guys who aren't over their exes

[Caterina]

For the past few years it seems like I keep meeting losers who aren't over their girlfriends. I don't find out that they aren't over them until I start dating them and they've already taken my invested emotions/time/energy and wasted it.

I don't know if its karma...I took pride out of the fact that guys weren't over me after breakups when I was younger.

I have a lot to offer...to me there is no comparison when it comes to other women, but here I am being compared and actually, not considered the best!

[midnightrambler]

those men are weak mommy's boys.....I find that a sign of weakness

[Censored]

erm, huh?

 

What's the question?

 

Or are you just venting?

[BetterKarma]

I think I know what you mean Caterina. I noticed that a lot of men are more hung up on their exes than the women that I know.

 

Could it be that women tend to really process the break up and really heal before putting themselves out there while men tend to start dating too soon after the break up? (Sorry for the generalization, but this is what I have seen so far among my small circle of friends.)

[Stambler]

Something about you obviously attracts these men. They sound needy. If they are out dating and not over their exes, then they are looking for someone to "fill the void" their exes left in their lives because they aren't strong enough to do it for themselves.

 

Perhaps you are too accessible? They must feel an instant attraction to you and feel comfortable using you for their selfish, insecure needs...

[ghost69]

those men are weak mommy's boys.....I find that a sign of weakness

 

i must be weak. i'm a momma's boy. pffft

 

 

 

to the OP.....i think you put yourself out there and want it too fast. i see a lot of your posts asking about someone new or how do you do this or how do you do that. so i'm under the impression you find out about the guys you date early on that they aren't over the ex. but that's part of dating. just like i find out if a girl is really insecure. happens a lot.

[midnightrambler]

i must be weak. i'm a momma's boy.

 

well stated...

[Caterina]

I think I know what you mean Caterina. I noticed that a lot of men are more hung up on their exes than the women that I know.

 

Could it be that women tend to really process the break up and really heal before putting themselves out there while men tend to start dating too soon after the break up? (Sorry for the generalization, but this is what I have seen so far among my small circle of friends.)

 

I think you might have something there, actually.

 

Something about you obviously attracts these men. They sound needy. If they are out dating and not over their exes, then they are looking for someone to "fill the void" their exes left in their lives because they aren't strong enough to do it for themselves.

 

Perhaps you are too accessible? They must feel an instant attraction to you and feel comfortable using you for their selfish, insecure needs...

 

 

A lot of men have told me I'm intimidating, so I don't think I'm too accessible. Maybe I was too accessible to those particular guys....but what is about me that is attracted to them and visa versa?

 

i must be weak. i'm a momma's boy. pffft

 

 

 

to the OP.....i think you put yourself out there and want it too fast. i see a lot of your posts asking about someone new or how do you do this or how do you do that. so i'm under the impression you find out about the guys you date early on that they aren't over the ex. but that's part of dating. just like i find out if a girl is really insecure. happens a lot.

 

Maybe its something that doesn't reflect on me, but its happened quite a bit.

[raffi_FL]

I've ran into that before. It is especially not cool when the guys claim they have no attachments to exs and are completely single then whoops- ex drama! It's just a part of life, weeding out the frogs from the princes. But there are plenty of guys without that baggage thankfully.

[NorthDallas40]

It's crazy. When I met my ex, I was so relieved that she was so easy-going and drama-free. Fast forward about 6 months and it's obvious that her last boyfriend, though a jerk, made a lasting impression on her to the point that she's writing a "book" about the experience as a cautionary tale to other women. It also made her unsure about being in a long-term relationship with me.

 

Now it's 3 months since we broke up, *I'M* still not over her, and am carrying "ex-baggage" myself that will affect any other relationship I'm in for quite some time. ARGH

[ghost69]

It's crazy. When I met my ex, I was so relieved that she was so easy-going and drama-free. Fast forward about 6 months and it's obvious that her last boyfriend, though a jerk, made a lasting impression on her to the point that she's writing a "book" about the experience as a cautionary tale to other women. It also made her unsure about being in a long-term relationship with me.

 

Now it's 3 months since we broke up, *I'M* still not over her, and am carrying "ex-baggage" myself that will affect any other relationship I'm in for quite some time. ARGH

 

maybe your turn to grab some paper and a pen and write it down.

[enchiladaman]

To be honest, the only time a guy pulls an "I'm not over my ex" card is when he just wanted sex or isn't that into you. It's an easy excuse out. If he likes you, the ex most likely won't be an issue.

[NorthDallas40]

maybe your turn to grab some paper and a pen and write it down.

 

Dude it's 2008. Who needs pen and paper?

