what does it mean if you make someone mad...

[un do roman numerals]

Hey guys,

 

I met this person and he and I cliqued. However he was not interested in dating anyone and thought we should be friends who hook up and see where it leads. So I stopped seeing him. I only hung out with him twice and we made out a little. This was a month ago.

 

Anyways, he called me a few times since then to see if I wanted to hang out, but knowing he and I wanted different things ultimately I declined. Anyway I have not seen him in person since the end of Feb and when he called me on Monday I stupidly e-mailed him some new photos of myself (i guess i wanted some attention) after he got the photos we talked for a little while and I agreed to see him today.

 

However last night I decided against this, because I knew we would just end up hooking up (or more) and I would ultimately not be satisfied. So when he texted me at 3 pm today to ask if we were still on I called him and told him I couldn't make it. He knows my apprehensions. He said "im disappointed but i understand"

 

anyway after i got home from work i saw him on aim. and he sort of picks a fight with me on aim and says he HATES when people cancel last minute and he was pissed at me. We made up and he's no longer mad, but I didn't think he would care if I cancelled. I mean its a wen night and I cancelled 3 or 4 hours before we were supposed to meet.

 

I apologized and he said "im sure your life is peppered with phony apologies"... I want to think that he would have to like me in order to get so upset?

 

Thoughts..

[Batya33]

It sounds like he was overly harsh about the last minute cancellation -- the first time you did this, right? -- especially since he already knew you felt uncomfortable but in his defense he may have felt you sent mixed signals by sending the photos (were they revealing photos?) and agreeing to hook up again and then canceling last minute. I don't know about him but often a wednesday night plan is just as important or more important than a weekend plan - it all depends, you can't presume.

 

It sounds like the best idea is not to see him anymore because you continue to want different things.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I think you should just drop it and not talk to him again. You know you don't have the same goals and you're sending mixed messages, so he does have some right to be upset. You don't want to spend time with him, so don't worry about what he thinks any way.

[un do roman numerals]

They weren't revealing photos. I looked cute in them but I was just wearing normal clothes.. What happened was we were chatting on aim and he said he had a girl coming over to watch the bachelor and I wanted to see her photo so he said he would try to send me her photo... He never sent it but I sent him mine just cause we got to talking about photos...

 

Also the plans were very casually. We just planned to hang out in his apt and have takeout or watch a dvd he said after work he likes to relax in his place and not go out so I was basically providing company for what he would have been doing anyway. Also I told him clearly I was unsure if I wanted to go and would let him know before confirming yes on tuesday I spent a few hours mulling it over and we had a twenty minute conversation about things between us on monday...

[Batya33]

I would have a different perspective if it were me -- when I know someone is coming over that changes the dynamic of my evening -- and perhaps he would have wanted to invite someone else over or perhaps he rescheduled doing laundry or whatever because of your visit. I wouldn't assume that it made no difference to his plans, routine, whatever.

 

As far as the picture, it sounds to me like what you wrote in your first post was more accurate - you wanted attention from him because he was having another woman come over -- I don't think it's so casual to send a cute photo to a guy in that situation. And I think he knew that.

 

Again, just giving you my impression and suggesting that your spin on it might not be his spin on it - and both are valid.

[ghost69]

what more is there than hooking up? unless you consider hooking up kissing or something. hooking up has always been going all the way with me and my circle of friends. otherwise it's just making out or oral, etc.

 

anyways, i'd be a bit mad too. canceling a few hours before? not a good look. especially if the plans were days in advance. i hate people that do that too.

[un do roman numerals]

I still like him.. don't know what to do. I meant hooking up as in making out. Also, he thinks I am into girls or atleast bi-curious and his original invite was to hang out with him and this girl. I was not intimidated by this girl she's just some random girl who he is hooking up with (i think he wants to add me to this harem/collection)

 

However, yesterday afternoon he told me he was going to London for a couple days next week. I texted him last night something like "how is your last night in usa going" Anyway we ended up texting back and forth until bed time. I told him "Im glad I could help you unwind after a long day" and then at a little after 11 (we both work early and go to bed early) he called me and left me a voicemail saying goodnight...

 

I thought it was sweet of him to do this (and I want more of the like)

 

I think (though this is a cliche and self destructive thought) deep down he is insecure. He sounded insecure on the message he said "youre probably sleeping but i wanted to say goodnight" and maybe thats why he got so mad when i cancelled, because it was like rejection?

[Batya33]

Yes, it was very sweet of him to invite you to hang out and hook up with him and another girl he is hooking up with. It sounds like he's really looking out for your best interests and that he sees himself introducing you to his family very soon.

 

When you meet a guy who treats you with sincere interest and respect you will shake your head about how you read into a good night text from a guy like this. Just my two cents.

[LBP]

Fairly basic gamesmanship. It wasn't good of you to cancle late, but you've already established that things aren't on the same page. He's turning it back on you so that you feel guilty and will concede to his future requests. Looks like it's working already.

 

It's very sneaky. You see this kind of thing all the time - control games. I'm terrible at them (seen through in a second) but some people are quite skilled at them.

 

There's gotta be a better way to establish a for fun relationship than simply saying 'let's go out and hook up sometimes.' Isn't there more to having a good time than sharing spit?

 

just my theory.