guys who aren't over their exes

[ycmanvs]

When my ex dumped me because of my previous ex, our very next conversation was about her describing to me the dinner she had with her neighbor where she told him "I'm sure he's over at his ex's apartment right now." She was soooooooooooooo wrong. I wasn't pining for the ex. I had not romantic interest in the ex.

 

Just thought I'd bring that up because some people, based on past experience, like to think that they have every guy figured out. Guys can be simple, sure, but we're not all that simple.

 

I did not say that every guy will do that. I was just sharing my current situation. I was with him for almost 4 years, and I did not get mad when he kept in touch with his ex, as I am friends with my exes, but, as soon as we broke up, he went back to her....

[Caterina]

It's crazy. When I met my ex, I was so relieved that she was so easy-going and drama-free. Fast forward about 6 months and it's obvious that her last boyfriend, though a jerk, made a lasting impression on her to the point that she's writing a "book" about the experience as a cautionary tale to other women. It also made her unsure about being in a long-term relationship with me.

 

Now it's 3 months since we broke up, *I'M* still not over her, and am carrying "ex-baggage" myself that will affect any other relationship I'm in for quite some time. ARGH

 

 

They have a way with poisening you with the problem that was originally theirs. It was absent from your life, while you were happily living it. You get into a relationship with them. So they come, leave you with those insecurities and the same problem they had. They use you and leave and are now free b/c they dropped the burden off on you. Trust me, I know.

[Caterina]

To be honest, the only time a guy pulls an "I'm not over my ex" card is when he just wanted sex or isn't that into you. It's an easy excuse out. If he likes you, the ex most likely won't be an issue.

 

 

They never said "I'm not over my ex." They simply weren't over their ex.

[Caterina]

Bottomline, saying this to a girl truthfully or as an excuse should send up some red flags to drop the guy or proceed with caution.

 

I definetly agree with this.

[Caterina]

you dont choose who you love....you just do and it is hard to turn that off...so I wouldn't say these guys are losers...it's beyond their control.

 

They're losers in the way that they date someone all the while being aware of having lingering feelings for someone else. Especially if they lie and say that they don't.

[Caterina]

I took it to mean that a guy who is not over his ex yet keeps it from a new girl he is seeing is a loser. Being is love does not make someone a loser at all but someone who is not truthful about things does.

 

The girl who comes after a guy's ex (if they are getting serious) has a right to know if he is still pining away for his ex, in love with her still, in innappropriate contact with her... etc.

 

Right. My point exactly. The point exactly.

[CaptainNapalm]

I am in the same situation as you actually so I figured I'd reply although I am a guy and keep meeting women who somehow are not over their past relationships and end up using me as a tool to get over their boyfriends. This was the case for the past 3 women I met all in a row over the past 2 years. Like you I end up investing time, effort and emotions into these people only to find out a few months later that it was a wasted effort. At first I thought it was coinsidence but after giving it some thought and getting opinions from others I came to this conclusion. Women/men who are not over their past relationships tend to get attracted to people who offer them alot of attention, this makes them feel very good and loved which improves their self esteem and allows them to levetate emotionally higher and escape the thoughts of past relationships. As someone who has lots to offer (like me) you will grace these people with all you got and they will love you for that but when the phone rings from their past partner they are gone or they leave you when they get better. To avoid this be upfront with the people you date and tell them early on that if they have any baggage in that regard to be honest with you. Most of these people are good people and they will be honest with you but they use you not deliberately and if you don't say anything they will be with you for the wrong reasons. Secondly there are signs to spot these people. These kind of people will usually like to talk about past relationships excessively so pick up on this sign. Also some people who are not over their ex's will try to move the relationship really quickly with brief periods of withdrawal, inconsistend behaviours are also a clear sign. Lastly, get some background, snooping is not good but talk to your partners friend's get some insight on the person you're dating and gather information. I wish you all the best and I know where you're coming from. Good luck!

[JadedStar]

Well most people hate being alone and they jump into other relationships really soon after a breakup, so knowing that it is no surprise at all that a good number of people are not over their ex's when they start seeing someone new.

 

You can help limit this by tyring not to date anyone who has broken up in the past six months, preferable even a year. The chance they are not over the ex is still present but not as high as if it were only a few weeks or a few months.