this is what i mean when i say stubborness can sometimes dominate all...

[Hunny1607307342]

Back from france; texting convo-

Me - " So are you excited about me coming back??!!"

Him - "Excited about what. You should be excited, i'm lending you the best DVD ever".

Me - "I am excited about the dvd, oh well, you can remain unexcited then!"

Him- "I must admit, i am looking forward to your return. I'm not sure why. Maybe i'll change my mind. So when and where am i seeing you next?"

Me- " Up to you".

Him- "Let me know tomorrow morning then".

 

Today:

 

-"I'm back."

-"Welcome back. What are your plans"

-"No plans yet. You?"

-"none. so where do u want to go then?"

-"I dont mind. hows central?"

-"Do u want to do something. is there a way to just quickly easy giving u the DVD?"

-"Up to you. Thats fine by me- in that case why dont i just quickly come and pick it up from you, no problem".

- "Well we can go for a drink. Lets do that, i can meet u in ur area round 7".

 

It seems like hes been wanting to see me from the start, but much too stubborn to admit it. Gosh! Anyway, so in short- this is quite a big thing. he's never initiated a social drink before like this since the break up. arghh i am nervous when it comes down to it. Im mainly nervous that he'l be uncomfortable and makes things uncomfortable. but hopefully when i see him and we get chatting everything should run smoothly. I really want us to have the same friendship we used to have i miss that a lot. i'll let you know how it goes...

[pumpkinmoon]

I hope it goes good. I think when he asked if there was a way he could quickly give you the dvd, he expected you to chase him to go out. Glad you didn't

[annie24]

why oh why are you still talking to this guy? i thought you were going to go nc after everything he has put you through!!!!

 

i have to say, from the conversation, he doesn't sound terribly excited about seeing you. why does he have to give you this dvd?

[Hunny1607307342]

i was but

i figured...i can't just leave it! im curious to see what will happen.

And also of course i miss him incredibly...

[annie24]

curious to get your heart stomped on again for the 18th time?

[Hunny1607307342]

well when there is even the slightest chance that i wont get my heart stomped...then i guess im willing to take the risk.

[pumpkinmoon]

I don't know the full story. I think its easier for outsiders to see what the situation is like so annie is probably right. But. I also think that people won't let go of someone just because they are told to even if it they know it is the right thing to do, they will let go when they feel ready to, and if they feel the need to "do these things" along the way, e.g. keep in touch then that's what they will do

[Hunny1607307342]

to be honest i dont think anyone knows the full story- not me, not even him.

thats why i think when its not such a simple situation, maybe this sort of meeting up, things 'happening' will stir things up and eventually draw things to a more clear cut conclusion.

[annie24]

what kind of a clear cut conclusion do you want? he sends you these text messages telling you never to contact him again, then a few days later he changes his mind. he's a jerk, you put up with it.

 

look, i've been there in your shoes. meeting up for coffee never 'stirred the pot.' you know what did work? moving on. forgetting about him, and just moving forward. when a guy can't meet up with you for coffee, when he is forced to learn what it is like to live without you, that's when he realizes he either can or can't live without you. coffee dates - then he sees enough of you to be satisfied, but doesn't get the chance to know if he NEEDS you back.

[annie24]

-"Do u want to do something. is there a way to just quickly easy giving u the DVD?"

 

this sounds like he just wants to give you the dvd and split. it doesn't sound like he's interested in seeing you again and having a nice long date.

[Hunny1607307342]

the whole point of my thread though is to say that sometimes if someone is really stubborn they wont really admit that theyre not so cool calm and collected.

so maybe he does want to see me but he can't bring himself to say it, because when i told him i'll pick up the dvd 'and split' then he initiated going for the drink. he could have just agreed to me going to pick it up...

[OmegaMan]

Annie24:

 

Stop.

 

I've been there before. I've been the guy who some girls open up and complain about this guy who's treating them like... well you know... "s" something.

 

Then the next day they're back with them. Then the day after they complain again to you about it.

 

I just got so fed up with this, I stopped completely. It's their lives. They have to make their own decision. That was the last time I got involved in something like this.

 

Let her make her decision, experience what she has to experience.

 

P.S.: I'm just telling you this to save yourself a lot of frustration as I've been there myself. Don't take this the wrong way.

 

As for the OP, experience what you have to experience and hopefully learn from it.

 

Not quite sure why you're posting here though if you've already made your decision.

[annie24]

the whole point of my thread though is to say that sometimes if someone is really stubborn they wont really admit that theyre not so cool calm and collected.

so maybe he does want to see me but he can't bring himself to say it, because when i told him i'll pick up the dvd 'and split' then he initiated going for the drink. he could have just agreed to me going to pick it up...

