First 2 weeks

[amberche]

I have a question... in the two weeks that my friend has been dating her newly boyfriend he;

 

1. spends every weekend with her and some weeknights

2. leaves his stuff at her house

3. calls her 2 times a day

4. goes to her work unannounced to "have lunch" with her

5. he hasn't been in a relationship in 4 years

6. he is 36 she is 30 - i didn't mention the age because the difference is important i mentioned it because he is too old to be this needy

 

7. he is very insecure

8. wants her to meet his parents

9. is married (married a girl so she could get her papers but he hasn;t seen her for 3 years)

10. he is going to a psychotherapist to deal with his anger issues and sexual issues

 

so does anyone else see something wrong with this picture? and if so what is it...what is it with him? i can't put my finger on it

 

or is it just me?

[Batya33]

For me that would be overly needy and overwhelming in a bad way but for others it might work. Also he can play at being a boyfriend and play at commitment because he is married and thereforeeee committed to someone else. I would never date a man who was married whether he lived with his wife or otherwise. And knowing someone two weeks she can't possibly know whether he's telling her the truth about the marriage.

[Russ]

Some points are invalid. For example, he's not been in a relationship 4 years because of the marriage, which he only did as a good deed for some girl. Whether he's insecure really isnt for you to decide.

 

I see nothing with him spending tons of time on her, calling her, lunch. Maybe she's enjoying it if she's not having issues with him doing it. Nothing wrong with leave his stuff at her house. 6 years difference is nothing at that age.

 

And finally, he obviously is honest enough to want the girl to meet his parents.

 

Sounds like an okay dude.

[CaptainNapalm]

Somthing is wrong with the above noted picture. He seems a little possessive to me. Looks like he's really dying to dive into something serious right away for whatever reason? I don't know, but again something is not right and like you I just can't totally put my finger on it either, hmmm.

[Batya33]

Some points are invalid. For example, he's not been in a relationship 4 years because of the marriage, which he only did as a good deed for some girl. Whether he's insecure really isnt for you to decide.

 

I see nothing with him spending tons of time on her, calling her, lunch. Maybe she's enjoying it if she's not having issues with him doing it. Nothing wrong with leave his stuff at her house. 6 years difference is nothing at that age.

 

And finally, he obviously is honest enough to want the girl to meet his parents.

 

Sounds like an okay dude.

 

I would see all of this as a matter of opinion - mine and yours. Neither is invalid. I wouldn't want to be involved in a relationship with a married man and especially if it was a green card /fake marriage because of the illegalities involved - that could get messy/complicated and I wouldn't want to subject myself to that.

 

I would find his behavior too needy but as I wrote others might not - they might love all that attention. to each her own.

[amberche]

I would think the same Batya if this was happening over 2 months even 1 month but two weeks seems so fast for me and my friend is asking me my opinion, i don't want to give it to her because I don't like him and you were right it has nothing to do with me. But for two weeks she is 1 afraid to fall in love with him and 2 always complaining and asking me what do i think about everything he is doing and how insecure he is. this tells me that there is something wrong... if she is asking questions herself. I just don't know what to say or how to phrase it so that she will understand that in the 1st two weeks, she shouldn't have to ask so many questions.

[Batya33]

What I would say to her:

 

I care about you but in this case you're going to have to decide this for yourself - whether or not it would work for me or make me happy is irrelevant. If he was abusing you god forbid then I would feel obligated to step in and try to help and protect you.

[Clementine orange]

Some points seem normal (for a start of a relationship) but other ones - man, I'd feel smothered. This relationship will burn to a crisp unless they step back a bit.

 

Part of the "fun" of being in a relationship is sometimes missing the other person, if you are with them all the time then you aren't missing them.

[ghost69]

wow, this dude is nuts. i had to read this again and then the title. 2 weeks? wow. very clingy behavior. i'd be weary. i probably would tell a girl like this to take it easy and back off a bit. too much too fast. waaay too fast.

[midnightrambler]

#4-#7-#9-#10 seem like bad news