Day by Day Let us all know!

[JimmerJammer]

Not that long ago I had a moment. They don't come that often, but when they do the emotion that floods through me sometimes makes me want to break down. I'm happy for the fact that I have a choice to do better and that I'm doing what I must now to ensure I reach the happiness I want. Day by day I do everything I can to be certain of that. So that's why as I do things for myself and see myself reaching towards goals and seeing the results come as they do, it gives me confidence and it allows me to feel better. Overall I consider myself much stronger a man than I was before and with what I see for myself I'm not backing down for anything. This is going to happen for me and I'm going to be damn sure that I do what I have to, to get there. Of course it will be done healthily and positively without the need to harm others, but that is also part of my goal.

 

It's only when moments like this come that it becomes difficult to remember that at least for that moment. Just now I was watching a movie and I had to pause it because I had a fleeting visual in my head of my ex sitting in her old town in the rain, wondering why she's there. All I could think of is how the moment I heard that, how I wanted to set aside everything and just be there for her. To lend her my hand and hold her close because regardless of what I or anyone else would mean to her, that it would feel right to me to do so in that moment. Then I couldn't stop thinking about how mad I was. I felt so angry about it that for the first time I actually wanted to hurt someone physically and go down there and kick her ex bf's butt myself as regardless of knowing how immature it is to hurt another person physically, that with what bad I have done, I would not have hurt her the way he did. This is the guy? This is the guy you did this to me for? I remember how mad I was and it scared me because I never felt that mad even when I found out what made me leave her. I'm not perfect and it would be foolish to think so, but I can say for certain I'm more of a man than he ever will be.

 

I remember my first ex saying something to me and it's always stuck with me since. When we broke up and at the time she said something that she didn't mean to hurt me with, but it did. She said that while she cared for me and wanted me to be happy, that with me she didn't feel "at home". It was good and she loved the good times we had together, but something about it was missing. It's like finding your house. You may shop around a bit and like different parts of each home, but the one you decide on is the one that feels most right to you. The one that you feel absolute in calling home. Sure other homes you can change the blinds, the paint colour, maybe add some furniture, but if it doesn't feel like home to you then there's no amount of change that will fix that. At the time I felt she was implying I wasn't right for her because no matter how much she tried to change me, it wouldn't make a difference. To me I felt like she was saying I wasn't good enough, but she told me she meant it was because even though no one is truly ever perfect, that even with those imperfections she didn't feel I was the right one for her. When I thought about it I realized that honest and true the first time I ever felt that way in the presense of any of my female friends and past ex girlfriends as well as their families, that never did I feel more at home than I did with my recent ex. It just always felt like home and I mean that in the belonging sense, not just the familial sense.

 

I am fine. I am staying true to myself these days and I intend on staying that way. With everything I have said and want for myself I know I will never stop trying for being my true, authentic self. I won't stop and I won't let myself stop. In moments like these when all of a sudden it hurts this bad, I know I must push on reach my true potential. No matter what it takes, no matter how hard it gets and no matter what life throws at me. I will adapt, I will make it, I will be true, I will be a mature man.

[Nearwater]

Sunday night, colorful sunset, but it looks so bland...I know my Ex gf got back to town last week, by now has seen the amazing job I did on her house and yard, 2 nice orchids in the house, no note, but my touch everywhere. I have been nc for 10 days, ball in her court. i just feel so blue, loss of a friend, lost love, overwhelming sadness. Keep wondering how she, the dumper, must feel. My phone rang at 5:30 am, turned the machine off a month ago, could have been a wrong number...now to get to sleep somehow.

[Johnathan]

It's just hard for me to find a girl who is mature, has it together, doesn't play games or cheat or lie to me, make fun of me behind my back, and who I am also attracted to sexually.

 

Tell me about it.

