WTHUWY Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 So I've had this FWB for about a month now. Its just been fun and carefree and I haven't had ANY expectations. Last night he sent me a text telling me that he was for real having feelings for me. I didn't really know how to respond. Honestly, I could really like this guy, but I'm scared to let myself get emotionally attached. I'm afraid that if I let my wall down and allow myself to like this guy that all of a sudden he won't be so into me. And then I'll get hurt. This guy is gorgeous, we have fun, lots in common, etc...but he seems like the player type. When we started hookin up we asked each other if we were seeing anyone, his answer was "I am but I'm not, she lives far away and we have a don't ask don't tell kinda policy". So I proceeded to just keep it physical. But the thought of actually liking this guy....I just don't know. I mean yeah, we're just messing around now, but when I get involved I don't stray. So, any advice. On the player type? Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 well if he is a player, i'm sure the situation now would be best. he is getting the sex with no attachment. so i don't think he is. but even if he is a player, he can't help his feelings it seems. Link to comment
WTHUWY Posted April 10, 2008 Author Share Posted April 10, 2008 well if he is a player, i'm sure the situation now would be best. he is getting the sex with no attachment. so i don't think he is. but even if he is a player, he can't help his feelings it seems. But I mean do players ever settle down? It just seems weird that he thinks enough about this girl to even mention her when he didn't have to....I don't know, I'm so confused. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 But I mean do players ever settle down? It just seems weird that he thinks enough about this girl to even mention her when he didn't have to....I don't know, I'm so confused. well, players try to get in the pants of all the girls they can without being tied down. he is already getting this from you. if he wants to play on your emotions, well, i dunno if he does. weird to me though. Link to comment
Tethys Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 No, true "players" never settle down. Also, they get off on how much a girl is into them. They love it when you "love" them. Feeds their ego. This is why they are called "players," as in playing you. (For the record -- I think of "players" as different from men who just sleep around with no emotional attachment. Players want to "play" which means a whole helluva lot of game playing.) Link to comment
rosephase Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 It sounds like he has a girlfriend, and a girlfriend he might be cheating on with you. So I would be careful. It might be bad to get to attached until you know more about what is going on. Link to comment
WTHUWY Posted April 10, 2008 Author Share Posted April 10, 2008 No, true "players" never settle down. Also, they get off on how much a girl is into them. They love it when you "love" them. Feeds their ego. This is why they are called "players," as in playing you. (For the record -- I think of "players" as different from men who just sleep around with no emotional attachment. Players want to "play" which means a whole helluva lot of game playing.) So you think that maybe because I haven't been interested in him other then sex up to this point that he's just telling me this to get me to 'love' him? And then he's gonna turn and run? Link to comment
WTHUWY Posted April 10, 2008 Author Share Posted April 10, 2008 It sounds like he has a girlfriend, and a girlfriend he might be cheating on with you. So I would be careful. It might be bad to get to attached until you know more about what is going on. See I thought that too, then I was looking for signs. (I don't want to be that girl) But his cell phone never rings unless its a buddy. We go out together all over town, he's never acted like he was worried about anyone seeing us out. He calls EVERY SINGLE DAY, we talk every night til bedtime...reading this doesn't make sense Link to comment
Tethys Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 So you think that maybe because I haven't been interested in him other then sex up to this point that he's just telling me this to get me to 'love' him? And then he's gonna turn and run? I have no idea what he is after. I don't know him, and I don't know you. I would just be careful how you proceed because these kinds of relationships have a way of exploding right in our faces. I was not commenting on your guy previously -- just answering your question on players. But, since this relationship started out as FWB, I would be extra-careful with my feelings and look long and hard at his motives and your motives. Yes, your motives too. Good luck! Link to comment
rosephase Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 See I thought that too, then I was looking for signs. (I don't want to be that girl) But his cell phone never rings unless its a buddy. We go out together all over town, he's never acted like he was worried about anyone seeing us out. He calls EVERY SINGLE DAY, we talk every night til bedtime...reading this doesn't make sense But he said he was seeing someone but that she lived far away. You need to figure out what he means by that before you decide you want something more with this guy. Its okay just too flat out ask him. Link to comment
WTHUWY Posted April 10, 2008 Author Share Posted April 10, 2008 But he said he was seeing someone but that she lived far away. You need to figure out what he means by that before you decide you want something more with this guy. Its okay just too flat out ask him. You're right. See this is already getting too complicated for me. But I guess I have the right to flat out ask him if he's asking me to get more serious. Link to comment
Excalibur Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 What does he want more of? Was he specific? "more" in a relationship is defined differently by everybody. He might want "more sexual encounters" than he's getting now...he might think that this no obligation dynamic of FWB is good and if you're willing to date on this no expectation premise - he's willing to date you. Ask him what "more' he wants specifically. Link to comment
enchiladaman Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 I'd keep your emotions out of this one, unless you don't mind being with someone that will cheat on you. Right now you are satisfying him sexually, but that isn't always enough for players. They also want their ego stroked. He wants to have you hooked on him emotionally...that feeds his ego. Sending you a text and letting you know he is having feelings for you is odd. For one he could be out drunk with friends and feeling lonely. Two, you are just closer than his girlfriend and so he figures going to you for both the physical and emotional attention he needs might be easier. Three, generally people speak these type of ground breaking emotions to the person's face, not over a text message. Doesn't seem very bold to me - kind of half into it. Your relationship with him will be great until the sex and relationship gets boring and then he'll find a new girl on the side to get sex from and will be cheating on you. And then eventually he'll leave you all together because it's easier to get both at one place. Just a theory. Also...watch out for STDs. Especially HPV. Nasty little virus that causes cervical cancer in women, is undetectable in men, and can still be transfered at a pretty good rate despite the use of condoms. They have a vaccine out for it that you should look into if you haven't gotten it yet. Just something to think about. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted April 10, 2008 Share Posted April 10, 2008 Be careful. Sounds like if you allow yourself to care about him that you are gonna end up burned. Link to comment
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