 

 

[pinkelephant]

^ LOL, youre funny

 

 

K.. so I went out with quite a few guys since my last break up. SO many ended up with us complaining and talking about our exes. yea, talk about successful dates!! i feel like the world has ran out of available men i want one now and i think im ready but i dont wanna get disappointed again.

[ghost69]

Dude it's 2008. Who needs pen and paper?

 

 

but you understood what i meant.

[lilypadgirl]

To be honest, the only time a guy pulls an "I'm not over my ex" card is when he just wanted sex or isn't that into you. It's an easy excuse out. If he likes you, the ex most likely won't be an issue.

 

Actually, I kind of agree with this. I know I've used this excuse before to turn guys down gently that I just didn't feel a connection with.

 

But having said that, I know I've gotten pickier after each heartbreak simply cuz I don't want to risk another heartbreak that easily. So maybe even indirectly, the ex is a reason.

 

I think it's important to not take it personally, but that's always hard to do.

[jettison]

To be honest, the only time a guy pulls an "I'm not over my ex" card is when he just wanted sex or isn't that into you. It's an easy excuse out. If he likes you, the ex most likely won't be an issue.

 

There's something to this actually. Falling in love with someone new is the quickest way to get over the ex. Some people tend to have some part of them stay in love no matter what. So, if he was in love with someone else, then he could date, and date, and date, and as long as he doesn't fall for someone new then the old girlfriend will still represent love for him. She's almost like a metaphor in that sense. It's not even that he's necessarily in love with her anymore so much as he's not fallen for the new one yet and he always stays in love. Some people have to always be in love.

[jettison]

Actually, I kind of agree with this. I know I've used this excuse before to turn guys down gently that I just didn't feel a connection with.

 

But having said that, I know I've gotten pickier after each heartbreak simply cuz I don't want to risk another heartbreak that easily. So maybe even indirectly, the ex is a reason.

 

I think it's important to not take it personally, but that's always hard to do.

 

My ex had her last two boyfriends before me leave her for their ex's. So, it's not suprising that she saw "all the signs" with me since I still had a casual (very casual) relationship with me ex when we dated. The last thing she said to me before we broke up for the third time was "What's it going to be like 9 months from now? It will be the same thing. You with your ex."

[thejigsup]

I think this happens to both sexes from time to time. You really think you are over your ex and then you start dating and you realize you aren't. It's happened to me a couple of times so it's not just men that do this. That being said, my current bf was what some would term a rebound, it had only been a month since my breakup when we met. Well, sometimes it isn't a rebound just because it happens quickly. We are going on nine years now. If this is a rebound, maybe people should have more of them.

[enchiladaman]

I also think he might use this excuse to emotionally distance himself from the new girl or slow down the pace or if he isn't sure if he likes her yet or not he knows he can always pull the "I'm still not over my ex" trump card if he's looking for a way out.

 

Bottomline, saying this to a girl truthfully or as an excuse should send up some red flags to drop the guy or proceed with caution.

[richmonder80]

For the past few years it seems like I keep meeting losers who aren't over their girlfriends. I don't find out that they aren't over them until I start dating them and they've already taken my invested emotions/time/energy and wasted it.

I don't know if its karma...I took pride out of the fact that guys weren't over me after breakups when I was younger.

I have a lot to offer...to me there is no comparison when it comes to other women, but here I am being compared and actually, not considered the best!

 

 

you dont choose who you love....you just do and it is hard to turn that off...so I wouldn't say these guys are losers...it's beyond their control.

[jettison]

you dont choose who you love....you just do and it is hard to turn that off...so I wouldn't say these guys are losers...it's beyond their control.

 

I know eh? Since when does being in love with someone designate you as a loser?

[raffi_FL]

I took it to mean that a guy who is not over his ex yet keeps it from a new girl he is seeing is a loser. Being is love does not make someone a loser at all but someone who is not truthful about things does.

 

The girl who comes after a guy's ex (if they are getting serious) has a right to know if he is still pining away for his ex, in love with her still, in innappropriate contact with her... etc.

[ycmanvs]

As soon as I broke up with my ex, he started having sex with his ex. Sometimes, the ex is just waiting for them

[jettison]

As soon as I broke up with my ex, he started having sex with his ex. Sometimes, the ex is just waiting for them

 

When my ex dumped me because of my previous ex, our very next conversation was about her describing to me the dinner she had with her neighbor where she told him "I'm sure he's over at his ex's apartment right now." She was soooooooooooooo wrong. I wasn't pining for the ex. I had not romantic interest in the ex.

 

Just thought I'd bring that up because some people, based on past experience, like to think that they have every guy figured out. Guys can be simple, sure, but we're not all that simple.