[chrissykissy83]

Umm im starting to feel optimistic for the future my boss is really pleased that im going for this psychology degree, and is going to give me flexible hours. umm bought a book on cognitive psychology to swat up. and i feel like a totally different person to what i did several months ago, agonizing and worrying what my ex was doing, and him upsetting me . hes going to be back soon, and i hope he sees me happy and doing well, so he can see i dont need him anymore

[hamsalad]

Umm im starting to feel optimistic for the future my boss is really pleased that im going for this psychology degree, and is going to give me flexible hours. umm bought a book on cognitive psychology to swat up. and i feel like a totally different person to what i did several months ago, agonizing and worrying what my ex was doing, and him upsetting me . hes going to be back soon, and i hope he sees me happy and doing well, so he can see i dont need him anymore

 

Good on you! The hole is filling in, eh?

[chrissykissy83]

Good on you! The hole is filling in, eh?

 

Thanks

Yeah, i think so

Im just worrying about tuition fees and all that now

I do feel like ive grown as a person since it all though. I do have my bad days like I did last week, but then things get all rosey feeling again!

Hows things with you? Hope your ok?

[hamsalad]

Thanks

Yeah, i think so

Im just worrying about tuition fees and all that now

I do feel like ive grown as a person since it all though. I do have my bad days like I did last week, but then things get all rosey feeling again!

Hows things with you? Hope your ok?

 

I am glad you are doing better and worrying about things that are worth worrying about!

 

I'm doing well. Much better these days. Not looking back as often and the dreams have stopped. (Watch they start again now that I am talking about them)

 

I am moving forward with the authority of a locomotive now!

[chrissykissy83]

I am glad you are doing better and worrying about things that are worth worrying about!

 

I'm doing well. Much better these days. Not looking back as often and the dreams have stopped. (Watch they start again now that I am talking about them)

 

I am moving forward with the authority of a locomotive now!

 

Yeah, wasted enough time worrying about that idiot,hehe.

Yeah its best to keep looking forward, we cant change the past (would be good if we could though)

I cant even remember how long ago it happened, hehe.

[JimmerJammer]

Sooooo tired lol. I didn't get to sleep last night until late and was quite tired when I woke up this morning. I had a decent day at work today and actually got a whole myriad of compliments. It was quite flattering really as it's nice to know people are appreciating my hard work. Some of the people I work with hate the shift I am doing because it requires you to deal with a lot of the residents and to have to feed them, but honestly even though it's difficult I don't mind it. Oddly enough I feel like it's preparing me for fatherhood as, believe it or not, a lot of these residents minds are retrograding back to much of the mind of a child. So in retrospect it helps me to build sympathy and patience for the fact that they can't really help themselves and helps me to learn how to handle them. So I really enjoy my work.

 

I went to the gym again and it was a good workout. I've been monitoring my progress and I'm down to 200 lbs I have just under two weeks before I begin my bulking phase, but already my body is beginning to look pretty darn good. I've realized that you can look good on the outside, be good on the inside and have both your mind and body be close to perfectly healthy, but the final thing I must work on is direction. I know there's no way I can expect to find myself in the company of my wife one day if I'm not going somewhere with my life. It's one of the biggest contributions as to why I'm not planning on involving myself with anyone right now, as much fun as it would be to hang out with the girls that have been flirting with me and talking to me, I don't feel the desire to just have "fun" with them.

 

Sure I'm doing things for myself and am focusing on my fun, but I'm happier being able to control my sexual urges for the fact that I know I am not about one night stands and I'm not going to get involved with a casual fling. Not when a girl is trying to tempt me with a casual encounter just to want to be with me in the end. I'm not wanting that right now and I know I must have my life in order. Unless there's a woman out there who happens to be into me so much that she will stay by me, cheer me on as I move towards finding my purpose in life and allow me to have my life, she have hers and us having our shared life, then I don't really see that happening anytime soon. Especially one that wants that, has their act together and whether we both are attracted to each other or not. Until then, I'm going to be focusing on me.

[Bob3000]

JimmerJammer, your posts are an inspiration.

 

Although they make me feel a bit guilty for not doing more....

