.

Just wonder what he'll tell my ex...

 

Ah, don't wonder what he'll tell him. It's not important! You are on your own and on the way to better things.

[chrissykissy83]

i hope he told him i was looking good or something, or happy ,hehe.

I know im silly, just want him to think i dont care about him anymore.

[Keyman]

Hi Brendawalsh, thanks for responding, gives me the sense that someone is following my breakup on here.

 

The truth of the fact is that for all that I said in my post yesterday, I was just trying to convince myself that I was good with it all. That I met with her, enjoyed seeing her and have walked away feeling good and happy that it's over with no follow on effects. But the picture of happiness that I am trying to put up to conince myself is not working. Today I feel crap. The hand holding, kissing and cudlding did make me want more.

 

Like most of what you have written, I don't think we will get back together or she will say, "I made a mistake, lets try again", but i wouldn't mind spending a little more time with her. Like you, I miss her friendship, her company, the closeness (when she was willing) and the compatibility. But I know it can't be else it would already by. I know that while she likes the idea of catching up for dinner and a movie, as I suggested, she will not initiate it and I am certainly not going to chase her for it, so for knowing that, do you think it makes me feel any better? At least I'm optimistic about the future though, and wasn't really missing her.

 

So I am beginning NC again today, it's not like I have to try, as I said, I wont be contacting her anyway. It feels good admitting that I have bee fooling myself. I don't think I'm right back at the beginning, this time it will be easier than before to step away. If she contacts me will I hang out with her? Probably, silly as it may seem, but I think the more times I put myself through this, the easier it is to bounce back. While soon after a meeting, the intensity of the emotions is strong, they fade quickly back to where they were. So hopefully, we can just be friends.

 

I am facing another problem... I have been hanging out completely platonically with a female workmate who is new to the area (not the girl down the hall I like), but I'm beginning to feel that she is starting to have feelings for me...but I don't and am sure want to have feelings for her. She's helped keep me busy, by hanging out with me, and I have called her when i feel down, and have been helping her with her depression. But i think I need to keep my distance from her too.

 

So NC day 1 again and I feel better than I did half an hour ago after divulging!

[Keyman]

So wouldn't ya know it. I wrote my post and was feeling really good about saying that I was fooling myself into beleiving that all was fine. So being at work, I decided to get on with doing some work stuff. Then...mere moments later, I get an email from her brother that was addressed to myself, my ex and their father. I got on really well with all of the family, and have had good conversations with her brother, but he never sends anything to me on email. It was a lovely sentimental 'forward to let the people in your life know how special you are to them' type email.

 

So, Universe, what are you trying to tell me? Are you tempting me to contact her? What am I gonna do?

[hamsalad]

So wouldn't ya know it. I wrote my post and was feeling really good about saying that I was fooling myself into beleiving that all was fine. So being at work, I decided to get on with doing some work stuff. Then...mere moments later, I get an email from her brother that was addressed to myself, my ex and their father. I got on really well with all of the family, and have had good conversations with her brother, but he never sends anything to me on email. It was a lovely sentimental 'forward to let the people in your life know how special you are to them' type email.

 

So, Universe, what are you trying to tell me? Are you tempting me to contact her? What am I gonna do?

 

Oh man...the timing is impeccable.

 

I would stay silent and keep NC. See if the universe nudges you harder after that

[Keyman]

Thanks hamsalad, this has all hit me a lot harder than I expected it to. But you're right, I wont contact her. It hasn't tenmpted her to contact me, so I guess that is a statement of where it should be. I'll leave it and get on with the day. Now while out getting coffee that somewhat cute waitress smiled and said hi... Hmmm, a distraction... I'm feeling better already? perhaps I'll have to ask her out next week...

[hamsalad]

Thanks hamsalad, this has all hit me a lot harder than I expected it to. But you're right, I wont contact her. It hasn't tenmpted her to contact me, so I guess that is a statement of where it should be. I'll leave it and get on with the day. Now while out getting coffee that somewhat cute waitress smiled and said hi... Hmmm, a distraction... I'm feeling better already? perhaps I'll have to ask her out next week...

