Day by Day Let us all know!

[missyc]

Well I may have had the best day yet but I nearly fell apart this evening. It was just so hard, I don't know how I am going to get through this weekend. I am starting to get sick of putting on a brave face.

[FromtheAshes]

3 months 10 days since break up, 12 days since I found out she and my (former) best friend are dating again: Had to talk to her today, an issue came up at work that because of a medical issue of mine might have changed whether or not she was deploying on Saturday for 5 days. Kind of a big deal. Found out later I was good to go, texted her so she knew she didn't have to go, reply was, "Sweet. Thanks for talkin w me." I wanted to tell her I didn't talk to her because I wanted to, (Although I did want to, I just didn't want her to know...) I talked to her because it would affect her on the military side. I wish I could let go of the bitterness, but when I see either of them all I think about is them together. I don't think I'm going to get over her until I'm truly happy, and although they say don't date until your happy, the only thing that makes me happy is being in a serious, committed, relationship with someone. Quite the conundrum.

[Godwin]

Since I go the 'Dear John' letter yesterday I have moved on somewhat

 

For 4 weeks I was hanging on, waiting for the next installment, this letter has actually focused me on the future and on myself rather than constantly looking at my emails.

 

Closure, but good closure.

[cjdynamite]

day 25 ... Been the best day so far. I haven't heard from him so it makes it easier.

 

xxxx

[platespinner]

Day 33 BU and day 14 NC.....

Mixed feeling still, waking up quite numb.

Still have a little anger and frustration of what would have been.

All made worse my fleeting glimpses of her at work.........

 

I wish i could erase my memory of the the last 7 months and go back to the time when we were just good friends and colleagues.....

 

Ho hum.

[memorypill]

Day six from the break up. Ive seen her a few times having a hard time with it still getting better but when i see her i feel like there is a huge part of her that doesnt want to be doing this and she keeps telling me shes affraid shes making a huge mistake.

Guess day six is better than days 1-5 but day six still very depressed.

[FromtheAshes]

Any day better than the others is a step up!

 

Thought about her since last night, not inclined to talk to her. Unfortunately I have drill tomorrow, and will be forced to at least see her I imagine, although I'm a part of a small team leaving for Michigan Sunday, so we'll won't be around each other for 5 days, unfortunately he's also going...

[missyc]

Not really sure how I'm feeling. The text he sent, saying that she is everything I'm not is sticking in my mind. Trying not to dwell on it. Sometimes I think she is welcome to him, then there are times that I really miss him. We used to talk on the phone for 3 hours 3 times a week and I miss that. I wish we had never met sometimes, just so that we could have saved each other from this breakup, however I have learnt things from the relationship. In the future I will be more open about my thoughts and how I am feeling. However I think that he needs to accept that just because he finds being open so easy, doesn't mean to say that it comes naturally to everyone.

[FromtheAshes]

I totally understand Missy. I can tell she feels like because everything is fine for her and him, that it's ok to pretend that everything is ok for me. I can't stand seeing either of them, and when I do, I get, "Hi!" or "What's up man?" like I give a * * * * about polite greetings from either of them.

[missyc]

Week one over, felt so many emotions since the break up. I know this is normal. In some ways I'm glad it was a long distance relationship, as we never have to see each other again. It doesn't mean I don't want to see him again, it just means there is no risk of us bumping into each other. My sister gets married today so I CAN'T think about him. This is her day and it will stay that way.

[confus3d]

Day 3 NC. Just trying to keep busy and not think of her. Which is very difficult, cause there are always periods in my day where I just can't help it. I've been through so many emotions over the past few days its pissing me off and I'm exhausted. And I haven't been able to sleep much. Been hanging out with buddies more than I used to. And every time the phone rings I think its her calling going to tell me she is sorry and wants to get back together. And then its the weekend and I almost always see here on the weeekends. It been a tough day, hell a tough week.