 

I've had an OK day. My good days and bad days seem to alternate at the moment. But I'm satrting to think that I wouldn't take my ex back unless I could be sure that things would be different. Instead I'm thinking about what I'd like my next girlfriend to be like. And that can only be positive...

[teema]

Still think about him everyday. Haven't talked to him in a little over 2 weeks. Still wondering if he's thinking about me. Driving myself insane now that I added a tracker to my myspace profile so I know when he goes stops by to look at my page. I really want to call him tonight...

[Keyman]

Day 19 NC and I'm feeling a littel low. I have been hoping she would contact me the last couple of days, although have easily been distracting myself. I have been off work sick, so spending a lot of time just with my own company, and not feeling so good has made my mind drift to her a few times. It also doesn't help that she has a common name and it keeps cropping up on the tv and on the dvds I've been watching.

 

Hopefully back to work again tomorrow, and company again.

 

I know that I do suffer from a bit of loneliness at the best of times, but have been doing well, keeping busy and enjoying the company of friends. I have also been getting used to being by myself, it's not like I don't like my own company, but enjoy the company of others. I'm looking for a new flat to live in as my flatmate doesn't even talk to me and if I wanted to live alone I'd get a place by myself. But when I'm sick and can't go anywhere, even my facebook friends seem far away.

 

Nearly 30 days of NC, a milestone!

[xtiarax]

I am back to square one!

[mikeyc77]

I posted this in my other thread but will copy it in here as it is relevent.

 

124 days since my breakup! I can't believe it's gone this fast. I had my first low point in ages last night. Was chatting about my ex before bed so I dreamed about her last night. Of course the dream involved her with another guy... wonderful! Then i wake up and decide to have a look on facebook at which point I notice she has posted on one my friends profile. After a bit of clicking around I find out I can view some of her photos! So what do I do?! I browse them all!! I couldn't stop myself!! Facebook... great in principle but terrible when you're trying to forget about someone. My advice to someone trying to get over a breakup, if she's on FB and she's friends with some of your friends then just deactivate your account until you are no longer bothered about seeing her face.

 

On the flip side... I have met someone amazing and things are going very, very well!! Could this be love again?

 

 

I should add that I have been NC for about 117 days... give or take.

[Anna.]

It's been 2 months and we are back talking and really good friends again. He's getting our daughter 2 nights a week and we settled on child support. So everything's great. I really want he and I to be friends again like we were before I got pregnant and it's looking like we might be able too!

[PrettyNYCGal]

everyone here seems to be doing ok. i wish i could say the same. i am going thru a break up after 5 years and i am not doing so well. the break up has been drawn out over the last 4 months and i am at the point where i feel i should give up. yesterday was a really bad day for me. i sent him several text messages pouring out my heart and he was pretty cold back saying he thought i was happy this way and he hopes i feel better and that he only wants to take things easy. i want to give him his space, but at the same time he is the type to think i have moved on if he doesnt hear from me and he will definitely not want to get back together. it really hard to get by without him after 5 years and lose a best friend. trying to take it one day at a time. night time is very sad part of the day for me

[Keyman]

Day 20 of NC and my mind keeps drifting to her. I get the sense that I'm going to run into her, and I'm not sure if that will be a good thing. While my ehart says I want to see her, my head says that it will jsut make the heart pine for her even more. Oh how horrible these feelings are.

 

I will struggle on and try to remove her from my mind as much as possible.

[JimmerJammer]

I had a nice and easy day at work today. Although it was busy, it wasn't too stressful at all and I got through it just fine. When I got back I ate something before I went to my regular appointment I have with my psychiatrist. I couldn't stop smiling by the end of it as they had described to me many principles and insights into myself that will eventually allow me to reach what was referred to me as equanimity. This was merely one of the aspects of which we are further delving into. So far the two things I am beginning to work on are known as being mindful, or present minded, and using that to sort of observe myself and how I may behave or respond or react.