 

I know you'd be strong...and you were rewarded with a smile from a cutie. That's the reward for NC

 

...now, if that's the case I should be getting seriously rewarded soon. Right. Right?

[Keyman]

We should all be rewarded for having to go through what we have gone through. The universe seems to enjoy testing our strength and conviction, it could at least provide us with rewards...

 

The rewards are there, I guess, as it seems with my waitress girl, it's just noticing them!

[BrendaWalsh]

Then...mere moments later, I get an email from her brother that was addressed to myself, my ex and their father. I got on really well with all of the family, and have had good conversations with her brother, but he never sends anything to me on email. It was a lovely sentimental 'forward to let the people in your life know how special you are to them' type email.

 

So, Universe, what are you trying to tell me? Are you tempting me to contact her? What am I gonna do?

 

Eep. That's tough. That's another one of the hard things about breaking up with someone - the interconnectedness of your lives. But, it does say a lot about you that her brother likes you and he includes you as someone special in his life!

[Keyman]

It's just strange that he's never sent anything to me like this before. So I'm wondering if it was an accident that he'll never do again.

[hamsalad]

It's just strange that he's never sent anything to me like this before. So I'm wondering if it was an accident that he'll never do again.

 

Eh, could be. But, just how important is it to know?

 

Methinks you have more pressing matters...like a cute waitress to ask out.

[Keyman]

True, true...

 

mmmm, cute waitress.....

[allypally]

On tuesday night he told me he didn't want to lose me, nor I him.

 

Is this the right reason to stay with someone??

 

We are going away this weekend, then he is joining me at a friend's wedding reception.

 

I would like to ask him more questions about us/the relationship. Could this be counterproductive though? Why ask questions about the relationship when we should be living it??

 

He said the prospect of us spending the rest of our lives together is "daunting". This is because I have rocked the boat a bit, ok, gotten upset and called things off.

 

Do I talk with him over the weekend and work things out proper? He said on tues, lets take things slowly, let it unfold, and see what we feel about eachother.

 

Once again, there shouldn't be question marks but there are loads.

[JimmerJammer]

So something in particular happened last night. I have been texting my recent ex back and forth casually and it turns out that she misses me. How much, I don't know though. I mean I honestly wasn't expecting that, but that's because I'm not expecting much of anything at the moment and quite honestly that's also because through therapy I'm learning not to expect things in life. That's how you get disappointed or beat yourself up if it doesn't go as expected. It's much better to accept things as they come as to deny them means you're fooling yourself.

 

I am happy to say that of course it made me smile and I was touched by her words. We talked a bit about doing things together when she comes back or my possibly going to visit her. I want to go and see her, the problem with being hurt by someone is that there is little to no trust there as you're not sure if their intentions are good or not. I hope for her sake that she is being sincere in her words and does want me to come see her because it would just be so cruel, for lack of a better word, to set someone up like that. I know that she most likely will feel the same caution as I do based on the great that could come and what used to be. I don't suspect that though as she's acknowledged me in more ways than some close friends and family have and she had no obligation to. It's been these small things she's been doing lately that I accept her as being genuine. As I continue to associate myself as someone who is being genuine.

 

I was up longer than I wanted to be as the thought of her preoccupied my mind as I was falling asleep. It's just if she was open to the idea down the road of trying again I know for me I'll handle things differently. I won't be the silly boy I was being and I won't force anything. I'll handle me and let her worry about her. It does mean that if she got hold of the real me, she'd find a man who is quite spectacular. That isn't me bragging or peacocking, but as a matter of opinion based on my ever-burning desire to strive to be the best I can possibly be. That includes lover, friend, husband, provider, brother, son, father, mentor and person. All I'm really describing here is true happiness and it's up to her whether she wants to be a sharing part in my life or not.

[chrissykissy83]

i went to the dentist today, and i had a filling. so when i got home i was still really numb, so decided to have a little sleep. but i ended up dreaming of the ex, and in my dream he was telling me all the gory details of how, when and who with he cheated and how it made him feel. well after that dream i woke up feeling really weird and cant stop thinking about it all.ughhh.