[Bob3000]

Day 3 NC. Just trying to keep busy and not think of her. Which is very difficult, cause there are always periods in my day where I just can't help it. I've been through so many emotions over the past few days its pissing me off and I'm exhausted. And I haven't been able to sleep much. Been hanging out with buddies more than I used to. And every time the phone rings I think its her calling going to tell me she is sorry and wants to get back together. And then its the weekend and I almost always see here on the weeekends. It been a tough day, hell a tough week.

I'm on about week 5 on NC (I'm deliberately not counting the exact number of days) and a lot of the above is still true. But it does get a lot easier. I still think about her a lot, but I rarely feel so wretched when I do. I'm sleeping much better, even if I still dream about her from time to time (I think I did last night). And I'm now starting to set up dates with new people...

 

So hang in there. NC is the way forwards - whatever the outcome...

[platespinner]

Day 35 BU/ Day 15 NC.

 

Having ups and downs still.

 

Can't really stop myself thinking about her and us. The things we did, the things we were gonna do in the future. But although these thoughts are still there they don't get to me as much as they used to.

 

Cooked myself a meal last night, instead of just reheating convenience food, as I have been doing for the last 5 weeks.

 

Actually able to drink alcohol, just a couple of beers, at home now without ending up in a pit of despair. Couldn't do this without getting really down a couple of weeks ago.

 

Starting to think about meeting other people and have thought about possibly going speed dating in about 4 weeks time, if I feel up to it then. Will just see how I feel week by week and if I feel I can do this by then, I will do it.

This may be a good confidence boost, god knows I need it.

The alternative strategy for meeting new people is at work or when I'm out drinking with my friends. Well the first one is a no-no because that's how my last 2 relationships started and the second isn't the best idea either.

 

I feel more comfortable just being at home alone, without the panic I used to feel when I was in the relationship and apart from her. Yeah sometimes the time goes slowly but it's not the end of the world and there are always things to do, mostly.

 

Onwards and upwards.......

 

 

Missyc - I hope your Sister had a wonderful day yesterday and that you managed to get through it ok......

[memorypill]

Day 8 since break up day 2 NC.

She had told me the last time i spoke with her that she would talk to me today. Right now i am still so confused about everything. I wrote her a long letter going over close to every detail and im thinking the next time she wants me to come down im going to leave it at her house for her to read later. I hope that she sees that if i did anything that was detrimental to our relationship I am willing and wanting to make it better. I miss her and im not happy.

[missyc]

My sisters wedding was lovely (thanks for asking platespinner), I only thought about him once, when the groom made his speech. My solo went well, some people who hadn't heard me play for ages were nearly in tears. Saw my french grandparents, which is always nice. People asked how I was, I know they were only doing it because they cared though. Had a great time with all my cousins, they are all mad!! Have arranged to go cycling sometime in the Forest of Dean, will look forward to that.

 

Considering I was dreading this day, I had a really good time! It's always nice to see all the family and boy, there are loads of us!!

 

I feel so much stronger today. Yes, I still miss him, but the more I am apart from him, the more I start to realise that we were never meant to be.

 

Platespinner, haven't heard from you for a couple of days, sounds like you're having a good day! Keep me posted on how things go with the speed dating. Good luck and keep cooking yourself some decent dinners!

[Bob3000]

Keep me posted on how things go with the speed dating.

 

I'd be interested in hearing about that too. It's something I've considered. I'm not meeting that many new people (well, not women anyway!) so am looking at other options. Also, should it go wrong, it'll be easier having them outside my work/social circle...

 

I've replied to a couple of online personal ads recently. Ones that looked like they were written specifically for me! But I plan to post my own, as I figure the odds are better than way (a reply to someone else's ad = one chance to find your soul mate; your own online ad = up to several billion chances! )

[platespinner]

Missyc - well done for yesterday, I'm glad you had a really good day.

Sounds like lots of catching up with relatives, kept your mind busy.

 

The cooking thing, well I haven't felt like preparing a meal from scratch since the break-up. I always love to cook and used to cook a lot for her and her kids, so it's taken a while for me to pysche myself up for it.

 

I am having better days, thinking about her still hurts, but a little less each day.