 

i think you are the one who is being stubborn. from that IM conversation, he didn't sound too jazzed to see you. otherwise he would have been like, "i really want to take you to that new argentinian restaurant downtown, let's go at 7, etc....."

 

but ok, omegaman has a great point. you want to do this, so go for it. however, when you post threads titled, "A part of me died today" after talking to him, then the next day you want to see him again, makes me wonder why you are doing this to yourself? don't you love yourself?

[bulletproof]

I don't know any of the backstory, but from that text alone this doesn't sound like someone who wants to see you. When a relationship is healthy there isn't any game-playing, guessing, or "stubbornness". Don't romanticize putting up with b.s. as willing to take a risk on love. This isn't a Julia Roberts movie.

[Gratsy]

You got the Gratsy complex. The guy is arrogant and enjoys you chasing him. Simple as that. I don't know the solution. You're probably unwilling to see things as they are: you trying to prove something through the problem that this guy poses.

 

Do what you want b/c listening to others will only frustrate you; sometimes learning the hard way is the only way. Especially for passionate, willful people.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I agree with Annie. He sounds very wishy washy about seeing you and I think you are setting yourself up to be hurt yet again. I am even quite sure why you sent a text to him asking if he missed you. You really are giving this guy an incredible ego boost at your expense.

[Litgirl01]

He has already proven himself to be unstable and wishy washy! We know this from other posts. Some people have to be burned over and over again by someone before they learn their lesson. xx

[Artop]

In Hunny's defense, it's quite hard not to grasp to that tiny tiny ray of hope. When the ex's say they are THINKING of seeing you (no day, no time planned), you suddently forgot what they put you through and decided they must be having second thoughts.

 

Your mind goes through every possible scenario except the one where you get burned.

[LilBear]

From my own experience, I have to say I agree with Annie and CAD on this. My ex asked my out for a drink too. Only to see if I was ok. Yeah well...and he went back to being cruel after that. I cut off all contact with mine and I think you should too.

 

But then again, do what you want. The important thing here is learn and grow. It took me two whole months to realize he was hurting me. I hope you think of yourself first and foremost, before this (unworthy) relationship with him.

[Litgirl01]

In Hunny's defense, it's quite hard not to grasp to that tiny tiny ray of hope. When the ex's say they are THINKING of seeing you (no day, no time planned), you suddently forgot what they put you through and decided they must be having second thoughts.

 

Your mind goes through every possible scenario except the one where you get burned.

 

 

It is HARD..I KNOW!! But this guy has put her through the ringer.

[Hunny1607307342]

I did it.

It was fun.

really good time.

he even paid for my meal which is really odd because he never even used to that before.

anyway, it was jokey, cool. not flirty, just friendly.

but i think he had fun too, thats what he said when i said i had fun anyway.

reminded me that i want to be with him ALL THE TIME.

you're right too heart-breaking.

 

To conclude-

 

he doesn't want to be with me

he is making a huge effort to make things ok between us (because he's always been uneasy around me) so we can be friends

things are ok between us

but i cant handle this sort of thing and i dont know if i should tell him that i cant.

or if i should just act upon it and not say anything.

[pumpkinmoon]

I did it.

It was fun.

really good time.

he even paid for my meal which is really odd because he never even used to that before.

anyway, it was jokey, cool. not flirty, just friendly.

but i think he had fun too, thats what he said when i said i had fun anyway.

reminded me that i want to be with him ALL THE TIME.

you're right too heart-breaking.

 

To conclude-

 

he doesn't want to be with me

he is making a huge effort to make things ok between us (because he's always been uneasy around me) so we can be friends

things are ok between us

but i cant handle this sort of thing and i dont know if i should tell him that i cant.

or if i should just act upon it and not say anything.

 

Did he tell you that he doesn't want to be with you?

I wouldnt tell him you can't, just cut him off.

[Hunny1607307342]

no he didnt tell me , but he didnt need to. it was just really clear i can sense these things. i think 2 weeks ago he did, bt right now hes not in that frame of mind, i think hes really floaty and all over the place in terms of figuring out what he wants.

 

butttttttt i dont know, hes studying and working loads these days, so i wont be seeing him anytime soon either way.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Hunny - I think mind-reading is a dangerous business. If he didn't say it, I don't think you should assume it. I think the only way to know for sure is to ask him. I understand that you might not get the answer you want, and at least then you'd know and not have to guess.

[pumpkinmoon]

Hunny - I think mind-reading is a dangerous business. If he didn't say it, I don't think you should assume it. I think the only way to know for sure is to ask him. I understand that you might not get the answer you want, and at least then you'd know and not have to guess.

 

I agree, If he didn't say it then dont assume. You may have sensed something but you're emotions are running high right now so what you sensed may have been false, or he could have just been very good at hiding his feelings.