 

 

 

Then through that being able to come up with other forms or choices of the potential way to act, behave, respond or react in that situation. From there it leads to becoming familiar with the way I want to respond or what I will choose to be, albeit, the appropriate way or more true way for me to respond. By striving towards having equanimity, using mindfulness and making choices that are purposefully healthy or as was said can be thought of as win/win. This is what I know so far in terms of what we have gone through and are continually addressing in each session I go to. I genuinely and sincerely look forward to each session as even the thought alone of reaching my true potential is so alluring to me that as long as there is a breath in my body I will strive to reach it. No matter what it takes.

[Bob3000]

everyone here seems to be doing ok.

If only... (My last update over here. I never know which thread to add to...)

 

he is the type to think i have moved on if he doesnt hear from me and he will definitely not want to get back together.

I can see that this would make it hard. But most evidence suggests that an ex is more likely to want to come back if he thinks that you've moved on. Until he thinks you've moved on, he can think of you as a "safety net"; he knows that you'll be there if he wants to come back, and that makes it easier for him not to do so.

 

Also, while you remain in his life, it makes it hard for him to miss you.

 

I'm no expert, but standard advice seems to be cut off all communication with him. Make him notice the hole in his life when you do, and make him miss you. And work on yourself so that when he gets in touch, he can't help but be wowed by the new you.

[xtiarax]

Three weeks today and i know it is going to be HARD/U]for me today

[billy v]

5 months now and its starting to hurt me again. I recently moved into the upstairs of my house which I now have probably 5 times the space I did with my old room. Me and my ex talked months ago about what cool things we could do with the upstairs space and made plans and stuff. Now that im all moved in pretty much, there's still alot of empty space literally and emotionally. Its just very weird to me that someone who probably hurt me more than anyone else in my life is still thought about daily and loved by me. Ugh.

[audrey28]

day 4. feeling very very lonely

[allypally]

Once again back at that place in my gut where I know this relationship is wrong. Where I can tell he is going through the motions. I gave him a stick of candy known in the UK as 'rock', its traditional in seaside towns, I also gave him a beautiful plate for his home and a card. I also cooked him a lovely meal. But he was still fairly detached from me.

 

Know this has to end. He is coming to a friends wedding reception next week, but I know it isn't right.

 

Got to do something about it like walk away and cease all contact as its doing my head in now. Have a terrible cough and still smoking.

 

Just need peace in my life, no relationship, need to be on my own where I know I can rely on myself for happiness and not someone else.

 

Any thoughts?

[hamsalad]

Once again back at that place in my gut where I know this relationship is wrong. Where I can tell he is going through the motions. I gave him a stick of candy known in the UK as 'rock', its traditional in seaside towns, I also gave him a beautiful plate for his home and a card. I also cooked him a lovely meal. But he was still fairly detached from me.

 

Know this has to end. He is coming to a friends wedding reception next week, but I know it isn't right.

 

Got to do something about it like walk away and cease all contact as its doing my head in now. Have a terrible cough and still smoking.

 

Just need peace in my life, no relationship, need to be on my own where I know I can rely on myself for happiness and not someone else.

 

Any thoughts?

 

Ally! Long time no see.

 

Do you feel you are strong enough to walk away and cease contact? It seems it is dragging you down bit by bit. Chipping away at you.

 

We all have our opinions here on this forum, but aside from what we think, what do YOU want to do? When you think of what that is, can you bring yourself to do it?

[allypally]

Hi Hamsalad,

 

The easiest thing for me would be to walk away and cease all contact.

 

We have done the talking face to face thing >3 times now, and I don't feel any better about things.

 

I have a lot of self-improvement to do, namely giving up smoking for one.

 

I am happy on my own, and he certainly has issues to work through.

 

None of this sits well with me and I want out once and for all, because as you rightly say its chipping away at me.

 

I have suspicions that he is seeing other people, that he was seeing someone on Sat night since I didn't hear from him the whole of sat night. Last contact was 6pm.

 

I wish things could be healthy between us but they aren't. I feel like the nutter for getting things out in the open, but he says he "doesn't want to lose me". I am unnerved by comments from him such as "I want to spend the rest of my life with you". He then completely backtracked yesterday when I threw it back at him.