 

Bob & Missyc - As for the idea of speed-dating well it's all part of my grand plan to move on. I know she has......

I'm not doing it out of spite for that reason, but looking backwards is pointless.

 

It is what it is. Whst's done is done. We can only change the future.

 

If I go speed-dating in 4 weeks time that will be at about 9 weeks of Break-up, which in my opinion may not be enough time.

 

However, I feel speed-dating type of 'meeting people' scenarios are much better than alternatives ie Internet based, small-ads, in a pub/club etc.

Everyone there is there to find a new SO. You get a chance to meet and briefly chat with about 20 people, who are all there for the same reason.

It's not like your in a pub approaching someone who possibly isn't single etc.

And hopefully others will be just as nervous as yourself.

 

It's only £20 and a two or three hours of your time so, if I feel up to it in 4 weeks I'm gonna do it. No expectations.

 

 

Onwards and upwards......

[Panda2008]

I'd be interested in hearing about that too. It's something I've considered. I'm not meeting that many new people (well, not women anyway!) so am looking at other options. Also, should it go wrong, it'll be easier having them outside my work/social circle...

 

I've replied to a couple of online personal ads recently. Ones that looked like they were written specifically for me! But I plan to post my own, as I figure the odds are better than way (a reply to someone else's ad = one chance to find your soul mate; your own online ad = up to several billion chances! )

 

Hi Bob, good to hear you sounding chipper!

 

My update: I saw my ex today, he came round to the flat to pick up some more bits (he has still not moved his stuff out, we broke up April 18th, but I just don't care about it any more, if it's still here when I move out I'll just leave it on the street.)

 

The meeting was very strange, because we spoke like friends, but with the acknowledgement of our history (ie when a wasp flew in, he knew to get it out straight away for me). He told me about his new flatmates, new PS3 he's bought and going to Glastonbury. I told him about the new flat I'm buying, the new business I'm starting etc... and then I went out to meet my friends.

 

I don't feel bad about the split any more. In fact since going away to Ibiza at the weekend (and probably before then) I have realised what a shell of my former self I had become, that I felt old before my time and that our relationship was stuck in a rut. We may get back together in future, but I suspect that will be years, if ever.

 

I still love him very much but I don't want him back right now. I never thought I'd say that, much less two months after the split. We are both clearly much happier apart, and that has to be a good thing, right?

[missyc]

Well if speed dating gets you meeting new people and you like the idea of it, go for it!!

 

I'm going to start looking at joining a club, saw an advert for a rowing one and might find out more details for it. I think doing new things helps, as it won't be associated with doing something with your ex.

 

I've just been out for tea, just got back and pigged out on one and a half mars bars, my ex would be totally disgusted with that! I loved eating them, even though I feel VERY sick now!!

 

If you're not ready for speed dating yet, it doesn't matter. Just thinking about doing is a sign that you are moving on.

 

I've had a good day today, I should sleep well tonight.

 

Good luck platespinner.

[missyc]

Well, had another ok day. Accepted that we were never meant to be together and it's easier in a way, that he is 200 miles away. I will never see him again. I hope he's ok, like he told me, he has lots of friends that will help him get through this, so he will be fine.

 

My social diary is getting busier by the day. Was told at the wedding that I looked great, so that was a confidence boost. Time is certainly a healer for me, the pain is getting less every day.

[platespinner]

Well if speed dating gets you meeting new people and you like the idea of it, go for it!!

 

I'm going to start looking at joining a club, saw an advert for a rowing one and might find out more details for it. I think doing new things helps, as it won't be associated with doing something with your ex.

 

I've just been out for tea, just got back and pigged out on one and a half mars bars, my ex would be totally disgusted with that! I loved eating them, even though I feel VERY sick now!!

 

If you're not ready for speed dating yet, it doesn't matter. Just thinking about doing is a sign that you are moving on.

 

I've had a good day today, I should sleep well tonight.

 

Good luck platespinner.

 

Hi Missyc,

Well it's early days yet, i'm thinking a few weeks in advance but at least giving myself something different to think about, which has gotta be healthy-ish!

 

Feel free to pig out, it's your choice, can you remember the times when you wouldn't even eat. God knows I lost over a stone in the first couple of weeks. I've been sticking a big bar of chocolate down me neck every day for three weeks and i'm still nearly a stone off what I was.

 

So your ex would have given you grief for that, why?? Goodness it's amazing what we put up with, almost conditioning really. So go ahead if you fancy something, have it.... It's almost like a f@** you to the ex!

 

Glad you had a good day, may there be many many more.....

 

Onwards and Upwards..

 

 

[Godwin]

Had a mixed few days... 6 year relationship broken up 4 weeks ago, no one else involved.

 

On Wednesday I get the 'Dear John' letter, that was 4 weeks to the day from the official split. I cried for the first time in ages.

 

Thursday, felt relief. No hate or anger, simply relief.

 

On Friday, we email each other, all very nice but mainly 'have a good summer' type of stuff and 'enjoy Las Vegas' - I am going there on Holiday. We agreed to stay friends and meet up in a couple of months. Also she 'promises' to stay in contact and would love to be friends.

 

On Saturday I go on a 20 hour alcohol bender, this involves strippers and chatting to numerous woman, end up spending £400 or $800, makes me feel alive for the first time in ages...

 

On Sunday, I feel terrible, anxious, hungover etc. I text her and say "I love you and need to fight for you", this gets ignored.

 

Today, I pull a sickie and feel like sh*t, mainly hungover though and not really missing her. I posted two DVD's of photos through her office door and not even so much as a thank you email or text.

 

I now feel like I am on the start of a great journey, I now realise that I am 100% single and now ready to try and meet someone. Have loads of stuff coming up, T in The Park - music festival, a wedding, Las Vegas etc etc so just need to keep my mind occupied. I guess when I do see her in a couple of months time its going to f*ck me up which is why I should maybe just leave it. Will cross that bridge when I come to it though.

[missyc]

Hmm, Godwin, you say you have agreed to meet her in a couple of months. What for?? Is there any point if you think its going to screw you up? If you feel relief and don't really miss her, are you just clinging onto a habit? I know I was. Sorry to be blunt, it sounds like you are starting to accept your situation so why take one step forward and 2 steps back? Hope you enjoy all the fun things you have got coming up and if you want to meet her in a couple of months, great, but if not don't feel guilty about it.

 

Platespinner, yes I can remember the days of not wanting to eat, the constant knot in my stomach, you made me smile when you wrote "it's almost like a f@** you to your ex!" So true!! Hope your day has been ok.

[Godwin]

Hmm, Godwin, you say you have agreed to meet her in a couple of months. What for?? Is there any point if you think its going to screw you up? If you feel relief and don't really miss her, are you just clinging onto a habit? I know I was. Sorry to be blunt, it sounds like you are starting to accept your situation so why take one step forward and 2 steps back? Hope you enjoy all the fun things you have got coming up and if you want to meet her in a couple of months, great, but if not don't feel guilty about it.

 

Hey, Missyc. I am not sure what is going on to be honest, from day one she has always suggested we have a break for the summer, then maybe get back together. This then developed into a full on split. She has said she doesnt want be waiting about on her and to have fun in Vegas etc

 

I guess deep down I HOPE she is waiting to see how she feels in a couple of months time, perhaps she is going to see if some of the resentment has faded. I do take your advice however, I will play it my ear, if there is NO chance of a reconcilliation then there is NO point in meeting her. An email maybe but seeing her face to face will mess me up.

 

Whatever happens, I am going to have fun this summer

[confus3d]

Tonight I thought I would get out of the house and go watch a movie. I went and saw a movie that she didn't want to see when we were dating. The movie was great but I still didn't enjoy myself. It felt like there was something missing. The last movie I saw in theaters was with her. I couldn't stop thinking about that time with her. How am I supposed to enjoy a movie? Then I get home and check facebook and see she has got back with the ex which confirms what I originally thought. Now I want nothing to do with her.... but still miss her.